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Alloa Akbar
15th May 2013, 11:03
Can't beat a good one.. if you'll pardon the expression..

BBC News - The 10 most scandalous euphemisms (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22470691)


I rather suspect Mr BFraser may enlighten us with some good ones..

SpringHeeledJack
15th May 2013, 11:07
One has always smirked at 'Tired and emotional' when describing the antics of well known personages whilst out and about :}



SHJ

Davaar
15th May 2013, 11:18
"moist and garrulous"

tony draper
15th May 2013, 11:21
"He grows his own Parsnips" euphemism from QI.:rolleyes:

OFSO
15th May 2013, 11:37
And of course never forget "indulging in Ugandan discussions" from PE, which actually originated from the activities of Princess Toro (sp ?) of Uganda in the Charles de Gaulle airport public toilets.

Edit: no I was wrong about this according to Wiki:

The saying is often wrongly attributed to the antics of a female Cabinet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabinet_(government)) minister in Idi Amin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idi_Amin_Dada)'s government, who was caught having sex in a public lavatory at Heathrow Airport (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Heathrow_Airport). Wrong person & wrong airport !

However (same source):

"Playing an away match" in Uganda is euphemistic for an illicit sexual liaison especially pertaining to married persons


Hard to believe that a British Member of Paliament was so ignorant of this expression that he actually expostulated "..but I've never been to Uganda.."

vulcanised
15th May 2013, 11:45
Hard to believe


No it isn't! http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/smile.gif

toffeez
15th May 2013, 12:21
= You have to talk intelligently and buy her dinner before she'll spread her legs


http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/simgad/12637238937035746008 (http://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=CyJySzHuTUdKsHNDk8AO2l4HADcmciZoD8bOj5mzd8-qwTRABIIGSjBBQ0prBiQdg--GEg5gKoAG97433A8gBAqgDAaoEiAFP0L2mwACJNwd2oblNehZoUzTxXlf14f I0eLdGOt373jVHL--v_M-L1TonG1K9IUaIvcfGFIfkczwEEhrROtVFr4Amt8CCqv5hXXv_OcRYaiIEC_U 2TIfm9RRnyZI6KsLnMxUDJ1ClhGHPqK8HcsJkjY7wgqBAn_786NgmvM601yr Mgo1w0VYOiAYBoAYCgAerkPII&num=1&cid=5GgDzp9pFtMZxlbV6hfOzSPc&sig=AOD64_15Wc9cKA2yVP9_-HCd1NWtfkyLNQ&client=ca-ib_employment_sede_1&adurl=http://www.chnlove.asia/go.php%3F12007)
.

Alloa Akbar
15th May 2013, 12:38
"Bowling from the pavilion end" is a favorite of mine when referring to gay people.. :ok:

OFSO
15th May 2013, 13:36
Playing the pink oboe ?

Private jet
15th May 2013, 13:45
"As camp as a row of pink tents"

david1300
15th May 2013, 14:04
Batting for the other team :hmm:

tony draper
15th May 2013, 14:09
Uphill Gardener,have ro say I have never quite understood that one.:uhoh:

2 sheds
15th May 2013, 15:23
Someone enlighten Tony...!

2 s

treadigraph
15th May 2013, 15:25
Fudge packers

tony draper
15th May 2013, 15:28
Oh one knew what it meant,one's puzzlement was over how it was derived.:)

G&T ice n slice
15th May 2013, 15:29
"hand picked by virgins and washed in the dew of midsummer morn"

= *&$%"&*% EXPENSIVE!

this is a family euphemism and appears in many forms
eg clothing "hand-woven by virgins etc"

Fox3WheresMyBanana
15th May 2013, 15:36
"xxx isn't his strong point" referring to main job = completely useless

e.g. Theo Walcott "Football isn't his strong point"


For meeting minutes, I was instructed to use the following whilst working as an ADC.

xxx gave us his views = waffled for hours off topic
After discussion = heated argument
After some discussion = swearing involved
After vigorous discussion = chest-poking & parentage-questioning
After animated discussion = punches thrown

lomapaseo
15th May 2013, 15:38
"teach your grandmother to suck eggs"

a euphemism for a Prune flightsimmer suggesting to a pilot how it should have been done.

TURIN
15th May 2013, 15:40
He's on the other bus/tram/train etc. = Shirt lifter. :O

tony draper
15th May 2013, 15:45
What with the advance of idiot PC we shall all be obliged to speak entirely in euphemisms before long.:rolleyes:

TURIN
15th May 2013, 15:47
What with the advance of idiot PC we shall all be obliged to speak entirely in euphemisms before long.



Ooooh, now that sounds like a challenge....:ok:

Capetonian
15th May 2013, 15:49
"Suggest you don't give up your day job"

"Not at the front of the queue when brains/beauty were handed out."

cavortingcheetah
15th May 2013, 15:50
Ethnic cleansing=murder and genocide.

Shack37
15th May 2013, 15:53
Sandwich short of a picnic.
Not the sharpest tool in the box.

tony draper
15th May 2013, 16:01
Lessons will be learned=Nobody is to be blamed.
:uhoh:

Fitter2
15th May 2013, 16:22
A former colleague of mine was in a previous professional incarnation a press officer for the Home Office in George Brown's time. He moved on when in reply to a sarcastic journos query 'Was George tired and emotional again last night?' replied 'Yes, as tired as a newt'.

He said that the stress of the job wasn't caused so much by the alcohol fuelled late night rantings, but the tearful reconciliations the next day.

ricardian
15th May 2013, 16:31
Officer = high-spirited
Senior NCO = confused
Other Rank = drunk

Officers have ladies
Senior NCOs have wives
Other Ranks have women

G-CPTN
15th May 2013, 16:39
You will indeed be most fortunate if you can get this candidate to work for you . . .

Limeygal
15th May 2013, 18:58
"horizontal folk-dancing"

"knee-trembler"

Lon More
15th May 2013, 19:12
OFSO wroteAnd of course never forget "indulging in Ugandan discussions"
Had you read the OP's link you would have seen it.:)

women in sensible shoes = lesbians

SpringHeeledJack
15th May 2013, 20:06
"A friend of Dorothy"

:E



SHJ

Sailor Vee
15th May 2013, 20:14
Officer's wives=glow
NCO's wives=perspire
Other Rank's wives=sweat

charliegolf
15th May 2013, 20:25
Chutney Ferret. My all time fave.:ok:

CG

G&T ice n slice
15th May 2013, 21:10
playing the beast with two backs

TURIN
15th May 2013, 21:13
I had to look that one up..

http://www.thespinalley.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/chutney-ferret.jpg



:D:D

B Fraser
15th May 2013, 21:47
Good evening Herr Akbar.

As a kid, I was always puzzled by the phrase "helping the police with their enquiries" as I had visions of some public spirited individual wandering from door to door asking questions. Ahhhhh, the naivety of youth :O

Anyhow, some of the best ones have been mentioned so for the saphic community I will offer up "likes walking holidays", "A tennis fan" or "She's in the netball team". However if the lady in question starts fancying blokes again.... "She's back on solids".

For blokes who choose to travel on the other bus, there is "a fan of musical theatre" or "good with colours". There is also a "batchelor boy" however if there are any lawyers present, I point out that this in no way relates to an unspecified evergreen crooner.

Should there be any pissheads amongst us then we have "an ethanologist", "a toper of some repute" or "a turps nudger".

I'll dredge the old grey matter for some better examples.

CityofFlight
15th May 2013, 21:51
Have always heard, "light in the loafers", to be quite descriptive of sexual preference.

B Fraser
15th May 2013, 21:55
Ringing the devil's doorbell, feeding the pony and gusset typing. I guess I have to fill the boots of one infamous oriental Airbus contributor who has recently been declared missing in action.


:E

tony draper
15th May 2013, 22:07
Todger Dodger,crew cut and sensible shoes,:rolleyes:
Window Fighter,one who talks a good fight.
"Buggah off! or I'll come down there and biff the cacky out of you"

Windy Militant
15th May 2013, 22:15
A colleague at work describes any thing broken as "Saved"
as in the old Godzilla movies, where Tokyo was Saved by Godzilla, well what was left of it. :}

spInY nORmAn
15th May 2013, 22:29
"Putts from the rough" - another one denoting sexual preference. I'm curious as to where this one originated.

jumpseater
15th May 2013, 23:07
'Twenty Yard Hardman' this one shouts the odds from a distance, and usually amongst a group of mates.

Less vocal closer to the action.

Davaar
16th May 2013, 05:51
playing the beast with two backs

Oh Golly! GT. Showing off again, I fear, that one being Shakespearean.

McGoonagall
16th May 2013, 06:11
On the road to Hebden Bridge = Sapphic enthusiast.
Taking a stroll down Bournville Boulevard = Chutney Ferret.

and,

To describe a lady of somewhat loose morals: A Tenpole. Refers to the 80s band Tenpole Tudor who's big chart success was 'Swords of a Thousand Men'.

Fantome
16th May 2013, 06:14
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/for0257l.jpg (http://chromeillusion.com/system/3/euphemism-cartoon)


http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/images/obamafinger250.jpg (http://www.you-can-be-funny.com/Euphemisms-For-Flatulation.html)

Alloa Akbar
16th May 2013, 08:02
Beef - Your own location qualifies as one of the best..

I recall when I lived in Alabama, a certain ethnic group being referred to as "Democrats - Non swimming"

Lesbians were "Softball players"

Perhaps one of the better ones to surface from my Navy days was a reference to gay men - "Stench trench commandos"

Large chested women are of course "Lumpy jumpers"

Exascot
16th May 2013, 08:16
AA

My wife always claims that she got jump seat rides and helio flights in the Royal Air Force because of 'Lumpy Jumper Syndrome'.

angels
16th May 2013, 08:30
For some reason I've always giggled at the phrase 'rug muncher' to indicate a lady who wears sensible shoes.

'Player of the pink oboe' was I believe coined by Peter Cook in his devastiating parody of the judge's summing up in the Thorpe/Scott Shot Dog trial. Explorer of the Bourneville Boulevard was also used IIRC.

Do look the sketch up on YT (if you're old)!

Sod it. Did it myself.

Peter Cook's biased judge sketch (complete) - YouTube

MagnusP
16th May 2013, 09:03
Damn, angels, I always had that down as "player of the pink piccolo". Ya live and learn, I suppose.

Private jet
16th May 2013, 13:03
Rather than a "Ugandan discussion", you could engage in some "adult cuddles"...

ExXB
16th May 2013, 13:13
Euphemism? I think it's down the corridor, first door on your right.

G&T ice n slice
16th May 2013, 14:13
Liberated
Saved
Borrowed
Relocated
Re-owned
Repositioned

Im sure there are more what I forgot

along the lines of ...
"where did you get that new photocopier?"
"Oh, I relocated it from the 2nd floor during Sunday night shift"

Captivep
16th May 2013, 15:58
I was recently visiting my American colleagues in California and I was advised that, although the hotel we were staying in had no bar, "adult beverages" would be available at a couple of social events...

Davaar
16th May 2013, 16:41
the Thorpe/Scott Shot Dog trial


What a coincidence! I have just finished re-reading Auberon Waugh's splendid book of reportage on the trial. Incidentally, I see that book has now shot from whatever I paid for it to $120+/- on Amazon. Waugh does capture well the judge's tilted towards favouring rawtha zplendid Upper Class Chaps like Jmreey Thrope. Soctt's dog was of course the late Great Dane "Rinka". The evidence was that the gun jammed when turned on the dog's owner.

B Fraser
16th May 2013, 17:06
The joke at the time was "Vote Liberal or we'll shoot your dog!".

I understand that out in the gulf, bacon is called "breakfast meat".

Limeygal
16th May 2013, 17:38
I am thrilled that someone mentioned Jeremy Thorpe-it gives me a chance to tell my all time favourite joke

"What do Jeremy Thorpe and William the Conqueror have in common"

Give up?

"They are both fukcing Normans" :ooh:

Thanks-I'll be here all week!

Capetonian
16th May 2013, 17:50
I am thrilled that someone mentioned Jeremy Thorpe-it gives me a chance to tell one of my favourite jokes.

Why didn't Jeremy Thorpe emigrate?
Because he couldn't leave his chums behind.

(Grammatically incorrect in writing!)

Limeygal
16th May 2013, 17:55
Capetonian-:D

angels
16th May 2013, 18:11
Groan!!

What a coincidence Mr Davaar!

Of course, at the time Peter Cook was heavily involved with Private Eye (he owned it at one stage) and Waugh was a columnist for it. The magazine was all over it like a rash.

IIRC the Cook parody was during the Secret Policemen's Ball gigs. The first night went well but someone told Cook it was a shame there was no mention of the just finished Scott trial.

So he went home and wrote the piece and performed it the next night.

PS - Keep the book. :ok:

Windy Militant
16th May 2013, 18:11
If your going to retell gags from the Aber Rag you might as well have them all

How do you get four Liberals on a bar stool?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Turn it Upside down!:rolleyes:

vulcanised
16th May 2013, 19:43
Making a rod for your own back.

(Done that a few times)

Private jet
17th May 2013, 08:53
"Clam snacker" (A woman of the sapphic persuasion)

TWT
17th May 2013, 09:10
I wanted a kettle to make some brews while out on a job once.I used the company credit card and it went in the expense form as 'water cooled generator load tester'.

Devon Flyer
17th May 2013, 11:30
I always like the term "Cat Flap" used to describe a person who likes both male and female company........ Swings both ways

Two's in
17th May 2013, 15:56
Mr Draper,

The full expression for male same sex activity is 'Pushing Sh!t uphill without a wheel barrow." I believe this is from where the phrase "Uphill Gardener" was derived.

The Army was such a place of learning...

vulcanised
17th May 2013, 16:49
Fine words don't butter no parsnips.

You can slip that into conversation almost anywhere.

VP959
17th May 2013, 18:28
I always like the term "Cat Flap" used to describe a person who likes both male and female company........ Swings both ways

Plus there's the plural version, which could well be a euphemism for females with particularly dangly pudenda...........

Fox3WheresMyBanana
17th May 2013, 18:33
An old QFI of mine referred to those as "Shackleton Bomb Doors"

Sunnyjohn
17th May 2013, 19:19
A long time ago when I was an instructor at a training school, our welding instructor would frequently say to nervous trainees, "You're holding that b....y welding torch like a virgin holds a penis."

Fantome
17th May 2013, 19:46
a metaphor is not necessarily a euphemism

Euphemisms may be used to avoid words considered rude, while conveying their meaning: "Kiss my you-know-what!" instead of the more vulgar, "Kiss my ass/arse"; the expletive sugar to substitute shit. Some euphemisms are so commonly used as to be standard usage: "pass away" for "die". Over the centuries euphemisms have been introduced for "latrine", and themselves replaced as they came to be considered unacceptable; "toilet", once itself a euphemism, is often euphemised as "bathroom", "restroom", etc. Euphemisms are used to downplay and conceal unpalatable facts, as "collateral damage" for "civilian casualties" in a military context, and "redacted" for "censored".

Akrotiri71
17th May 2013, 20:58
Wetter than an otter's pocket! :}

Davaar
17th May 2013, 21:49
a metaphor is not necessarily a euphemism


Ah Yes! And so with the simile:

As tight as a mackerel's *rs*, and that's watertight

= tends to be parsimonious.

G&T ice n slice
18th May 2013, 10:20
Have we had:
"Less than optimal"

ExXB
18th May 2013, 10:25
I've always been curious about bathrooms on American airplanes. Haven't seen one yet though.

Lon More
18th May 2013, 10:29
diverging from the earlier Liberal jokes

Nobody would ever accuse Farage of being two-faced.





If he was, you don't think he'd wear that one.

Lon More
18th May 2013, 10:32
"wider than a wizard's sleeve/Mersey Tunnel" sometimes said after a less than satisfactory sexual encounter

Fantome
18th May 2013, 10:50
why am I reminded of the old ditty -

a joke's a joke.
a smoke's a smoke.
a poke's a poke.
BUT
to talk about it's
simply ridiculous ?

surely one of the oldest 20th century euphemisms still sometimes heard is -

' must go and shake hands now with the wife's best friend.'

Milo Minderbinder
18th May 2013, 11:54
' must go and shake hands now with the wife's best friend.'



????? Dogs have paws, not hands

Private jet
18th May 2013, 12:04
"wider than a wizard's sleeve/Mersey Tunnel" sometimes said after a less than satisfactory sexual encounter

or... "like sha**ing a clowns pocket"

AlpineSkier
18th May 2013, 12:55
In the same vein, a lady-friend once told me of her unusual phrase " "wagging a chipolata up Regent's Street"

A sporty lass.

Capetonian
18th May 2013, 13:08
Pushing a sausage up a hospital corridor.

Cyber Bob
18th May 2013, 13:24
"or... "like sha**ing a clowns pocket"

or Windsock more like

B Fraser
18th May 2013, 14:56
Mullah Akbar is not around today so on his behalf ...... "Like lobbing your kitbag down the lift shaft on the Ark Royal".

I'll proffer "the last hot dog in the tin".

teeteringhead
18th May 2013, 15:02
A few years ago, before one could be open about chaps who were "so" or "other" as my grandpa might have said, the Daily Telegraph obituaries had a couple of good euphemisms.

One could be described as having "a wide circle of artistic friends", but my all-time favourite was the killer final sentence of some screaming queen's obit:

"He was unmarried.".......

Capetonian
18th May 2013, 15:05
Was it in Fawlty Towers that the euphemism was used by the Major :

"He was, well, you know, one of them ...."

Davaar
18th May 2013, 15:07
"He was unmarried.".......

And nowadays even that has been stolen from, ummm, us.

B Fraser
18th May 2013, 15:10
See also... "a confirmed bachelor".

Cyber Bob
18th May 2013, 15:25
see also, "Of bohemian character"

Shack37
18th May 2013, 15:39
Not sure if it's euphemism, metaphor or something else in the great universe that is the English language but I remember laughing out loud when a RAF colleague described sha&&ing his, very thin girlfriend, as "like having a wa&k with chopsticks".

G&T ice n slice
18th May 2013, 15:44
"fashion designer"

charliegolf
18th May 2013, 15:59
He/she has a 'special' friend!

CG

redsnail
18th May 2013, 16:32
In Australia a "colourful racing identity" meant successful criminal/organised crime boss etc. :D Colourful tended to mean criminal. :)

B Fraser
18th May 2013, 16:58
Sherlock Holmes stood up when he had finished examining the corpse which lay on the bed. The inert figure dressed in leather chaps and a white vest was as inert as the heavy rubber toy which lay at his side and had evidently been used to beat the victim to death.

Sherlock : "Very puzzling, the man takes care of his appearance as we can see from the freshly trimmed moustache. By his bedside, we see a copy of Judy Garland's autobiography and there's a collector's edition of The Wizard Of Oz beside the DVD player. What can it all mean ?"

Dr Watson emerged from the kitchen. "I say Holmes, have a look in the kitchen".

Sherlock : "How interesting, there's a quiche in the oven and a bottle of rose in the fridge". His eyes narrowed. "Our victim was expecting a guest for dinner".

Holmes' eye caught site of a nightclub flyer pinned to for the Pink Flamingo club in Old Compton street. "My dear Watson" exclamined the legendary detective. "I think there's a whiff of lavender about this". "What makes you think that ?" replied Watson in utter disbelief. "Elementary, my dear Watson" replied the detective. "Look at the picture hanging on the wall." The photograph showed the deceased in his final year at public school. "Our victim was a boarder at Eton".

Fantome
18th May 2013, 18:08
luvverly BF tho' in need of a little proofing if you intend submitting to ' Queen and Closet'.

How did the one go? The song that went ' don't know what to call him .. . but I think he's one of those'

Then there's that Marty Feldman sketch . . . . you know.. . . the one where the two old codgers are reminiscing about a deceased friend. "Kind? Kind? Almost too kind."

ShyTorque
18th May 2013, 19:45
Disgraced / sacked politicians' favourite:

"I've decided to spend more time with my family...."

Capetonian
18th May 2013, 20:03
After 15 years of excellent service, Mr. B has left us to pursue other interests.

Miss T. has handed in her resignation as a result of activities incompatible with her position in the company.

Due to accounting irregularities, Mr. J is no longer employed by our organisation.

spInY nORmAn
18th May 2013, 20:15
From the pages of Viz:

"She had a Mary like a welly-top!"

RedhillPhil
18th May 2013, 20:35
Like a bill poster's bucket.

Davaar
18th May 2013, 20:38
before one could be open about chaps who were "so" or "other

"Open"! you say! For long enough in those innocent forties and early fifties I scarcely knew what "so" did and certainly had not a clue what "other" did.

Inclinations, for sure, about "so" ( = "us"?), but when I worked out what "tail gunner", "pillow-biter", and "*rs* bandit" implied I could equally scarcely believe it:

"Now let me understand: You're telling me they ....?"

"Yes!".

"No!!!!".

"Yes"!!!!!.

I still don't believe it. It is just the longest wind-up in history, and at my expense as usual. Say it ain't so, Joe; I mean "other".

AlpineSkier
18th May 2013, 20:46
It is just the longest wind-up in history, and at my expense as usual.

So true Mr Davaar, so that will be 14/6 to the usual authorities please.

david1300
19th May 2013, 02:34
Years ago, the wife in a couple we knew would describe her husband coming home after a night out with his mates as: "Smelling like a brewery and trying to stuff a marshmallow into her piggy bank"

Fantome
19th May 2013, 03:12
In a period of USA social history there existed in some quarters such prudery, such preciousness, such wowser thought police, that euphemisms abounded.

A certain popular sextet was billed as a quartet, so as 'not to arouse unnatural passions'.

Hydromet
19th May 2013, 04:33
"There's a touch of velvet about him."

Cyber Bob
19th May 2013, 07:34
Hydromet
:D:D:D:D:D

B Fraser
19th May 2013, 08:56
I remember a Bond film where 007 was asked if he preferred brunettes, redheads or blondes.

"I don't really mind as long as the collars and cuffs match".

:ok:

unclenelli
19th May 2013, 09:31
Drinking from the wrong tap
Batting/Bowling from the Pavilion End/for the wrong side

Vercingetorix
19th May 2013, 09:53
Chocolate Starfish

Davaar
19th May 2013, 13:37
So true Mr Davaar, so that will be 14/6 to the usual authorities please.



"winding-up", a euphemism for the snivelling justification, often met at PPRuNe, by a liar, bereft of an honest idea, for advancing a deliberately false argument intended to deceive, sometimes under pretence of wit.

Mike X
19th May 2013, 19:33
"With all due respect, your honour..."

My esteemed peers...

G&T ice n slice
19th May 2013, 21:44
One I have used frequently in several different variations:
"The strategy being proposed to the board is both brave and forceful and is constructed around several interesting elements"

I'll let you work out what I am really saying....

Fantome
20th May 2013, 01:40
Hacker: When you give your evidence to the Think Tank, are you going to support my view that the civil service is overmanned and feather-bedded, or not? Yes or no? Straight answer!


Sir Humphrey: Well Minister, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large, taking one thing with another in terms of the average of departments, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other as far as one can see, at this stage.
From: The Writing On The Wall

Capetonian
18th Jun 2013, 08:28
'Family Planning'

Yeah, right!

dubbleyew eight
22nd Jun 2013, 12:17
a while back the Australian ABC ran a telly program that absolutely slayed me for its audacity.
it was called "Tipping the Velvet"
a reference to what lesbians do with the tip of their tongue.

it was a good telly show to boot.

BOAC
22nd Jun 2013, 16:44
'Arse about face'.

G-CPTN
22nd Jun 2013, 16:58
Tipping the Velvet (http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/tippingthevelvet/)
Starring the delightful Rachael Stirling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachael_Stirling), daughter of Diana Rigg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana_Rigg).

Capot
22nd Jun 2013, 17:05
We're looking for a house...here's a few "euphamisms", to use a euphamism for "downright lie"...

"Within easy reach of the airport" - this house is 300m from the centre-line at about 1000m from the runway end.

"Beautifully Compact" - all the space of a rabbit hutch

"Excellent access to motorway" - this one is exactly 75m from the motorway, and 178m from the nearest junction.

"Excellent Development Opportunity" - is a ruined Victorian house with no roof.

"Keenly priced for sale" - Asking price was 25% over an arguably realistic price, and 40% more than the offer the owners accepted.

skua
22nd Jun 2013, 17:23
Capot

you have tapped a rich seam there:
"in the catchment area of several goo schools"= playground abutting your back garden, etc etc

I suppose it is in the nature of their job to polish t**ds!

Windy Militant
22nd Jun 2013, 17:24
Years ago Bike Magazine did an item on what sellers really mean in the small ads.
I can't remember them all but two have stuck.

"Good Runner" - you'll need to be!
" Immaculate" - as in conception, the thing has no father!

Fox3WheresMyBanana
22nd Jun 2013, 17:24
another variant is
"Excellent road access", which in fact means "on a bloody dangerous corner"

http://www.assistedclaims.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/car-crash-.jpg

Pitts2112
22nd Jun 2013, 18:27
In the USAF, when a senior officer has been relieved of office pending the outcome of an investigation of some nefarious skullduggery, he is made the "special assistant to the commander".

vulcanised
22nd Jun 2013, 19:50
"One careful owner"

He's been careful not to spend any money on maintenance.

B Fraser
22nd Jun 2013, 20:42
If I find an IT system that is totally crap, I mark it as Failed Under Continual Testing or FUCT for short.

:E

Flash2001
23rd Jun 2013, 01:10
A little on the lavender side.

After an excellent landing etc...

mikedreamer787
23rd Jun 2013, 01:27
"He's a lovely soft-spoken guy" = you're constantly telling this poofy bugger to speak up.
"You qualify for our Gold card!" = "we think you're an ideal middle-class sucker for our expensive credit"
"He can be sometimes be quite vaginal in his outlook" = "he can be a bit of a cnut at times"
"Has overhead cam and direct fuel injection" = its no different to any other bloody engine

parabellum
23rd Jun 2013, 01:53
"Going to study for the Egyptian Staff College" = Going for an afternoon nap.

Cunning_Stunt
23rd Jun 2013, 05:27
Dances the chocolate cha-cha

A receiver of swollen goods.

A mud runner; likes the heavy going

Krystal n chips
23rd Jun 2013, 07:09
I feel the recent utterance about "emphasising a point", with a hand around the neck of the lady concerned at the time, as you do when emphasising points to others who may not agree with you of course, deserves a mention here.

crippen
23rd Jun 2013, 09:36
The best euphemism out here in the Land of the Massage surely must be"Do you want a happy ending":ok:

angels
23rd Jun 2013, 11:41
I have just heard the phrase "successful local businessman'.

In south London that always meant, "villain".

farsouth
23rd Jun 2013, 11:58
Another rich seam of euphemisms is that associated with DEATH. I hate expressions such as "passed on", "passed", "gone to a better place" (if 6 feet underground or into a furnace is a better place, then things must have been pretty bad before you died).

The finest example of this genre must be the many ways of referring to poor Polly's "passing"...............

( I've just googled the parrot sketch and found an addition from a live version that has left me in tears - "It's metabolic processes are a matter of interest only to historians")

moosp
23rd Jun 2013, 16:51
"He has a problem of sexual identity", and then when you get raised eyebrows add that he acts like a cnut.

Capetonian
23rd Jun 2013, 16:59
'A bit light on his feet.'
'Doing as well as can be expected.'

BenThere
23rd Jun 2013, 16:59
"He was a decorated soldier". Meaningless.

Milo Minderbinder
23rd Jun 2013, 17:06
Binary drive

description of the driving technique used by someone who drives at either full acceleration or full braking under all circumstances, with nothing in between

ricardian
23rd Jun 2013, 20:01
Obituaries in an area of East Sutherland used the word "kenspeckle" as a non-libelous way of describing a local rogue. However, it could also indicate someone who was well-known in the area; context was everything!

vulcanised
23rd Jun 2013, 20:05
That kenspeckle is a weird one I've not heard before.

Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.