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OFSO
5th May 2013, 14:14
Today we had guests for lunch: (a) good friends I like very much (b) they are Germans with the usual (and praiseworthy) love of 'ordnung' and (c) I also insist that everything is in order and laid out perfectly.

So while the mem' slaved in the kitchen cooking as many courses as she could dream up, I laid the table myself - three sets of cutlery, different glasses for different wines and drinking-water with sliced lime and lemon, and finally I went outside and cut the best mountain rose I could find for the table centrepiece. Everything: cutlery, glasses, plates - millimetre spaced. Nothing to complain of there, right ?

Wrong.

Mrs OFSO comes out and said "silly man - you used the white afternoon tea napkins, not the white lunch napkins" and changed them over.

Now chaps, is there anyone here who has ever got anything right in the eyes of their beloved spouse ? If you have, speak up !

Checkboard
5th May 2013, 14:22
You were lucky the mem' caught it before the guests were seated! :eek:

I would have walked out of the house, with such a faux pas :hmm:

Capetonian
5th May 2013, 14:25
Lesser things have caused divorces.

vulcanised
5th May 2013, 15:18
What does it matter what colour they are before you blow your nose on them?

I.R.PIRATE
5th May 2013, 15:35
I seem to get earning the money to fill the credit card dams every month, right. Haven't heard a complaint there. But everything else, I get woefully wrong, every time. Seems I never learn.

603DX
5th May 2013, 15:44
A husband's place is in the wrong!

'Twas ever thus ...

ExRAFRadar
5th May 2013, 15:52
"you used the white afternoon tea napkins, not the white lunch napkins"

Please dear God she was being ironic, or you are making it up.

If it's the first, well as irony goes it is not the best, if it's the second, think of something better.

If it's true, using the wrong napkins is the least of your problems....

cavortingcheetah
5th May 2013, 16:27
How To Get On In Society by John Betjeman


Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.

Cacophonix
5th May 2013, 16:40
At least you didn't pass the port the wrong way around.

PS - I do hope you had the mess Webley oiled and loaded in case of such a disgrace...

Caco

sled dog
5th May 2013, 16:49
I find i am sometimes right in what i do around the house, but i always play golf left handed............and my Wife can cook to Chef standards, so i do not mind being wrong.

Bob Lenahan
5th May 2013, 16:58
This was a real conversation. I think this type thing is typical.

Wife is talking to her husband, a practicing civil engineer, who designed and built his house. About 60% thru the construction, he is considering making a small change:

Wife: Why don't you get and engineer to do this?
Him: I am an engineer.
Wife: Well, you know. I mean a real engineer.
Him: I am a real engineer.

etc.
Bob.

toffeez
5th May 2013, 16:59
Mrs German to Mr German: oh no, we've been invited to the OFSOs for lunch.

Herr G: you mean that one with the fussy wife? Can't we find an excuse? Last time we went it was a nightmare, all those different glasses and cutlery. Yet they refuse to buy flowers, just pluck one dirty stalk from the back yard.

Mrs G: yes, I remember, and those awful white napkins. I don't know who they're trying to impress. Let's say we have a prior engagement and go to the restaurant ourselves. Better food, too, no sauerkraut.
.

cavortingcheetah
5th May 2013, 16:59
It is much cheaper to hire younger chefs as you advance in years than it is to enlist the services of younger wives at the theoretical expense of the older ones.

OFSO
5th May 2013, 17:33
you used the white afternoon tea napkins, not the white lunch napkins

Technically the wife was right - when we started to eat lunch. However we all had such a great time that much later it was indeed time for afternoon tea (actually afternoon coffee and cake, of which we partook).

The port stayed in the locker. But the water glasses were cleared away before a number of Disloyal Toasts were drunk.

Solid Rust Twotter
5th May 2013, 18:00
Seriously? The sooner the ntombezaan learns that you don't really give a rancid rodent's rectum and does it herself if she wants it done right, the easier things will go for both.

Mike X
5th May 2013, 18:51
^ 1

WTF OFSO ?

OFSO
5th May 2013, 19:01
Much to the distress of certain posters on JB who would be horrified at the thought of Germans doing so, we downed a few glasses to the long hoped-for failure of the eurozone. Which might be considered disloyal (ha ha) to Brussels.

Big Hammer
5th May 2013, 19:18
One would have hoped the pub was open and a visit needed forthwith! :E

angels
5th May 2013, 19:24
What are 'guests' please?

Mike X
5th May 2013, 19:33
If only I'd taken a bet with the a*hole back in '94. I Said the Euro would never work. Well.. well..

"Guests" is a euphemism. ;)