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Brit Abroad
25th Apr 2002, 12:58
Just remember, it could be worse...

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

2. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

3. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...

4. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.




:D

JudyTTexas
25th Apr 2002, 13:43
Here's a bit of wisdom from Kids:

The Wisdom Of Kids Funny advice from children. Actual quotes from kids ages 8 to 15

- "Never trust a dog to watch your food." Patrick, age 10
- "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer." Hannah, age 9
- "When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." Taylia, age 11
- "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." Michael, age 14
- "Never pee on an electric fence." Robert, age 13
- "Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to. " Emily, age 10
- "Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." Traci, age 14
- "Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers." Mitchell, age 12
- "A puppy always has bad breath -- even after eating a Tic-Tac." Andrew, age 9
- "Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time." Kyoyo, age 9
- "You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." Armir, age 9
- "If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." Naomi, age 15
- "Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." Lauren, age 9
- "Don't pick on your little brother when he's holding a baseball bat." Joel, age 10
- "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." Alyesha, age 13
- "Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." Kellie, age 11
- "Never try to baptize a cat." Eileen, age 8