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Biggles Flies Undone
30th Apr 2002, 10:16
The supposed transcript of a cyber session that went wrong (think it ended with someoneís house catching fire). Very funny but I canít find a copy of it and would like to send it to a pal who seems to be taking it all a bit seriously.....

Would be grateful if someone could re-post it :)

flapsforty
30th Apr 2002, 10:29
Et tu Brutus? ;)

Biggles Flies Undone
30th Apr 2002, 10:31
Er, no! But thanks for the thought falps ;)

flapsforty
30th Apr 2002, 10:59
:D

RW-1
30th Apr 2002, 15:15
Ahh, here you go biggles (in it's entirety):


Cybersex???
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Well hung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Well hung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to sc**w me?

Well hung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Well hung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Well hung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Well hung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Well hung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Well hung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Well hung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Well hung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Well hung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Well hung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Well hung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Well hung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Well hung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Well hung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Well hung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Well hung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Well hung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Well hung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Well hung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Well hung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Well hung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Well hung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.

Well hung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Well hung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Well hung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Well hung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Well hung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Well hung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Well hung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Well hung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! sc**w me now!

Well hung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Well hung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Well hung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Well hung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Well hung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Well hung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: [logged off]

djk
30th Apr 2002, 15:18
Biggles,

There have been better ones that that posted online. I actually think that the one where the person's house supposedly caught fire at the end of it was more of a hoax than a genuine chat session.

I remember a few years ago that a couple of people working in the technical support department of an Internet porivder (who shall remain nameless) would often while away the quiet weekends at work by going onto IRC, pretending to be women
and encouraging men to inulge in cybersex and then posting the transcripts of the chat sessions onto a website. *whistles innocently* Some of the results were quite hilarious :D

Biggles Flies Undone
30th Apr 2002, 15:28
Thanks RW-1 - you're a star! :)

Dkorsky - now why does that not surprise me :D

PilotsPal
30th Apr 2002, 23:03
BFU

What are you up to?

Biggles Flies Undone
1st May 2002, 08:41
Moi? :rolleyes:

PilotsPal
1st May 2002, 09:44
Saw the title of the thread and thought there must be some ghastly mistake!

Feeton Terrafirma
1st May 2002, 13:32
First time for me!! Reading that I mean. Bluddy good!!


Thx RW-1 for posting that and BFU for asking.


Now the real question is, where is Mr Gannet?