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Dak Man
28th Sep 2013, 17:08
...............

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/1383227_10151889495934904_1260721868_n.jpg

Seldomfitforpurpose
28th Sep 2013, 17:16
I can think of one or two who are possibly not going to see the funny side of that :p

Airborne Aircrew
28th Sep 2013, 17:24
Well I think it's bloody funny... :D:D:D

wings folded
28th Sep 2013, 17:35
I find it not terribly funny, but entirely apposite and accurate.

Seldomfitforpurpose
28th Sep 2013, 17:38
Well I think it's bloody funny... :D:D:D

You would, you're not American :ok:

Noah Zark.
28th Sep 2013, 17:45
Many moons ago I was in New York, and went in a small deli near Times Square to buy a canned drink. Having asked for the item in my best Queen's English (Very hard, I know, 'cos I'm from 'oop norf'!), the vendor then asked me if I was Joiman.
I told him that I was in fact English, and looking amazed, he repeated, 'Jeez, I tawt you wuz Joiman!'
We cracked up laughing outside the shop, but the whole episode occured again the next day, except in a different shop, and it was 'Are youz guys from Joimany?' to which I replied 'No, not far away, only two world wars!'

Capetonian
28th Sep 2013, 17:52
I was on a train from one of the London termini to Faversham. Along comes ticket collector, looks at my tickets, and says something similar to the following, which is quite hard to reproduce phonetically :

"Fyuwannageterfaveremyugoragerinnerbakatrenarranekstop"

I looked at him quizzically and he repeated it, louder. I said "I'm sorry but I don't understand. The lady opposite said : "He's telling you that if you want to get to Faversham you need to get into the back part of the train at the next stop."

"Ah, thank you." I said, at which he looked at the lady, shook his head despairingly at me, and said : "Bloody foreigners, not my fault they don't bleeding speak English."

con-pilot
28th Sep 2013, 18:38
Being of part Indian heritage, American Indian, I find it quite humorous. :p

We had it pretty good here until you Brits and Europeans showed up, uninvited I might add. Poor border control, kind of like these days.

Wxgeek
28th Sep 2013, 18:55
I vote funny

Dak Man
28th Sep 2013, 19:05
Lug, that's like saying they speak English in America.....

Airborne Aircrew
28th Sep 2013, 19:11
Dak:

Lug

Dyslexic often? :E

Dak Man
28th Sep 2013, 19:13
Silent "d" AA, like the "t" in Torono.

Gordy
28th Sep 2013, 19:40
Tenjooberrymuds..... A classic

Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS'.

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.

The following is a telephone exchange between a guest and the room-service operator at the hotel today......

Room Service : 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'

Guest : 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

Room Service: ' Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???'

Guest: 'Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.'

Room Service: 'Ow July den?'

Guest: '....What??'

Room Service: 'Ow July den?!?.. Pryed, boyud, poochd?'

Guest: 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled.'

Room Service: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

Guest: 'Crisp will be fine.'

Room Service: 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

Guest: 'What?'

Room Service: 'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

Guest: 'I... Don't think so.'

RoomService: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes???'

Guest: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

RoomService: 'Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'

Guest: 'Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

RoomService: 'We bodder?'

Guest: 'No, just put the bodder on the side.'

RoomService: 'Wad?!?'

Guest: 'I mean butter.... Just put the butter on the side.'

RoomService: 'Copy?'

Guest: 'Excuse me?'

RoomService: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

Guest: 'Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything.'

RoomService: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... Rye ??'

Guest: 'Whatever you say.'

Room Service: 'Tenjooberrymuds.'

Guest: 'You're welcome'

Remember I said 'By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TEN JOOBERRY MUDS' '.....and you do, don't you!

Lon More
28th Sep 2013, 20:15
Do they speak English in America?

GGR155
28th Sep 2013, 20:19
Gordy

Tenjoo, that was the best laugh in ages.

GGR

Windy Militant
28th Sep 2013, 20:30
Years ago a bunch of us were sitting in our local when a rather loud and obnoxious Essex lad pushed past to get to the gents, knocking my cousins husbands pint causing him to spill some as he went. "Bloody sais" says the cousins hubby.
There followed ten minutes of rolling about laughing at him by the rest of us.
It took him a while to see the irony of the situation, well he was from the Isle of Wight.:}

West Coast
28th Sep 2013, 20:36
Let me be the first....

Not funny.

A lesson to be learned, yes. A good reminder, absolutely. Funny however is lacking.

Could also be considered a vehicle for some.

Now a similar joke set in Belfast, with the woman speaking Gaelic would...

Still not be funny but would still be a good a lesson and reminder.

Airborne Aircrew
28th Sep 2013, 20:42
West:

I think you're taking it a bit too seriously... Have a beer or to and revisit it... ;)

West Coast
28th Sep 2013, 20:47
Naah. Just wanted to rattle someones cage. Little smiley, evil face here Iffin I knew how.

radeng
28th Sep 2013, 21:53
If I was told they were talking Navajo. I'd be asking them what they knew about the WW2 'Secret Talkers' who used Navajo for tactical military comms in WW2 to prevent Japanese interception. Major contribution tactically to the war in the pacific.

racedo
28th Sep 2013, 22:16
Navajo Code Talkers Exhibit at Burger King, Kayenta, Arizona (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2901)

Longest time I have ever spent in a Burger King but then again server said pretty much it was standard for tourists.

Dak Man
28th Sep 2013, 22:19
Well you learn something new every day, I hadn't realised that Burger King did Indians.

racedo
28th Sep 2013, 22:29
Dak

Franchise is owned by family of one of the code talkers....

con-pilot
29th Sep 2013, 01:21
If I was told they were talking Navajo. I'd be asking them what they knew about the WW2 'Secret Talkers' who used Navajo for tactical military comms in WW2 to prevent Japanese interception. Major contribution tactically to the war in the pacific.

There were also Apache and Cherokee code talkers, they were not restricted just to the Pacific theater, they were used as well in the European theater. They were also used in World War One.

BenThere
29th Sep 2013, 02:05
The code talker story is a great page from American history. They provided an invaluable code that couldn't be broken, and patriotically gave that unique quality to the war effort.

I saw a movie about it some time ago.

con-pilot
29th Sep 2013, 02:24
I saw a movie about it some time ago.

I've actually met a couple of them. We attended a banquet in their honor a few years ago at the Western Heritage Center here in Oklahoma City. Very brave and impressive gentlemen.

I know of the movie you speak of, but have not seen it. Part of the movie was filmed here in Oklahoma.

Gordy
29th Sep 2013, 06:18
Windtalkers (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0245562/)

Excellent movie....

Respect to those concerned....

ExSp33db1rd
29th Sep 2013, 07:58
.......I hadn't realised that Burger King did Indians. With fries ??

Once sat silently in the front of the crew bus from Fiumicino Airport to the Rome hotel.

Silently, 'cos my Italian is about as prolific as my Navajo so I couldn't converse with the driver, until ........ a little Fiat 500 of the era cut in front and caused the driver much angst.

I then muttered "Caforni" ( I think it's spelled ) the only Italian swear word that I know, which is Cnut in the vernacular.

Ah ! Si ! Si ! Senor, screamed the driver, Caforni, Caforni - and then proceeded to drown me with a rapid diatribe in Italian, thinking that I understood him.

Had a similar experience in Scotland.

Once practised pronouncing the Italian for Florence and then told Rome ATC that we were estimating overhead Firenze at xxxx. Roger, Speedbird 912, was the reply, report again over Florence.

I felt quite hurt. I was trying.

A Flt. Eng. once told me that I only had to learn one phrase in any language - " two beers please, my friend will pay"

Tankertrashnav
29th Sep 2013, 09:15
West Coast - You could say a similar thing to members of my family South of the Irish border and tell them to get back to Norway. My own (very common) Irish surname means "son of the Viking" and is a reminder of the huge Viking immigration in Ireland as well as Britain. So we're no more "native Irish" than the so-called "Scots Irish" of Ulster, it's just we've been in the country for around 1,000 years longer! The Irish are almost as much a mongrel race as the British, as indeed are most peoples around the world if you go back far enough.

Krystal n chips
29th Sep 2013, 09:43
" I was on a train from one of the London termini to Faversham. Along comes ticket collector, looks at my tickets, and says something similar to the following, which is quite hard to reproduce phonetically :

"Fyuwannageterfaveremyugoragerinnerbakatrenarranekstop"

I looked at him quizzically and he repeated it, louder. I said "I'm sorry but I don't understand. The lady opposite said : "He's telling you that if you want to get to Faversham you need to get into the back part of the train at the next stop

You know, for somebody with your expertise in travel, as you recently informed me, and in contrast to my modest and humble self that is, you really don't seem to have much luck when travelling on the rail network now do you ?

mad_jock
29th Sep 2013, 10:01
Scottish roofers scared of heights - YouTube

Does anyone need help translating this?

Airborne Aircrew
29th Sep 2013, 12:07
I'd be scared of sitting on a roof that was rotated 90 degrees

[Pedant mode]

A roof rotated 90 degrees is, in fact, a wall...

[/Pedant mode]

:E

con-pilot
29th Sep 2013, 15:47
A Flt. Eng. once told me that I only had to learn one phrase in any language - " two beers please, my friend will pay"

That and "where is the toilet?". I figure that as long as one can order beer and ask where the toilet is, you're good to go in any country. :p

Well, except for beer in certain countries, if you know what I mean. ;)

Lon More
29th Sep 2013, 19:31
Cairo, Nineteenfortysomething, two Sergeants from the 51HD being interviewed for promotion.

"Sergeant More, do you speak any foreign languages?" Dad continued in fluent Arabic.

Later, his mate, Sandy, from the Western Isles was asked he same question. He looked a bit puzzled and said, "Certainly, I am conversing with you in it."

One man's foreign language another's native tongue.

Many years later, my parents, who met in Cairo, revisited the city. Mum was unfortunate enough to have her handbag snatched but the thief was so surprised t the earful he got from my father that he dropped it and Dad took him to the ground. Apparently the policeman who took Dad's statement turned red when Dad's remarks were repeated. :ok:

Lon More
29th Sep 2013, 19:35
So I spoke to her in Frisian for a bit just to annoy her!"

Many words in Fries are similar to Doric ( as spoken in NE Scotland)
FWIW, one of the best-known Scots, John O' Groats, was actually a Fries, Jan de Groot

tony draper
29th Sep 2013, 20:10
Think I've told this before,once got a book out of the library about the Tribes of the American South West which contained photographs of a large family group of Navajos with the surname Draper,which was a surprise.
:)

Um... lifting...
29th Sep 2013, 20:14
Navajos with the surname Draper,which was a surprise.

Not to us, Mr. Draper, not to us.

Loose rivets
29th Sep 2013, 20:23
Shut uuuuuuuuuuuuup you lot.


I'm sitting here in my headset trying to be quiet for my lovely landlady that I've hardly met. I can silence the incoming, but not my laughter.;)

Super VC-10
29th Sep 2013, 20:37
"Fyuwannageterfaveremyugoragerinnerbakatrenarranekstop"

Sounds like perfect Kentish to me. :ok:

Airborne Aircrew
29th Sep 2013, 20:46
I'm sitting here in my headset trying to be quiet for my lovely landlady that I've hardly met.

Slip her a quickie and get back to JB.... :}

Dak Man
29th Sep 2013, 21:09
Why can't Americans say caramel?

Caramel has 3 syllables, ca ra mel, not car mel.

Ca ra mel ised has 4 syllables not 3 as in car mel ised.

Super VC-10
29th Sep 2013, 21:22
Not to mention Aluminium - note the second "I" - Al - yoo - min - ee - um!

Airborne Aircrew
29th Sep 2013, 21:26
Americans invented English... Everyone know that... :rolleyes:

Loose rivets
29th Sep 2013, 21:27
Ah, but aluminum was the original spelling. We changed it to bring it into line with all the other iums.

Slip her a . . . that thing you said. Don't I wish. I'd been in the place a month before we met. One imagines having to be introduced . . . and not being 30 years too old.:{

fenland787
29th Sep 2013, 21:39
Overheard in my local Tesco - for them as don't know, one of the biggest supermarket chain in the UK - a very, very irate and foul-mouthed (local) woman shouting the odds because the aisle that used to house the product she wanted had been turned over entirely to Polish and other Eastern European foodstuffs to cater for the huge number of those nationalities who now reside in the area, it went roughly like:

"Why the :mad: is all this foreign :mad: food here? If you want to eat this :mad: :mad: stuff stay in your own :mad: country why the :mad: :mad: do we let the :mad: in? They should eat our :mad: food while they are here"

...and so on, so loud that a freaked out manager rushed up to try and calm things down and eventually managed to point her in the direction of the things she was looking for...yup, you guessed it...cook-in curry sauces and poppadums....

Airborne Aircrew
29th Sep 2013, 21:41
you guessed it...cook-in curry sauces and poppadums....

Bloody French... :}

wiggy
29th Sep 2013, 22:17
One man's foreign language another's native tongue.....

What, like this?

The two ronnies - Fork handles - YouTube

Hydromet
29th Sep 2013, 22:36
When we lived in Bougainville, our next door neighbour and his wife came from different areas, so the had different 'ples tok'. They both spoke pidgin and moto, and conversed together in motu. He also spoke good English. Their son, 5 years old, spoke all these languages. His English had a plummy accent.

pigboat
29th Sep 2013, 23:19
In 1976 Quebec elected a separatist government with the avowed aim of taking the province out of Canada and where everyone would be obliged to speak French. On the night of the election my friend Toivo and I were watching the returns from the bar of our local curling club when another member came by, looked at Toivo and remarked "You're going to have to become bilingual now!" The Finn ripped off about a yard and a half of Finnish, then added, "No problem." The other guy gave him a funny look and buggered off. I said "Toivo did you just tell that guy to commit a self inflicted sexual act?" "Ya, it vas something like dot." :D

Groundgripper
30th Sep 2013, 12:16
Some years ago when my wife and I were visiting New York we were admiring the view from the top of the WTC when we were approached by a gentleman who enquired as to whether we were from New England. My reply of "no sir, we're from old england, actually" caused a momentary pause then much mirth all round.

It made a change from being assumed to be australians. Mind you, that was usually in Utah.:E

GG

Lonewolf_50
30th Sep 2013, 13:03
The man in the OP should have laced into that **** on the phone for not speaking Algonquin.

dubbleyew eight
30th Sep 2013, 13:14
Utah :E:E:E:E

out in the middle of the salt lake is a tourist centre run by some devoutly religious women. (I was warned to be on my best behaviour mormons and all that)

talking to the girl behind the counter, she eventually asked what was in the centre of australia.
oh, bugger all really. (forgetting myself)
"what does bugger all mean?"
oh nothing really.
"no, no dont spare me, I can handle it. What does bugger all mean?
seriously it means nothing.
"no, dont spare me, tell me, please tell me."
honestly it means nothing. bugger all is our way of saying nothing.
"oh is that all (crestfallen)"

I love yanks. Hey Randy how's your fanny pack? :E:E:E:E

Loki
30th Sep 2013, 13:39
Groundgripper

Yes, got accused of being an Australian, in Alaska. When I said that I was from the United Kingdom, that got the blankest of blank looks.

The SSK
30th Sep 2013, 14:20
My youngest daughter, probably about five at the time, was on a Metro train during a visit to Tyneside. Opposite us was a local family with a kid about her age.

Being naturally sociable, she attempted to engage this youth in conversation. What came back at her was totally unintelligible. Since she didn’t recognise it as English she tried again – in French. He blabbered something at his mother and hid behind her coat.

rgbrock1
30th Sep 2013, 14:41
When I said that I was from the United Kingdom, that got the blankest of blank looks.

The United Kingdom? That's in Switzerland, right?

G&T ice n slice
30th Sep 2013, 14:48
No, huh :ugh:

it's near Europe

Capetonian
30th Sep 2013, 14:50
Somewhere in an ex-Bantustan in Southern Africa there is an immigration record showing me as Irish, because my passport cover said : United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Ergo, in the eyes of an untrained and uneducated Transkei border guard, I was from Ireland.

Lon More
30th Sep 2013, 14:51
a very, very irate and foul-mouthed (local) woman shouting the odds
Another happy UKIP voter

MagnusP
30th Sep 2013, 14:52
Got accused of being Strine in Tucson once.

Loki
30th Sep 2013, 14:54
The full name of my country is "The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland".....quite tricky to put that on one of those Immigration forms the yanks have....settled for "United Kingdom" but had to leave the space out to fit it in.

BTW WTF is Gross Moral Turpitude? Decided it didn't sound nice, so answered no. Have since looked it up, and I'm still baffled by the concept.

MagnusP
30th Sep 2013, 14:59
Use it for cleaning paintbrushes, I think.

Dak Man
30th Sep 2013, 15:01
Similar experience (UK) in South (or was it North) Carolina?

Waitress in a fa(s)t food place :ugh:

Waitress: Where y'all from
Me: the UK
Waitress: I don't rightly know what that is
Me: United Kingdon
Waitress: No not heard me o'that, where y'all heading
Me: Canada
Waitress: Oh I think I heard me o'that but not sure, I'm fixin to travel someday
Me: We come from Wales but live in Canada
Waitress: Oh, Wales, is that where Princess Diana was Queen
Me: That's right and it's where all the wales live
Waitress: Well aint that something, they're so cute
Me: Cheque please

Smeagol
30th Sep 2013, 15:05
Some 30 odd years ago whilst living on an oil camp in the Sumatran jungle, myself Mrs S and junior S (a white blonde 5 year old european boy) were visiting the Commissary (the only shop on camp). The local lad manning the till spoke to my son in a language that I did not recognise and seemed visibly shocked when he got an answer in the same language.

I later learnt that the language was Minang not the national language of Indonesia, Bahasa Indonesia. Junior S had picked up Minang a local West Sumatran language from his playmate, a similarly aged girl, the daughter of our maid.

Understanding a local language has many advantages, especially when it is not expected!

4mastacker
30th Sep 2013, 15:20
My youngest daughter, probably about five at the time, was on a Metro train during a visit to Tyneside. Opposite us was a local family with a kid about her age.

Being naturally sociable, she attempted to engage this youth in conversation. What came back at her was totally unintelligible. Since she didn’t recognise it as English she tried again – in French. He blabbered something at his mother and hid behind her coat.

Good job she wasn't visiting Hartlepool.

VP959
30th Sep 2013, 15:20
The full name of my country is "The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland".....quite tricky to put that on one of those Immigration forms the yanks have....settled for "United Kingdom" but had to leave the space out to fit it in.



I like the description of the UK at the top of my grandfathers RFC commission from 1915:

George V, by the grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the seas, King, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India, Etc.

It sort of implied that there were a lot of other bits of the then British Empire that only merited inclusion by that "etc" at the end.

airship
30th Sep 2013, 15:22
And when was the last time that most contributors here (if any or ever) were confronted by someone (big, or at least intimidating), exclaiming "Bloody Foreigner/s" in their face/s...?!

Though I'm sure my dearly-departed mum experienced quite a few such episodes when out shopping when in her 70s / 80s. Perhaps choosing to remain silent (so as to preserve her offspring, eg. "me") from going after all these "excuses for humanity" and reclaiming some justice.

Ahhhh, there was I quite ignoring that all the UK yobbos of the early '80s, '90s and '2000s must by now be raising families and leading quite respectable lives today. Even contributing to JB for example.

No, I whole-heartedly affirm that no JBer would ever have attempted to whack my mum (in addition to calling her names). They're nowhere near capable. They'd prefer simply to encourage all those who have no similar constraints to do so on their behalf... :}

rgbrock1
30th Sep 2013, 15:33
And what is it exactly you just wrote airship? Is there a hidden meaning there knowable only to, perhaps, Martians?

Airborne Aircrew
30th Sep 2013, 16:02
Dak:

My first discovery that English is not spoken here in the USA was in South Carolina. My ex-and I stopped at my first ever Burger King while traveling from South Florida to North Carolina.

I walked up to the counter and ordered something to the effect of "Two whoppers, fries and two large drinks please". The young lady behind the counter looked blank for a second and responded "Pardon". I said the same again, she responded in the same way. I tried a third time and by now I could tell the lass would never get it from her elongated "paaaardon?". My ex stepped forward, said exactly what I had said and was promptly served our lunch... :rolleyes:

More recently I was purchasing a rifle from a local store. I had to fill out the forms and the clerk would then relay certain parts of the information to Homeland Security as part of the NICS, (background check). Since I am not a US citizen I had to fill out the "Nationality" question. I answered British. The clerk was on the phone and he yells across the store "What Nationality are you?" I said "British". He relayed this to the Homeland Security, (HS), genius and promptly yelled across the store "That's not a nationality, where are you from?". I thought for a second, (mostly in shock), and responded "Great Britain". I was informed "HS doesn't recognize that. Do they call it something else?" I responded "Try United Kingdom"... No go, HS never heard of it and I was informed that "HS is a bit frustrated, what nationality are you?"... I was running out of options so I said "English"... "Well, why didn't you say that in the first place???"... :ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:

rgbrock1
30th Sep 2013, 16:10
Airborne:

You were remiss in answering the clerk's (cluck's) question.
Because we all know, very well thank you, that Great Britain is part of the Canary Islands. How could the clerk not have known that. Duhhh.

airship
30th Sep 2013, 16:10
I'm so sorry rgbrock1. As someone like U who recognizes the meaning of over-whelming force etc. in terms of countries, perhaps not so easily as terrifying individuals supported by their parents and/or the state...your apparent confusion is at best, salutory.

Did you ever wonder before "volunteering" that simply scampering in the endeavour to protect the interests of whatever nation you truly profess to protect...is simply inadequate and insufficient?! :zzz:

If you're not very careful, or seriously reflect on your usual attitude, most people here I reckon, will eventually come to ignore you (without resorting to the ignore option). Your own contributions being worthy of mere Martians (if I wasn't 99.9% sure that all Martians were dead - I'd have been embarassed by same, as not wishing to offend any remaining Martians).

But you never actually "grew up" did you rgbrock1. And neither did I... :{

rgbrock1
30th Sep 2013, 16:14
airship wrote:

I'm so sorry rgbrock1. As someone like U who recognizes the meaning of over-whelming force etc. in terms of countries, perhaps not so easily as terrifying individuals supported by their parents and/or the state...your apparent confusion is at best, salutory.I do not recognize the meaning of over-whelming force. I do recognize the meaning of superior firepower though.

Salutory? Nope, I don't salute anymore. No need to.

Grow up? nope, didn't do that. Growing up is boring. And causes you to be "shorter of breath and one step closer to death." I'll remain a 56 year-old with the mind of a 2 year-old, thank you very much.

So then. What's your excuse?

Did you ever wonder before "volunteering" that simply scampering in the endeavour to protect the interests of whatever nation you truly profess to protect...is simply inadequate and insufficient?!

I didn't swear to protect the interests of anything. I swore to uphold the Constitution of the United States against enemies both foreign and domestic.

Since then I've obtained a much better understanding of who the "domestic" enemies are, as per the Constitution.

Airborne Aircrew
30th Sep 2013, 16:37
shorter of breath and one step closer to death

Pink Floyd - Time... I claim my $5... :)

Loki
30th Sep 2013, 16:37
Airborne Aircrew

And yet a friend on attempting an entry to the US put "English" as a nationality on his entry form and was sent to the back of the queue with instructions to fill in the form again.

Lon More
30th Sep 2013, 16:48
a friend on attempting an entry to the US put "English" as a nationality on his entry form and was sent to the back of the queue

Well he'll probably be allowed to do that from next year. :*

I saw something similar at Gatwick once. Col. Blimp type blustering away at an obviously Scottish Immigration Officer. You could practically see the rubber gloves being pulled on. :cool:

tony draper
30th Sep 2013, 17:00
When the Pilgrim Fathers landed on Plymouth Rock a bloke came out of the jungle walked up to them and said to then in perfect English,"What thefeck do you lot want"
His name was Squantash or summat like that.
True that is.
:rolleyes:

con-pilot
30th Sep 2013, 17:04
His name was Squantash or summat like that.

Naw, that would have been my great, great, great, great, great, great uncle Fred.

A lot of people get that wrong. :p

rgbrock1
30th Sep 2013, 17:26
Airborne:

sorry, but I'll have to mail you the $5. In stamps!

But you did correctly guess the line I wrote.

radeng
30th Sep 2013, 18:36
OK, you Americans. Question:

Would a UK conviction for gross indecency with two other men in a public lavatory count as 'Moral Turpitude'?

I had a manager (with whom I didn't get on that well) who was so convicted: it is my eternal regret that when knowing he was on a business trip to the US, I did not inform the embassy just in case it could get him refused entry......He got a drunk driving conviction 18 months later in a company car which was usually a dismissable offence: we wondered what he had on senior managers in the company!

Gordy
30th Sep 2013, 19:28
OK, you Americans. Question:

Would a UK conviction for gross indecency with two other men in a public lavatory count as 'Moral Turpitude'?

Yes....see page 6 of 26 here:

U.S. Department of State Foreign Affairs Manual Volume 9 Visas (http://www.state.gov/documents/organization/86942.pdf)

con-pilot
30th Sep 2013, 19:57
Would a UK conviction for gross indecency with two other men in a public lavatory count as 'Moral Turpitude'?


Not sure about immigration, but he could be elected to Congress. :p

racedo
30th Sep 2013, 20:13
Not sure about immigration, but he could be elected to Congress. http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/tongue.gif

As a Donkey or Elephant ?

radeng
30th Sep 2013, 20:40
Sh*t,

I wish that I had shopped the bast*rd!

Still, he got really pissed after giving me a lousy annual appraisal for not being a team player and me being awarded, three weeks later, a $5000 award for contributions to the team I'd been seconded too.

He got laid off years before I did...I think I won!

ExSp33db1rd
30th Sep 2013, 22:04
When I said that I was from the United Kingdom, that got the blankest of blank looks. Of course, I'm ENGLISH, dammit.

You should have shouted louder.

I'm fed up of being asked if I'm Australian when in California ( don't understand, after all England is nearer to L.A. than Australia - isn't it, just? )

Airborne Aircrew
30th Sep 2013, 22:07
Ex:

I'm fed up of being asked if I'm Australian when in Californian ( after all, England is nearer to L.A. than Australia - isn't it, just ? )

I take it as a compliment... The dozy buggers can't believe they've been so lucky as to meet someone so bloody awesome they are English... :E

500N
30th Sep 2013, 22:07
Ex

But until recently when Texas became an option, most Aussies flying to the US landed in California whereas most English would land on the East Coast.

reynoldsno1
1st Oct 2013, 00:03
mrs r1 often complains about "bloody Asian drivers" ... she's from Thailand originally ....:\

Matari
1st Oct 2013, 02:31
I'm sure the fine Britons, having learned all they need to know about geography from alcohol-fueled charter flights to Benidorm and Malaga, would be able to tell a Laotian from a Cambodian, or a Malaysian from a Bruneian. I'm sure the average butty-vendor in Nettleham could tell a Goan accent from a Bengali one, right?

That puffy pinkness and petulance does make ya'll hard to tell apart.

tdracer
1st Oct 2013, 04:12
Many years ago - around 1990 - I was in Derby taking an RB211 line maintenance class at RR. I was the only American in the class - lots of Brits including a few Derby locals. One of the locals set up a "pub crawl" before the last day of the class.

At about the third or fourth pub, I was approached by a old guy that started talking to me in some dialect that I couldn't make heads or tails of - the only part I could understand was at the end of everything he said there would be something like "America OK" and a thumbs up. After several minutes of this - still unable to make out anything other than the 'America OK' part - I turned to the Brits on the pub crawl and asked what he was saying. They all laughed and said they couldn't understand him either :sad:. The old guy was also getting a little frustrated and finally pointed at my beer - Oh I figured, he wants me to buy him a beer. What the heck, I'll buy him a beer (at the time it was only a pound for a pint). No - I still couldn't understand him but it quickly became apparent he wanted to buy me a beer - because I was an American and OK :D

I did my best to politely decline his offer - I really didn't need another beer, and besides I was on an expense account - better Boeing pay for my beer than some old guy on a pension :). He was definitely old enough to have been through WWII - perhaps a vet - so I assume it was his way of thanking the USA for helping out the UK during the war. It did make me wish I could have understood what he was saying :rolleyes:

Capetonian
1st Oct 2013, 06:58
I went to South Africa years ago with a g/f who was from Narn Iren. Several of my friends, when they met her, commented along the lines of : "It seems odd that you speak to her in English but she always speaks in Irish." Some of them couldn't understand a single word.

probes
1st Oct 2013, 07:11
:) could be worse, tdracer - I was in a company years ago where a really nice elderly lady spoke just a few words in English. So, when she patted her cardigan, smiled a lot and pointed at me, I assumed she asks if I like it - and smiled and nodded and said "Yes, absolutely" or something. The next day she arrived with a big pack - she had bought me a cardigan. :uhoh:
Meaning, she had asked: "Would you like me to buy you a cardigan?" - and I had replied: "Yes, absolutely." :\ Probably cost a little more than a beer, too...

ExSp33db1rd
1st Oct 2013, 08:37
But until recently when Texas became an option, most Aussies flying to the US landed in California whereas most English would land on the East Coast.

Yes, Yes, I know, but these days BA fly two or three direct flights a day to LAX, and there are at least 2 "British Pubs" serving warm draught ( i.e. "On Tap" ) Bass bitter beer, and fish and chips, located in downtown Santa Monica, many "British Emporiums" selling Cadbury's chocolate and Kit Kat and Typhoo tea, and two locally produced ( free ) British newspapers for homesick ex-pats, entitled The John Bull, and The British News.

By comparison I see nothing that reminds me of Australia anywhere,
not even Fosters Beer ( or whatever you choose to call it )

Windy Militant
1st Oct 2013, 09:16
Don't talk to me about Kit Kats, Cadburys chocolate and foreigners.
Now the former is no longer made in York and the latter no longer made in Bournville in Birmingham, they just don't taste the same. :{

The SSK
1st Oct 2013, 09:26
Years back, I was planning to take my 8-year-old daughter on a trip to the States. I had a brand-new, never used, UK passport, which I took, along with hers, to the US Embassy for visas.

After sitting for a heck of a long time, and noticing that people coming along after me were being handed their visas, I eventually got called forward. I thought I saw a bit of ‘that’s him’ going on in the back office.

I was asked if my place of birth was anywhere near to ‘Edinborrow’. I replied that everything was relative, and that Tyneside was moderately close to Edinburgh, although not exactly in the same country.

Then the explanation. The UK passport people had got the date of birth wrong on my new passport – the 16th and not the 10th of the month. The visa people had noticed the discrepancy between the date in my passport and the one I had put on the visa form. They ran my name and (incorrect) d.o.b. through their computer and came up with somebody born on the 16th, in Edinburgh, who had a conviction for ‘gross morl turpitoode’. Oops.

Back to the Consular Section, got the date corrected, back to the US Embassy, got the visas – but I never did make that trip.

TWT
1st Oct 2013, 09:34
Wot ! Kit Kats not made in York anymore ? Where are they made these days ?

G-CPTN
1st Oct 2013, 10:51
From the interweb:-



The quantity of KitKat made at Nestlé Rowntree’s York factory has almost doubled in the last 20 years. At least 25 basic pack formats for KitKat are made at York.
Other smaller KitKat factories are located in Toronto (Canada), Hamburg (Germany), Ponda (India), Chembng (Malaysia), Tianjin (China), Kasumigaura (Japan), Campbellfield (Australia), East London (South Africa) and Hershey (USA).

MagnusP
1st Oct 2013, 10:51
Not had a KitKat for a while. I must rectify that.

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 11:26
Magnus:

have a break.... :)

MagnusP
1st Oct 2013, 11:53
..... have a bit of shortbread. :(

Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? Shops at lunchtime, methinks. :ok:

Windy Militant
1st Oct 2013, 12:26
Wot ! Kit Kats not made in York anymore ? Where are they made these days ?


My Mistake I was thinking of a radio item about Job losses in York with production going abroad. Turns out it was Smarties, which are now made in Germany! :O

Blacksheep
1st Oct 2013, 12:31
able to tell a Laotian from a Cambodian, or a Malaysian from a BruneianI can. I can even converse with most of them.
How about telling the difference between a Punjabi and a Gujarati? ;)

G-CPTN
1st Oct 2013, 12:39
You'll be telling us next that you can differentiate between a Geordie and a Mackem! ;)

(or a Geordie and a Northumbrian)


((When the 'Ripper' tapes were published, myself and a workmate who was a Mackem identified correctly (as it subsequently turned out) the location of the accent within a couple of miles.))

rgbrock1
1st Oct 2013, 13:07
and there are at least 2 "British Pubs" serving warm draught ( i.e. "On Tap" ) Bass bitter beer

The Bass sold in the U.S., on tap or in bottles, is no longer brewed in the UK. It is brewed locally - Baldwinsville, NY - ever since AB-InBev took over. (Or, AB-InBev destroyed the brand just like they destroy everything else they get their miserable hands on.)

Consequently, Bass has taken a huge hit in popularity in the U.S. Bass used to be one of my favorite Ales from the UK.
It now tastes like camel piss and I will not buy it anymore.

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 14:35
RGB:

Consequently, Bass has taken a huge hit in popularity in the U.S. Bass used to be one of my favorite Ales from the UK.
It now tastes like camel piss and I will not buy it anymore.The continuing success of Samuel Adams is another contributing factor methinks... Thier marketing is far more noticeable.

Lightning Mate
1st Oct 2013, 14:47
Thier marketing is far more notice

Wossa / wheressa Thier ?

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 14:50
Nazi!!!! ;)

:O

rgbrock1
1st Oct 2013, 14:52
Airborne:

That may well be. However, I don't drink any Sam Adams aside from Lager. Why? For some odd reason Sam Adams, aside from Lager, gives me stomach problems. Must be some ingredient they use in a lot of their brews but, like clockwork, if I drink a Sam Adams I will get a stomach ache. (I do know they put a lot of bullshit in their beer like coriander, cinnamon, blueberry, etc.)

radeng
1st Oct 2013, 15:37
rgb

Have you tried Stones' Arrogant Bastard? (named after me, I'm told)

Being a southern California beer, it may not be so easy to get in upstate New York, though.

tdracer
1st Oct 2013, 15:43
The Bass sold in the U.S., on tap or in bottles, is no longer brewed in the UK. It is brewed locally - Baldwinsville, NY - ever since AB-InBev took over. (Or, AB-InBev destroyed the brand just like they destroy everything else they get their miserable hands on.)

When did that happen? It's been a few years since I've had a Bass in the USA (and I was more than a little surprised the last time I was in the UK that I didn't see Bass at the pubs I went to). In fact, I think the last time I had a Bass in the US was in the BA business class lounge waiting for a flight to London about five years ago.

Plenty of good micro-brews around here - now I know not to waste my money on Bass....

500N
1st Oct 2013, 15:51
I had a GF once. Sounded typical Australia. Had Irish heritage.
Whenever we went to visit her parents, her voiced changed
and she got a very strong Irish accent in her voice.

It was a bit weird.

rgbrock1
1st Oct 2013, 16:01
radeng:

As I'm still in Connecticrap for the time being, unfortunately, I often see 'Arrogant Bastard' in the local "package stores". (Package stores are CT's answer to beer and wine distributors. Don't know why it's called that. Probably because CT, as a whole, is daft.)

I have, however, never tried it.

tdracer:

AB InBev took control of a lot of beer brands and have been doing so for a few years now. The latest victim, Bass, was taken over a year or so ago. And like all other victims, Bass is now piss water. AB InBev needs to f**k off. There were rumors, spread by the local yokel in a beer distributor I visit, that my favorite brew, Spaten, was also due to fall to the InBev ax. However Spaten Brewery of Munich Germany refused thus, it stays in the hands of the Germans. Thank god for that.

superq7
1st Oct 2013, 16:12
Am off out tonight to my local called the Fox at Old Down near Thornbury for three or so pints of Bass and Fish & chips, can't beat it.

Gordy
1st Oct 2013, 17:11
For all those who say Utah has no alcohol.... Support your local brewery is what I say:

Wasatch Beers (http://www.wasatchbeers.com/beers.html)

http://www.wasatchbeers.com/images/polygamy.jpg

Big Hammer
1st Oct 2013, 18:29
Often get mistaken for an Aussie although I do pick up an accent easily. I am a Cockerney for christs sake! (Innit!)

Solid Rust Twotter
1st Oct 2013, 18:31
Have you tried Stones' Arrogant Bastard? (named after me, I'm told)

Being a southern California beer, it may not be so easy to get in upstate New York, though.


There's a recipe on the interweb thing if you want to try making it yourself. A fellow brewer made a batch and dashed fine it was too.

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 18:39
Have you tried Stones' Arrogant Bastard?It's a part of my collection of booze with offensive names. So far I have:-

Arrogant Bastard
Fat Bastard (A Merlot)
Old Fart Ale
Butthead Bock
W-anker Beer
Old Leghumper
In Heat Wheat
Baddass Lager
Doggie Style Pale Ale
Dirty Bastard Ale

Yes, it's a "unique" collection that takes pride of place around my bar... :}

Edited to fix the nanny swear blocker...

Dak Man
1st Oct 2013, 18:58
I'm sure that Fat B'Stard is a shiraz.

Blacksheep
1st Oct 2013, 19:13
I just realised. I arrived fresh off the boat in 1950: I must be one of those bloody foreigners!! :eek:

My missus certainly is, what about the kids?

tdracer
1st Oct 2013, 20:05
For all those who say Utah has no alcohol.... Support your local brewery is what I say:

Wasatch Beers are quite interesting and available in the Salt Lake Airport:

Squatters Pub Brewery
Salt Lake Int'l Airport
Terminal 2, Conc. C

Whenever I get stuck with a significant layover at SLC, I make a point of going there for a sandwich and a pint.

radeng
1st Oct 2013, 20:12
Dak Man, AA,

At my last international meeting in June before retirement, I was given, by a Dutch colleague, a bottle of Fat Bastard (very fitting in my case - well, at least the fat part!) and it was indeed a Shiraz.

very nice it was too...

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 20:49
Radeng:

I usually buy two bottles of each of my collection. One for consumption and one for the collection. As a man who likes a lager and has never succumbed to the attractions of bitters and darker beers I'm afraid most of them suck, the Butthead Bock was particularly foul... :uhoh:

There was only one bottle of the Fat Bastard so it remains untasted...

G&T ice n slice
1st Oct 2013, 20:58
I am a Cockerney for christs sake! (Innit!)

surely it should be "arma cockerney ennai (sniff)"

or is 1 sniff sarfaderiva?

Gordy
1st Oct 2013, 22:06
tdracer

Whenever I get stuck with a significant layover at SLC, I make a point of going there for a sandwich and a pint.

We also have a whiskey and vodka distillery close by in Park City. Next time you lay over wander on over to Terminal 1 Concourse B to Cat Cora's and try "High West Whiskey--they serve it there.

High West Distillery (http://www.highwest.com/spirits/)

http://www.highwest.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/vodka-7000-bottle.png

Airborne Aircrew
1st Oct 2013, 22:07
Cat's Cute... Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....

And she can cook... :ok:

Dak Man
1st Oct 2013, 22:08
I quite like this, looks lovely but tastes awful, or is the other way around :D:cool:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3009/2854039738_25c853e798.jpg

tdracer
2nd Oct 2013, 02:53
It's a part of my collection of booze with offensive names. So far I have:-


Airborne - stopped at Costco on the way home and they had growlers of "Dead Guy Ale" - brewed by Rogue in Oregon, so I picked up one for the upcoming weekend :) I've also picked up Arrogant Bastard there in the past - love the bottle, especially the "You're Not Worthy" tag line :D