View Full Version : Alcoholism

8th May 2013, 21:54
I am an addict to alcohol

I have just lost a wife, job and home.

Absolutely distraught and friendless

Anyone else been through this that I could chat to, apart from AA etc.....



DX Wombat
8th May 2013, 22:03
Not me Candoo, but it might be a good idea for people to contact you via pm. Well done for admitting your problem, it takes a lot of courage but you can be encouraged by the fact that it is the first step on the road to recovery. I wish you well.

Annulus Filler
8th May 2013, 22:33
Candoo, the first step you must take is go to your local GP and show him this post. Keep us posted on how you are progressing. Do it today and you will sleep better tonight.

Arm out the window
8th May 2013, 22:36
You can and will rise above it, mate. Don't give up.

8th May 2013, 23:03
Anyone else been through this that I could chat to, apart from AA etc.....

Why would you ignore the experts in the area you are having trouble with?

They do not push religion down your throat - they are not after your money. Those two points alone make them 10 times better than an annonymous post on a forum.

8th May 2013, 23:07
PMd you candoo


8th May 2013, 23:49
Check your PMs Candoo.

9th May 2013, 00:04
Oh yes - you check them boy!

Life is too important to do this to yourself, your family, your wife and your friends.

You are in for a difficult time, but if you can rise above it - we'll be waiting to hear that you have done it.

Airborne Aircrew
9th May 2013, 01:09

Anyone else been through this that I could chat to, apart from AA etc.....Right!!!! For a start. you can leave me out of this... I don't want you crying and drooling on my shoulder...

On the other hand - Congratulations... You've reached the point of realizing that the tipple you once enjoyed has become something that has robbed you of things you want and need...

It's only upwards from here... But only as long as you want it to be...

Good luck... :D:D:D

9th May 2013, 02:42

My friend, I second DX Wombat's comment in that you have already taken the first step to recovery. That really is the hardest part, but please, I encourage you to go to an AA meeting. You don't even have to tell them your real name. You will be welcomed with open arms and you will have more friends than you can ever imagine.

Well done you. :ok:

Please do not hesitate to send me a PM.


9th May 2013, 03:04
I second the message from 11Fan....use the resources that are geographically around you. They are equipped towards success.

You can overcome this low point in your life and I wish you the best in the efforts that face you in getting there. :ok:

9th May 2013, 06:54
As per the others, you have taken the biggest step in dealing with the problem and perhaps the hardest.

Many will not admit to themselves that they have problem, but it is only when that problem is confronted that recovery can begin.

well done you. you have taken the first step toward recovery.

9th May 2013, 07:05
I have had the opportunity, and I do regard it as an opportunity rather than a misfortune, to have had to deal with people suffering from alcoholism several times.

Three of them would not admit that they had a problem. One is now dead (edit : through alcohol abuse and resulting medical complications, he died aged 46), he was one of my closest friends, one is hospitalised and has lost his mind and his purpose, and one is living a worthless, pointless and miserable life drifting between shelters and sleeping rough. They are both destined for an early demise.

Two of them were professional people with good jobs, decent homes, and a family. The third was ....... well ... let's just say she wasn't like the others, but she was intelligent and had a decent career until she started drinking and losing jobs.

The fourth accepted that he had a problem, took advice, spent a year in an institution, and came out in remission from the illness, for there is no cure, and is now living a happy and fruitful life.

I'd like to think that the above is a pointer for you. You have taken the biggest step, from there on it's easier. Good luck.

9th May 2013, 07:12
i hope Candoo that you can see from the above posts that there is support, no admonishment, even from a bunch of lunatics on a web forum loosely tied by an industry who from time to time rip the merry hell out of each other.

9th May 2013, 07:59
Capetonian has got it spot on. If you don't do something about it, you can see where you will end up.

You've lost a lot, but you haven't lost everything. If you carry on drinking you will lose everything. Period.

The Duchess of Cambridge has nominated Action on Addiction (http://www.actiononaddiction.org.uk/home.aspx) as one of her main charities as they helped some of her friends out. It's not just for yuppies though. Take a look at the site and it will give you some advice at the very least.

Also, do check out your local AA meets. Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) Great Britain (http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/)

Best of liuck.

9th May 2013, 08:07
What a brave post. You've taken the first step. Now you just need to keep walking. Meantime, I'll keep you in my prayers.

9th May 2013, 08:12
I'm not a big 'joiner', prefer to sort my snags out myself. However, my MIL has been with AA for 25 years and regards it as her saviour. I had been sceptical, but have to admit that it has changed her life for the better. The responses above probably mean you've phoned them. If not, do it. Good luck.


9th May 2013, 08:54
One of the problems of addicition is that people think they can sort themselves out. Sadly, it's usually not the case.

As Twain said, "It's easy to give up smoking. I've done it hundreds of times....."

9th May 2013, 09:24
Well, 50% of the problem is recognising the problem. So you're half way to getting better already! :ok:

You're not the first and not the last either- and better men than you or I have passed this way.

Good luck from me.

You've everything to play for.

DX Wombat
9th May 2013, 10:28
Candoo, I hope you can see from all the above posts that whilst we may not know you as a personal friend, you have lots of internet friends many of whom are praying and all of whom are willing you to succeed. None will criticise you if you have a blip we are all human and none of us is perfect in spite of what we may like to think and from time to time we all need help in one form or another. Get the professional help you need, the people working in that area will not regard you as weak because you need help but rather as courageous for having taken that second step (the first was admitting your problem). Keep going, you have our support and we want to hear how you get on. You CAN do it. :ok:

Worrals in the wilds
9th May 2013, 11:39
Fun, huh. Been there.
You having fun? I'm guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. :(

What you need is a goal, a hobby; one that is mutually incompatible with drinking.

You need to Get Fit. I'm sure you've heard this before :}. Sunday newspapers and monthly magazines make a fortune out of selling this ideal. Why? Becuase it's a popular goal. Everyone wants to be the fit bastard/ girl on the block. :cool: Why? Because most of us suck at at. It's far easier to open the bottle and put the goal off until tomorrow, so that's what we do. :(

However, when there is nothing left, you still have yourself. How're you looking? All good, or could use some work? Who'm I kidding, we could all use some work, so I'm sure you're the same ;), and guess what? No bastard can take the goals away from you. :ok: Maybe everything else has fallen in a heap, so what's left? You.

Get running mate. Get running and get lifting. This is what humans were designed to do. Hunt, fish, gather and run. The rest is just 21st century noise.

If you want to drink after that then go ahead, but do the running and the lifting first. If you cant afford weights then lift whatever garbage is around. Running's always free :}. These are two activities that no-one else around you can impact on and no-one can take away your achievements. If you run further and lift more garbage than you did yesterday, then all your detractors can go take a jump. You did okay. For all that, if you choose to drink, then don't eat crap. Actually don't eat crap either way.

Don't buy into the processed food racket; buy the best meat and veg you can afford. If they're a bit veiny/scary then stew is a great option. Think like granny :}! Add enough pepper/garlic and it tastes better than frozen pizza, and will actually feed your body with proper nutrients intead of trans fats and salt.

The fitter you get the less important grog will be. You may not give it away (perish the thought :\) but getting up for a run is mutually incompatible with spending the whole night on the piss. Half the night? Well, that's negotiable, but get your arse out of bed either way.

Then, when you're feeling like the World's Biggest Dork you can rest assured that at least you're a fit, good looking dork, and when people have a crack at your new lifestyle then you can snigger at their paunch and say 'yeah, but how do you feel :hmm:?

Beat the feet. The rest follows on. Take care! BTW, I'm doing my best to follow my own excellent advice...:\

9th May 2013, 12:15


9th May 2013, 13:06
Thanks guys ALL the comments mean a lot to me

9th May 2013, 13:49
candoo wrote: I have just lost a wife, job and home.

Did you lose a wife (presumably you have several then? ;) ), the job and home because you were an alcoholic or the loss of one (or more) of the above "drove you" to becoming one - there may be an important difference?

I write this because I have a problem with alcohol too. I've found solace and comfort from consuming alcohol on a regular basis over the past 5-7 years. Though I've never ever lost a wife, job or whatever for "it". I'd argue that addiction to "human-vices" in their many forms, but especially the "over-taxation" concerning alcohol and tobacco products by governments almost everywhere would today represent the most important reason for alcoholics etc. to fall into debt and eventually be thrown out onto the streets...

There is very little logic in any government's taxation policies or those of voluntary or charitable organisations in addressing the issues involved.

What is certain though, is that once you do ever "go over the edge" and find yourself out on the street etc., there are very few organisations with the means of rehabilitating you (if that was the case) as the origins of your addictions are seldom addressed directly. The average citizen might see you sleeping rough on the street in the early-morning, when going to work. But you're not their child / parent (anymore)... :sad:

AA is not always the "bees' knees"...

Good luck candoo...

9th May 2013, 14:23
About candoo
Licence Type (eg CPL. Pilots only)
happy SLF
Planes trains and automobiles
Sales manager - Aerospace products

9th May 2013, 15:40

And your point is?

9th May 2013, 17:09
Rehab is for Quitters!

Seriously speaking....a dear Friend fought this battle and won. He almost died on us twice from drinking too much too quick....and see sawed from being a Drunk to being Sober....until he realized his drinking was going to kill him. He then joined AA and has been Sober for 18 years now. He keeps Beer in the house for guests....but not one of us will take a drink in front of him as we support his need to stay Sober. It is a daily battle for him but so far he has turned his life around.

It is a hard fight...but unless you accept you have a problem....and decide to steer a safer course....it will be a nearly impossible path. Once you embrace the fact you have a problem...the rest is much more sure and easier than without that total commitment. That is how my friend describes it....Lord knows he struggled enough over the Forty-Five Years I have known him.

I admire you for having the courage to confront your problem....and hope to hear how you are progressing.

Ancient Observer
9th May 2013, 17:17
Mate of mine was senior honcho at a big beancounting firm. Been a partner for some years. Took early retirement and the drink took over. Lost wife, house, family, car, license.

Hates AA.

Trying to get a grip via the keep fit thing, (good recommendation above), but still struggles with the drink. He's getting there, but slowly.

It is extremely difficult. I have no answers for him, and none for you, other than it is bloody hard work, and then more bloody hard work.

Mike X
9th May 2013, 17:34
JB is enough to drive me to it. :}

Otherwise, I'm addicted to the juice. After more than 20 years of heavy drinking, my body demands it. Pursuant to much study, I believe it is a psychological issue.

Either way, eat well !

P.S. I don't imbibe much after a good spliff.

9th May 2013, 17:44
Ancient wrote:

It is extremely difficult. I have no answers for him, and none for you, other than it is bloody hard work, and then more bloody hard work.Nothing worth the effort in life is easy. And can only make you stronger as a result.

Mike X:

What's a "spliff". Remember, you have Yanks on these here threads he may not be well versed in things of a British nature!!!

9th May 2013, 17:49
All the best-let us know how you are doing. We are all rooting for you CANdoo :ok:

9th May 2013, 17:55
What's a "spliff".

Same as a splinky...

I can only support the positive comments above - seeing three good friends die due to this pernicious poison caused me to quit for good. Thirteen years ago.

Good luck Candoo!

9th May 2013, 18:28

I know several people who swear by AA. However, these people tell me it doesn't work for some people who have joined AA. A close friend of mine went to a couple of meetings recently and said they were pleasant and there was no pressure at all. So good luck in whatever you do.

Airborne Aircrew
9th May 2013, 18:42
Hates AA.

That's it!!!! I'm changing my darned name!!!! :uhoh:

Mike X
9th May 2013, 18:43
RG-You're shitting me !

If the cousins don't know, serves them right !

Anyway, filling one's mind with meaningful info may help.

The more I think I understand about my fellow man, the more I want to get out of it. What's so difficult about live and let live ?.

Or live and let die.

9th May 2013, 18:53
Live and let live is fine, Mike X. But 'humanity' tells us that if we see a fellow earth-walker suffering, for whatever reason, it might behoove us to lend an ear or a few words in support. At least that.

Menschliches, Allzumenschliches.

9th May 2013, 20:51
I had a friend here, German lady, serious problems in dealing with relationships, and boy, could she drink. When she ws sober she was the very best, but when drunk - which was often - she was a howling menace to herself and everyone around her. She'd drag herself over the road to the supermarket and buy as much spirits as she had money for, and drag herself home and pour them down her throat. Most of us who tried to help - oh yes, myself included - just gave up fighting the impossible battle against her craving for alcohol.

Does an adult have the right to do this to themselves ? Is their own decision to be respected, even though it is suicidal ? Do we friends and relatives have the right to do anything - over and over again - to stop the awful process ?

Fate has dealt you a cruel hand, Candoo. But we are all on your side in your fight. Don't ever forget that.

9th May 2013, 21:45
Hi Candoo, it's a great post.

I suspect you've passed the most important milestone already.

The reigns have been tightened on the M&H forum, so we have to be a little careful about advice we give out, but I think it's important to say that in the short term, you do need some professional advice before just "giving up."

I wish you well, please keep us updated, however rocky the journey.:)

Mac the Knife
9th May 2013, 22:56
Seen 'em come and go (and die/suicide).

AA has the best record of all for long term recovery.

You have to buy into the AA system - "fake it till you make it".

Buy in or lose it all - Hobson's choice.

One highly respected colleague - 17 years clean.
Another (and friend) - 8 years clean says (quote from letter)

"At first a day is unimaginable, then a week, then a month.
90 meetings in 90 days means just that. Do it (and there's lots of help from people in the groups) and before you know it you're 3 months clean.

So you slip (AA may not give you sobriety, but it'll spoil your drinking forever),
almost everyone does, but you just rejig your AA birthday and start again.

Your pride and your health start to return, you regain the ability to think coherently, you stop being afraid, you start to help others, you make the first
of many confessions, you stop being a prisoner and rediscover a person.

You understand that for us, control does not exist - we are special, and for us
there can be only one choice - nil, nada, nothing, never, never again.

Alcohol is the great leveller - in AA you will find lawyers, brickies, accountants,
carpenters, hairdressers, surgeons, housewives, bums and geniuses - we are all equal.

Our stories differ in details, but the basis is always the same - alcohol produces
in us not an pleasant sufficiency but an increasing demmand for more, more,
until it kills us or until some special part of the human psyche refuses to
be killed and we seek for help.

Who best to help but others so affected? No non-alcoholic can ever
comprehend what it does to us and how helpless we are in its clutches.
Fellow-sufferers see through all the bulls**t and excuses for they
themselves have traficced in these lies.

The acceptation of powerlessness and the acceptation of what we need to
regain power is the key."

This was for me a profundly moving letter and it made me start to understand a situation which for most of us is incomprehensible.

The author is a colleague and a brilliantly talented physician who almost flushed herself down the loo.

Now, I refer my most challenging patients to her.

Courage Candoo!

The road ahead is hard and beset with pitfalls but the rewards are great.

Best wishes



10th May 2013, 11:13

Sounds like an acquaintance of ours. My wife did all should could for her but it was hopeless. She would call us at 4 in the morning drunk out of her mind, vicious and nasty, blaming my wife for all her problems. She is a very intelligent woman from a good family but unfortunately "the demon rum" won her over. We just gave up.

10th May 2013, 11:56
I never drank a lot of alcohol, a glass or two with meals. Last October, as part of an overall life check and diet, I decided to give it up completely and feel better as a result.

There are a couple of downsides. Friends and acquaintances who, despite knowing all this, still have not got the message and try to ply me with drink. What part of "No" don't they understand? Also, staying sober at dinner parties lets me see how other guests behaviour and character alters over an evening. Intelligent conversation gradually descends into slurred drivel, when they think they are becoming wittier. At least I can drive home afterwards without falling foul of the Gendarmes.

13th May 2013, 11:58
Candoo how are you getting on? We'd be interested to know (but in your own time, when you're feeling strong). All the best.

Milo Minderbinder
13th May 2013, 20:26

A few years back my wife chose the day I was made redundant to tell me she wanted a divorce. The bitch was waiting till I was down before she threw a knockout punch......she ended up with the house as well once all the financials were painfully resolved. So yeah, I was sans house, sans job, sans wife.
But guess what - I was bloody happy afterwards. It was a shit job and she was a neurotic nagging bitch. I was better off without both of them. I ended up working for myself, earning less but being a damned sight less stressed.

As to the alcohol -afterwards I drank less. I didn't need to drink to get away from her or the job
It strikes me that in the OP's case something was fundamentally wrong in his life, something that needed changing. Now he's got a golden opportunity to make that change for the better. Don't concentrate on the alcohol. Concentrate on the rest of life and the alcohol will go away. The stresses which led to the alcohol should now have gone