Nick Lappos-no more questions

[ho lung chun]

Yet another bloody question for Nick Lappos. I've forgotten more about helicopters than Nick Lappos will ever know, so how about "a question for ho lung chun"? Go on-ask me ANYTHING, either about helicopters-especially Robbies-or anything else. You name it- sport, sex (especially gay), philately-ANYTHING.

[Heliport]

Thanks for your very kind offer, ho lung.
I'm sure Nick will be very grateful to be able to share the burden.
Hope you'll be able to cope with the rush of questions. :D

[ShyTorque]

How do they get the trains down the MTR tunnels?

Why is abbreviate such a long word?

And DO they use MSG or not?

Sorry for three at once, I just really need to know the answers to these as soon as possible......Thanks.

;)

[heedm]

I had a list of good questions emailed to me a while ago. I'll try dig it up for you. Stuff like, "Why isn't phonetic spelled with an 'f'?"

[Flying Lawyer]

How do they grow seedless grapes?

[Lu Zuckerman]

To: Ho Lung Chun or, can I call you Ho?

Since you are a self-described expert on helicopters and especially Robinson Helicopters please answer the following as I have been wondering about it for several years.

When the Robinson is rigged the collective setting is made first placing the swashplate in a level position and the helicopter is also leveled and the extremes of swashplate collective movement are established. In this level position the cyclic stick is in the neutral position along the longitudinal axis with equal fore and aft travel. When the cyclic is moved from the neutral position until it contacts the forward fixed stop the blade is set to a specific pitch. When aft cyclic travel is established by moving the cyclic from the full forward position past the neutral mid position until it hits the aft stop the pitch is measured and the required pitch is greater than the pitch for forward cyclic. If the pitch must be adjusted it will change the pitch set for the forward cyclic condition. If the pitch has to be changed the mechanic is told to check if the forward pitch has been changed but he is not told what to do if there is a change in the setting.

Based on the above procedure I have a few questions:

1) If the cyclic is in the neutral position longitudinally and the swashplate level there is equal movement from that point to the forward and aft stop. If this is the case, how can the pitch setting for the forward and aft cyclic rigging be different?


2) If the setting for aft changes the setting for the forward position what does the mechanic have to do? If he readjusts the setting to accommodate the aft setting then the forward setting will again be different from the aft setting and have to be reset which causes the mechanic to play Ring-Around-The-Rosie with no specific instructions as to what to do.


3) Can you lease explain the 18-degree offset?
.
4) How did the helicopter get certified with fixed control stops when the certification requirements state that there must be adjustable stops?

[sprocket]

In your own words, please describe the phenomenon called Wee Waa!

[Heliport]

ho
Lu's question is a spoof.
All the others are genuine. :)

[Lu Zuckerman]

To: Heliport

Not so. It was taken directly from the rigging procedures in the R-22 maintenance manual. I could have made many more comments relative to the inconsistencies in the procedure but it would be like beating a dead horse.

Thanks for the additional question Sprocket.

[Cyclic Hotline]

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? :confused:

[Barannfin]

Well that depends, is it an African swallow?




GET THE HOLY HAND GRENADE!

[Droopy]

Where are all four corners of the world?

[Hone22]

When will I be able to log in as Hone407?

(really looking fwd to the 4 cnrs of the world answer):)

[ho lung chun]

LZ wrote:

"... can I call you Ho?"

Ho Lung Chun sez:

No. Do I call you Zucker? Besides you are always arguing with Nick Lappos and criticizing Robinson. Sometimes you make me ashamed to be Jewish.

Cyclic Hotline wrote:

"...blah blah blah swallow?"

Ho Lung Chun sez:

How could you know the swallow is one of my favourite birds! I can often be found around the Lan Kwai Fong district in search of the elusive wide-mouthed Chinese swallow. My other favourite bird is the kiwi, the adorable flightless bird of New Zealand, which is the only bird named after a fruit. Here is a question (not for NL) - are New Zealanders (Kiwis) named after the bird or the fruit?

I don't have time to answer the rest of your stupid questions because I must prepare for my R22 captaincy upgrade.

[Cyclic Hotline]

Kiwi's are named after the shoe polish. :)

Hold on a minute - you're supposed to be answering the questions, not asking them! :rolleyes:

You are mistaken to think that the Kiwi is the only bird named after a fruit, the Mandarin duck is so named because of it's orange balls, reminiscent of the Oranges of the same name!

Here's one for you.
When you become an R-22 captain, which seat do you occupy?

[ho lung chun]

The Captain's seat of course.

[Dave Jackson]

ho lung chun,

Please don't stop giving answers.

Some people may want to copy the learned ones.

http://www.unicopter.com/File_Toiletpaper.gif

[ho lung chun]

Hone22 wrote:
"When can I log in as Hone407", and ".. blah blah 4 corners of the world, blah blah."

Ho Lung Chun sez:

Ho Ne, are you Chinese? Maybe we are related. I am half German (the top half)-a very unattractive man. About the log in name- I think it is very pretentious calling yourself Hone22. Do I call myself Ho Lung Chun22? About the 4 corners-it is a myth, just like the 7 seas.

Ho Lung Chun will be away next week so if any more posts appear under my name you will know they are bogus. Moderator, I hope you are paying attention.

[advancing_blade]

I already had tears in my eyes from laughing so much, but then the shoe polish and Dave's great .gif. I almost choked on my toast :D :D :D

[ho lung chun]

Cyclic Hotline, you may be right about the shoe polish but you are wrong about the duck. The duck and the fruit are both named after the LANGUAGE. I don't know why-ask Nick Lappos.
Note, this is not a bogus post.

[Steve76]

Ho ..... mate....

'cause I know you are busy studying for your captains upgrade - and having done a couple of those in my days, I will assist you in some of your answers to some of the queries.

My wife tells me that I think I am the centre of the Universe, so thats a good place to start for figuring out the 4 corners of the planet. Also its a hell of a long slab wing ride to Canuk land, so that means NZ must be one of the 4 corners.

NZer = Kiwi = flightless bird. Note our redundant airforce carries this emblem. Symbolic.

HOWEVER, blatently obvious evidence to refute my thoughts is the fact that all aussies think the sun shines out their posterior.
That must place them somewhere in the east? As you can see you really have your work cut out with that little question.

While I'm on the subject. Pray tell; where does east meet west?

Hone, just concentrate on becoming Hone269C. That is enough for now ..... :D Personally, I want to be Steve92 or Steve26 .... dreams are free ..... eh!

[B Sousa]

And not one comment from Nick.......Wow, hes gonna be hot when he finds out Lu Zuckerman(with one N) outgunned him......

[t'aint natural]

Enough messing about, this is a serious question. It's been bugging me for years. Ho, you know the little label on the bar of soap? How d'you get it to stick to the bar of soap all the way down until it's a little wee runt of a thing you have to throw away? With the label still on it? Did Confucius address this? Serious now.

[Droopy]

And what is the correct scientific name for that short period of time - about 10 seconds - which elapses between leaving the room your wife is in and her deciding the conversation hasn't actually finished and may be continued in a normal tone of voice, despite the fact that you are now in the kitchen with the radio on?

[heedm]

ummmm....how can you "leave the room your wife is in" and then be in the kitchen? Do you have two kitchens? Maybe your wife is doing laundry and you're getting yourself a beer.


I sure hope my wife isn't here under a pseudonym.

[Lu Zuckerman]

To: Ho Lung Chun

Looking at the responses to your initial post it appears that you have taken on the identity of a Humming Gator. That is an animal that allows its’ Alligator mouth to overload its’ Hummingbird ass.

Having been in this position not too long ago I can tell you it will take some time to regain your credibility.

;) ;)

[Hoverman]

Brilliant!
The funniest thread I've ever seen on Rotorheads.
Well done Ho Lung Chun.
I'm sorry you're going away for a week.
Let us know when your information service is up and running again! :D :D

[Nick Lappos]

Oh Lord, I haven't had this good a laugh in a looong time!

The shoe polish gets the prize, but there are tons of second prizes...is this the internet equivilent of a laugh-in?

ho lung chun, I think I flew with your cousin, who rode a Cobra down to a hard landing and was then known as On Hung Lo

B sousa, don't worry, I even cracked a smile at Lu's further 18 degrees of seperation from the real world.



Thanks, ho lung chun ( I quake in fear of shortening your name) for starting this riot! The answer, BTW, is 12. That is it, I said so, and, as Archie said, Its a fact, you can look it up.

[StevieTerrier]

Yeah, I need to know some things...

(1) Why is a boxing ring square?

(2) Why is a Guinea Pig so called? is it from Guinea? No. Is it a member of the pig family? No.

Thanks in advance

[B Sousa]

On a more serious note is Ho Lung Chun in some fashion related to Low Hung Wang ( Hes a famous name from the Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus)<<<< They can be found on any internet search.
Low hung Wang was grandfather of the Too Children all of whom were girls...... Too Yung Too, Too Dumb Too, Too Fat Too, Too Old Too and Sum Fun Too.
I mean are We losing it here or what...................

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."

[Barannfin]

If the meaning of life was a number what would it be?
Also if you had a cabin crew with names like Clarence, Roger, and Victor what would happen?

[Arm out the window]

If you had cabin crew with names like those, then what would happen is that you would probably be perfecting the 5-finger shuffle on overnighters, unless you were batting for the other team.

And I'd suggest that a boxing ring is square because it's shaped like a box.

It's also a well known fact that a Guinea pig is so named because in 12th century England, you were fined one Guinea and called a deviant pig if you were found having sex with one.

(Actually, I made that last one up).

[virgin]

Barannfin
Nick has already answered one of your questions.
The answer's 12.

Ho Lung Chun's answer to Lu (with one n) at the top of page 2 still has me chuckling.

Congrats on starting a great thread Ho Lung Chun :D

[Hone22]

Ho .......

If the answer is 42..............

what was the question? (I'm sure this qualifies as a ?)


& yes the 22 is a little pretentious, but I'm a helo pilot and I've always gone with the motto

If ya can't blind em with Brilliance...........baffle em with Bullsh!t.

[RotorHorn]

Why isn't there another word for Thesaurus? :confused:

anyway Droopy, count yourself lucky - I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months...I don't like to interrupt her... ;)

"Take my wife... please..."

[flipped]

What are you lot doing in my house :confused:

How come I have missed this forum for years :confused:

Why am I so confused :confused:

[NigD]

what happened to lo hung chicks, or whatever the name is, request for questions on gay sex??

Come on lads, you can't tell me that having a close relationship with someone else's chopper doesn't have any sexual connatations. errrrrr or it just me!!!!

Will I regret saying this????

I am due to be married next year honestly!!

[widgeon]

OK what is the worst name to have if you are working in Israel ( Beside Yasser I mean ).....

Ken .

Anyone know why ?.

[RW-1]

You dont want lo hung chicks, for they have drooped, sometimes in several places.

[ShyTorque]

Ho Lung Chun,

I am very disappointed. Mine were the very first questions and you don't seem to have been able to answer any of them.

I didn't think they were that difficult. Are you still doing research?

Would it help if I sent a self-addressed envelope?

p.s. sorry, that's two more questions. Didn't mean to be greedy, your great knowledgeness ;)

[Heliport]

Shy Torque
Don't be so impatient!
Ho Lung Chun answers difficult questions immediately, the impossible ones take a little longer.
He said he was going away for a week. I don't know whether that's to study for his 'R22 Captaincy upgrade', or to think about your questions.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Heliport

[the coyote]

I have almost finished my R22 copilot exams, can you give me some tips for my captaincy upgrade in 2004?

And one other thing...is a frogs bum watertight? If so, does my boss realise he is carrying a frogs bum in his back pocket? Maybe my boss has a thing for frogs bums yes?

[ShyTorque]

Gadzooks, Heliport,

You're right, I am an impatient Shytorque.

I withdraw my impatienceness immediately on grounds of flight safety. I don't want the poor chap worrying about my questions while he should be concentrating on keeping one of those R-22 thingys airborne.....

p.s. Anybody else help out with the answers?;)

[MaxNg]

Ho Lung Chun

? why do I have problems spelling Dyslexia

[Gainesy]

Max,
Ever go to a toga party dressed as a goat?

[M.Mouse]

Something I have always pondered

'Are lovers on a hill inclined?'

and why does 'traffic calming' make me angry?

[Helicopterman]

I still want to know how you get seedless grapes ? I also would like to know how come the really good looking chicks go out with the fat fuc-ing ugly guys..

Why when you hit your elbow and it hurts like hell.. why do they call it the funny bone,,,,

:D

[heedm]

Helicopterman,


You get seedless grapes from a seedless grape plant.

Good looking chicks go out with ugly guys because we're fun to be with.

It's called the funny bone because humerous is too big a word for skinny beautiful men with ugly girlfriends.

[400 Hertz]

The word helicopter is derived from two Greek words: HELIX (referring to SPIRAL) and PTERON (referring to WING). Hence, 'SPIRAL WING' or HELICOPTER.

What we really need to know is if all pilots have to sit down for a p1ss?:eek:

[ho lung chun]

I'm back.
Ha ha, there are many clever and interesting questions, but mostly stupid ones.
Some of you have been emailing me your questions. Here is a small sample, but don't worry I will change your name to avoid embarrassment.

"George" Lappos (not his real name) wrote:

Ho Lung Chun, thank you for your help with the S92 gearbox problem. Your suggestion worked. Now I am having trouble designing the cup holders. The cups keep falling through. Help!

Ho Lung Chun sez:
Make the hole smaller or get bigger cups...derrr.

Lou Zuckernmann (not the correct spelling to preserve anonymity) wrote:
Mr Ho Lung Chun Sir,
Thank you for explaining to me about the 18 degree offset and the design features of the Robinson. I now realise what a fantastic helicopter the Robbie is. I was so wrong!! When I was a barrel boy on a whaling ship in 1822....

Dave Jackson (yes this is his real name. He is being outed for always posing annoying and irrelevant aerodynamics questions) wrote:
I have a question concerning gyroscopic precession, and here it is:
Imagine a really strong, buff, man like "The Rock" (not his real name) were to grab me by both hands and swing me rapidly round in a circle so that his body was like the vertical axis of a gyroscope and my body was horizontal to the ground with my feet prescribing the circumference of a circle. My questions is:

a).Is this technically known as a 'dizzy- whizzy" or an "aeroplane ride?"
B) If he let go of my hands would my body fly off at a tangent or at right angles to his body?

Ho Lung Chun sez:
a). It's technically a dizzy-whizzy because he is holding both hands. An aeroplane ride is where he holds an arm and a leg.
b). Try this experiment and report back to me with the results ha, ha!

Shaun S (not his full surname but it sounds like a condiment - not Trojan ha ha ha!) wrote:

Ho Lung Chun, ever since I saw your smooth, hairless body in the showers of California Fitness I have thought about nothing else. My question is, do you wax or shave?
Ho Lung Chun sez:
Neither.

Hone22 (that can't be his real name can it?), in answer to your question:
Yes, I do think you should change your login name to Captainhone22.

[almost canadian]

this last post just made my day,
thank you my friend.:D

[Pointy Pilot]

ROTFLMFAO :D :D :D

[RW-1]

Very nice !

RW-1 approves. :D

[Hoverman]

:D :D :D

[Flying Lawyer]

Ho Lung Chun
I'm sure you've already received more awards in your distinguished career than you've had dim sum dinners, but your last post must have strengthened your already strong position as favourite for Rotorheads' "Star of the Orient Award" for the funniest post that's ever appeared on the forum. :D

I only wish I hadn't read it just before some clients arrived to discuss a rather serious case. :rolleyes:

Thanks for keeping me smiling all day.
And keep 'em coming! :)

[Barannfin]

How come walking up to women in bars and announcing that I am a helicopter pilot doesn't get me laid?
Is it because I don't fly the heavies or because I don't wear any pants? Any advice is much appreciated, as I value my eyesight highly.

eyetest. (http://www.starterupsteve.com/images/funny/Eyetest.jpg);)

[John Eacott]

Barannfin,

How come my wife couldn't read that?

Wun Hung Lo,

Why is the moon upside down in the Northern Hemisphere?
Are Jets really for Kids?

[Gibbo]

Good One Barannfin,

Looked a real D!ckhead walking backwards across the office staring at my computer. :rolleyes:

[w_ocker]

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

[helmet fire]

ho lung chun,

been much more than a week...so my question is:

Did you get your captaincy upgrade?

(actually, as you may have guessed with that superior intellect of yours, I am only midly intrested, BUT I didnt want this thread to die so quickly!)

[flingwingau]

Great thread, laughed till I cried, again the shoe polish is a real winner, but--- no one really addressed what the letters KIWI stand for --Keen Individual Without Intelligence!!

Just a rocket from Sunny Queensland! Actually one of my best friends is a Kiwi!:p :D

[Blue Rotor Ronin]

Did Peeking man own Peeking duck?
Why is it not called Sum Dim?

And on an aquadynamicable note, does water escaping from the sink suffer from retreating plug stall?

An answer from the great Hung Choo Long respectfully appreciated.

Keep your Chopper up.

[Non-Driver]

If Nick's mates invented a helo that could do the speed of light, would the Nightsun work ? :rolleyes: ?

[Graviman]

There was a professor of flight,
who resolved to travel faster than light.
Off he set one relative day,
right around the milkyway.
And he still got back for the previous night...

[Dan Reno]

Master Ho,

Your humble servant would like to know; Do fish have necks?

And please, don't send any more pictures of fish wearing ties.

[topendtorque]

Before "Danny" pops the CB on the last curtain call of 'Nightsun',
I'll bet he can't prompt "Ho Lung" to answer, why is that the only thing that he woulkd have hangin' lower than Nick Lappos would be his knuckles?

After all no show without punch!

[international hog driver]

If Nick's mates invented a helo that could do the speed of light, would the Nightsun work ? ?

Only if he turned it on:}:ok:

[Canuck Guy]

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

[helimutt]

1. 116
2.ecuador
3.sheep or horses
4. november
5. ox, goat or squirrel
6. dogs
7. albert
8. crimson
9. New zealand, US, Europe, Chile
10. Red

[Bravo73]

Wow, isn't Google wonderful...? :E


;)

[Gaseous]

Not that wonderful. Canary Islands are in Atlantic. Not everything that comes up on Google is accurate:}

[Desert Diner]

Did Nick Lappos move the Canary Islands from the Pacific to the Atlantic then?:ooh:

[helimutt]

No-one said I couldn't use google. The above questions actually come from the Education dept (how thick are you questionnaire) I think. The first question was how long did the thiry year war last? Too easy.

[jackxjd]

Ho lung chun a couple of questions!!

how do you distinguish between a R22 and R44 captain?

are squirrel pilots square and why is it called squirrel?:\

[topendtorque]

are squirrel pilots square and why is it called squirrel


In this case where does "kiss my squirrel" get his pseudonym from in this conundrum?:confused:
tet

[SilsoeSid]

If we evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why do people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?

If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?

Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?

[Dan Reno]

Oh Great Master Ho,

Since the USAF reports “There Are No UFOs”, when will they be publishing the IFO poster for us humble ground dwellers?

[papa68]

The word "abbreviation". What's that all about? They were kidding when they came up with that weren't they? Did they consider "abbre"?

Thanking you in anticipation.

papa68:O

[chuks]

How many roads must a man walk down?

I am amazed, humbled even, at what witty stuff "80-knot minds" can come up with. It almost makes me jealous to be a mere plank-driver. Almost but not quite.

[Fareastdriver]

chuks..
I am amazed, humbled even, at what witty stuff "80-knot minds" can come up with,
What planet are you on?
As a planky you sit in your comfortable seat and look after the 145 knots to Mach 0.9 stuff whilst we look after the important section, zero to one forty five.

[moosp]

And here we kneel and kow tow in Wong Tai Sin Temple, so close to the temple of the aviation Gods of Kai Tak, and await for the return of Master Aviator Ho Lung Chun. Your wisdom is needed in these dark days of the Pig Year, for we have been told that pigs cannot fly.

We await a sign, Master.

[Teefor Gage]

Should Anti Collision Lights be renamed, or should the manufacturers be sued for misleading advertising?

[FeatherTheProps]

Was Carrie the first Rotorhead?

[Rich Lee]

we have been told that pigs cannot fly

Pigs fly, just not very far or very fast under their own power; but given enough thrust - something akin to that you might get from external, re-usable boosters - pigs could be used to resupply the International Space Station. :confused:

[Bravo73]

pigs could be used to resupply the International Space Station. :confused:


Is this who you mean, Rich?

http://www.astromobiel.com/media/mobiel/pigs_in_space.jpg


;)

[tony 1969]

Q. Why do people never believe you when you tell them "the paint is wet" they still have to touch it !

[helimutt]

Whatever happened to Ho Lung Chun? Did he upgrade to bigger better things?

[Um... lifting...]

Industry sources say he is engaged in R&D solving numerous problems on the R88 project with Capt Hollywood. All very hush-hush.:mad:
http://www.pprune.org/rotorheads/209292-new-robinson-r88.html

[pitchlink]

I have already asked this question of the great Master Ho, but had no response! I am now hoping he may be able to shed light on how to solve the debonding issues on the AW139......

[iainms]

I have half a mind to learn to fly fixed wing, is that to much ?

[Outwest]

I think 30% is the acceptable level, so half a mind would put you at the top of the class :}

Ho, why is it called a "near miss" and not a "near hit". Surely if I nearly missed him, I hit him, right?

[emergov]

Who's inside Humphrey?

Why is orange jam called marmalade?

Why do dogs have black lips?

If a pig loses his voice is he disgruntled?

Why, why, why, Delilah?

[CV-580]

Why does the Porridge Bird lay it's eggs in the air? Is it proper to send out invitations to the divorce party if you use the same guest list as your wedding party? And should I give all those toaster ovens back? And speaking of returning things, has Grimes ever gotten his lights back? CV-580

[chuks]

It is because we are all Bozos on this bus!

Anyway, the question is, "Why does the Porridge Bird lay its eggs in the air?"

I bet you forgot to deflate your shoes before boarding... what a Bozo....

[CV-580]

Antelope Freeway one eighth mile... Nicely Done Chuks....and now go ahead, squeeze the wheeze! CV-580

[chuks]

Anyone else out there who is/was a fan of "The Firesign Theatre"? Hideo Knock-knock's Voltadrome? The Ames Gunshop, where Ed aims to please and so does Louise?