View Full Version : Burner, burier or eater?

Lon More
27th Sep 2013, 17:23
Which will you be now that a quarter of cemeteries will be full in ten years (http://metro.co.uk/2013/09/27/quarter-of-cemeteries-will-be-full-in-ten-years-4119668/)?

27th Sep 2013, 17:27
It's cremation for me. Not very green, I know, but much easier for my nearest and dearest. And, unlike my Mum, dear of her, I will leave instructions with regard to where to spread them!

27th Sep 2013, 17:27

Don't fancy being slowly eaten by creepy crawlies :O

27th Sep 2013, 17:30
Soylent Green?

27th Sep 2013, 17:31
Burner :ok:

27th Sep 2013, 17:31
Is being eaten a possible option in the UK?

It seems the most eco friendly option, being directly and quickly recycled into food for a range of scavengers.

27th Sep 2013, 17:35
I've instructed the Mrs. to have me cremated and the ashes shoveled into an Urn. The Urn shall take prominent place on the dresser in our bedroom.

This way after I've been gone a few years and the Mrs. starts getting "needy", I can still keep an eye on things and if said "things" get out of hand, or I disapprove, then I can haunt her at night for it.

Like I've told her often enough: I might be dead. But I certainly won't be gone. :E:E:E

27th Sep 2013, 17:36

Left out for the scavengers here in Aus, a full day should
seen your body stripped clean, just the bones left.

Probably wouldn't be a bad way to go.

27th Sep 2013, 17:54
Back from whence I came, forever part of England booked and paid for my plot yesterday no mussie is claiming that 6'x6' west facing piece of England for eternity!! :E:ok:

27th Sep 2013, 17:58
I fancy being a jewel set in a gold earring that is attached to the pierced labia of an exotic dancer.

See this site for how to turn one's ashes into a diamond (http://www.lifegem.com/).

27th Sep 2013, 18:17
Going out with a bang!

Probably won't happen but I'd like my ashes to be packed into a firework rocket and spread over the countryside, in a kaleidoscope of colourful star bursts.
I understand this service is available.

Mr Chips
27th Sep 2013, 18:24
If I die young
bury me
in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river at dawn

Lon More
27th Sep 2013, 18:28
Is being eaten a possible option in the UK?

Possibly the sickest Monty Python sketch

Monty Python - 'Undertaker's Sketch' - YouTube

27th Sep 2013, 18:33
At that point I don't think I'll care.

I still search, though, for any and all clues that would conclusively show a path toward a cushy afterlife, if such exists.

27th Sep 2013, 20:30
Possibly the sickest Monty Python sketch

Also one of the funniest - first time I saw it was a retrospective, but I believe it was originally broadcast?

Me? Burner! I reckon I could provide a kilowatt or six of energy to the British public - and why not?

27th Sep 2013, 20:34
But I certainly won't be gone.

From the State of Connecticut you will !

27th Sep 2013, 21:04
what was that fantastic Roald Dahl story where all that remained of the deceased was one eyeball in a petrie dish on the mantlepiece?

when the surviving spouse blew cigarette smoke over the relic the fury and the angst was discernible as the pupil constricted

my favourite undertaker story is a true one of Brian Cairns, an Alice Springs undertaker, who laying out an old stockman , all 6' 4" of him, realised he had run out of long boxes.

what did he do? he cut a big hole in the end of a 5'9" box, the longest he had in stock, then tacked the deceased's Akubra over the hole.

another time an RFDS Dragon was flying Broken Hill to Parafield (Adelaide)
for maintenance. On board was a coffin containing an Adelaide person who had died in BH The pilot found the weather on the deck approaching the eastern side of the ranges east of Adelaide. He landed on an airstrip right next to a cemetery where a funeral was going on. He wandered over for a closer look.
He saw that the hearse came from a suburb in Adelaide. As the funeral was finishing up he approached the undertaker and asked

"Mate, I've a filled coffin in my plane over there. Any chance you could drop it off at Joe Blow's in Adelaide?"

"Sure thing. No problem at all. Reckon it'll be the first and last time I've had a backload."

another one , true, concerns the rattler from Bourke to Dubbo one mid- summers day. A bloke from Bourke was surprised how long the ice in his multiple whiskeys was lasting. Until he was told by the barman, in hushed tones, that there was a still a good supply in a long box in the guards .

Les Murray the esteemed poet from Bunya was on an ABC doco . The young woman interviewing him as they walked past the tiny cemetery, asked where he thought he'd finish up. He pointed out the catholic section and then the prodo part. . . . . rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said that he not decided yet whether he'd be buried or burnt.

27th Sep 2013, 22:08
A rhyme from childhood....

When I die
Bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree

If they're ripe
Take a bite
You'll find out they're dynamite.

Airborne Aircrew
27th Sep 2013, 22:14
SWMBO hates me...

I keep telling her that when I die all I need is a cord of wood and a gallon of gas/petrol....

No point wasting money that can be used at the wake... :}

27th Sep 2013, 22:14
Religion plays a big part in people's decisions here. There are strict rules in all the main world religions about disposal of the body:

Jews (Orthodox) - cremation forbidden, although it is becoming more popular among "reformed" Jews.

Christians - sharp divide between the Eastern Orthodox Church, where cremation is forbidden, and the Western churches which generally permit it, although this is fairly recent, as late as 1963 it was forbidden by the Roman Catholic Church, which still prefers burial.

Muslims - burial obligatory. Muslim funerals are very simple, and the coffin is only used to convey the body to the graveside, where it is removed and buried in a simple shroud and the coffin re-used, so in that sense it is quite a "green" method of burial.

Hindus - cremation obligatory, as this is believed to be the only way to release the spirit from the body. I believe someone has got permission to do traditional outdoor Hindu cremations somewhere in England using a wood pyre - seems very wasteful of wood to me.

Personally Mrs TTN and I wouldnt mind ending up in our field, with its superb view down The Lizard (not that we'd be seeing it). No law against it, but it might be a bit tough on our kids who'd find the value of their inheritance somewhat reduced on account of the two stiffs up in the field!

PS - AA - How much wood is in a cord - I've always wondered about that?

Airborne Aircrew
27th Sep 2013, 22:29

Taken from Wikithingy but it sounds about right:-

This corresponds to a well stacked woodpile 4 feet (122 cm) high, 8 feet (244 cm) long, and 4 feet (122 cm) deep; or any other arrangement of linear measurements that yields the same volume

Trust me, get a whole cord burning and the body would be completely gone... Cheaper that the "modern" cremation... :ok:

27th Sep 2013, 22:52
Hindu wins right to traditional cremation - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/7205737/Hindu-wins-right-to-traditional-cremation.html)
A spokesman for Newcastle City Council said that whilst the Appeal Court’s ruling sided with Mr Ghai, it had not considered the “difficulties which may be thrown up by planning and public health legislation should an application be submitted”.

27th Sep 2013, 23:32
Gotta be a Viking burial. Laid out in a Viking long boat with all my worldly goods surrounding me, and food and drink for the journey. Pitch poured over it and then pushed out to sea and set alight. Oh! Need lots of bonfires up and down the coast to let me people know of my passing.

27th Sep 2013, 23:45
In the UK you can be buried on your own land but you have to get permission as the Powers That Be need to satisfy themselves that there will be no interference with 'natural ground water flows', or so I was led to believe.

27th Sep 2013, 23:50
What about those skin eating fish that nibble away at your dead flesh when you wade among them?

Toss some stiff in there and presto a week later just bones are left

27th Sep 2013, 23:58
Pigs do a quicker job.

28th Sep 2013, 01:18
Yes, but it makes the bacon taste funny.

28th Sep 2013, 02:04
Of course there was the nice lady who returned home with her husband's ashes, went into the garden, put the ashes in her hand and blew them away.
''There you are darling'', she purred, ''that's the 'blow job' I always promised you''!

28th Sep 2013, 02:23
I just wanna be buried and rot away like everyone

The wife wants to be burnt and ashes put in an urn
in the bedroom for exactly the same reasons RGB
wants. Apparently she won't want me to shag any
bimbo under 25.

28th Sep 2013, 02:41
The wife has told everybody in the family she wants an open casket.

She gets PO when I tell her she wont have a say in the matter when the time comes.

sizzle, pop, and spatter

Worrals in the wilds
28th Sep 2013, 03:41
The wife has told everybody in the family she wants an open casket.With some causes of death that's not a good idea. A funeral director once told me how difficult it is to be subtle about it when the family wants an open coffin but the deceased is a bit squished. :uhoh:

Wasn't there a thread yonks ago about the pitfalls of scattering ashes from a helicopter? :eek: From memory it was extremely funny.

28th Sep 2013, 03:47
I like the fireworks option.Ashes mixed in with the pyrotechnics and exploding at altitude amongst the starbursts :p

28th Sep 2013, 07:28
If my other half pops off before me, I always said I'd have him stuffed and put in the corner.

I rather fancy being fed to the vultures.

28th Sep 2013, 07:41
Wasn't there a thread yonks ago about the pitfalls of scattering ashes from a helicopter? From memory it was extremely funny.

I did this from a light aircraft for a good friend. Not at all easy, as others have found. I had a couple of practice runs using ash from the fire and the first was a disaster.

I'd thought that by having the ashes in a plastic bag, then just cracking the door and pushing the mouth of the bag out would cause them to get sucked out. In practice a lot came back inside and a fair bit ended up on the tail.

The method that worked (may have been from a tip on here) was to use a short length of plastic drainpipe, with the plastic bag inside (open end down, but with the closed end tied to the top of the drainpipe) with a bit of string tied to a bung that trapped the open end of the bag against the side of the drain pipe. The drain pipe was pushed down out of the partially open door (with the top end secured with a bit of cord) and the ashes released by pulling out the bung with the string.

This worked very well, but the only disappointment was that the mourners on the ground 500ft below didn't see the ashes leave the aircraft against the fairly grey sky, and some thought we'd had a problem.

28th Sep 2013, 08:40
mikedreamer said

Apparently she won't want me to shag any bimbo under 25.

Some posters PPRuNe names are very appropriate ;)

AA - thanks for the info - yep, that ought to do the job :ok:

28th Sep 2013, 09:28
In the UK you can be buried on your own land

In Germany our Director's dog died while he was away on mission. It was a big dog. The Authorities whom the appointed dog-carer (who was the Head of General Services) consulted refused burial permission for the Director's garden to be used as a burial plot, as the dog was too big and would pollute the ground water.

I (English sense of humour) suggested getting a chainsaw and cutting the dog in two, burying the two now-legal bits in opposite corners of the garden. The secretary of General Services burst into tears when I said this (she German of course and hence Very Serious) and accused me of being callous (and Englisch). I riposted that if they were afraid of the *mess* they could leave the dog's body in a freezer overnight to make it easier to cut. Well, less bloody anyway.

More tears, wailing.

Finally they adopted a typically German solution: buried it, in the garden, in one piece, at midnight and never told ze Authorities.

Finale: they bought the Director a new dog, as identical as possible to the old dog. He returned, took one look at dog, said "I never liked the original dog and I don't like that one, either. Take it away."

28th Sep 2013, 12:54
Bury and then eat the deceased as in they do in Yorkshire

''then we will all be eatin' thee, eatin' thee,
On Ilkley Moor baht 'at
On Ilkley Moor baht 'at
On Ilkley Moor baht 'at.''

wings folded
28th Sep 2013, 13:12
I read that the greatly revered grocer's daughter from Lincolnshire has had her ashes interred at the Chelsea Hospital.

Cremated, them buried.

Nothing like making sure.

No mention of stakes through the heart, though.

28th Sep 2013, 13:15
I'm amazed that not one previous poster has presented themselves as a member of the American Cryonics Society - and outlined plans to come back and hold future generations in thrall, on how to fly those 100yr old A320's and 737's - that now feature in every aviation museum, as mute testament to early aviation days! :eek:

Those generations will marvel at the piloting skills you can produce - that would all be solely and automatically done in that future age, by computers the size of a 50c piece! :{

OFSO - That line about "contamination of underground aquifers" by decomposing bodies is a very large piece of supposition - as it's outlined by a number of human tissue decomposition experts, that the decomposition of bodies in the ground poses no threat whatsoever to underground water supplies - as the organisms involved in the putrefaction process are in themselves, not pathogenic.

The only time the contamination of groundwater could possibly occur, is in the event of a pandemic whereby large numbers of people die from a contagious disease.

My choice is a quiet and peaceful little country graveyard in rural Australia, where the chances of running out of burial room, are not likely to occur in the next 500 years!

28th Sep 2013, 13:24
Provided that my corpse had not been "pumped-full of dangerous drugs etc." in some insane gesture (perhaps by the authorities in close cooperation with Internet Brands Inc.) to keep me alive - we need your continued contributions airship), before my eventual demise, I'd quite like to save a few endangered European vultures:

Very simple really, just transport my body closer to the hills over-looking Cannes / Nice (not that far away from the Mercantour). In the midst of the country-side would be a clearing of say 50m x 50m, accommodating 100 platforms approx. 3m x 4m x 2m high off the ground. Another 50m x 50m "concrete-floored" clearing available in close proximity. The vultures would soon dispose of my body, dropping my bones from a height onto the concrete-floored clearing so as to crack these and consume the marrow inside. :ok:

PS. One has to be either very rich to be able to afford any burial plot these days. Or else feel confident that they won't just build a car-park over your dead-body in 20 years' time...?! :(

28th Sep 2013, 15:47
Isn't there a choice of cryogenic freezing then fracturing into tiny particles?

I don't know what happens next, though.

Those who opt for cremation should be aware that consummation is not complete and bone fragments remain. The crematorium will break these into smaller pieces before placing them into the urn, so warn your relatives that if they are to scatter the remains they should prepare to find 'solids'.

28th Sep 2013, 17:27
Those who opt for cremation should be aware that consummation is not complete and bone fragments remain. The crematorium will break these into smaller pieces before placing them into the urn, so warn your relatives that if they are to scatter the remains they should prepare to find 'solids'.

I've done two "scatterings" now (and about to do a third). In both cases the ashes were very fine, with no significant lumps. I checked this before the first "air drop" drop I did and was told that they now grind the ashes to fine dust if they know they are going to be scattered. The reason given to me for doing this was because teeth, apparently, sometimes remain in the ashes, as do some fragments of bone.

FWIW, both sets of ashes I've scattered were already contained within sealed plastic bags inside the urn when they were returned from the crematorium. In one case the next of kin had kept them on the mantelpiece for a couple of years, and this had caused them to settle and apparently form hard lumps. We just gave the bag a good shake to break up the lumps before loading it into the "aerial despatcher".

28th Sep 2013, 18:14
Surprise me!!!

28th Sep 2013, 18:42
It would appear that this dying business does have it's problems. I'm seriously considering postponing the event until a suitable alternive can be found.

28th Sep 2013, 21:49
Scattered and vacuumed up and scattered again a few sets of ashes before I hit on the ideal method:

Piece of 1" heater hose about 3 feet long stuck out the pilot's side vent (trailing into the slipstream)

IAS around 120kt.

Stick the hose end in the cabin into the cremains box with the internal plastic bag open.

It's a veritable vacuum cleaner, even the bigger chunks of bone just fly out.

No interior mess.

Happy bereaved,

Little cloud
28th Sep 2013, 22:05
The method that worked (may have been from a tip on here) was to use a short length of plastic drainpipe, with the plastic bag inside (open end down, but with the closed end tied to the top of the drainpipe) with a bit of string tied to a bung that trapped the open end of the bag against the side of the drain pipe. The drain pipe was pushed down out of the partially open door (with the top end secured with a bit of cord) and the ashes released by pulling out the bung with the string.

I recall a yarn about a scattering, or dropping, of the ashes of a high ranking naval officer. Scapa Flow it was to be, using a Nimrod, with the padre aboard to carry out the due ceremonials and pull a lever at the appropriate time to release a canister down the sonobuoy tube. On the run in, over land, he got so excited he pulled the lever too soon and down went the canister. A discreet search was arranged with the local plods and the canister was recovered intact sticking out of a peat bog and passed on the the local RNVR crew who did a conventional scattering.

29th Sep 2013, 03:30
I can recall a couple of funeral events that were less than successful, and which had a lapse of decorum. :rolleyes:

One was - a young bloke in a farming community had died, and the funeral day came. Everyone in the crowd was sombre and gloomy and the silence was deafening as the time came to slide the coffin out of the hearse, and the crowd gathered around.

Unfortunately, the country undertakers also just happened to be the local builders and carpenters.
Unbeknowns to the gathered mourners, the hearse had recently doubled as a road metal hauler for one of the building jobs, when the builders ute was in for repair - and the cleanout of the road metal from the hearse was less than satisfactory.

The undertaker and his assistant grabbed the coffin and yanked it out - and as it slid out of the back of the hearse, the action was accompanied by a loud, grating "GRRRROOOOOAAAKKKKKCCCHHH!!" noise, as the coffin grated across the remnants of the road metal chunks on the floor of the hearse.

To say it ruined the "mood of the moment" would be the understatement of the week.

The second event involved some friends who had decided to gather at a pier to cast a friends ashes into the water, as was his wish.
They arranged to have a wake at the cafe on the pier directly after the ashes were cast.

Unfortunately, the box the ashes came in, resisted all attempts at opening. Much bashing and thumping and prising of the box ensued, leading to some immediate loss of decorum.
Every attempt at opening the box was futile. It was sealed like Fort Knox. In desperation, it was decided to throw the box, intact, into the water.

The deed done, the mourners retired to the cafe for tea, coffee and snacks. However, within 30 minutes of settling in at the cafe, someone pointed out, with increasing horror, that the box was now steadily floating in on the tide - and the mourners could only watch as it disappeared under the jetty - whereby it apparently became lodged in some part of the jetty, as it never re-appeared!!
It was a subdued group of mourners who wended their way home, wondering what had happened, or would happen, to the box of ashes!

29th Sep 2013, 05:06
Or else feel confident that they won't just build a car-park over your dead-body in 20 years' time...?! http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/sowee.gifYou've got no chance in that. They built a car park over a dead king's body - Richard III, for God's sake. What chance would we mere mortals have.

Effluent Man
29th Sep 2013, 08:36
My old fella expressed the desire to be disposed of as cheaply as possible.His actual words were "You can hull me in a ditch bor" We didn't do that but he did depart in a Toyota estate for a very reasonable fee.

29th Sep 2013, 10:31

It was a bit more than 20 years later, though.

29th Sep 2013, 11:01
Well they couldn't do it any quicker as they had no need for car parks back then.

29th Sep 2013, 19:24
The only time the contamination of groundwater could possibly occur

Indeed yes, logic says you are right, but logic plays little part in whoever writes the German lawbook:

Gewässerverschmutzung ist die Verschmutzung von Oberflächengewässern (Flüssen, Seen, Meeren) und Grundwasser mit teilweise giftigen Substanzen. Die Gewässerverunreinigung, also die absichtliche und gesetzeswidrige Gewässerverschmutzung, ist ein Straftatbestand. Die Vorschrift dient zum Schutz der Umwelt als Lebensgrundlage des Menschen und im Speziellen dem Gewässerschutz.

Inhaltsverzeichnis [Verbergen]
1 Überblick
2 Rechtliches
2.1 Normative Grundlage in Deutschland
2.2 Strafrechtliche Relevanz
2.3 Andere Staaten
3 Einzelnachweise
4 Weblinks

Meistens wird Gewässerverschmutzung durch ungeklärte Abwässer von Fabriken und Städten oder Schäden der Kanalisation verursacht, es kann sich aber auch um ungesetzlich entsorgte Substanzen (z. B. Altöl) handeln. Ebenfalls werden Gewässer oft durch die Landwirtschaft verunreinigt, vor allem wenn sie ein großes Einzugsgebiet aufweisen. Die von landwirtschaftlich genutzten Flächen in Gewässer gelangenden Düngemittel können dort eine Eutrophierung verursachen, die bis zur Hypoxie des Gesamtgewässers führen kann. Darüber hinaus verschmutzen häufig Schwermetalle die Gewässer. Sie können nur mit großen Aufwand entfernt werden.

Weil heute in Deutschland und anderen EU-Staaten fast alle Städte und Dörfer eine Kläranlage haben, geht dort die Verschmutzung zurück, und die Gewässergüte steigt. Zu den verschmutztesten deutschen Gewässern zählen die Elbe und Saale.

Im offenen Meer macht sich die Gewässerverschmutzung an vielen Stellen schon mit bloßem Augen bemerkbar, unter anderem als Müllstrudel. Dabei handelt es sich um ozeanische Wirbel, in denen sich aufgrund der Meeresströmungen riesige Müllteppiche angesammelt haben. Der größte davon befindet sich im Nordpazifik.[1] Weitere Ursachen sind Ölverschmutzungen und das weitverbreitete Einleiten ungeklärter Abwässer in das Meer.


Normative Grundlage in Deutschland[Bearbeiten]
In § 324 StGB wird der Tatbestand definiert:[2]

Wer unbefugt ein Gewässer verunreinigt oder sonst dessen Eigenschaften nachteilig verändert, wird mit Freiheitsstrafe bis zu fünf Jahren oder mit Geldstrafe bestraft.
Der Versuch ist strafbar.
Handelt der Täter fahrlässig, so ist die Strafe Freiheitsstrafe bis zu drei Jahren oder Geldstrafe.
Unter einem Gewässer versteht die deutsche Rechtsprechung gemäß der Begriffsbestimmung in §330d StGB ein oberirdisches Gewässer (z. B. Flüsse, Bäche oder Binnenseen), das Grundwasser und das Meer.[3] Dagegen werden Leitungswasser, in künstlichen Behältnissen gefasstes Wasser und Abwasser von dieser Definition ausgeschlossen.

Eine nachteilige Verschlechterung stellt jede nicht unerhebliche Verschlechterung der Gewässereigenschaften im physikalischen, chemischen oder biologischen Sinne dar. Ein Unterfall davon ist die Verunreinigung, die äußerlich erkennbare Veränderungen wie Trübungen und Ölspuren umfasst. Es reicht bereits aus, wenn die Eigenschaften nur vorübergehend nachteilig verändert werden. Ebenso muss nicht unbedingt die Wasserqualität beeinflusst werden, schon eine faktische Beeinträchtigung der Nutzungsmöglichkeiten kann ausreichen, z. B. bei Hindernissen oder scharfkantigen Gegenständen in einem Badesee. Eine gewisse Erheblichkeit ist hier notwendig.

Das Tatbestandsmerkmal unbefugt weist auf die Rechtswidrigkeit hin. Es wird nicht erfüllt, wenn eine wirksame behördliche Genehmigung für die Verunreinigung vorliegt.

Neben der vorsätzlichen Begehung wird auch die fahrlässige bestraft, allerdings mit einem geringeren Strafmaß. Ebenso wird der Versuch geahndet. Die Tat verjährt nach fünf Jahren (§78 StGB Abs. 3 Nr. 4).[4] Die Qualifikationsmerkmale des besonders schweren Fall einer Umweltstraftat (§330 StGB) gelten entsprechend.[5]

Strafrechtliche Relevanz[Bearbeiten]
Gewässerverunreinigungen sind hinter dem Unerlaubten Umgang mit gefährlichen Abfällen (§326 StGB)[6] das zweithäufigste Umweltdelikt. Das deutsche Bundeskriminalamt hat für das Jahr 2003 insgesamt 4415 Fälle und damit 14 weniger als im vergangenen Jahr erfasst. Zwar ist der Trend seit Jahren rückläufig, jedoch muss von einer hohen Dunkelziffer ausgegangen werden. Die geringe Aufklärungsquote von ca. 20 % trübt zudem die Erwartungen an eine umfassende Bekämpfung dieser Kriminalitätsform.

Andere Staaten[Bearbeiten]
Österreich regelt das Delikt in den §§ 180 (Vorsätzliche Beeinträchtigung der Umwelt) und 181 StGB (Fahrlässige Beeinträchtigung der Umwelt),[7] die Schweiz in Art. 70 GSchG.[8]

Auf europäischer Ebene wurden besondere Maßnahmen gegen die gefährlichsten Stoffe in Oberflächen- und Grundwasser und im Meerwasser auf Grundlage der Rahmenrichtlinie über die Wasserpolitik formuliert.[9]

..and so on and so on until your eyes fall out of your head. Etc. Warning: I can provide more if necessary.

The bit in red says five years in the nick if it's deliberate: the lines underneath say three years if its accidental. I asked a German chum about it and he said as far as pollution by burial, it all depends on how deep your water table is.

For those who have never lived in der Vaterland: please remember that if it is not specifically allowed (in writing, three copies, and signed by Someone Important and Witnessed by a Notary) than you can be assured it's forbidden.

And if you do it, the neighbours will tell you to stop and call the Polizei, anyway. In the German Lawbooks there are eight pages detailing offences caused by the unrestricted croaking of frogs, and only one reference to smoke from your barby blowing across the neighbour's garden. So there.

Lon More
29th Sep 2013, 19:42
The worms crawl in ....

Little cloud
29th Sep 2013, 20:40
I believe the Swedes, some years ago, perfected the freeze drying and powdering of bodies and burning of the remaining carboniferous dry matter which was only 5% of the original body mass. The energy required was minute in comparison with conventional cremation.

30th Sep 2013, 13:08
Yes, the body is immersed in liquid nitrogen and freeze dried.
More here :-

Promessa (http://www.promessa.se/en/)

30th Sep 2013, 18:40
Erm, how much energy does it take to get the liquid nitrogen?

30th Sep 2013, 18:52

I'm afraid that we cannot abide by your wish to have your mortal remains fed to vultures.

I firmly believe, however, that your remains really do need to bequeathed to science. For study. I know that might be a tedious task for science to undertaken, all things considered, but the results of said study could go a long way in solving some of the many enigmas of our mortal lives.

Please rethink your wish to be fed to vultures. Science needs you.

30th Sep 2013, 18:56

Even Vultures have standards :O

30th Sep 2013, 19:18

Are the vulture's standards Harmonised European Norms, the titles of which are published in the Official Journal of the EU? (OJEU)

If not produced under a general Mandate from the EC, they can only be National Standards, produced by the recognised National Standards Organisation, so I presume the RSPB and BSI have been involved?

All in all, the vultures might be better off without the complication of standards.....

And people wonder why UKIP get support....

30th Sep 2013, 20:19
Arranging to leave your body to medical science (http://www.hta.gov.uk/bodyorganandtissuedonation/howtodonateyourbody.cfm) is an option (though doesn't necessarily resolve the bury/burn conundrum).
A teaching hospital within reach of where you become deceased (and them having agreed to your bequest aforehand) will take care of the disposal of your remains after their students have finished their experimentation.

30th Sep 2013, 20:30
Sad to say, the properties of a cadaver when it comes to measuring the radio propagation effects from inside the body are very different to those of a live body. Thus it is necessary to use an anesthetised pig. So for some cases, bodies left to medical science aren't much help.

Don't ask how I know.....

The mind boggles at the people who wrote (and published) a paper on radio propagation from a 400MHz vaginally implanted transmitter..........It might have been an interesting experiment to set up, however...

30th Sep 2013, 20:54
A few years back, my dear old dad passed away and the time came for his ashes to be disposed of. A keen (though not very good) golfer, the chosen location was the burn (Scottish stream) that wondered its way through his local course, where after spreading his ashes, he would gently float out to sea. So on a nice quiet evening, we stood and did the deed - unfortunately the ashes turned out to be much denser than anticipated and a long grey stain rapidly appeared on the burn bottom. Still, I suppose it was fitting as his golf balls did spend quite a bit of time there too.

30th Sep 2013, 21:23
Simple burning and leave me at the crem. would be my choice. Herself says that wouldn't be right and fancies the rocket idea. Whoever goes first is saved until the other has gone then the ashes are combined and blown away in a firework.

30th Sep 2013, 23:22
The flaw (or not) in the rocket exodus (for a male) is that it's Whoosh! it shoots up and the climax, however spectacular, is over within a few seconds - seen as parody of lifetime performance, maybe?

I would want a more enduring event to describe my demise (which is why I have decreed that my ashes be carried by my children to the north-west coast of Scotland and cast off a cliff into offshore wind to carry my remains where they can watch gannets plunging for fish,

Adam Nams
30th Sep 2013, 23:53
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred,
tan me hide when I'm dead.

So we tanned his hide when he died Clyde,
And that's it hanging on the shed.

Altogether now...

30th Sep 2013, 23:54
I know a few people who have had their ashes fired out of a cannon.

1st Oct 2013, 00:16
Might be a bit of a wait for an offshore wind there G-CPTN :p

I hope the weather gods smile upon the endeavour when the times comes though.

1st Oct 2013, 00:42
500N wrote: Even Vultures have standards :O


1st Oct 2013, 10:20
400MHz vaginally implanted transmitter

Most devices run at a much lower frequency! :E

1st Oct 2013, 10:41
Mine does - much lower :(

1st Oct 2013, 10:54
Being a radio engineer can have some interesting side activities associated with the job.......

Solid Rust Twotter
1st Oct 2013, 11:33
In my case, if they can find the stiff, they can do what they like with it. Couldn't care less.

Edited to add: If they can find it, the titanium bits can be salvaged and flogged to pay for a couple of kegs of beer for my mates.

1st Oct 2013, 15:26

Preferred method would be for a big funeral pyre up on the mountain lookout point behind the house. Kids could haul my carcass up there on a sled behind the Argo (Spring~Summer~Fall) or snowmobile (Winter), stack a load of birch logs around me and pour 5-gals of fuel (Avgas pls) to get things nice and toasty, then leave the ashes to blow away wherever...

In the event of terminal illness, would probably just get the big canoe out and paddle off across Superior on a -30~-40c night.

(Yes, fresh water does not necessarily freeze, even at those temps.;))

2nd Oct 2013, 02:24
Being a radio engineer can have some interesting side activities associated with the job.......

I presume we are talking about tuning the cavity by the insertion of a probe. ;)

2nd Oct 2013, 11:58

insertion of a probe into a cavity is done to excite the cavity....usually in resonant mode!

2nd Oct 2013, 12:14
These last few posts remind me of a psychology lecture I attended once (as part of a management training course, believe it or not). The lady giving the lecture spoke about the effect of arousal from visual stimuli, specifically the similarities and difference between men and women. She mentioned that her experimental colleagues had found it relatively easy to come up with a way to instrument male arousal (for obvious reasons), but struggled when it came to doing the same with women. Their ingenious solution was to use a glass probe with a pair of metal electrodes spaced apart on it and connected to a device that could measure electrical resistance. It worked on the basis that increased moisture levels decreased resistance.

I remember rather spoiling things by pointing out that the very act of inserting the measurement probe could provide the sort of stimulus that would give them a positive reading, such that anything they recorded that related to the intended visual stimuli that were the key element of the experiment may well be false.

2nd Oct 2013, 18:31
VP959 wrote: These last few posts remind me of a psychology lecture I attended once...

Was all that done with cadavers?! :confused:

Whatever, I tend to give the psychologists / psychiatrists etc. and their "professions", a very wide berth. IMHO, they're not much wiser in 2013 than when their equivalents were selling "snake-oil" potions, guaranteed to relieve "all sorts of problems" a hundred years or more ago... :ugh:

40 years ago they were all adamant that homo-sexuals were what exactly?! Today, their "profession" determines whether or not anyone is "ill" or whatever. Whether or not someone is responsible or not. Whether or not they will spend the rest of their lives in prison, or not.

As Tony D. might also wish to have expressed it (?!): Mostly lazy and feckin' ignorant gits, who've benefitted from generous taxpayers' largesse to obtain their questionable qualifications and spouting forth mainly rubbish. But whose verbal diarrohea are heard in many courts, and taken seriously...?! :eek:

No, I shall not lie down on your couch for upwards of €100 per hour, and let you bugger me. You lie down on your couch, and let me **** you for an hour at that price (if I find you anywhere near attractive or to my taste, that is)... :\

And I'd just got used to being dead. :confused:

2nd Oct 2013, 21:39
Our measurements had a very serious intent - that of determining the parameters needed for a radio transceiver to allow remote monitoring of a pacemaker/ defibrillator remotely to minimise the necessity for clinical visits.

Then we had a question from Australia, where they were looking at the possibility of a radio controlled implant to cure erectile dysfunction. Engineers being what they inherently are, there were many ribald comments....nothing ever came of it, possibly because of the possible problems with interference at the wrong moment....

That didn't stop work on implants for paraplegics however...or for Parkinson's sufferers, all of which has proved practical and useful.