View Full Version : Pilots' Heaven

5th Feb 2013, 20:32
In the mid 1950s there was a USAAF (well, American anyway) "Instructional movie" called "Pilots' Heaven".

It showed example upon example of ways in which the bold might kill himself. The pilot's name was "H.P. Showoff" (as in "Hot Pilot" Showoff).

Incidents had H P Showoff flying through, or at least most of the way through, a hangar only to discover half-way to the other side that some officious SOB had closed the far door without a hint to ol' H. P.

Then there were low-level aerobatics over the farm where Dad, Mum, girlfriend, et al. had foregathered to enjoy the spectatcle put on by H. P.; and so on.

In each incident H. P. ended in a blaze of glory; or, if not of glory, certainly a blaze.

This treasure was shown, it seemed endlessly but in truth never too often, given some results, to pilots under training in RAF Flying Training Command.
Does anyone recall it and, even better, have any idea where a copy might be obtained?

Lon More
6th Feb 2013, 02:14
Davaar could this, from Wiki the First Motion Picture Unit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Motion_Picture_Unit) be it?
The first film project undertaken was a flight training aid titled, Learn and Live. Set in "Pilot's Heaven", the feature-length film stars Guy Kibbee as Saint Peter. In order to demonstrate correct aviation techniques, twelve common flying mistakes are addressed.[8][9] The film was highly regarded and led to a series of films including Learn and Live in the Desert, Ditch and Live and Learn and Live in the Jungle.[11]

Found a poem;

In Fighter Pilot Heaven:

Everybody's a Captain except God.... He's a Major.

You only come to work when you're going to fly....

You fly three times a day except Friday.

You never run out of gas.

The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.

You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.

It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.

You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.

There are no "over G's".

You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.

You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!

There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).

There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.

There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.

There are no Flight Surgeons.

There are no Wing staff jobs.

You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.

"Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.

Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.

Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.

The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.

The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.

There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.

Country and Western music is free on the juke box.

The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!

You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.

The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.

Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.

The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.

The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.

There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.

Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.

There are never any noise complaints.

Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.

ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".

Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.

"Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.

There is no Hell.

All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.

The airplanes never break.

Brian Abraham
6th Feb 2013, 02:19
This the one?

HP Showoff - YouTube

6th Feb 2013, 02:24
That was back when the Air Force was Army and knew how to march!

6th Feb 2013, 12:30
Thanks to all, but to Brian! That's the man!

H.P.Showoff in person.

I knew him well, of course. After his time in the USAAF he moved to the UK and continued for a long career over there, almost immortal, endlessly repeated, but always doomed.

He must have had a personal movie crew that produced a sequel, or my own imagination (it must have been imagination, surely? I wouldn't have been so foolish) is vivid, for I remember other incidents.

That was back when the Air Force was Army and knew how to march

It was also very PURE. I can speak for one only. That was because there was a parallel movie on what they used to call "social disease". That led to social death, and worse.

6th Feb 2013, 12:45
The best graffiti I ever saw was back in the 70's when I was in college. It read:

"Moby Dick is not a social disease."

6th Feb 2013, 15:33
This treasure was shown, it seemed endlessly but in truth never too often, given some results, to pilots under training in RAF Flying Training Command.

True, Davaar, it's depressing that every now and then someone starts a thread called "is this the lowest flypast ever?" or somesuch, where some total cock performs a bit of stunningly stupid low flying and we are supposed to be so impressed.

6th Feb 2013, 21:17
That was back when the Air Force was Army and knew how to march

And the uniform consisted of a brown tunic and tan pants, prompting the old Scottish lady to the sympathetic remark: "A' they laddies thoosands o' miles frae hame, an' nane o' them can git a jaiket tae match his troosers".

6th Feb 2013, 22:03
where some total cock performs a bit of stunningly stupid low flying and we are supposed to be so impressed.

Even worse when he is not a total cock, but a pilot rather noted for care and caution who is appointed to a hot-shot job in which he expects something dashing is expected of him by the young hot-to-trots. Off he goes and apparently forgets the old saw that you can land with risk at six inches above the runway; but try that at six inches below the runway and certainty overrules risk.

Then again, tanker, on that "now and then thread". idiots predate even PPRuNe. Remember the thread a year or two ago that showed South African (?) Harvards water-skiing across a lake?

Well then, turn to page 90 of the "History of British Aviation, 1908-1914", by R. Dallas Brett. There we read of the exploits at the Henley Regatta, 1911, of the steely-eyed Mr Graham Gilmour in a Bristol monoplane. Although not directly a competitor, Mr Gilmour visited the course, where he proceeded to "shoot up" the crowded river "in a highly dangerous manner".

His exhibition concluded with a dive to the surface where he ran his wheels in the water, afterwards pulling up over the crowd and landing in a field on the bank.

This was too much for the RAeC, who called him before the committee once more and suspended his certificate for one month. The Bristol Company was narked at this and took legal proceedings up to the Court of Appeal, where they won. Jolly Good Show, Bristols!

7th Feb 2013, 04:38
Douglas "Dogsbody" Bader made a c0ck of himself in a Bulldog when he did low level
aeros as a dare, but de- (un?) cocked himself and went on to become an ace.

Not all total cocks stay that way.

But had Dogsbody died in the Bulldog prang or wasn't accepted back into the RAF, he
would've probably been remembered as a right cock.

7th Feb 2013, 07:02
would've probably been remembered as a right cock. By some, especially in the oil industry, he still is. :hmm: