PDA

View Full Version : I need some advice...


Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 00:35
It's a tough question...

My wife just spent 2+ hours tonight and time yesterday basically doing our 6 1/2 year old's somewhat artsy homework for her. There was writing involved but the thrust of the project was pictures and their description. One look at the homework screams "Nice work Mum".

We got into it a bit. My position is quite simple, our daughter needs to do what she can, be marked appropriately and learn to strive to be better. SWMBO's approach is that all the kids mums do the same and our daughter will be marked down and suffer from such.

We have second hand experience of Mums doing homework. A friend/neighbour sits and basically does all her daughter's homework with her to the extent that she has asked my wife to do some artsy homework for her daughter because the mum herself isn't at all artsy. The problem is, while the girl is a very nice young lady with a good work ethic etc. she can't answer the simplest of questions about things she really should know. The wife and I both agree that she could, quite easily, be far better "educated" like her slightly older brother who is a straight A student with a full ride into Pre-Med but that her mother's over-protectiveness(?) has ruined her.

My daughter is just 6 1/2 and my neighbour's girl is 16 yet I see the seeds of my neighbour in my wife.

Bearing in mind murder is not an option, what does one do to ensure that my kid does her own work without encroaching on the wife's desire to do everything for the little mite who I would dearly like to help but firmly believe that, in education, there is no substitute for doing it yourself first?

500N
10th Sep 2013, 00:46
AA

I don't have kids of my own but have been through this with my GF's
kids the odd time in the last 3 years, not just in homework but in many
other things as well that they could do but she wouldn't let them - over
protectiveness but also a Mum showing her love for them.

It might also be a bit of the second bit, a Mum showing their love for them
and wanting them to be as good as the other kids.

I fell back on what you probably learnt as well, military training and explained
to her that if you forever do it for them, they will never learn but you could
still help them a lot or even more by teaching them to do it with you (as in your wife) helping them. As they learn, you end up helping them less and less, they
get more confidence and so it goes on.

And, by the third time, they will be doing it all by themselves.

Anyway, it worked for my GF's kids and my GF as well since she ended
up not "mothering" them so much !!!

Hope that helps. I am sure others will come up with ideas as well.

dubbleyew eight
10th Sep 2013, 00:58
as an experienced grandfather....(flicks ash off imaginary cigar..)
your problem is a simple one.

she is your only daughter and she is the only focus of your wife's attention.
you could tell her that her approach will just lead to an under skilled child who innately believes that because she cant match her mother's skill she is inferior in all respects. truely this is how inferiority complexes start.

....but your wife knows it all so she wont listen.

what you need to do is give her much more that needs to be focussed on.

the sincere advise is GET SOME MORE KIDS IN YOUR LIFE!!!
that way no matter what she wants she will not have the time to ruin any of your kids. (btw this advice will give you a lot of pleasure :E )

my daughter has 3 kids and she doesnt get the time to ruin any of them.:}

Dushan
10th Sep 2013, 01:02
If the school/teacher is ignoring the fact that homework is being done by parents then I would have a word with them.

When I was in grade 2-3 we went for a day trip to a nearby mountin. Then we had an assignment to make a 3-dimensional model of it. You can just imagine what a bunch of 8-9year olds did. It all looked like crap, except one kid's whose father was a military cartographer. His was perfect to scale, with contour lines, appropriate vegetation, even the little monument on the top was faithfully reproduced. We were all stunned and sure ours will be discarded as garbage.

Well, when the teacher came to examine the models, she made a snide remark how his father must have stayed late to do such a good job. Other kids were praised for their ingenuity and artistry.

Nervous SLF
10th Sep 2013, 01:19
I thought a while before posting this as I hope I don't offend you but to me your wife is showing the kiddie that cheating is
perfectly acceptable. Sorry :O

Richo77
10th Sep 2013, 01:24
AA,

I would suggest very gently implying that as others have stated she needs to learn to do it herself. Learning and making mistakes and growing from them is part of being a kid and if your daughter isn't given those chances to fall (so to speak) she will never learn to pick herself up.

(wearing protection for that conversation might be an idea too).

Similar to Dushan's experience we recently had a school book parade where the kids came as their favourite book character. Some were very good others were obviously bought (think harry potter) but the homliest ones got the biggest cheers. There was a kid who came as a spaceman from a book i forget and his helmet was a metal colander with crudely made tin foil antennae. It was BRILLIANT and got the vote from myself and the other surrounding parents.

finfly1
10th Sep 2013, 02:03
You might consider reproducing a few of these posts...notably the 3 or 4 just above mine and show them to her.

FWIW, I believe you are right and she is wrong and Nervous from NZ said it very plainly.

Hydromet
10th Sep 2013, 02:41
W8, as a similarly experienced grandfather, I agree wholeheartedly.
We always assisted ours by suggesting what & how they might do things, rather than doing it for them. In later years at high school, there was some mutual assistance. My wife once did a religious ed. assignment for our atheist daughter, in exchange for daughter doing a maths assignment for her (SWMBO was training to be a kindergarten teacher - maths is not her strong point!). When our other daughter was in her final year at high school and I was in the first year of a maths degree, we often had study sessions together, but we each did our own assignments.

pj67coll
10th Sep 2013, 02:47
We got into it a bit. My position is quite simple, our daughter needs to do what she can, be marked appropriately and learn to strive to be better. SWMBO's approach is that all the kids mums do the same and our daughter will be marked down and suffer from such.

Your approach is entirely correct. Your wife's is entirely wrong.

- Peter.

belfrybat
10th Sep 2013, 03:05
Since they already seem to be in a rut, this will need some retraining. Basically, daughter should do the work best as she can, while mum supervises and guides. This way both will feel they're participating.

Later on, daughter should do the work alone and bring it to mum for checking and, er, constructive criticism.

CityofFlight
10th Sep 2013, 03:13
AA....am rarely on Pprune these days, but your thread caught my attention. I hope I can offer a perspective.

The teachers, at your daughter's age, aren't expecting adult quality or even much quality at all. (She's 6 1/2, FFS!) They are merely trying to excel the student's capabilities on their own, by learning on their own. I saw this with my own step daughter when she was your daughter's age. A lot of what they do at this age isn't even graded, if its anything like WA state, the teacher's look if it was turned in or not and if the student appeared to be thinking on his or her own.

Your wife, while the best of intentions, is cheating your daughter's ability to learn from her own work, learning from the example's of her peer's work and thus growing as her teachers intended for the big world.

As someone else pointed out, by your wife doing the job for your daughter, it's telling her that she isn't adequate enough to do it herself, which I know is not wife's intention, I'm sure.

My 2 cents, AA....and I wish you good luck with this. :ok:

probes
10th Sep 2013, 06:07
Your wife, while the best of intentions, is cheating your daughter's ability to learn from her own work,
words of wisdom!
Buy her a dog to keep her away from the daughter. Or read stories about 'kids' who refuse leaving home at the age of 40.

Solid Rust Twotter
10th Sep 2013, 06:19
Sadly, your missus is destroying your daughter's confidence in herself. Training her to be reliant on others because her own abilities are called into question is not helping her.

FlyMD
10th Sep 2013, 06:31
Short answer : talk to the teacher, that's what parent-teacher conferences are for.

If you kid's teacher is anything like I was he/she will:

- be glad to know you actually give a damn about your daughter's education, as well as what happens in class: there are enough "parents" for whom school is just extended day-care, so both adults can work full-time....

- know your position on helping/not helping your daughter, and evaluate her homework accordingly.

- probably tell you that your kid is smarter than even you know: even at age 5 or 6, children are acutely aware of family situations, be it theirs or their peer's: they know all about "helicopter-moms" or other parental misbehavior. For a well-balanced kid with some sense of self-worth, a "bad" grade on a homework assignment is not a big deal, when compared to the stress of a hovering, micro-managing dad or mom.

If the teacher doesn't get it, or his/her answer does not satisfy you, then at least you'll be aware of it, and you can still decide to "compete" with the other parents by doing your daughter's homework.

Mind you, I haven't taught for over 23 years, and not seen the inside of a US school for almost 30, so I might be a bit 'dated' with my advice...

Capetonian
10th Sep 2013, 06:38
Helping children with homework and showing them where to find answers and to incorporate that information into their own work in their own style is fine. Doing it for them is wrong for many reasons.

Teachers tend to know anyway where there is over-active parental participation and it won't help the child either short or long term.

probes
10th Sep 2013, 07:28
or try something really simple - like telling your wife everybody knows she's doing the tasks and laughs up their sleeve?

Alloa Akbar
10th Sep 2013, 07:41
Funnily enough AA The first conversation I had with the g/f last night when I got home started with her uttering.. "Sam has got some homework for tomorrow so I am going to be busy with that for a bit.." Sam is 12! I just glared at her and repeated the phrase back to her with emphasis on the "I am going to be busy" bit.. She did sense my tone, reflect and alter her stance on the subject.. :ok:

CoF is right, at that age its not so much the quality they are looking for, its getting the kids used to doing homework, although I have a couple of friends who are teachers and they tell me that part of the idea of homework is for parents to get involved and support their kids education through direct participation. I disagree.. I think they go to school to be educated, parents have plenty of other parental issues to cope with in the evenings and weekends without homework as well.

green granite
10th Sep 2013, 07:44
Another effect it may have is to make your daughter lazy, as in "I cant be bothered, mum'll do it for me".

Flypro
10th Sep 2013, 08:22
Advice from my partner who is both a mother and recently retired schoolteacher.

If the homework lends itself to it, choose similar examples to work through with the child and then let them attempt the set task by themselves.

This will obviously take more time (happy mummy) but is more beneficial to the child.

probes
10th Sep 2013, 08:23
:) btw, when I tried to inspire my daughter to think it's fun to colour the pics in a workbook, it resulted in her coming the next day: "Mom, you enjoy colouring, don't you, so..." :eek:

Hydromet
10th Sep 2013, 08:30
Flypro, you've reminded me that that is exactly what my mother did with me when I was about that age. Seems to have worked.

arcniz
10th Sep 2013, 10:15
Sometimes adults, of every flavour, age, and gender, attempt to relive their own experiences, accomplishments, successes, failures, etc. as children by "playing" aggressively with actual children. Done right it can be therapy for the adult and an accomplishment in learning about patience and nurturing for the kid.

Perhaps an alternate or parallel approach that would allow this therapeutic experience for the Mom while still bringing along the kid would be to encourage youngster doing the same thing more than once... learning the art of successive approximation to what one really considers rightest and best for the occasion.

"So... after Mommy has done her version, maybe you can do one of your own, but with different colors.... or using different materials." A little something for everyone in that approach, eh?

:)

Cyber Bob
10th Sep 2013, 12:14
Run with it. At 6, your little un will just view it as Motherly help. I can assure you that this intervention will become less an less come pre GCSE's. The very mention of integration, differentiation and calculus will have most people bailing out.

That said, you could 'Have that conversation' however you may well come off second best (Depending on your relationship) and find your dinner in the dog/humping your fist for a month - worth it?

At 6, it's no big deal. Worry about it at 12 prior to GCSE's commencing

All the best
CB

Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 12:58
Hmmm... Lot's of good advice... Thank you all...

W8:

I'm afraid more kids is out of the question. We are "older" parents already. :sad:

Nervous:

I'm inclined to agree but with deference to the wife she's doing it in the most benign way.

CoF:

I don't think she's being graded yet, she had homework all the way through kindergarten and I didn't see any grading. This is the first homework of first grade so maybe she will be getting graded. The problem I have is that most children's grades are based largely on their homework thus the neighbour's girl gets pretty much straight A's which I'm unsure she could achieve without her mother's input. My kid is bright as she demonstrates when she doesn't stop to think about what she is doing though she does have a nasty habit of over thinking things and then she gives up. That implies a confidence issue to me and that's something that won't be helped by my wife doing things for her.

Probes:

A dog is out of the question too... She adopted a highly strung cat some years ago that cannot stand to be in the same house as a dog.

Arcniz:

"So... after Mommy has done her version, maybe you can do one of your own, but with different colors.... or using different materials."I like that... It would satisfy both our "needs"... :D

Cyber Bob:

Your answer was the thought I was having and why I asked here. You might very well be right but my fear is that I won't know the true effect until too late...

Someone needs to write a definitive manual for bringing up kids... Any volunteers?

probes
10th Sep 2013, 13:07
yes.
Don't fuss too much.
I wish someone had told me about 2 decades ago. :sad:

Capetonian
10th Sep 2013, 13:07
Someone needs to write a definitive manual for bringing up kids... Any volunteers?

It will no doubt be someone who's never had any children. They are always the greatest bloody experts on it (like my sister), the same as my ex g/f who never learnt to drive except from the pax seat was the greatest expert, etc.

rgbrock1
10th Sep 2013, 13:11
Airborne:

Don't know what the lines of communication are like between you and the Mrs. but I would strongly suggest that you firmly impart unto her the fact that she is doing your daughter absolutely no good by performing her homework for her. This also does not instill any sense of responsibility or confidence within your daughter. Yeah she's young yet. But, as you know, these are some of the most impressionable years and what she learns now will be the foundation for the rest of her life. Your wife, with all due respect, is showing your daughter the "easy way out." And this is not something one should carry with him or her for the rest of their lives. I look at some of the youth today and note that many of them have this "easy way out" outlook on life. Not good at all.

dubbleyew eight
10th Sep 2013, 13:17
the famous american Doctor Spock wrote just such a book on bringing up children.

a few years ago now he publicly appologised to america for getting it wrong and stuffing up the development of an entire generation. the generation that are now useless parents.

be reassured by the old aphorism 'your children will grow up in spite of you'.

too old you say.:E
dont let that stop you.

MagnusP
10th Sep 2013, 13:48
When our two were littl'uns (30 and 33 now), the "bible" was Penelope Leach's book "Your Baby and Child". Still in print.

Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 13:50
RGB:

Don't know what the lines of communication are like between you and the Mrs. but I would strongly suggest that you firmly impart unto her the fact that she is doing your daughter absolutely no good by performing her homework for her.I tried that last night... My "strongly suggested course of action" brought a few tears - hers not mine...

W8:

dont let that stop you. We are old enough that adoption has become our only avenue. We are also old enough that we are now too old to be considered as adoptive parents by even the most liberal age constraints, (China), so this one it is. Even if we were not prevented by age the fact we are now saving for college would pretty much preclude another trip to China.

KAG
10th Sep 2013, 14:12
Airborne, first of all, you are very lucky to have a wife who actually cares. The outcome can only be good.

I hated school, I was spending my time watching out the window, dreaming I would travel around the world. I basically never listened, I was so bored it was almost a torture.
I don't remember that I did my homeworks even once. Nobody ever checked at home. Ever. I left school very early and the army educated me in its own way... Today when I go to France and speak with my former classmates, it appears I am the only one who did what he really wanted, and it appears that I have the highest income by far and I am the only owner who didn't need to make a bank loan. So I don't believe that working hard at school is that important, but the fact your wife cares is actually the most important.

dubbleyew eight
10th Sep 2013, 14:17
oh stuff the extra kids. just enjoy going through the motions. it isn't all meant to be serious.:ok:

KAG
10th Sep 2013, 14:21
rgbrock1:Don't know what the lines of communication are like between you and the Mrs. but I would strongly suggest that you firmly impart unto her the fact that she is doing your daughter absolutely no good by performing her homework for her. This also does not instill any sense of responsibility or confidence within your daughter. Yeah she's young yet. But, as you know, these are some of the most impressionable years and what she learns now will be the foundation for the rest of her life. Your wife, with all due respect, is showing your daughter the "easy way out." And this is not something one should carry with him or her for the rest of their lives.Don't make it so dramatic and don't put so much pressure on Airborne, kids are much more flexible that what we think. They just need a stable environment with reliable people, everything else are details and mistakes can be made without bad consequences. I personnaly do believe that if I had had good parents I would never had the strength to get the life and career I have today.

rgbrock1
10th Sep 2013, 14:27
KAG:

I am well aware of the raising of kids as I helped raise 3 of my own. They learned that with a liberal dose of self-discipline and a steely-eyed focus on the task at hand, along with an open mind, all go a long way in producing seeming well-adjusted, successful and adaptable young adults.

Cyber Bob
10th Sep 2013, 14:30
You can't turn your kids in what 'You want them to be'.

Every parent wants the best for their child and wants to help them as much as possible and I genuinely see the arguement about asking Mrs AA to take a more back seat, support approach.

However, although the temptation to help 'Complete' the work is great, I'm sure this will diminish in time. I know of no-one who hasn't helped their kids, when young in this way - me included. But in time, as they develop they'll find their own way and despite parent input, will complete work on their own terms.

CB Junior struggled as a nipper with a few things and yes, I helped him out - too much perhaps. However when he went to 'Big Skool' and embarked on his GCSE's, he really wanted to do things his way, which he did, and did well :D

Your nipper is 6 - the occasional help isn't going to change them too much and isn't going to alter their behavioural or learning styles. Mum will be Mum and that won't change & the more of an issue this becomes between parents, will only result in disharmony which will filter down to the little un. The plus side is that this is good bonding time between girls which may seem completely wrong and alien to guys.

Relax AA - as per my previous post, Mum's input (relating to Homework) will diminish in time especially come year 8. How do I know, sounds exactly what happened in my house!

Rest assurred, your little un's appitite for learning and prefered learning style has already been mapped out and in time if Mum's input ain't required, your daughter will soon let her know.

Chill Bro
CB

Loose rivets
10th Sep 2013, 15:26
It's a much more difficult question than at first it appears. I so often worried about the kids that weren't helped. Just imagine, a really bright child with dim or wastrel parents. How will they feel?

It really does need a level playing field - but the keen parents will not listen. They want grades, and if they're like my very Texan D-I-L a string of A's is 'a given.'

For years my wife and I did most of the afternoon school runs, wind-down TLC and then homework. I really worked to make sure the kids - from pre-school years and now ten and fourteen - understand the work they are submitting. They know what's fair, and more than once cried, "But the other mums help!"

We went to see the teachers.

Right near to the Mexican boarder in southern Texas, most of the kids are Hispanic. So are the teachers. I have never been so impressed with schooling in my life. The staff listened to our concerns, and took action. It says a lot about a school when a nine year old is sad summer break is starting. She loves her school.

I want to brag about the youngsters' achievements, but suffice it to say, one is now employed as a writer. Okay, it's the other grandmother's promotional blog for her children's book, but the kid gets paid and has done from c 8 years old.

I'm firmly in the 'Teachers must insist on own work' camp. It's imperative, and has to be addressed by the Head teacher to the whole school. But then, the teachers have to be aware of the reason for a sudden reduction in standards.

Oh, for an ideal world.

Gordy
10th Sep 2013, 16:05
The old phrase comes to mind:

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day...

Teach a helicopter pilot to fish and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.."

Seems like you need to buy a boat...... On a serious note---I am with CoF on this one.

vulcanised
10th Sep 2013, 16:45
the Mexican boarder


I know your spell chequer said it's OK, but it ain't!

Capetonian
10th Sep 2013, 16:52
Teacher : "Johnny, where is the Spanish border, and why haven't you brought your packed lunch to school today."

Johnny : "In bed shagging my mum, and that's why I ain't got no bleeding lunch today."

rgbrock1
10th Sep 2013, 17:00
Capetonian, good one. Reminds me of....

Teacher: Dantell, where is Idaho located?

Dantell: She be home.

Teacher: Eh? How can Idaho be at home?

Dantell: That's easy. Every time a man walks up to da house and rings da bell, mama answers the door and says "Yes, I da ho''".

:}:}:}:E:E:E

airship
10th Sep 2013, 17:19
AA wrote: ...Bearing in mind murder is not an option... All I can say is that don't let all the frustrations which you, the wife etc. might feel, accumulate to the point that you make the news like in this BBC report concerning adopted kids (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-24035136).

PS. I think asking JBers for their accumulated advice is a mostly positive sign however! ;)

Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 18:02
Airship:

Holy Moly... I can't imagine how one can go through everything it takes to adopt a child simply to mistreat them let alone do great harm to them.

But to allay anyone's concerns this is her last month... Bruise free and well fed I'd say... :ok:

http://www.hqrafregiment.net/images/boating.jpg

I know... I know... She's got no legs... What do you think we feed her??? :}

charliegolf
10th Sep 2013, 19:18
Advice from a (relatively) successful teacher and Headteacher:

Let the wife get on with it. If the school is grading homework they are stupid. Your lovely daughter will soon be saying, Mum, gerroff and let me. Standards slip a bit, she moves forward a bit.

She will soon be of an age where independent learning WILL be graded; and if Mum has 'spoiled' her, she has plenty of time to catch on and catch up. Mum will not have spoiled her.

Your bit: the baseball bat and aggressive glare at the ready at all times- you will need em.

CG

Loose rivets
10th Sep 2013, 20:38
Vulc, I protest! When I said: Right near to the Mexican boarder in southern Texas, This is what I meant. He's been boarding in his hacienda just down the road for years. Cartographers take measurements from him every day.:p

Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 20:47
CG:

Thanks for that... It proves what makes Jet Blast such an interesting place... No much talent all squashed into one forum... :ok:

I'm afraid I don't own a baseball bat... Nasty game... Worse than cricket... I do have some knives, a hatchet and, maybe, one or two guns.... I also have the aggressive glare... I think we'll do ok in that area... ;)

GrumpyOldFart
10th Sep 2013, 21:10
AA:



No much talent all squashed into one forum...



Erm... did you mean 'So much talent' or (gulp) 'Not much talent'?


:uhoh:

Airborne Aircrew
10th Sep 2013, 21:18
Jerry:

OOOPSIE... It's what happens when you stop to play Uno with your daughter... :O

SO... So much talent... :ugh:

airship
11th Sep 2013, 13:40
Last time I saw a photo of charliegolf (you'll have to wade through the photo thread yourself), she looked "extremely fit". And would not simply discard her advice (just in case our paths ever cross in future)...:ok:

So far as the pink-painted finger-nails and double "peace-sign" are concerned: She's obviously being over-spoilt, and needs to learn that a single "peace-sign" is usually sufficient.

What do you think we feed her??? My mum would always give me a chicken leg when whole-chicken was on the menu at home: "It will make you run faster" she'd say. That made some sense to me, as atheletics and sports in general were a major pre-occupation when aged about 11-12 years old. But it might merely have been a small subterfuge, reserving the most juicy bits (ie. breasts) for themselves...?! Whatever, I long ago forgave my mum & dad for any and all mis-deeds. May they rest in peace.

charliegolf
11th Sep 2013, 18:39
Last time I saw a photo of charliegolf (you'll have to wade through the photo thread yourself), she looked "extremely fit".

Thank you Darling. Last time I looked in the mirror, though I'm sure I saw some meat n 2 veg down below the equator- was it evident in the pic you refer to?

CG

G-CPTN
11th Sep 2013, 19:30
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/atco10w/PPRuNies/shootedit1.jpg

CharlieBarlie

sisemen
11th Sep 2013, 19:34
I've just finished looking through my grand daughter's marked school books and have re-marked them and pointed out all the bits that the teacher missed. I've made a "see me" note on the books. :E

One does begin to wonder just what teachers are getting paid for.

Rossian
11th Sep 2013, 19:46
......I'd forgotten just how beautiful that curve of lower back, waist and bum is
There must be a mathematical equation that describes it.

The Ancient Mariner

Airborne Aircrew
11th Sep 2013, 20:28
It's interesting how this thread has gone...

It started out with almost every post saying that I'm right and the wife is wrong. Then slowly it changed to "ignore it, the kid will get it and tell mum to go away"... Finally we are discussing CG's sub-equatorial culinary delights...

This has to be Jet Blast...:}

Thanks again to everyone who responded... :ok:

dead_pan
11th Sep 2013, 20:39
Having three kids ranging in age from 9 to 18, I am fully au fait with your dilemma. Its fair to say the early years are hard, and it only gets worse. I've not read the entire thread but my advice would be give her a bit gentle coaxing in the desired direction, trying to let her figure it out for herself. Mind you, when it comes to artistic endeavors, you're probably best served by letting her do whatever she sees fit.

As for:

One look at the homework screams "Nice work Mum".

The answer to this is simple. Spill a drink over it, crumple it up, then no teacher in their right mind would doubt that it was your daughter's own work. :ok:

PS I thought you were a teacher? You'll probably be excommunicated if you get found out.

Edited to add: Just read the question (tut, tut, I hear you say) and of course you are right and your wife is wrong. In this situation there is only one thing to do, and that is to go along with your wife (at least for the time being). At least then if it all goes wrong you can say that immortal line...

Airborne Aircrew
11th Sep 2013, 21:06
It's probably time to put the final piece of the puzzle into place. My wife is a teacher. She has a Masters Degree in Special Education and teaches a class in a school district that deals only with children with special needs. Her classroom has 5-7 year olds with multiple serious impairments... Only one or two are remotely verbal, most have feeding tubes or oxygen... She's actually a saint for walking into the classroom at all...

It's different from a regular classroom... She's never graded anything... She does a lot of treatment plans.. A lot of them....

dead_pan
11th Sep 2013, 21:20
What an extraordinary lady - I'm humbled by anyone who could work in such an environment.

Loose rivets
11th Sep 2013, 21:24
That's my idea of real courage. I could never do that job.

broadreach
11th Sep 2013, 21:41
AA I'm a bit late but having read all this I think I'd fall on the side of Charliegolf's advice, let them get on with it and some day your daughter will want to do things her way.

One assumes she's not being spoiled in other ways, though.

And I don't recall anyone asking if you ever helped her with the art work yourself?

Airborne Aircrew
11th Sep 2013, 22:01
Broadreach:

Your post brought a smile to my face...

She is spoiled silly in many ways but is disciplined often too...

Art work? Me? No... I'm the one who takes her for walks around the lake looking for "fungii" in people's lawns. I show her how to light a fire when everything is wet. I'm the one explaining the clouds, the change in the colours of trees, how to make a bottle of coke "explode"... :}

I'm the farmer...;)

500N
11th Sep 2013, 22:04
AA

So you are giving her a "proper" education :ok:
Good to see.

Impressed with your wife, my mother has done special needs teaching
for many years and it is a hard job although she loves it.

Airborne Aircrew
11th Sep 2013, 22:10
500N:

Aye, a proper edumacation... ;)

The wife is saint material.... Hell, she's put up with me for almost 20 years... Scary shit... :uhoh:

500N
11th Sep 2013, 22:14
AA

I went round to my parents house the other day with the GF,
not something I do very often and my mum came down to
say she was teaching and would be with us shortly.

She is 80 !!! and still teaching special needs kids, those with
learning issues etc.


My mum gave birth to me and knew I was trouble from day 1 :O
She is a saint for putting up with me !

Cyber Bob
12th Sep 2013, 06:55
Sorry to upset the apple cart but...................

although I applaud Mrs AA for what she does (Sincerely I do) if she is a teacher then she should clearly know the boundaries. She should be coaching, mentoring, supporting mini AA to do her homework as opposed to doing it for her.

That's said AA, similar to what others' have said, max respect from me too, whata lady:D:D:D

airship
12th Sep 2013, 16:02
Thank you G-CPTN, and exactly what/who I had in mind: I think this what was in airship's mind.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/atco10w/PPRuNies/shootedit1.jpg

So far as the rest of you: (Rossian - the Ancient Mariner) in particular are concerned, I'm at the head of the queue...?! :ok:

OK, I realise that it would never work out between us (adding-in all the available charity and charitable reasons for such), I'm 52 years old. And long ago decided a preference for cats.

With all due respect to charliegolf, I prefer my grey-kitten. When I stroke her back, she responds (as you might also?!). She often then turns around exposing her stomach, encouraging me to massage her teats and stomach area, whilst her hind-legs tread "air in air". Always accompanied by loud purring, letting me know that I've not exceeded any limits.

But who knows? Perhaps charliegolf, would entertain the proposition of sacrificing her teaching career and becoming one of airship's cats?! Grey kitten gets to eat some smoked salmon once a week after all. And perhaps I could make some exceptions / changes in general on the basis that charliegolf can cook...?! ;)

Rossian
12th Sep 2013, 18:03
......read back a bit and you will find that charliegolf is a BLOKE. CB, above, on the other hand is is is all deliciously FEMALE. Sigh an attack of the vapours overwhelms me.

The Ancient Mariner

visibility3miles
12th Sep 2013, 19:26
Back to the thread...

Nobody has mentioned that the child might enjoy doing the homework herself!

If mom does it, not so interesting.

Artsy project involving cutting up pictures and arranging them? Teach her how to use scissors safely, or get blunt "safety" scissors, hand her a stack of newspapers or magazines, paper, and glue, then let her go wild.

Even if it looks like a six-year-old made it, she can be pleased with her art.

Put it on the refrigerator afterwards and she'll be thrilled.

Edit: Spelling.

belowMDA
13th Sep 2013, 07:23
AA it's a pity I can't link to any of his work online but here in NZ we have an incredible and pragmatic child psychologist by the name of Nigel Latta. We have two young children and recently went along to a talk he gave as a fundraiser for a local school. He is very disdainful of all the pressure we as parents face to make our children excell. He showed a very interesting graph that charted a childs cognitive ability and the effect that parents have on it versus the childs natural intelligence. Cutting a long story short, at age 5 I recall the parents contribute 80% of their ability versus 20% natural ability. By age 18 these figures are reversed, and the 20% we as parents do have covers what could be called "street smarts". To sum up he said "avoid have sex with dumb people", at which point he normally sees many of the women in the audience say "shit...."
Not sure if this helps much (or is particularly coherent), but the lesson I think is that just let the kids go and they'll turn out just fine.

Hydromet
13th Sep 2013, 10:38
Mrs. H, who knows about these things, tells me that the main reason for giving homework at that age is the get children into the habit of doing homework.

airship
13th Sep 2013, 14:37
charliegolf - "heavy", please do excuse me, cleared for landing, OK! charlie barlie, please remain in holding pattern and send us more photos for positive identification... :ok:

funfly
13th Sep 2013, 22:04
I think it goes on a lot.

The son of my step daughter goes to a private school. This is the sort of place where being best in everything is important. The kids who go there all like to boast how 'good' they are at things. My wife's own children all went to this private school and they all have this attitude.

So when little Lord Fauntleroy, sorry the step-grandson, does his homework his parents go through it and check that he has everything correct. So in fact he does his homework but mummy and daddy put it all correct.

I am 100% sure that all the mummies and daddies at the school do the same.

Will it hurt him? I don't know but I feel that there are other things in life more important than being best at things all the time.

Can you guess I went to a State school:ok: No-one evr helped me with my homework, but then I left school with 1 O level so that's not good iether :{

G-CPTN
13th Sep 2013, 22:11
1 O level so that's not good iether
Not in English Language, then? ;-)

funfly
13th Sep 2013, 22:23
Not in English Language, then? ;-)

Where's the smell checker when you want it?