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briteandbreezy
26th Apr 2002, 20:11
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HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
11. Both like dominance games.
12. Both are suspicious of the postman.
13. Neither understands what you see in cats.


HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.


LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.




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fantom
26th Apr 2002, 20:17
all correct except #9 about the fleas.:p

ATCbabe
27th Apr 2002, 00:55
How men are better than dogs:


Mmmmmmmmmmmmm................ sorry cant think of any reasons ;) ;)

ehwatezedoing
27th Apr 2002, 03:16
ts! ts!

Never had a flat tire !?.

Feeton Terrafirma
27th Apr 2002, 07:59
B & B, you are 100% correct! :cool:


But what is your point ?? :confused:

djk
27th Apr 2002, 08:06
I just have one question about the "HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME"...

Since when does 11 follow on from 8? :confused:

waldopepper42
27th Apr 2002, 09:26
Seemed like the appropriate reply....

Why Aeroplanes Are Better Than Women

Aeroplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
An aeroplane’s thrust to weight ratio is higher.
An aeroplane does not get mad if you "touch and go."
An aeroplane does not object to a pre-light inspection.
Aeroplanes come with manuals.
Aeroplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
You can fly an aeroplane any time of the month.
Aeroplanes like to do it inverted.
Aeroplanes don't come with in-laws.
Aeroplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Aeroplanes don't care about how many other aeroplanes you have flown.
When flying, you and your aeroplane both arrive at the same time.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you look at other aeroplanes.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you buy aeroplane magazines.
Aeroplanes don't mind if you rent another aeroplane.
It's OK to use tie-downs on your aeroplane.
An aeroplane will kill you quickly... a woman takes her time.


:D

OzExpat
27th Apr 2002, 10:48
Well, B+B, now that you've got us all figured out, you'll know how to improve your behaviour in future! :D

Slasher
27th Apr 2002, 15:41
Dogs are better than men because a dog can lick his own d!ck and doesnt have to cry and beg for someone else to do it! :D

tony draper
27th Apr 2002, 16:04
With a little training a dog could prolly install new memory in a comuter Bright @ Breezy, and not have to throw it in the back of the draw in frustration :rolleyes:

ATCbabe
28th Apr 2002, 00:17
Ehwat,


I can change my own tyre. Can even spell it too!!! :p :D ;)

briteandbreezy
28th Apr 2002, 00:31
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Feeton....... :)



Dkosky....... since I said it does!!!!!! :p



OzExpat....... ohhhhh,... behaviour modification was never my thing!! ;)



Slasher....... Hahahahahahahahahaha...... nice one!!! :D



Uncle Tony....... Shush!!! :o
(it DOESN'T bloody fit,... I told ya!!)




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Paterbrat
29th Apr 2002, 22:54
Reminds me of the chap with the stutter who arrived for work with a magnificent shiner. When asked what had happened he pppatiently explained how his date had done it.
How they had been sitting on the couch together the evening before, his dog on the floor in front of them. The dog had begun to scratch itself and try to nibble an itchy part on it's back and he had remarked to his girfriend that wasn;t it nice that they were a pair because she could do that for him.
"Why on eart did she smack you for saying that? " enquired his puzzled friend.
"BBBBBBecause bbbbbby the tttime I had sssaid it, the dddog was lllllicking it's balls." said the bruised one

Gunner B12
29th Apr 2002, 23:27
ATCbabe

From my limited knowledge of useless facts "Tyre" was actually one of those trade names which became synonymous with the product and ehwat got it right. It's a bit like the way everybody calls a vacum cleaner a hoover. :) :) :)

scran
30th Apr 2002, 00:27
INNER STRENGTH:

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give
you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
Through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,

THEN...













YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG

:D :D :p

briteandbreezy
30th Apr 2002, 02:30
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Four Men and Their Dogs


Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge,took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?" The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave. :p


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scran
30th Apr 2002, 03:23
Back at Ya B&B!!!!

Doggie Style

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."


Man’s Best Friend


A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, “That’s quite a heavy drink. What’s wrong?”

After quickly downing his drink, the man replied “I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend.”

“Wow,” exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple. “No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house.”

As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him, “What did you do?”

“I walked over to my wife,” the man replied, “looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and to get the hell out.”

“That makes sense,” said the bartender, “but what about your best friend?”

The man replied, “I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said ‘Bad, bad dog!’”


Three Dogs Plight

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was looking glum, and the second dog turned to him and asked, ''What are you in for''?

''I'm in big trouble,'' he said. ''My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats-he took me for a ride and I was so excited I peed on the seat, and now he's having me put to sleep.''

''I know how you feel,'' said the second dog. ''My owner has a beautiful expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I **** all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too.''

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. ''So what are you in here for?'' they asked.

''Well,'' the third dog said, ''my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.''

The other dogs nodded in sympathy, ''So she's having you put to sleep, too, Huh?''

''No,'' said the other dog, ''I'm having my nails clipped.''

rob_frost
30th Apr 2002, 13:15
All this only happens because we let woman out of the kitchen. I say shut them up back there, and let them out when they can recognise who their true masters are.

briteandbreezy
30th Apr 2002, 13:31
What's a 'kitchen'???? :confused: :p


You sound very masterful Rob!!! ;)



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OzExpat
30th Apr 2002, 15:02
Rob... No wonder ya got such a lukewarm response from B+B ... ya fergot the "barefoot and pregnant" part! :D

rob_frost
30th Apr 2002, 17:34
quite right:D :D

they can come out to do the cleaning, while the master of the house is away of course.

and for bed time:D

briteandbreezy
30th Apr 2002, 23:38
barefoot and pregnant?????? :eek:

([email protected] he's a caveman!!) :p



Rob,.....

I still can't find the kitchen!!! :confused: :rolleyes:

OzExpat
1st May 2002, 15:07
Yeah B+B, that's what ya REALLY love about me, innit? :D

rob_frost
1st May 2002, 15:27
You can't find the kitchen? Proves you've been let out of it too long.

So where is it?
You have to look beyond sexaul equality, to natural roles and common sense, and then it will be very apparent exactly where it is.

Incase you're worried about losing it again, a lock, to which you do not have a key is a wonderful idea.:D

I hope this helps you recover from your tragic syndrome, called "Too many rights", where you mistakenly believe woman are remotely better than men, and that woman actually have other roles in life other than loyally caring for their man.

Feeton Terrafirma
1st May 2002, 15:50
B & B

If you can't find the kitchen, I can only think of one place you must be......... the other place for wimin, the bedroom :D

rob_frost
1st May 2002, 16:09
Silly me, I forgot that one.:D

She might be on her knees washing the floor....

RW-1
1st May 2002, 16:11
Gosh! you guys are cruel! :)

No wonder poor B & B has a men issue, the one that worked her over must have been some piece of work .... :(

WeatherJinx
1st May 2002, 17:07
Well perhaps if B&B really has a 'man' issue (as well as being a serial poster of crap internet jokes that everyone's seen already) she (?) should go and post on some bitter and twisted anti-man rant board instead of PPRuNe, a site primariliy intended for pilots and the rest of the aviation community, most of whose male and female constituents appear to get along with each other just fine?

WxJx :mad:

rob_frost
1st May 2002, 17:13
its a joke....
(well certainly on my part)

hence the :D rather than a :mad: . but some people just take life too seriously. :rolleyes:

briteandbreezy
1st May 2002, 20:53
Oh dear me,....


...looks like WxJx is desperately in need of a SOH!!!! :eek:

Mr WxJx dearest... would you like me to pop into M&S and buy you one next time I'm out shopping?? ;) (that's if I can break outta the kitchen or bedroom :p )

If you knew me as a lot of the people that post in here do, then you'd KNOW the real me,..... the person that I REALLY am,.... AND that I get along with EVERYBODY (ie:Male & Female).... but as I don't acquaint myself with riff-raff,.... you'll never have the pleasure of knowing that!!!!! :D

Now run along and fly ya plane will ya... and stop wasting time posting on threads that p*ss ya off!!! tut :rolleyes:



OzX.... lol NO.... but ya do make me laff!! :D

rob,... about the floor,... i would if I could, but I can't, so I'm not!! ...and 'yeah', they DO take life too seriously, hence the title!!;)

RW-1,... awwwww, it's okay, chill out,.... they get as good as they give,.... I don't have a prob with men,..... but shhhhhh!! ;)

briteandbreezy
1st May 2002, 20:58
Errrrrrrrr,....... just one other thing WxJx...... just WHO don't I get along with???

Seeing as though you seem to be the man with 'the mouth' on this subject, maybe you would care to tell us all??

Put up...... or shut up!!!! ;)

ATCbabe
1st May 2002, 21:25
Gunner B12,


Not wishing to start an arguement (honest), but I thought I'd look at the oxford dictionary just to check the spelling.

Tire- (v) to make or become tired
Tire- (n) (Amer) a tyre

So guess we're both right!!!;)

rob_frost
1st May 2002, 21:41
"You would be washing the floor now if you could":confused: :confused: :confused:

Ok, i suppose its a womans natural instinct.

PPRuNe Radar
2nd May 2002, 00:06
BnB ..... will you marry me ?? ;)

I'd like to be controlled for a change :)

briteandbreezy
2nd May 2002, 02:14
rob..... after all 15 of my kids :rolleyes: have traipsed across my newly laid floor,..... of course I would be washing it if I could :p ....unfortunately I can't get outta the bedroom to do it!!!;)


PPRuNe Radar..... ya mean you'd actually be willing to wait in the queue?? :eek: ;) :D