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ORAC
19th Apr 2013, 15:11
http://24.media.tumblr.com/630d4456fea43bb7a0616525fff38221/tumblr_ml5qqyq9eO1qbh26io1_1280.png

lomapaseo
19th Apr 2013, 16:25
my eyes have gone bad I couldn't read most of it

11Fan
19th Apr 2013, 16:27
http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm107/APC11Fan/takeme.jpg

ORAC
19th Apr 2013, 16:28
If you can't work your way around that one we're doomed anyway.... :rolleyes:

sisemen
19th Apr 2013, 16:30
Mods - shouldn't this be merged with the "Has UK IPs time come?" thread?

OFSO
19th Apr 2013, 16:45
First contact already happened. Also second.

Can anyone PROVE there are no aliens posting on JB ?

Thought not.

gassed budgie
19th Apr 2013, 17:08
Your shout.....

tony draper
19th Apr 2013, 17:15
I like you Earthmen,you are so silly.:rolleyes:

BOAC
19th Apr 2013, 17:24
All of your threads are us?

bluecode
19th Apr 2013, 17:25
I'm tempted to write a similar alien's version of the idiot's guide. But I suspect it will be simpler: Exterminate, EXTER-MINATE!

My shortened human version is: Run like hell!

I would have to say that any alien would be foolish to try and make first contact in certain parts of the US. Those areas with a high proportion of gun ownership!

Not that it will ever happen anytime soon or ever, despite OFSO's assertions.

Slasher
19th Apr 2013, 17:32
I think our attractive women should reach out and make
first contact while fully naked.

http://atlantis-motherland.com/images/TuaXoah.jpg


After all - a specie is measured by the appearance and
attitude of its females. Us blokes (naked or not) would
no doubt do something real dumb to piss any couple of
aliens off big time.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSU4iolmWfhx7S4WW9Rzlo_VxeOeEBDKY1Z7bCi5zd U9w-DDnpJ

Worrals in the wilds
19th Apr 2013, 18:34
Does that work between different species though? Presumably there are female gorillas who are regarded as stunners by male gorillas, but would fail to float your boat and vice versa; you wouldn't think that male dolphins are fantasising about Sophia Loren (unless they're pervert dolphins :hmm:).

Isn't attractiveness species specific except in the Star Trek universe?

Maybe we could give them a PC that's running Windows 8; they would either 1. Feel sorry for us having such :yuk: technology or 2. Get distracted from killing us because they're too busy trying to find the files while stopping the PC randomly launching news websites :}

11Fan
19th Apr 2013, 18:44
Does that work between different species though?

Reminded me of this....

TICFnQK1tAc

rotornut
19th Apr 2013, 19:17
Watch out for those Aliens: Twilight Zone - SO3E24 - To Serve Man - Full Episode - YouTube

500N
19th Apr 2013, 19:45
Slasher

I like your style :ok:

Slasher
21st Apr 2013, 01:33
Isn't attractiveness species specific
except in the Star Trek universe?

Well yeh Worrals but even Jim Kirk
pissed women aliens off a lot after
he was done with 'em -


0VuIShM5kAQ

See that's my point - blokes will just
screw things up on alien first contact.
Lt Uhura or Yeoman Rand wouldnt've
punched her lights out would they....

onetrack
21st Apr 2013, 01:46
Any aliens worth their salt, with high enough intelligence levels to develop spacecraft and travel millions of light years across the universe, would take one look at Planet Earth and all its problems and give us a wide berth.
They would regard us as the basket case of the Universe and not worth instigating contact.

Any that have arrived probably fell onto Earth by mistake, or by the urgent need to extract something from the ground or atmosphere to continue their travels - and they got going again, post-haste.
How else can one explain the fact that UFO's zoom off at supersonic speeds, anytime they're sighted?!

Worrals in the wilds
21st Apr 2013, 03:59
Any aliens worth their salt, with high enough intelligence levels to develop spacecraft and travel millions of light years across the universe, would take one look at Planet Earth and all its problems and give us a wide berth.

Unless they're this sort of mob...:eek:
http://sppiblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/borg2-300x179.jpg
Slasher, J-L Picard used to keep it in his pants (most of the time, anyway). Maybe annoying female aliens was more of a Kirk thing? :hmm:

Loose rivets
21st Apr 2013, 04:07
Any that have arrived probably fell onto Earth by mistake, or by the urgent need to extract something from the ground or atmosphere to continue their travels - and they got going again, post-haste.
How else can one explain the fact that UFO's zoom off at supersonic speeds, anytime they're sighted?!


They lost their Antikythera mechanism.

probes
21st Apr 2013, 04:37
Has anybody tried to figure out the contacts by ants? Probably the proportions would be about the same.
After all, the ant society has quite similar way of living to ours. They're just a little different.

cargosales
21st Apr 2013, 05:06
Unless they're this sort of mob...:eek:
http://sppiblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/borg2-300x179.jpg


Pah, bunch of pussies that mob. And we have a way of dealing with them...



"Oh Bother" said The Borg

"We've assimilated Pooh"



Edit: For those unfamiliar with A A Milne's finest, that's Winnie the Pooh. Who used to say 'bother'.

hellsbrink
21st Apr 2013, 05:07
I'm tempted to write a similar alien's version of the idiot's guide. But I suspect it will be simpler: Exterminate, EXTER-MINATE!

My shortened human version is: Run like hell!

I would have to say that any alien would be foolish to try and make first contact in certain parts of the US. Those areas with a high proportion of gun ownership!

Not that it will ever happen anytime soon or ever, despite OFSO's assertions.

Come off it, of course "aliens" walk amongst us

How else do you explain this

http://www.dollymix.tv/sharpen%20cherie4.gif

or this

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09/27/article-2042207-0C75E1D1000005DC-205_468x465.jpg

or this

http://www.theblogmocracy.com/wp-content/uploads/gordon-brown_543639a.jpg


Plenty others to choose from, in the world of showbiz, politics, music, etc, and that's just the ones who WANT to be photographed!

cargosales
21st Apr 2013, 05:12
Thanks a bundle HB. I've just gone right off my breakfast :ooh:

ehwatezedoing
21st Apr 2013, 05:18
Here is Stephen Hawking's take on the subject of Aliens.

dont talk aliens warns stephen hawking (http://www.alien-earth.org/ufos/news.php?news=2599)
He suggests that aliens might simply raid Earth for its resources and then move on: "We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonise whatever planets they can reach."

He concludes that trying to make contact with alien races is "a little too risky". He said: "If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very well for the Native Americans."


:eek:

N707ZS
21st Apr 2013, 16:02
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1320670.1366307848!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/bush19n-038-web.jpg

Milo Minderbinder
21st Apr 2013, 16:48
Sexy Woman And Alien! - Video (http://www.metacafe.com/watch/667466/sexy_woman_and_alien/)

Solid Rust Twotter
21st Apr 2013, 18:07
Bleedin' 'ell, HB...!:eek:


Have you no mercy?

hellsbrink
21st Apr 2013, 18:22
Bleedin' 'ell, HB...!


Have you no mercy?

I take offence at that, if I was showing you all no mercy whatsoever it would have been something along the lines of

http://planetpmc.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/james_purnell_welfare_reformer2.jpg

and

http://cdn.popdust.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/SusanBoyleAutobiography.jpg

(Now you see what a lack of roughage in your diet causes)

and

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/4817.jpg





And them be just the ones that don't start to melt my eyeballs, although the cats seem to be a bit scared.

Milo Minderbinder
21st Apr 2013, 18:27
How about a game of "which alien do you fancy for first contact" from George's photo.
I'd prefer the blonde, in position 2 of the front row (counting from the left)
Which alien would you choose to have first contact with?

Slasher
21st Apr 2013, 20:29
He concludes that trying to make contact
with alien races is "a little too risky".

I agree with Hawking. A race of aliens only 1,000
years ahead of us (probably much more) would be
completely dominant and relegate us to the Beta
specie of the planet.

The movie "Independence Day" was complete and
utter bullshit - Hollywood would expect us to hold
disbelief that our defense technology is close to a
level as an invading alien force. It'd all be over in
a matter of minutes.

Mr Optimistic
21st Apr 2013, 20:46
2nd row extreme right. See you went for the superficial look. Schoolboy error IMO.

ShyTorque
21st Apr 2013, 20:58
If they're wearing Lycra, I'll just laugh. Sorry.

ExSp33db1rd
21st Apr 2013, 22:01
my eyes have gone bad I couldn't read most of it

Hit "Ctrl" and + at the same time, usually makes if bigger - and fuzzier.

OFSO
21st Apr 2013, 22:02
2nd row extreme right

Snap, Mr O !

david1300
22nd Apr 2013, 02:04
The whole second row. After all, if we are fantasizing, lets do it big :p

reynoldsno1
22nd Apr 2013, 02:40
" We come in peace, shoot to kill ..." :eek:

Acknowledgement to 'Startrekkin'"

onetrack
22nd Apr 2013, 04:10
I don't see anything in the Alien First Contact Manual, as to how to respond when a spacecraft lands, an alien gets out, and says - "Hey, mate! You wouldn't happen to have a No. 2 Phillips screwdriver and 13mm ring-open-ender on you, would you?
We're having trouble with the connection between the obfuscator on the flux capacitor, and the turboencabulator. We don't need them for very long, and we promise we won't damage them."

Naturally, no-one likes lending their tools to anyone but a very good mate that one can trust - and a rejection of the aliens request could soon turn very nasty, if they rapidly became offended. :eek:

OFSO
22nd Apr 2013, 10:36
an alien gets out, and says - "Hey, mate! You wouldn't happen to have a No. 2 Phillips screwdriver and 13mm ring-open-ender on you, would you?


The answer to this question is of course "YES" if you are a card-carrying member of Jet Blast. No member of JB is ever found without these and other and better tools secreted on his person.

However I gather from watching "Independence Day", "Stargate", and the like, you have no need to worry as Aliens always land in the United States and will go Imperial, not Metric.

If they do land in Europe, ask them if their planet/star system/universe would like to become members of the Eurozone, and while they fall about in helpless and hysterical laughter, you can rob them.

Worrals in the wilds
22nd Apr 2013, 11:21
I don't see anything in the Alien First Contact Manual, as to how to respond when a spacecraft lands, an alien gets out, and says - "Hey, mate! You wouldn't happen to have a No. 2 Phillips screwdriver and 13mm ring-open-ender on you, would you?
We're having trouble with the connection between the obfuscator on the flux capacitor, and the turboencabulator. We don't need them for very long, and we promise we won't damage them."That's not an alien, that's a Grey Nomad. :eek:

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED! :} If you don't run they'll bore you to death with their Birdsville Track stories and ask you to join them for a cup of second hand teabag tea...:ouch::ouch::ouch::}

bluecode
22nd Apr 2013, 12:13
Seriously Hellsbrink, you have simply demonstrated why there are NO aliens amongst us. One look at those faces and they'll flee back to the other side of the galaxy at warp factor ten! (As an aside, why is Harriet Harman there? She's not bad looking.)

Windy Militant
22nd Apr 2013, 12:28
Well Done Operative Hellsbrink!

You have successfully flushed out the Rigellian spy in our midst!
Works every time, for some strange inexplicable reason, like moths to flame they just can't resist Harriet Harmon! :}

Worrals any fule kno that Grey Nomads use BSF/Whitworth! ;)