Dry wretched thunder
1st Aug 2013, 23:08
I seen this on my friends facebook page,
I was speaking to somebody at work today and they asked, " how is it flying business class on a plane with BA", i thought about what i shoud say but didnt,...... below however is my true account of how people, (not all) see their first time on Biz class travel .......hope you like
Well, its quite straight forward, preparation is everything. It begins just before you enter the airport, you must be completely normal, smile at people who smile at you and of course check for the 3,657th time that you have your passport.
When this is complete you then enter the top floor of london heathrow T5 on this occassion and head to the right for first class gates.
PLEASE REMEMBER, you are now no longer human, you are a business class traveller, a complete breed of their own. As you walk towards the first class gates 'H' you must glance to the left now and then to see the queuing minions and make a pfffttt noise as if to say "look at them". You will arrive a H section and be met by 'usually' a beautiful looking BA customer services attendant, she will treat you like royalty and ask your destination and how your day is going.........you will treat her like :mad: as you are business class and now think you are her boss and that her next meal is coming from the price you paid for your ticket.
Once checked in you walk through the illusive fast track lane, its important that you walk slowly as you want to make sure as many people see you walking through it as possible. Once through you wait in a very small queue to be scanned but you pay it no attention as you are looking everywhere to see if you can see somebody who is on the TV that you can take an i phone selfie picture with.
It is crucial that you must as many times as possible make reference to your BA gold card and how often you have been upgraded to first class.
Having cleared scanning you sprint to the BA lounge, 2 options Galleries or BA exec. Galleries which is fairly Council but a lounge never the less, Exec lounge has seats for fat people (definition of an airport lounge is an area that i don't have to sit with common people), (definition of BA Exec card holder is , i am a :mad: and pride myself in the fact) once entered you treat all staff like scum and proceed to a seat as close to a member of the opposite sex travelling alone that you may get chatted up by 'or better' you then sprawl all bags and coats over your seat and surrounding area to mark your 'lounge space' the same way a dog pi**es on grass.
Now the class etiquette begins, although you have been a beer or bacardi drinker all your life, that was forgotten when you entered the airport.......only economy people drink that garbage, your in a lounge so you get your self to the champagne counter where you are faced with a sea of varying bottles and colours, your knowledge of champagne is non existent other than racing drivers get some when they do well.
Consumption is usually a bottle, this is enough to get you blootered, writing garbage on face book and sending flirtatious messages to ex acquaintances. From there the moment will arise when its time to board, its a high point, firstly you are out of your skull on champers, you have heartburn like you have drunk petrol and you get to you use the 'priority boarding lane' the feeling of walking that lane is like having your nipples licked by a rose petal crushers daughter.
Oh wow, im onboard, i can see a huge seat and many controls and its all mine, its a feeling of disbelief yet orgasmic pleasure without the production of fluids. You sit in awe as you know you have the best of food and free drink the entire way ahead of you. Once seated you get comfier and comfier, although still boarding you put your seatbelt on but also EVERY single thing extra the airline has given you. You at this point are the only person who is blootered sitting in a fully reclined seat with 2 pairs of socks on, ear plugs and headphones, a blindfold, blanket and smeared in moisturising cream and lip balm.........at this point you know 'I AM BUSINESS CLASS EVERYBODY'....next on the agenda is classic, the bottle of champagne you had kicks in fully along with the 97 kilos of free snacks you have eaten, you fall into a deep sleep before the plane has even pushed back and miss every minute of the flight, you wake 20 minutes before landing and feel worse than you would have had you travelled in economy class. On landing you lie and tell people you had the best flight ever, met the pilot and had a shot driving the plane.........this is how you travel and prepare for flying business class
I was speaking to somebody at work today and they asked, " how is it flying business class on a plane with BA", i thought about what i shoud say but didnt,...... below however is my true account of how people, (not all) see their first time on Biz class travel .......hope you like
Well, its quite straight forward, preparation is everything. It begins just before you enter the airport, you must be completely normal, smile at people who smile at you and of course check for the 3,657th time that you have your passport.
When this is complete you then enter the top floor of london heathrow T5 on this occassion and head to the right for first class gates.
PLEASE REMEMBER, you are now no longer human, you are a business class traveller, a complete breed of their own. As you walk towards the first class gates 'H' you must glance to the left now and then to see the queuing minions and make a pfffttt noise as if to say "look at them". You will arrive a H section and be met by 'usually' a beautiful looking BA customer services attendant, she will treat you like royalty and ask your destination and how your day is going.........you will treat her like :mad: as you are business class and now think you are her boss and that her next meal is coming from the price you paid for your ticket.
Once checked in you walk through the illusive fast track lane, its important that you walk slowly as you want to make sure as many people see you walking through it as possible. Once through you wait in a very small queue to be scanned but you pay it no attention as you are looking everywhere to see if you can see somebody who is on the TV that you can take an i phone selfie picture with.
It is crucial that you must as many times as possible make reference to your BA gold card and how often you have been upgraded to first class.
Having cleared scanning you sprint to the BA lounge, 2 options Galleries or BA exec. Galleries which is fairly Council but a lounge never the less, Exec lounge has seats for fat people (definition of an airport lounge is an area that i don't have to sit with common people), (definition of BA Exec card holder is , i am a :mad: and pride myself in the fact) once entered you treat all staff like scum and proceed to a seat as close to a member of the opposite sex travelling alone that you may get chatted up by 'or better' you then sprawl all bags and coats over your seat and surrounding area to mark your 'lounge space' the same way a dog pi**es on grass.
Now the class etiquette begins, although you have been a beer or bacardi drinker all your life, that was forgotten when you entered the airport.......only economy people drink that garbage, your in a lounge so you get your self to the champagne counter where you are faced with a sea of varying bottles and colours, your knowledge of champagne is non existent other than racing drivers get some when they do well.
Consumption is usually a bottle, this is enough to get you blootered, writing garbage on face book and sending flirtatious messages to ex acquaintances. From there the moment will arise when its time to board, its a high point, firstly you are out of your skull on champers, you have heartburn like you have drunk petrol and you get to you use the 'priority boarding lane' the feeling of walking that lane is like having your nipples licked by a rose petal crushers daughter.
Oh wow, im onboard, i can see a huge seat and many controls and its all mine, its a feeling of disbelief yet orgasmic pleasure without the production of fluids. You sit in awe as you know you have the best of food and free drink the entire way ahead of you. Once seated you get comfier and comfier, although still boarding you put your seatbelt on but also EVERY single thing extra the airline has given you. You at this point are the only person who is blootered sitting in a fully reclined seat with 2 pairs of socks on, ear plugs and headphones, a blindfold, blanket and smeared in moisturising cream and lip balm.........at this point you know 'I AM BUSINESS CLASS EVERYBODY'....next on the agenda is classic, the bottle of champagne you had kicks in fully along with the 97 kilos of free snacks you have eaten, you fall into a deep sleep before the plane has even pushed back and miss every minute of the flight, you wake 20 minutes before landing and feel worse than you would have had you travelled in economy class. On landing you lie and tell people you had the best flight ever, met the pilot and had a shot driving the plane.........this is how you travel and prepare for flying business class