View Full Version : Submission is a girl's best friend

28th Apr 2002, 08:34
The Sunday Times:

April 28, 2002

Submission is a girl's best friend
Sarah Baxter, New York

ADMIT it, girls, you want to be married. All you need do is surrender to your desires, be submissive and Mr Right will seek you out. That is the advice in a new book, The Surrendered Single, which dishes out a set of rules that will make the man of your dreams swoon.
The author, Laura Doyle, had a hit with The Surrendered Wife, which recommended that women give their wages to their husbands, never criticise their driving and be available for sex on demand. She is sure her formula for a lasting marriage applies to catching a man in the first place.

There is nothing more humiliating for a single woman than feeling desperate or imagining people see you that way. But acknowledging that you want a romantic partner is not desperate, it is honest and brave, she advises.

Where The Rules, the dating guide of the 1990s generation, tells women not to appear needy in any way, The Surrendered Single has more nuances. Doyle agrees that men do not like to feel hunted, but they can be reeled in. The trick is to flaunt your availability and compliant nature.

Show off your femininity and flirt with lots of men, Doyle says. One of them could be your future husband and the rest are good practice.

Say yes to most dates, because no man is perfect. Let men pay for dates, so they feel in charge. Enjoy kissing, but stay off sex until you have seen each other at least six times.

Never say "We need to talk about our relationship", words bound to send chaps leaping for the exit. Let them set the pace of the romance instead of nagging about commitment.

Doyle insists that ambitious women should defer to nobody at work, but must leave behind their carapace on dates. Too often, she argues, career women lack boyfriends because they are too scared to relinquish control. Every strong single woman I know rolls her eyes when I suggest that fear keeps her alone, said Doyle. She thinks there's nobody out there, but really the terror of risking her heart keeps her from acknowledging that any man could be right.?

The white-flag approach of The Surrendered Wife won the approval of Fay Weldon, the novelist, but Julie Burchill, the writer, noted: "Most men are smart enough to know it's a crafty way for some lazy cow to land them with the responsibility for everything".

The philosophy, however, has reaped sales rewards in America, where Doyle?s guide to wedded bliss sold 160,000 copies in three months. The Surrendered Single will be out in America next month and will be published in Britain in June.

Jen Barnett, 30, from Birmingham, Alabama, broke up with her fiancÚ last year. "The harder I tried to get him to talk, the greater the distance between us", she said.

She has followed Doyle?s rules ever since seeing her on Oprah Winfrey?s television show: "If men ask me out, I go; they call me, I'm thrilled. I don't pretend not to be home or to be hard to get. I don't ask why they didn't call or where this relationship is going".

Given the appetite for self-help guides to relationships, feminists are wary of dismissing Doyle's book as more suited to the 1950s than the 21st century. But they are concerned that she seems to be advising strong, capable women to pretend to be submissive.

"Finding a mate is a serious survival business and there's no shame in it", said Phyllis Chesler, the writer, "but the idea that we need to trick men into coupling is ridiculous".

Doyle sticks by her advice: "Women often protect themselves from disappointment by flaunting their independence. Strength is attractive but sends a 'Get away' message. Women want to be taken out for dinner, walked home, thought of, caressed and taken care of. These are feminine qualities which men are drawn to".

Doyle, 34, a former marketing copywriter, claims she was once a nag and that surrendering to her husband saved their marriage. When she was dating: "I told myself I didn't want to get married. I wasn't so much embracing the single life as trying to avoid pain".

She found fault with her future husband for sending a thank-you note after she made him lunch. "It's kind of wimpy, isn't it"? Doyle asked a girlfriend. "No", the friend said incredulously. "It's sweet". When Doyle got over her distaste, she married him.


Don't hunt Mr Right, attract him.

He pays for dinner.

Avoid discussing your relationship.

Refuse sex for six dates.

Leave ambition at the workplace.

Don't nag.


Sunday Times (http://www.sunday-times.co.uk/article/0,,178-280944,00.html)

28th Apr 2002, 08:59
So now we know.

The first five dates should therefore be very brief.

I have never ever expected a sexual encounter on the first date but sometimes you just have to be submissive and accept it.:D

28th Apr 2002, 10:43
Can the first five dates be on the same morning, culminating at lunch time in the pub!?;)

I never shag on a first date, infact I usually ignore the first date, and move swiftly onto the second!! By then my morals have been corrupted a little bit...:)

28th Apr 2002, 11:34
Bloke: "do you bonk on your first date?"
Chick: "no"
Bloke: "Oh, how about on your last date then?" :D

Firestorm, onya bike mate! :)

28th Apr 2002, 12:35
I can hardly wait to see how B+B responds to THIS one! :p

28th Apr 2002, 13:05
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<<fallin about laffin at that one>>

Hmmmmm...... YEAH RIGHTO!!!!!!

Laura Doyle was either desperate to get summat published when she wrote this..... or,..... maybe her hubby held a gun to her head and made her type every word he said??...... some men are like that ya know!!!! :p

As for the six dates,... we could make the whole process a little tougher and....... make it six years!!!! ;)
(On 2nd thoughts..... nahhhhhh!! :p )

OxExpat..... I'm such a girlie really!!!! :D

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Feeton Terrafirma
28th Apr 2002, 13:24
With B & B's new found understanding of men, she may well be able to make use of this book too :eek:

28th Apr 2002, 13:38
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And for all you guys who would like a submissive woman......


extracted from a REAL 1950's home economics text book ..

1) Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

(Make him a cheese sandwich!!!!!)

2) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

(Surf the net for 6 hours while he's out,.... look completely knackered by the time he comes home.... and pretend ya been really busy...when he asks 'what you been doing all day,... tell him to "Do one"!!!!)

3) Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

(The cheese sandwich should perk him up,.... while you get ready to go out partying with the girlies,.....if he's still not 'perked up' give him a yoghurt too!!!!)

4) Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc., and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

(Hahahaha..... do we 'look' daft??)

5) Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

(Yeah.... and pigs might fly!!!)

6) Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

(If ya going out with the girlies and he wants the kids scrubbed and clean,.... tough!!!)

7) Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.

(Eliminate all noise? Great idea.... let him take the kids to the park..... while you get ready for a night out with the girlies!!! )

8) Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

(Grin like a chesire cat.... and see his face hit the floor, while he wonders just how much ya night out is gonna end up costing HIM!!!)

9) Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

(Put ya earplugs in..... and keep grinning.... it'll put him off what he's trying to tell ya!!!)

10) Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.

(Whinge so much that he'd rather you went out.... and comes home early,..... he'd rather have a nice night relaxing at home anyway!!)

11) Your goal. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

(We all like that anyway...... that's acceptable,... but only if we can have that new fully fitted kitchen.... and if ya ain't got it, be sure to whinge about it constantly!!! He wants a peaceful house,... then he can have it,.... but only after we have what we want!!!)

12) Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

(True!! Greet him with "Did ya stop off at the cashpoint on the way home darling?")

13) Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

(Whattttttt,.... he stayed out all night????? Give him a good whack round the head with a baseball bat, this should ensure that he thinks twice before doing it again!!!)

14) Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

(Offer to tak his wallet out of his pocket..... if ya can find a crow bar!!!!!)

15) Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or authority. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfullness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place.

(Yep.... she sure does,....... as she leaves him with the washing, ironing, kids...... and slams the door behind her!!!!) ;)

The question is.... Where can a man find the equivalent of a 1950's girlie??


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28th Apr 2002, 14:25
What I want to know, as a working women, is where can I find a house-husband, who has been trained to the male equivilent of the 1950's The Good Wives Guide, PLEASE? ;)

But of course, I expect him to be tall, dark & handsome as well :)

28th Apr 2002, 16:31

there is an earlier source for the "Good Wives Guide" and it comes from a 1930s cookbook. From the same source "The Complete Illustrated Cookery Book" (first printed June 1934) Here is the list of what a household of 6 people require as basic in their kitchen :)

1 set of iron saucepans
1 fish kettle
1 double milk-pan
2 lipped pans
2 stew pans (6 ╝ in and 8 in)
1 preserving pan
1 set pans (assorted sizes)
2 small enamel pans
1 three-tiered steamer
1 frying pan
3 or 4 casseroles
1 large kettle
1 small kettle
1 gridiron
1 colander
1 grater
1 four dredger
1 set of skewers
1 glavanised bath
2 glavanised pails
1 tinned enamel basin
1 mincing machine
2 strainers
1 pint measure
1 fish slice
1 egg whisk
1 wire sieve
1 bread crock or tin
1 flour mug or tin
1 set of scales and weights
1 cake tin 4 in or 6 in
12 patty-pans
12 small cake tins
1 Yorkshire Pudding tin
1 baking tin
1 double baking pan with grid
2 or 3 large milk basins
A set of basins
4 or 5 fireproof dishes
2 or 3 pie dishes
1 pudding mould
1 or 2 jelly moulds
6 plates for cooking
2 or 3 knives and forks
2 wooden spoons
1 tablespoon
1 dessertspoon
2 teaspoons
1 basting ladle
1 soup ladle
1 potato knife
1 chopper
1 pastry board
1 rolling pin
1 chopping board
1 breadboard
1 set of jugs
1 tea tray
1 toaster or toasting fork
a coal scuttle
1 coal hammer
1 fire rake
1 fender
1 set of fire irons
1 flue brush
1 hearth brush
2 blacklead brushes
1 cinder sifter
1 long broom
1 long handled scrubbing brush
1 yard brush
1 bucket and mop
2 scrubbing brushes
1 sink brush
1 metal pan scrubber
1 pot brush
1 dust pan
1 floor cloth
mops for washing up
2 oven cloths
1 corkscrew
1 tin opener
1 pair of scissors
1 knife sharpener
1 sink basket
1 salt box, pepper pot and mustard pot

Old King Coal
28th Apr 2002, 16:56
Good girlfriends suck.

And of they want to be a wife, they swallow too ! ;)

Better still, a really 'nasty' wife garggles !!! :D

Chimbu chuckles
29th Apr 2002, 03:14
OKC but unfortunately as soon as they have the gold band firmly on the finger and a couple of rug rats it's all over.

Haven't you heard the joke;

Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?

Because she knows she doesn't have to give head anymore!

Little wonder Mysogeny is on the rise!!


Feeton Terrafirma
29th Apr 2002, 12:09
B & B,

I think I see where you went wrong with men ;)

29th Apr 2002, 15:22

I dont think so!!!!!!!!!!

BnB, your sound more like the truth, keep up the good work;)