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mike-wsm
18th Feb 2013, 08:56
World All-Time Duvet Record

Monday, washday, 8am, put all the bedclothes in the machine for the statutory 40 degree C one-and-three-quarter hour wash.

When the time was up I pulled out just one solid mass - the duvet cover had cannibalised the undersheet, two pillowcases (mine) and a further two pillowcases (guests for the use of, one can but hope).

Everything was consumed in its entirely, nothing hanging out, all fully consumed. How does it do this? What physical law says things can go into a duvet but not out again? Is the duvet the aggressor or are the other bedclothes submissive volunteers? Would a very small duvet cover serve as an effective Maxwell Demon?

Above all, if a duvet cover can eat pillowcases with over fifty per cent success, why is it that pillowcases do not eat each other ???

MagnusP
18th Feb 2013, 09:00
It's one of life's little unfathomables, mike. MrsP now has me trained to fasten one or two of the buttons on the duvet to minimise the linen cannibalism.

If only it was so simple to deal with the issue of the missing single sock....

AlpineSkier
18th Feb 2013, 09:00
Wrong to start a new thread for this.

The really really boring and totally pointless snippets of information thread XXI was created for such profundities.

Cyber Bob
18th Feb 2013, 09:43
Question mike-wsm: Why? - Why you? - Why 8am on a Monday? - Sinister reason behind you having to do this, at this time?

It's all wrong, so wrong :ugh:

stuckgear
18th Feb 2013, 09:53
MrsP now has me trained to fasten one or two of the buttons on the duvet to minimise the linen cannibalism.


likewise with mrs gear.. took some beating in with a 2x4 though!

wings folded
18th Feb 2013, 10:00
Tis merely a variant of the same law that says that when you have neatly coiled the cable of your phone charger and put away in a drawer, when you next open the drawer it will have re-arranged itself into a piece of knitting of far superior complexity than a simple knit one, pearl one.

goudie
18th Feb 2013, 10:04
Well that is spooky. When I took the bedlinen out of the washing machine this morning (washed and dried o/night) the duvet had consumed two pillow cases, in spite of being buttoned up!
As well as socks, handkerchiefs also go missing. When I say I want handkerchiefs for presents it's because I need them to replace those that go missing.
Why do pens disappear? We buy them in packs but to no avail, they all vanish!

RJM
18th Feb 2013, 10:07
There's a planet out there with nothing but biros and wire coathangers on it.

MagnusP
18th Feb 2013, 10:16
. . . and unmatched single socks, RJM, you forgot the socks.

Big Hammer
18th Feb 2013, 10:17
It is a well known fact that pens transmogrify into wire coat hangers.

A A Gruntpuddock
18th Feb 2013, 10:19
Best way to control socks and other small items is to use a nylon laundry net to keep them together.

Kids socks in particular can get round the drum and end up blocking the outlet pipe.

goudie
18th Feb 2013, 10:31
use a nylon laundry net to keep them together.

Ours seems to be missing!

wings folded
18th Feb 2013, 11:35
Ours seems to be missing!


It'll be in your duvet cover.

AARON O'DICKYDIDO
18th Feb 2013, 14:01
I never have an odd coloured sock. All mine are black. Saves time and trouble.


Aaron.

OFSO
18th Feb 2013, 14:14
Caution: don't wash a live duvet cover. They tend to get hungry inside washing machines.

If you can't bare to kill it, then throw a couple of diazepam in with the duvet when you do your wash - this will tranquilise it and it won't eat anything (or everything) else thrown in with it.

Socks are another matter as one or more (but never both of a matching pair) will make a leap for eddies in the space/time continum and if sucessful they will disappear for ever.

tony draper
18th Feb 2013, 14:25
Wire coat hangers? the world is feckin knee deep in the bloody things until such time as you desperately need one to poke through a hole in the wall in order to pull cables back through,got a wire coat hanger Missus? nary one to be found when needed.
:suspect:

wings folded
18th Feb 2013, 14:31
Socks are another matter as one or more (but never both of a matching pair) will make a leap for eddies in the space/time continum and if sucessful they will disappear for ever.


May be true in the Iberian peninsula, but elsewhere in civilisation the missing sock will mysteriously emerge the day after the orphaned sock has been carted away by the local waste disposal authorities (bin men , we used to call them)

beaufort1
18th Feb 2013, 14:35
Ain't that the truth Capt. Drapes :hmm: There is nary one to be found for paint stirring duties either. They are ideal for that, quick snip to get rid of the bendy end, shove the cut twisted ends in a drill chuck, fold down the parts where the clothes would hang and any paint stirred in about 30 seconds with no effort expended. ;) Sheddite tip no. 1134. :rolleyes:

goudie
18th Feb 2013, 14:41
A Gold Star to whoever comes up with the most uses for a wire coat hanger.

A bonus point for the most original/unusual. The FSL's decision is final.

MagnusP
18th Feb 2013, 14:47
An associated mystery is why, when you drop a white pill on an oak floor WITH NO CRACKS BETWEEN PLANKS, you can never find the pill again. :confused:

tony draper
18th Feb 2013, 14:56
And another thing! why have pills got smaller and smaller over the last few year? pills were the size of a smarty once now they are smaller than bloody sweetners,drop one and its gone forever
:suspect:

Mr Chips
18th Feb 2013, 14:57
An associated mystery is why, when you drop a white pill on an oak floor WITH NO CRACKS BETWEEN PLANKS, you can never find the pill again

It'll be in your duvet cover :E

MagnusP
18th Feb 2013, 14:58
. . . and another thing; why does it take a blister pack the size of a bloody book to hold 7 pinhead-size pills? :*

Sorry I have a cold and I'm crabby, prolly because my crustacean tubes are blocked. ;)

Erwin Schroedinger
18th Feb 2013, 15:03
Its the pingfeckits they design into every mechanical device that do my head in.

(a) unscrew - (b) push aside - (c) twist - (c) pull - ping!!!........feckit!!! :mad:

God knows where they hide, post pinging. They should sell spare pingfeckits in boxes of 1000.

wings folded
18th Feb 2013, 15:08
Why do they make tubes of medicaments for those poor souls afflicted by arthritis impossible to be opened unless you have seven hands able to act in perfect unison?

beaufort1
18th Feb 2013, 15:12
Prolly the same reason why it's only the under 10's who can open childproof containers and most blister packs are built with a type of plastic able to withstand almost any force just short of thermonuclear.:suspect:

charliegolf
18th Feb 2013, 15:24
Mike, next time, do up the fasteners on the duvet cover. That'll sort the clever b****rd out!:ok:

CG

PS if not, run away, never come back!

Mac the Knife
18th Feb 2013, 17:08
South African duvet covers do it too.

There actually must be a scientific reason why this happens?

I blame it on the generalised Poincaré conjecture!

Mac

:8

G&T ice n slice
18th Feb 2013, 21:24
Bought a pint of milk

(whoops sorry I am courting arrest by the EUSSR NKVD I meant 568 mililitres)

come in a plastic bottle with a plastic screw top and a sort of "pull off" plastic seal.

yes, it did finally pull off, once I held the bottle with both hands and grasped the pull-off-tab with the teethand exerted as much force as I could muster.

And... yes... there was milk EVERYWHERE!!

I had just enough left for a cup of coffee...

ExSp33db1rd
18th Feb 2013, 21:59
yes, it did finally pull off,............. etc

Should have grabbed a passing 5 yr. old, they can open everything.

( they're also useful for decoding txt messages on your cellphone, if you're daft enough to carry one, and unfortunate enough to receive a txt. )

Back to topic ..... and of course when dry the duvet cover will be a graduate of the "I refuse To Allow A Duvet To Be Put Inside Me" college.

Thinks ... why don't we wash duvet and cover together, that way the duvet will end up inside the cover, and if hung out in the sun for a few days will eventually be dry. (problem - Sun ? )

Carry0nLuggage
18th Feb 2013, 22:15
What you need is a Bosch washing machine with a very clever feature. It's called a detangling routine but what it really does is make emptying so much quicker. It makes sure all the sleeves of your shirts are tied together so that you only have to pull one out to get all the others with it. :ok:

It could probably make the bed for you too or at the very least tie your mattress in a knot.

Krystal n chips
19th Feb 2013, 02:44
"
It could probably make the bed for you too or at the very least tie your mattress in a knot. "

That would seem to suggest a distinctly freudian association....:hmm:

Cacophonix
19th Feb 2013, 02:47
Duvets and sex!

Who would have believed it?

Caco

Sunnyjohn
19th Feb 2013, 10:10
Come on chaps and chapesses - you know where they all go. It's called Limbo (not the place where the dance comes from). It's a secret place known only to the Daily Fail and a few others. You know "The plans for HS2 are currently in Limbo" presumably with your socks and my paper clips. Then, of course, they all go to Jeopardy "Plans for HS2 are now in Jeopardy." Fine. I hope they're looking after your socks and my paper clips . . .