View Full Version : Most Disgusting Thing You've Seen Or Heard Of Happening On An Aircraft

2nd May 2002, 03:57
Didnt really see it myself but one of our pilots had a passenger who was sitting up the front (this in a C206 mind you) that managed to projectile vomit all over the instrument panel starting from the left hand side and working his way right. Our guy had to wipe some of it off the instrument panel to finish the flight. I'm told the stink was awful!!!

Another one of our guys had a nice trickle of sick down the back of his shirt one day as a pax was leaning forward to grab a sick bag.

I'm sure you long haul drivers or cabin crew and pax out there must have others needing to be told.


2nd May 2002, 04:19
Twin NBD :

First of all, it's great to see you again. During my absence from pprune for a while I haven't had the chance to have a chat with you. If I can 'communicate' with you and the others in another form, please find below an account of a quite horrific, uncomfortable and rather humorous event which occured in a former company with which I commited 'Aviation' on a very regular basis :D ... here goes...

A female passenger ( poor woman) , which apparently had some sort of problem had fallen asleep on a flight. Okay - so what's the punchline, you ask ? Well, during her sleep, she could not control her bowels and 'accidentally' let go of what seemed like breakfast and lunch. It was first noticed by a passenger on the aircraft sitting beside her, then VERY shortly afterwards on detection of the lovely aroma by all passengers on board.

The situation quickly arose to the attention of the Captain of that flight, to which he positively and assuringly approached the woman to see if she required any assistance ( no Flight Attendant aboard this aircraft). On confrontation, the passenger explained her situation ( again, poor woman :( ) to which the Captain again offered as much support advising her not to worry about it ( Yes, the Captain is a TOP bloke ). The exact details which followed are unbeknownst to me...

The above details were made available, in as humble a way by the Captain to the pilots in the crew room at the time, on completion of that flight. You can imagine the sh*t word came up in conversation many a time. The Captain proceeded to tell us the story as follows :

"..... then I asked the poor woman if she was okay..."

To which my Skipper on the day, overhearing the ordeal during our flight planning giggled , " NO SH*T !" loud enough for all to hear. And yes, the entire crew room was in hysterics for about 3-4 minutes.... things we do :rolleyes:

Take care Twin NDB... chat with you soon :t

2nd May 2002, 04:42
Sitting for 10 mins in 33 deg heat at the R11 holding point at DN, in a PA-31 up to its arse in native Australian pax. Overwhelming stench eventualy got to me and I chundered all over the panel as I couldnt get my mouth quick enough to the storm window. Disgusting.

Jet Dragon
2nd May 2002, 05:58
One which embodies bits of all the above posts :

Being served a QF Ham Omelet after 20 odd hours wedged in Economy Class on the Kanga route:

1)Looks like someone puked on your plate
2)Has an interesting aroma which both comes to the attention of all passengers, and could incite one to barf



2nd May 2002, 06:01
Yeah, know the feeling quite well Slasher, but I can say that I didn't actually chunder; close but no follow through. You weren't working for Ozzie O at the time by any chance?

I have had the Top End locals both p*ss*ing and sh*tt*ng in the aircraft and as far as projectile vomit by the pax goes; I had a guy (white tourist type who'd eaten eggs and Bundy for breakfast) throw up from the backseat of a C206 and who managed to cover all the other pax (his mates) in the aircraft with the vile mix; fortunately I didn't get splattered but he did hit the instrument panel infront of me; it took about 3 hours to clean the aircraft and about 3 days for the smell to go.

Thankfully I no longer have to fly pax. :D :D

2nd May 2002, 06:42
I heard this from some of F/As. On one of our airplanes we had a woman who was breastfeeding. Breastfeeding her Cat!

2nd May 2002, 07:02
RAF Transport. The old piston propellor kind that wallows and bounces through the sky, unpressurised. Yes, a Handley Page Hastings [motto - Per Ardua Ad Nauseam]. Pax load of Pongos. [Infantry for those unfamiliar with RAFspeak] Flight Engineer and Load Master in cahoots. The Engineer has a sick bag into which has been poured a can of Bachelors Vegetable Soup. Shortly after lunch, the Engineer staggers down the middle of the aircraft headed for the bog while retching and chundering into the sick bag. In full view of the pax load, [who sit facing the tail in RAF aircraft] he hands the bag to the Loady who opens it, peers inside, tips his head back and pours the contents into his mouth, letting plenty dribble down his chin while he chomped it all down. Whole aircraft turns into a fair imitation of a Roman Vomitorium. Disgusting!

Not as disgusting as the air rage incident in which an enraged passenger expressed his opinion of the service by jumping onto the First Class meal service trolley, dropping his trousers and crapping all over the food though...

Through difficulties to the cinema

2nd May 2002, 07:18
Think I'll also have to make this a The Most Interesting Things You've Seen post. There must be some farkin funny stories out there from times gone by...

compressor stall
2nd May 2002, 07:21
a native australian pax having a dump in a sick bag

2nd May 2002, 07:43

Are you sure she wasn't just playing with her pussy?

2nd May 2002, 09:48
I heard a story a while ago of a guy who'd bought himself rather a nice Stampe. In his enthusiasm, he had matching helmets made for himself and whoever he took up, in blue leather.

Took his wife up. Tried a few aeros. She felt an irresistible urge to re-examine the contents of her lunch. Nowhere to put it for said examination. In desperation she removed her helmet and deposited said lunch in it.

On return to the airfield, he got out and stalked off, completely ignoring her. She, somewhat crestfallen and shamefaced, trotted behind carrying the offending (or offended?) helmet. It was never quite the same again...

Boss Raptor
2nd May 2002, 09:50
Haj flights out of Africa...you'd be amazed where you'd find people had crapped!

Tartan Gannet
2nd May 2002, 10:25
In the job which I am leaving tomorrow, Friday 3rd May, I have to repair IFE equipment. The seat boxes often get "spillage" induced damage and I have seen some very nasty substances therein. Coffee, tea, etc I can accept but some of the other contamination is a challenge to one's own guts and not lightly of men to be enterprised after a very good Festive Board following Lodge the previous night. It wrecks the circuit boards so is an expensive repair for the airline. I always wear rubber gloves and give the item a good spray with a cleaner before opening it when I get one like this.

Hosties, FAs, Ground Crew, and Flight Deck Crew when they have to deal with this , you have my total sympathy.

Biggles Flies Undone
2nd May 2002, 11:01
A guy on my course threw up during spin training. Took 6 hours to clean and three days out in all weathers with the doors open before anyone would fly it. First guy brave enough to do so reached for the flap handle and got a palm full of dried carrots. Yuk!

Alpha Leader
2nd May 2002, 11:03
Domestic flight from Nanking to Hangzhou around 1990, and this bloke in a window seat gets up and begins to press himself against the window - further investigation revealed he was having a slash into the sick bag.

2nd May 2002, 11:08
My first ever flight was, as an ATC cadet, in an RAF Chipmunk. When the aircraft taxied up I was bundled out to it, tightly trussed in a parachute, and waited for the previous passenger to get out. For some reason he didn't get out so I tapped him on the shoulder to ask him what it was like.

As he turned his face towards me I saw why he hadn't got out. He had icked into his oxygen mask and it gone everywhere, especially into his hair.

After they cleaned the cockpit up I got my turn, but at least I got it in the bag.

An ATC friend of mine was sick into his mask while at 30,000' in the back of a Meteor 7. When he had recovered from the rapid descent he had to clean it all up himself.

Elliot Moose
2nd May 2002, 12:33
The worst I heard was from a friend who was a wrench jockey for a northern outfit.
It went that a transport Canada type course came up in the nearest "big city", and to which the company's pilots had to attend. My buddy snagged the last available seat in the Beaver for the trip "out" since there would be no flying for a couple days while the course was on. As generally happens with such courses, the aftermath was terrible. Much beer swilling and carousing was had by all, except for the poor guy who had to drive the Beaver home the next day.
It being a long flight and hoping to avoid any turbulence induced up-chucking, the pilot flying crawled the poor beast up several thousand feet higher than Beavers usually go in the summer, and on floats. This of course took about a half an hour. 20 min after level off, one of the boys in the back wakes up from his stupor and says to the PIC, "Take her down, I gotta [email protected]<hidden>!"
The PIC of course responds that after missing all the drinking, followed by babysitting drunks, followed by a half hour of wallowing the Beaver up to that ungodly altitude, he will be maintaining present altitude until the planned destination. (Actually the language used was much more colourful than that and involved references to all of the members of the holy trinity, fornicating, sodomy, bodily functions, and the marital state of the parents of all onboard):D
It was soon apparent to the sufferer, that descent couldn't be made fast enough anyways, so alternate accomodations had to be found. Fortunately, one of the boys had purchased a fine new pair of running shoes in the big city and they were still in the box. Since everybody was sleeping he just crawled in the back and borrowed the box. Needless to say everybody was awake in short order, and not happy about it!:eek:
The PIC was now in a real state. In his usual colourful language, he asked for the offending box to be handed over for disposal, and all available windows were opened for ventilation. Since he was the only person with the prescence of mind (or the dexterity) for the job, the PIC sort of folded in the sides a bit and forcefully committed the box to the forest below. Unfortunately the slipstream effect, combined with the open windows resulted in a very huge load of "morning after a three day drunk poop" to re-enter and very evenly coat a crew of extremely hung over people.....:cool:
The ensuing group cookie-toss was unprecedented in the history of Canadian aviation.:)

2nd May 2002, 16:08
Bird gave bloke a BJ on the back row of a Twin Otter. The disgusting bit is that she spat the cum out afterwards, on the floor!:eek:

Africans using the seat pockets as sick bags. :mad:

Angolan had a **** in a carrier bag, which surprisingly didn't leak, and then hung it up on the emergency door handle, and didn't take it with him when he left. :eek:

26th Mar 2004, 13:11
White dog poo on the cabin floor..

26th Mar 2004, 14:14
I want to nominate timmcat for the"Bored Ppruner of the Decade Award" for dragging up a thread almost two years old.

Any other nominations?

26th Mar 2004, 14:22
I got the usual indigenous folk smelling up the place stories and white pax barfing every where yarns too. Such fun..

However, there's 2 stories that I heard that take the cake..
One was a charter to Kalumbaru (ahlumbaroo to those in the know). Young apprentice and hardened Kimberley pilot were in the front of the Slugwagon (C207) and 2 pax in the back. As usual, the pax hadn't had a wash in a long time and they reeked. Off they set and the young bloke noticed the smell getting worse. He looked around to find our indigenous friends shagging in the back of the C207. It turned him off flying for life.

This happened to a mate who's now a captain for Virgin Blue. :ok:
He was flying the float C206 to the Bungles. A rather large family were his passengers. It was a rough-ish trip and the floatplane handles the turbulence a little bit differently to a normal cessna. (Different motion). The rather fat Mum in the front wasn't handling this too well and sicked up. To my mate's horror, she starts eating again. Of course, sicked up again. She kept on eating. Now he was getting worried, she's filled up 2 bags on was on her way to filling up the 3rd bag. He finally turned to her and said "for goodness sake, stop eating, we're running out of bags". :yuk

26th Mar 2004, 14:45
Heard a story about PIA pax who tried to take on their dead granny wrapped up in a white shroud (as hand luggage)!

Maybe apocryphal, but funny anyway.

26th Mar 2004, 15:03
Binos - you have a seconder!!

Nice to see some raves from the grave though, such as Slasher and TG. It was only when I saw the TG monicker that I checked the date of the original post!

As for disgusting sights on planes, I suppose mine was when we hit some well severe turbulence over the Andaman Sea on the way to KUL from LHR.

A woman a few rows in front chundered and I watched as the vomit rose, more or less hit the ceiling, and then descended at a rapid rate over four or five other pax. That, of course, set off the chain reaction.

I didn't puke. I was too petrified. :{

26th Mar 2004, 15:17
I am not sure it was disgusting, but it was unusual. In the far distant days when University Air Squadrons flew the Tiger Moth one group was much interested in the effects of slipstream, and the corkscrew airflow pattern around the fuselage. Theory was one thing, but empirical evidence was needed too. One of the corkscrew theory men decided that if he peed over the side the product would be neatly whipped back, dispersed harmlessly, and the theory would be proved. He tried it. He was wrong.

26th Mar 2004, 15:22
As a cabin attendant on board a DC3 (with seats inward facing - QC freighter!) between Goroka and Lae - I hadn't loaded the barf bags.

Pax with a heavy load of alcohol on board (we were returning from the Whagi Valley Ball) had to barf into a clear cellophane (empty) crisp/chip packet. I offered to take this now full packet to the toilet only to be told that he'd keep it. Why? He had his false teeth in it.

You can guess what happened to the rest of the pax.

26th Mar 2004, 15:35
Oh animal! You have kindly reminded me of an incident in Benidorm in 1972 which included an old lady from Bolton, free red wine, chicken and chips and a driver called Pedro.

Can't recount it now because I'm off shortly and this thread is about incidents on planes anyway! :oh:

26th Mar 2004, 17:41
Not exactly "on" an aircraft but...

Rumour has it that when HRH QE2 returned from a round the world tour many years ago on a Big Airways Tristar, the aircraft had to go back in the hangar for the cabin to be returned to it's conventional pax config. The toilets were emptied and apparently the Richard III contents of one now reside within Big Airways ground staff' accomodation pickled for all to admire. :E

Noah Zark.
26th Mar 2004, 17:59
I have heard from two totally seperate sources an account involving the same high ranking personage, running along similar lines.
Main difference are that it was a service aircraft that did the ferrying, and the contents were removed, dried, varnished, and mounted on a plaque of some description!

Anthony Carn
26th Mar 2004, 19:47
Reports from Cabin Crew...........

Soiled sanitary towel shoved down side of seat cushion.

Ditto soiled nappies.

Ditto one used syringe. (spotted before came into contact, luckily)

Some people have zero consideration for others. :*

26th Mar 2004, 21:03
I was a Policeman at a major London airport a few years ago..I was called to a 747 that landed with a woman that had died during the flight aboord. The death was expected and the poor lady had been traveling with her son, who was somewhat uposet by the event. Anyway, after she'd died the crew wrapped her in a sheet and put her in the upper deck galley, well she was out of the way...
Anyway, the flight arrived and I did the reporting, called the coranor to arrange an undertaker, who turned up about 3/4 of an hour later. Thats when the problems started. The undertaker took at look at the body then asked me for a quiet word....Rigour mortis had set in and the upper deck was reached by a spiral stair case...The son was sat in the first class bit of the lower deck, forward of the stairs, so while the undertakers manoved the board like body down in a body bag I spent a difficult 5 minutes trying to keep the son distracted and looking forward ... while having to watch thier antics in out of the corner of my eye...
Very sad for the family but one of those moments that should have been in airplane.

26th Mar 2004, 21:42
following on from Anthony Carn's post:
a few months ago I saw a used hypodermic needle in a FRA toilet. I reported it to the nearest airport staff. She said she thought it had been used by a diabetic. Has there ever been a diabetic in the history of the world who left the needle bare?
Talk about denial.

27th Mar 2004, 02:49
A looong time ago - DC-3 days - we had to pick up a drowned guy from out in the boonies and haul him to civilization for burial.
It was at night, and just the two pilots and the stiff were on board. The corpse was in a body bag in the back of the airplane, strapped across a couple of seats. He'd been in the water for a few days and as a result was full of gas, which began to vent from various orifices once the aircraft reached cruising altitude. On this DC-3 the galley was in the back, and on reaching cruise the captain sent the co-pilot back to get them each a coffee. The cabin was in semi-darkness, and as the guy went by the strapped-down stiff, he heard the moaning and farting coming from the body bag. He bolted back to the cockpit and slammed the door. The conversation went like this;
"Hey! Where's my coffee?"
"Go get your own goddam coffee. That fcuker back there's still alive!"

Another DC-3 tale. We were hauling a load of guys that had been in a bush camp cutting slash for the right of way for an electric power line. The boys had been there for a month or so, sans female companionship. Any female was a welcome sight, and our cabin attendant was more that welcome. To say she was well endowed would be a gross understatement. She was the center of attention of 28 pairs of eyes. The flight was only about 45 minutes, so all she had time for was a quick beverage service. That took about 20 minutes or so, and we'd just begun descent when she tore into the cockpit with her eyes popping out of her head. The conversation went like this;
"Hey, what's up?"
"There's some goddam pervert back there in his seat jerkin' off!"
"Yeah, the dirty ba$tard, I thought he'd quit when I caught him, but went I went by he never missed a stroke!"
"Well, ya want me to go back and give him a hand, or what?"
"I ain't goin back there no more. Put the cabin signs on. Keep 'em in their seats."
Which is what we did. I went back and made sure thay were buckled in before landing. Berthe stayed in the cockpit, cursing all woodcutters to perdition.

27th Mar 2004, 15:12
Pigboat brings it all back. I was with an airline that served a mining community in the far north. The miners would fly south (south was a relative term, as in Edmonton, Alta) once a year or so. The one fundamental rule for the FAs was: "Never fall in the aisle".

One time I remember a visiting fireman from the south asked for a cup of soup to warm him up prior to take-off. The FA replied:"Sure, but the noodles are still crunchy".

28th Mar 2004, 04:07
Sometime back in the early 80's we bought an old Learstar Mark I at a sherriff's sale in Wilmington NC. Before we left I stuffed the old 310d full of tools, spark plugs, rags, 5 gallon pails full of 120 oil and a 2 gallon funnel. We left Fort Lauderdale at O dark oclock and by the time we get up to JAX my father in law announces how bad he has to pee. You know how it goes when your eyes are awash and some guy brings the subject up. Now I'm looking for a place to land and Jim my father in law is giving me hell for not having an empty bucket with all the crap I brought. At the time I was loading i thought I would have lots of empty buckets after I dumped the oil into the tanks in the Lockheed.

Aale the guy in the rear seat say he's got it covered by stuffing the spout of the funnel with rags and a plastic bag. What the hell the guy is a genius! I go over the top of the left seat and give the funnel a workout followed soon by Jim. The rest of the flight was great then, Aale asked me how long until we reach our destination. I ask him why do you now have to pee? He said no he just needed to know. He had teased the bejeezus out of us for our earlier predicament. I told him about 35 more minutes. He says great then he'll only have to do this 7 more times. When I turn around I see Aale is catching the fluid dribbling out of the spout and pouring it back into the top.

Necessity is a mother!


28th Mar 2004, 07:50
From reading this it's clear I've led a charmed life on board aircraft. But I heard of this one from an ex RAF colleague. He was posted to Borneo during the trouble there. He was a crew man on Belvedere helicopters which were used to among other things to carry the bodies of dead terrorists. On his first day he was told to wash a Belvedere of the various sundry bits and pieces left behind when the bodies were removed. He very rapidly lost his breakfast.

Mirkin About
29th Mar 2004, 01:40
During the '89 strike a largish lady used the chemical toilet on our C-130 which is mounted about 1/2 way up the ramp on the LH side of the Aircraft, well the lady exceeded the safe working load of the brackets , causing the toilet to collapse onto the ramp, the 1 foot fall was enough to exceed the crush strength of the crappers bucket which collapsed downwards, end result , large lady with no knickers, crushed bucket ,10 odd litres of Racasan which is bright blue, toilet paper, turds etc all come rushing down the ramp to end up by the LH para door not a pretty sight.

29th Mar 2004, 04:19
Like Carnsie, on a flight back to Oz, I opened a toilet to be met with a used nappy that the ignorant b"stard that left it there had managed to leave on the change table, and close it. Squashed baby turd is something I think every male can go his life without seeing.

Buster Hyman
29th Mar 2004, 04:25
We got the dubious pleasure of being the GHA for an Asian flag carrier, that shall remain nameless (Think police action in the late 60's) ;) We had the aircraft cleaners almost black ban them for not using the toilets properly. The problem was that some of them didn't know that you could lift the lid, so it was all around the seat & on it!:yuk:

All along, we'd been noticing that most passengers were carrying large yellow envelopes as they got to immigration. Later, we were finally told that they were the ones with serious diseases!:yuk:

Finally, one of them threw up in the aerobridge. Not unusual...except for the tapeworms swimming along nicely in her vomit!:yuk: :yuk: :yuk: :ugh:

29th Mar 2004, 08:15
I was CO of an Oz C130A Sqn once a long time ago.

Overnighted at Learmonth on W coast.

Morning someone went to the prawn factory to get some breakfast.

In flight loadie sat on the flight deck steps peeling prawns.

Breakfast was great.

Loadie requested approval to open para door to jessison prawn remains.

Captain/CO says no - I'll do that.

Took a big swing with a paper bag. It seemes to hang in the door for a split second before curving back in to hit the rear of the door frame.

Prawn shells swirled all over the inside of the A/C.

Yes - the CO swept out the aircraft at Derby but next day the smell grew and grew.

CO bought copious supplies of air freshener at Darwin.
Took 6 weeks to subside.

Never again.

simon brown
30th Mar 2004, 17:14
I was once at Athens Airport and spotted an Olympic 737 with "vergina" written on the nose....

30th Mar 2004, 17:35
Someone has posted elsewhere an account of the consequences of mindlesly dumping a large block of dry ice into the portable toilet on a DC-8 freighter. The reaction apparently was considerable with the contents all over the place. and quite uncontrolable.

7th May 2004, 09:16
This one ?

Dry ice in toilet (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46516)

A masterpiece, I think... well written, worth reading

Wee Jock
7th May 2004, 11:03
Variation on the royal turd story : it was Eisenhower's and it was displayed in a glass case in the engineers' crewroom of the Queen's Flight. My other half used to work with one of TQF groundcrew who claimed he had a collection of royal pubes. Apparantly he bragged about it a bit too much and was ordered to hand it over. Probably has pride of place in some retired Air Marshall's study...(yes, this one's Princess Anne's and do take a close look at Prince Philips, crinkly isn't it???)

:E :E

7th May 2004, 14:55
I have actually witnessed with my own eyes: people slipping unused sugar, salt and butter sachets into their hand baggage... :}

(very happy to see Mr. A. Carn back...!) :)

7th May 2004, 15:05
check the date of his post airship.....

Luke SkyToddler
7th May 2004, 15:24
Just found this thread now, never did see it the first time round, what a cracker!

Anyway my story involves a long cross country flight with a couple of PPL students, one of whom has a medical condition which requires him to wear a colostomy / some kind of kidney bypass bag which needs to be emptied every few hours.

Don't know what he had for breakfast but we are halfway across the New Zealand southern alps, and the f****n thing starts to overflow ... all this raw, putrid bright yellowish brown kidney bile just leaking down his arm and onto his clothes and dripping onto the aircraft floor ... a combination of piss, sh!t and stomach acid I suppose ... the stench was like nothing I have ever smelt in my life, we had all windows open but it was no good, within a few minutes it was enough to make the other student start vomiting and once he started I was off as well. I was so embarrassed and so sorry for the poor guy, who was my student at the end of the day, but I just couldn't keep it down myself once the other passenger started throwing up.

We had to endure 45 minutes of this before we could get down, and land the aircraft with one guy trying to hold this bloody bag still so it wouldn't just burst and spray us all with this stuff, and all three of us dry retching all the way to touchdown, what a bloody sight we must have been as we taxied in.

:( :( :(

7th May 2004, 15:29
After flying prisoners in 727s for ten years for the United States Marshal Service you donít want to know!

On the small jets, Sabre 80s, the outflow valves are in front of the copilotís rudder peddles. Every smell in the back comes straight to the cockpit.

God, I really do NOT miss those days!

7th May 2004, 15:35
angels, I just checked...thank you, not... :{

7th May 2004, 15:43
ne worry pas Airship. Jerricho was caught the same way.....he said he was p1ssed ;)

7th May 2004, 15:46
I can hold my own at this hour on a Friday afternoon thank you! Jerricho has an enduring excuse at being p1ssed off by virtue of his MIL. :D

7th May 2004, 16:02
LSL late 70's - I think "Geraint", maybe "Galahad" ? ("Four Axis" Landing Ship Logistic - Roll, Pitch, Yaw and Heave !!) full of Royal Marines from Zeebrugge to Marchwood with all of them competing to see who could psyche out the few hardy souls left with stomach contents. Very imaginative ! I'll leave it to yours :}

Aviation related, well there was a Prototype Lynx up on the flight deck for a wee while but we left the party early !

7th May 2004, 18:37
We had one air stewardess taken to hospital, after a very unfortunate but highly amusing incident in a toilet. The aircraft had just arrived from a series of short sectors and was being prepped for a long haul to the m/e, now at some time during the day, the toilets had backed up and become unservicable. The engineers were working feverously at trying to solve the problem, they checked valves, gauges, everything. Unbeknown to the engineers and the poor hostie upstairs (in the loo)(standing by the way sorting the amenety kits out) a well intentioned toilet servicing guy thought he could help by applying some external pressure to the outflow/emptying valve of the waste tank. He put his machine into full reverse pressure and attached the hose to the outlet, promptly blowing the entire contents of the carsey into the toilets upstairs, completely covering poor said hostie (thats what you call a shower of $hit), fortunately she had her back turned on the basin, and had her mouth closed!! When she emerged the remainder of the crew vomitted over the last 5 rows of economy. The story doesn't end there, the poor engineers who had been attempting to rectify the blockage, had been laying on top of the waste tank when it was back pressure filled, one of the service covers wasn't fully secured so he also got partially covered. Fortunately he was wearing coveralls. Still he stank for days afterwards.
The very prim Captain, emerged to see what was going on, saw the $hit covered hostie walking towards him, the vomit stained economy class seats, he turned around walked back to the FD, picked up his bag and said very calmly to his FO as he walked off 'I always knew this outfit was a pile of $hit'.
I learned of this about an hour later, when we were off to the m/e on another flight, even from 200m you could smell the aircraft. All I can say is the guys and gals who had to clean it up, you earned my respect and you earned your money.

The Filth
7th May 2004, 20:50
Watching a passenger (a Redneck?) on an internal flight in America, presumably his first flight ever, stand up, and order a refill via the air vent above his seat.

I felt so proud to be British.

On the same flight, this was shortly after 9/11, they must have been giving the tickets out to any Hill-Billy that turned up at the airport, a woman had her pet tortoise in a bucket.

9th May 2004, 01:49
Way back when, in my commuter days, I was the captain of a Metroliner for a codesharing airline on the West Coast.

I picked up a newly married couple in San Luis Obispo for a flight to San Jose where they would connect on the main airline on a 737 to fly to Reno for their honeymoon.

As you can guess the honeymoon started early. The Fairchild Metroliner was never that stable anyway and certain motions were detectable, especially the ones from the back row.

I turned around and they were going at it. The only other passenger was on old lady who wasn't paying any attention.

I pointed them out to the F.O. He got a good look.

Our union was in the middle of negotiating a contract and our pilot union felt more screwed than that horny couple in back. I told the F.O. that I just didn't care to do anything about them, being my only options were to soak them down with the fire extinguisher or give them pointers on different positions.

The F.O. gave a detailed report on the in-range call and all the rampers gathered when he blocked in.

The couple received a standing ovation with catcalls and whistles as they walked up to get their connecting flight. :E


9th May 2004, 02:20
Slingsby, I swear, I'm still trying to recover after that one! You had me rolling in the aisle. Just confirms what I learned decades ago, never suck or blow on a tube unless you're absolutely sure what's at the other end!

My most disgusting one? Lufthansa flight in 1993, think it was, Sao Paulo to Frankfurt. 747 Combi, sitting at the very back, listening to and feeling pallets going on. Surprised to find a friend of mine, from a German shipping company and who also knew something about stowage (of the maritime variety), also on the flight. Wondered what the hell was going on, after forty minutes at the ramp watching pallets go on and then off again.

It took so long to get the stowage right that cabin crew decided to feed us the evening meal on the stand. Salad followed by steak something. The salad, both mine and my girlfriend's, had mould all over, spores sprouting from the tomatoes and pressing up against the aluminium cover. Don't remember the catering company but ever since I've looked very carefully at anything served on board.

Capt Claret
9th May 2004, 10:01
The following is my best recollection of a story told nearly 20 years ago by my then boss and relates to an experience when he was an RAAF VIP Sqn pilot.

Pilots called out in the wee hours to transport the then Prime Minister and his consort from Melbourne to Canberra.

In the cruise the PM enters the flight deck of the HS748 and requests an immediate steep turn. Pilots look at each other wondering what is going on, shrug shoulders, and proceed to roll on 60 degrees of bank.

Meanwhile back in the cabin, the PMs consort has just let herself into the loo and is in the process of lowering her not so svelt frame onto the seat, when she is overcome by 2g!

The steward tries to ignore the commotion coming from the crapper but after a while decides he must investigate. He is greeted by a pair of stiletto heels waving in his face and a Davey Crocket hat, as the poor old consort, knickers around her knees, has her nether regions firmly stuck in the bowl! :E

wonder if this episode had any bearings on her feelings when he drowned?

Lon More
9th May 2004, 13:05
Back in the 1960's, at Luton Flying Club, a student just returned from a X-country flight left a bacon gristle sandwich in the cockpit of a c-150. In those days there was a council rubbish tip next to the airport and after about half an hour the cockpit was full of large black flies.
I went out to pre-flight the aircraft and rapidly returned to the office. Two full tins of fly killer were sprayed into the cabin via the wing root vents, which were then taped shut and after about an hour there was an inch thick carpet of dead flies everywhere inside the a/c.
Fortunately the previous occupant was made to clean it all out with the coal shovel.

In the late 1950's, an Anson was ferrying a very high ranking officer's wife. Just before the approach was started, unbeknown to the crew, she decided to make use of the Elsan toilet at the rear of the cabin.
The aircraft nose was lowered as descent was commenced and this was accompanied by an ominous thundering as the unsecured toilet moved to the front and deposited said,lady, pink bloomers round her ankles, through the curtain into the cockpit.
I'd like to think that an overshoot was immediatrly initiated and that she returned to her previous position

10th May 2004, 07:27
Many years ago, this captain who had the habit of picking up his nose during flight, decided that he wanted to go to toilet (long one ) while cruising at 11500 ft in a scheduled passenger flight. Unfortunately there are no toilets in Twinotter. So, He hands over the airplane to the co-pilot, closes the cabin door and starts darting in a disposal bag, Wipes his arse with napkins and pretends as if no thing happened.

Later when this little 'incident' was discussed in the crew room with other copilots, It turns out that the captain had done that many times with different co-pilots.

11th May 2004, 18:46
Just settled into BA 1st to Singapore recently and this bloke across the aisle whips out a Guardian and starts reading it IN FULL VIEW OF THE ENTIRE CABIN. Made me want to puke I can tell you.


Onan the Clumsy
11th May 2004, 22:41
It could have been worse.

It could have been The Mirror, The Sun, The Times, The Express or even The Beano.

12th May 2004, 14:00
Not so long ago, coming back from an extended period in Abroad, I boarded a BigAir A320. It was the first time in a long that I had heard a Regional Accent - then they handed me a Daily Mail! I asked if they had a colostomy bag I could look at instead, but no dice!

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