View Full Version : How low can one go

18th Sep 2013, 15:47
OMG......Having said that, the goat looks kind of cute.......

BBC News - Devizes man Robert Newman jailed for sex with goat (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-24066227)

18th Sep 2013, 15:50
Dachshund . . .

Lightning Mate
18th Sep 2013, 15:51
In mitigation Anne Ellery told the court Newman's actions were a "symptom of
isolation rather than depravity".

What a load of s**t !!!!

Dachshund . . .


18th Sep 2013, 15:53
I prefer sheep.

Lightning Mate
18th Sep 2013, 15:54
Got strong wellies have you ?

18th Sep 2013, 15:56
Dachshund . . .

I'll match your dachshund and raise you a chihuahua!!

18th Sep 2013, 15:56
Yes and I visit Wales regularly.

18th Sep 2013, 15:57
Ah yes, Wales.

Where men are men and sheep are nervous;)

18th Sep 2013, 15:58
When living in Cornwall around 30 or 40 years ago I remember a case reported in the local paper (Falmouth Packet, I think) of a man caught "interfering with a cow" by the local bobby on his bike (I think it was out Mylor way somewhere). Allegedly the man had the cow by the tail and was standing on a stile, attempting to "interfere" with it.

The report was short on detail, but it did cause a lot of sniggering around the town whenever it was discussed, which was quite often, at least for a week or so.

Lightning Mate
18th Sep 2013, 16:02
Reminds me of a Jethroe joke.

His mate Denzil was at a symposium about the supernatural.

The chap giving the lecture then asked "have any of you ever had a sexual relationship with a ghost ?"

Denzil raises his hand and is invited to the stage.

"Now sir, you claim to have a sexual relationship with a ghost. Could you tell us more ?

"Oh oi'm sorry sir, oi thought you said a goat"

18th Sep 2013, 16:13
Can't be bothered to look it up, but I remember reading a Wiki P page on bestiality laws in the US. From memory it's legal is several states although some of them have curious conditions attached.

Off you go now, get searching (or booking your tickets .. whatever)

18th Sep 2013, 16:14
Proof, if needed, that Britain really is a nanny state

18th Sep 2013, 16:16
You kidding? :}:}

18th Sep 2013, 16:17
no. Ewe?

18th Sep 2013, 16:21
This low...

Daniel Cooper: Drunk man caught 'having sex' with Land Rover | Metro News (http://metro.co.uk/2013/09/11/daniel-cooper-drunk-man-caught-having-sex-with-land-rover-3959504/)

18th Sep 2013, 16:24
De rigueur in Wiltshire I would have thought!

18th Sep 2013, 16:30
Why Wiltshire Oh of course RAF Lyneham.

18th Sep 2013, 17:42
RAF Lyneham? That's closed.

An American friend once spent a time crewing on a Mississippi river tug: he told me that the crew included two brothers - farmer's sons - from Buckatunna, Mississippi. When noticing another crew member reading Penthouse, one commented that women were all right but a farmyard animal was far better, an opinion confirmed by his brother. And they weren't joking.......

Goats seem to be a favourite for some reason - a couple of years ago, astonished passengers on a train somewhere near Hull were astonished to see someone, in an open field, doing a goat! I expect the sheep will start getting jealous...

Lon More
18th Sep 2013, 17:47
How low can one go? BMW drivers do it all the time.


18th Sep 2013, 18:42

What is that man doing behind the BMW and, more importantly, what is he doing with the tailpipe?

Inquiring minds want to know!!!


18th Sep 2013, 19:38
And there was me thinking there was going to be some spiffing low passes on this thread. :eek:

Overheard in the Wig and Pen in the 70s. Judge is sentencing a bloke for bestiality and says, "If it was within my powers I'd give you the cat."

Court collapses in giggles and the Clerk has to hurriedly whisper in milord's ear about his unfortunate turn of phrase.

18th Sep 2013, 21:16
I'm sure that I heard somewhere of an inhabitant of the sand pit state, "a woman for breeding, a boy for sex and a melon for ecstasy".

18th Sep 2013, 21:48
May have (probably have) told this story before. A schoolteacher friend took her high school class on an excursion to the courts, to see how justice worked. First case up was a bloke charged with bestiality, for buggary of a wombat, which he'd kept in the refrigerator for the purpose.

How long does it take to warm up a wombat?

18th Sep 2013, 22:57
Years before I went to school near Peterborough, a farm worker was
charged with an indecent act with an animal.

The story he told in court was he was having a pee and the pig
backed onto him. :O

And of course the infamous Video of some Iraqi doing it with
a donkey at night and filmed by an Apache crew ! :rolleyes:

19th Sep 2013, 01:33
This should not be attributed to me; I'm sure several other Ppruners have received it from another Ppruner:


Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at Cardiff Magistrates Court, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing an allotment on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until PC Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.' Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: "A pumpkin..... shit... Is it midnight already?'

The Magistrates could not contain their mirth.

The Western Mail wrote an article describing this as the "Best come-back line ever" !

Sentencing is deferred until someone can be serious.

19th Sep 2013, 08:52
How d'ya know it's a BMW ?

Surprised that with all the references to goats and sheep nobody's mentioned New Zealand yet ?

19th Sep 2013, 09:00
Very low indeed!

Russian Basso Profondo: The Lowest Voices - YouTube


23rd Sep 2013, 19:48
Over the years I have become quite 'attached' to my blow-up doll - and I have never let her down.............

Ian Corrigible
23rd Sep 2013, 19:54

Worrals in the wilds
23rd Sep 2013, 20:56
An old copper once told me the story of how a young city-born copper (fresh from the Academy) got posted to a small town in rural Qld. Driving along close to town one day he was confronted by the sight of a local in a roadside paddock doing the business with a small farm animal (history doesn't relate what sort, but it had four legs).

The poor kid copper freaked out, drove straight into the paddock and leapt out with his gun drawn shouting all kinds of threats. The farm yokel also freaked and got a bit stuck. :eek:

When the backup arrived they were faced with an intriguing tableau and several tasks; calming down Constable Keen, liberating the farm animal, giving a stern lecture to the yokel and pulling the police car out of the mud. The somewhat less stern lecture to the young Connie later went along the lines of 'now Son, it's a bit different out here...apart from anything else you won't find a local jury that will convict, so just don't bother.':}

23rd Sep 2013, 21:02

:ok: :O :D:D:D

23rd Sep 2013, 21:03
Today's shorthand for biological dead-end proclivities is LGBT. What initial will we need to add for those inclined toward inter-species relationships? And what is the euphemism they will go by.

23rd Sep 2013, 21:09

Just add an "A" at the end for Animal :O