View Full Version : Time for the Tights

2nd Sep 2013, 21:05
Watch this clip and note Sting's remark about "not wearing the tights".

Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, Sting - All For Love - YouTube

On Friday this week it's the Sopar (Dinner) of the Festival de Trobadors at Castelló and once again - I love wearing medieval dress but I am DREADING LOATHING and FEARING wearing The Tights.

When the wearer is sober, they posess the quality of slowly descending to one's ankles as one walks, leaving one nudely exposed to the rudeness of passers-by. Frequently one has to stand propped by one hand against a wall whilst the other hand hoists The Tights back into place: one's spouse standing there laughing hysterically.

But as one slowly (or not so slowly) becomes inebriated, the evil personality of The Tights comes into play: no matter what one does they remain firmly attached to one's waistline. And of course having drunkenly negotiated the circular stairs to the urinals in the cellar one has no hope of a comfortable pee unless one forges an orifice in the front of The Tights, because they just won't budge.

Oh alack and alas and other medieval expostulations, will nobody free me of these cantankerous tights ? Perhaps I should just buy a spray can of matt black this year and go nude below the waist after dyeing me legs.......

God preserve me from these wretched garments.

2nd Sep 2013, 21:20
...nix the urinals and go hang with the squatters for a (k)night.. :p

Windy Militant
2nd Sep 2013, 22:31
Nothing wrong with tights, less you happen to be a bank robber.
These guys seem to cope OK! ;)
Robin Hood: Men in Tights dancing - YouTube

Lon More
3rd Sep 2013, 08:43
winter drawers on?

3rd Sep 2013, 08:55
I used to wear tights, rather thick ones, under trousers in my motor cycling days in winter in the UK - it was the only way not to freeze your bits off. It was rather difficult explaining to my mother when she saw my clothes in a pile on the bedroom floor, as my parents didn't know I rode a bike and would have gone ballistic if they'd known.

I was then faced with a quandary : Did I let my parents know I have a bike and incur their wrath and the lectures, or did I let them think I'm gay and/or have some kind of fetish?

3rd Sep 2013, 21:28
I must admit that this thread makes me think of the one about death that I bumbled to commit...

I mean if your kegs fell off in circumstances like these wouldn't you kill yourself... ? ;)


3rd Sep 2013, 21:43
Lord, forgive me... :)

Booker T & The MGs "Time is Tight" (live) - YouTube

Aw shit, I might as well...



3rd Sep 2013, 21:44

Before all the fancy thermals came in, a well respected soldier I served with
(I think he was a Sgt from memory) when discussing Water Operation in small boats in the middle of winter just came straight out and said "I just wear a pair of tights underneath" and promptly showed them on :rolleyes:

They worked.

Thankfully thermals came in not long afterwards :O

4th Sep 2013, 07:40
Problem solved.

Bought new Kinght's Outfit that doesn't require tights under it. Well, it does, but as they will not be visible I shall wear something else. Or possibly nothing.

4th Sep 2013, 08:19
At my old boarding school we had catering-sized aluminium teapots, filled with manky instant tea, on each table at breakfast; our tea pot stopped pouring one morning and we took the lid off to clear the blockage - it was a large "teabag" - looking more closely we found it was a pair of knotted tights.......:yuk:

tony draper
4th Sep 2013, 09:06
Knights were expected to deal with greater perils than their kecks falling down Mr OFSO.:= :rolleyes:

4th Sep 2013, 10:40
Not too sure about that Mr D., very unfortunate to say the least having your tights fall down just as you raise your trusty sword to decapitate someone.....

4th Sep 2013, 11:02
Once a king, always a king - once a knight is enough.