View Full Version : Toilet Seats

3rd Feb 2013, 17:47
Why is it that we are criminals for leaving the seat up when the ladies are exposed to the same (approx) level of contamination in putting the seat down?
We must raise the seat and then lower it, giving double contamination, when chicks can just raise, go and leave! Awaiting much scorn and abuse!!!:}

3rd Feb 2013, 17:54
It's no good standing on the seat - the crabs in here can jump six feet.

3rd Feb 2013, 18:11
For most of my life I've taken for granted that women (generally) are fussier about personal hygiene and smells than men.

A couple of weeks ago, due to building maintenance at a company I was working at, we, that's to say the guys, had to use the women's toilets. They absolutely stank and I'm told that this is quite common. I'm not used to using women's toilets but I do wonder what exactly causes this.

3rd Feb 2013, 18:22
I was on an Air Canada 747 from Calgary to London a few years ago. In the lavatory, just above the toilet, was a sign saying "Please do not stand on the seat".
The aircraft was acquired from Canadian Airlines after the take-over by Air Canada.

3rd Feb 2013, 18:24
Seats ? They have seats ?

3rd Feb 2013, 18:28
A couple of weeks ago, due to building maintenance at a company I was working at, we, that's to say the guys, had to use the women's toilets. They absolutely stank and I'm told that this is quite common. I'm not used to using women's toilets but I do wonder what exactly causes this.

Are there no women in your household?

In our place "their bathroom"..... let's just say I prefer to use the smaller room, which generally speaking, gets left to me.

"Theirs" gets cleaned when they decide even they can stand it no longer, and one of them gets the rubber gloves out and cleans it within an inch of it's life. Then, it seems to get left until it's rank again, bin overflowing and stinking.

Mine's a lot cleaner. I clean it myself. I see no need for rubber gloves on a daily basis, so it gets done much more regularly.

3rd Feb 2013, 18:39
Don't they get that putting the seat up allows the pee to run off rather than reyling on evaporation alone?

Would they listen if you tried to explain it?


3rd Feb 2013, 18:47
I'm not used to using women's toilets but I do wonder what exactly causes this.

They don't have an aiming tool!!

Mike X
3rd Feb 2013, 19:28
Guys, what's up with people ?

With my missus', we share the bathroom for everything in the morning - never been a problem. (I mean everything.)

Honestly, this "him and hers" is really nonsense.

After all, homosapiens are just animals who can talk bullshit.

3rd Feb 2013, 20:17
The toilet seat being up is a big no no! My t'other had is generally very good at putting it back down but I do mention it when it's been left up! I think for me it's that I don't want to touch the seat with germs, wee and god only knows what else on it!!

As for keeping it clean and tidy, the only thing that puts me off is moving a million bottles, plus I'm yet to find a bathroom cleaner that really does what it says.

Mike X
3rd Feb 2013, 20:26
Dear Lizz,

Piss & germs are everywhere. Best you have those from those you love. You will never escape them.

Again, it's a toilet seat. Really, explain it to me... :)

3rd Feb 2013, 20:31
it's that I don't want to touch the seat with germs, wee and god only knows what else on it!


I have to say I find this a bit bloody pathetic. Do you not realise how well the human skin protects you against infection ? Having said that, I thnk urine is sterile anyway, isn't it ?

All those surveys published saying that a telephone or a key-board carries more germs than a toilet-seat (always a toilet-seat !! ) must really worry you.

Have you also swallowed whole the supermarkets message to use germicidal sprays on work-surfaces and germicidal bin-bags ?

Lon More
3rd Feb 2013, 20:33
Lizz, if your other half puts the seat up then the wee, germs, etc. must come from you. So it's OK for you to demand that he runs a risk of infection from you?

It's up, get over it. If you must lower it with a sheet of toilet paper between your fingers and it or spray it with this,


3rd Feb 2013, 20:35
The toilet seat being up is a big no no! My t'other had is generally very good at putting it back down but I do mention it when it's been left up! I think for me it's that I don't want to touch the seat with germs, wee and god only knows what else on it!!

But if your other half puts the seat up, he won't have pee'd on it anyway. The germs on it will be your own.

Mike X
3rd Feb 2013, 20:40
Hold on, guys.

Lizz is Lisa Smith. Oh,oh. :p

3rd Feb 2013, 20:50
I know germs are everywhere, I've tipped my keyboard upside down at work only to be horrified at what fell out :eek: I'm just funny with stuff like that, bit OCD you may say!

Who is this Lisa Smith though?

Mike X
3rd Feb 2013, 20:56
Dear Lizz,

Lisa Smith is in the public domain as of this week. Go Dailywail.

Not meant in any way derogatory.

I understand, but you wouldn't be around if it weren't for them critters.

3rd Feb 2013, 21:34
Did you ever hit the bathroom in the dark and drop your butt on a ceramic bowl with the toilet seat up. It makes you jump about a foot.

Milo Minderbinder
3rd Feb 2013, 21:35
so you won't touch the loo seat with your hand, but you will plant your naked bottom on it????

Mike X
3rd Feb 2013, 21:39

As an engineer, what are you saying ?

3rd Feb 2013, 21:48
I'm ok about toilet seats but fussy about touching the handle to flush. Tend to grab a bit of tissue to make a barrier before flushing (do you do that Lizz, if not, why not?). Probably a bit fussy, but in most other ways I'm pretty unhygienic. When I'm eating if a tasty morsel drops on the floor it's a race between me and the dog as to who gets to it first!

Milo Minderbinder
3rd Feb 2013, 21:51
I hope thats food that you've dropped, not food the dog has dropped......

3rd Feb 2013, 21:53
Depends what the dog's got for dinner, Milo ;)

Mind you, fighting a large German Shepherd for her dinner is never a wise plan!

Noah Zark.
3rd Feb 2013, 23:15
Right guys. Time to learn a little gem! Talking as we are about bog seats, have you ever considered (and I'm sure somebody somewhere has!) why the hole in a netty seat is the shape it is, instead of just a perfectly round hole? (That's it, go and have a quick look, then come back!)
It's because in days of old, when houses were being built, the new luxurious item, the toilet seat, was sawn out of a flat-ish piece of wood, and to have something to saw to, the foreman on site (who always wore a bowler hat to denote his rank) would draw a line around the brim of his hat to enable the wood butcher to cut a hole out!
Traditionally, it stays!

Worrals in the wilds
4th Feb 2013, 00:04
I've never been able to understand the fuss about leaving the seat up. :bored::zzz: Putting it down again is not the major hassle that the women's magazines like to make out. It's not like you have to dig a hole a la bush walking style...

Shaving foam and stubble all over the sink is another story. :hmm:

4th Feb 2013, 00:21
If you reckon people get in a lather about the toilet seat, the one that gets
me is the way some get really annoyed the way the paper roll is placed
on the holder.


4th Feb 2013, 00:37
I've never been able to understand the fuss about leaving the seat up

... and I've never been able to believe such a fuss does exist.

Over many decades this topic, like the seat, has never been raised in my hearing as a problem, save in these scholarly pages where it commands repeated attention. Elsewhere I have never heard it mentioned.

If indeed it is a problem, are offenders so slow in the uptake or upput or downput to give the remedy desired by those who allegedly claim to suffer?

Must the fuss demand such close attention? Can it not stay in the closet?

4th Feb 2013, 01:03
This discussion brings to mind a cartoon I saw years ago.

Older couple sitting on a park bench.
He says " How come you never get angry when we have a row"
She says "Because I just go and clean the toilet to calm down"
He says "How can that help"
She says "Because I use your toothbrush":D

4th Feb 2013, 02:48
An indignant woman once told me to put the seat down, because - she said, a woman might be the next person to use it. I replied that it might just as possibly be a man.

Statistically - the seat is needed to be down 3 time out of 4 possible uses.
( women x 2, man x 1 ) QED.

( there are lies, damned lies, and statistics. )

4th Feb 2013, 03:27
500N..... so which is the right and wrong way
mate? I thought both A or B were acceptable!

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR54dm3Ouo5sOn01xFz3aYoFlml394NTffjSYDLkB0 yyRexl6Rj

For me its The Great Question Unanswered!

4th Feb 2013, 03:29
I don't mind, prefer A but get jumped on
by the better half if it is that way and not B :O

4th Feb 2013, 03:37
Well I'm an A person myself too as it looks sort've...I dunno...classy. B looks
too pub-dunnyish. And yeh my missus is a B as well - same with her mates.

And she has this annoying habit of triangleing the ends too.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTO6aQ_sTDtyBwkYgp2v6lFQ7b0zQEsUluHwflyPCM 6S9p849z1

4th Feb 2013, 04:03
500N..... so which is the right and wrong way
mate? I thought both A or B were acceptable!

just a minute, I'll ask my cat

4th Feb 2013, 04:10
He'd definitely favor B loma!

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcShhCbOSA0l6WnK2hvAzYIwHaKTfvEUli0TVFyHEgD n18RDZXQ

4th Feb 2013, 05:50
And she has this annoying habit of triangleing the ends too.
That, Slash, is so you can clean under your fingernails after a breakthrough!

4th Feb 2013, 07:48
Does your other [female] half moan about you leaving the toilet seat up ? - Easy solution, just pee in the sink ;)

Cyber Bob
4th Feb 2013, 08:25
Toilet seats down in my house I'm afraid. Don't want to see a 'Richard the third' bobbing around after a 'Misflush'. (These pesky double flush buttons - small/large flush!)

Just as many germs on a tea towel folks - then that's another topic all together

Down I say - keep 'em down

All the best

4th Feb 2013, 08:45
Shaving foam and stubble all over the sink is another story.

Agreed, I got really tired of telling the women in my house not to do this.....and not to leave their razors on the floor of the shower.

4th Feb 2013, 08:48
On a related matter, why the fuss about washing your hands after you've had a pee?

When I pee, I touch my penis and underpants. The likelihood is that it's cleaner than the toilet, taps, handles, towels, manky bar of soap, soap dispenser, etc. And even if I get a few drops on my hand, which is unlikely, urine is sterile.

When I leave a communal toilet, I use toilet paper to open the door if I have to touch it.

4th Feb 2013, 09:15
Surely to GOD, ANYONE can see that the paper should come down from the FRONT of the ROLL, ie as per B in the picture above.

If it's in the other way, the little flappy thing over the top JAMS THE ROLL and it TEARS when you pull it.

LOOK, I'LL SHOW YOU! Whaddya mean you're not interested in the repetitive ramblings of an aging, dribbling obsessive? IS MY OPINION WORTH NOTHING? No, don't even think of answering that.

OK, look, you go on putting the rolls on how you like, and I'll go on changing them round, just like I've done for 4 decades. Next time you drive to the hairdresser, WHY NOT DRIVE IN REVERSE? IT MAKES AS MUCH SENSE!

4th Feb 2013, 09:42
Paper down the front of the roll, but not when the kids were little as they found it easier to unroll the whole bloomin' lot (as with the cat above) when it was down the front. Judging by things like the orientation of the cute little embossed puppies (should one be an Andrex user), manufacturers assume paper down the front.

4th Feb 2013, 10:27
Table view, I agree with you:ok: I wash my hands before I pee, because I don't want to transfer the days collected germs from my hands to my previously sterile privates:)

Also, as regards the shape of the hole, I think longer front-to-back makes perfect sense. The excretory process has greater fore-to-aft spread than side-to-side. Asthe original poster invited, go check if you are not sure:p

4th Feb 2013, 16:58
The whole (excuse the pun) problem of seat placement is dealt with admirably at a restaurant in Antibes, France, called ‘Les Vieux Murs’.

In the Gents, the seats are always down, and there is a large printed sign, in English, that reads ‘GENTLEMEN DO NOT LIFT THE SEAT’.

At the back of the plastic seat, where the hinges usually are to be found, instead of hinges there is a shallow tunnel. When the ‘Flush’ button is pressed, the whole seat rotates once, horizontally, through this tunnel, where it is washed with rotating brushes and dried, rather like a very small car wash.

4th Feb 2013, 17:04
...So does that mean in Antibes one can no longer use the excuse
"Oh I must've picked it up from a restaurant toilette ma cherie!"??

4th Feb 2013, 18:20
Interesting. Here where I work in the stalls of worship (rest rooms) we have pictures of a man standing on a toilet seat with an X through it.

Like this:


Not that I ever contemplated standing on a toilet seat (I prefer to pee on them) I can't imagine why someone would want to?
Escape from the cooties perhaps?

4th Feb 2013, 18:22
......why the hole in a netty seat is the shape it..... my bold.

Now there's a word I haven't heard for years. Me granny had an ootdoor netty - a bit posh she was cos, it was a flush netty as opposed to the 'dry' netties that required the regular attendance of the midden men.

Does it really matter which way the bog roll is put on the holder.. as long as it's there when it is needed.

4th Feb 2013, 18:25
Does it really matter which way the bog roll is put on the holder.. as long as it's there when it is needed.

No, it doesn't matter one bit. Because in the absence of toilet paper:

Stranded. Stranded on the toilet bowl. What do you do when you're stranded.... on the toilet bowl?

To prove your a man you must wipe it with your hand.

Stranded. Stranded on the toilet bowl.......

4th Feb 2013, 18:31

Re standing on the seat, I think it harks back to the days
of the "long drop" outside dunny dug in the ground :O''

4th Feb 2013, 18:49
A number of non-western cultures have toilets where squatting is the way to do it. Squatting in aeroplane lavatories can lead to unforeseen consequences.

Best not to think too deeply about this.

4th Feb 2013, 18:51

I'll assume that a "dunny" is a hole?

If that is indeed the case, how can one mistake a toilet for a hole in the ground? Must be one of life's many mysteries. For some, I suppose.

4th Feb 2013, 18:53
Sorry, a "dunny" is a Aussie slang word for toilet, loo.

A hole used for the same function is sometimes referred
to as "the long drop" - as well as many other things.

Many a loo is remote Aus are made of holes in the ground.

4th Feb 2013, 18:57
In up country Chinese hotels you see directions for using the seat. A picture of somebody squatting on top has a cross through it and two knees in front of the pan has an OK sign.

A Canadian company was setting up an exploration unit in North Western China. They shipped in their flat packed portacabin type offices and laboratories and demonstrated to the Chinese contractor how to assemble them.
They went up there to check on the progress and everything seemed to have been done perfectly until they went into the bathrooms.
All the WC pans had been sunk so that the tops were level with the floor.

4th Feb 2013, 19:01
500N wrote:

Many a loo is remote Aus are made of holes in the ground.

Modern technology at its finest, eh 500N?!!!!! Does one also get to drink that Australian swill/camel piss known as Foster's whilst dumping in the "hole"? :}:eek::E

4th Feb 2013, 19:04

It has been known that some carry the camels piss to the dunny
and drink it while contemplating the dropping of a nuclear device :O

but in general it is the camels piss that makes one need to go to that
location :O

4th Feb 2013, 19:04
Well I guess it's better than what I did the first time I traveled to France. Didn't know what a bidet was used for so I figured it was okay to piss in it. Until my German girlfriend at the time informed me that a: that is NOT what it's used for and b: I was an uncultured American for doing so.

So shoot me then.

4th Feb 2013, 19:09

"uncultured American" - no, just a Ranger :O
(Oh sorry, same thing:O)

Lucky you weren't a Marine, then she really
would have got a shock :O

4th Feb 2013, 19:10
No, the stupid Kraut was lucky I wasn't a Jarhead. Had I been I would've thrown her out the hotel window!!!! Would've brought new meaning to the word Sauerkraut.

But, yes 500N, i do know what you mean!

Edited to add: Oh. By the way. About that comment you made concerning uncultured Americans and Rangers being the same?


4th Feb 2013, 19:12
"Would've brought new meaning to the word Sauerkraut."


4th Feb 2013, 20:04
Best not to think too deeply about this.

Too late :ugh:

Milo Minderbinder
4th Feb 2013, 20:05
How to wipe with one square - YouTube

4th Feb 2013, 20:09

You are either ill or losing your touch.

I expected a far better response than posting of a photo
showing some kid sticking out his tongue.

I would have thought you would have had inter service banter
down pat by now :O

4th Feb 2013, 20:10

Sign in China. Gave inspiration to Peter Moore to write a book with the same title.http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41V9APBAPRL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

5th Feb 2013, 01:34
I guess this shud solve all the problems. No more need for toilet paper !!!

Geberit UKGeberit AquaClean 8000plus (http://www.geberit.co.uk/web/appl/uk/wcmsuk.nsf/pages/prod-aqua-line-8000p-1)

Solid Rust Twotter
5th Feb 2013, 07:01
One of our bases had a long drop outside the berm next to the weapons range. It also suffered from a batshit crazy major who delighted in throwing a grenade over the wall at ohdarkthirty then blowing his whistle while trying to chase his tail up his arse in order to test our readiness. The accepted practice was to rush to the berm and fire a few rounds out into the darkness then wait for the stand down so we could go back to bed. This got a bit sawn off after a while and those on that particular side of the base would shoot at the canvas screened long drop instead. The wood pole and supports were positively furry by the time the batshit major twigged (see what I did there?) and ordered us to cease and desist from wrecking govt property in that fashion. We didn't stay long enough to learn if anyone actually fell into the long drop due to the destruction of the gum pole used as a seat.

By now his little game was getting really boring, and we knew that there wasn't much movement at night by the enemy in any case. Things got to a point where we'd have a couple of magazines loaded with tracer and when we heard the bang and the manic whistling, a couple of the guys in the tent would roll over, sit up in bed and let rip a 30 round mag of tracer through the roof of the tent on full auto, while the rest tried to get back to sleep. Fortunately we didn't spend too long at that particular base, so I have no idea what became of the lunatic. We knew precisely what happened to the poor buggers who had to use that tent when the wet season came round....:}

6th Feb 2013, 10:41
alternative wee games:
BBC News - Toilet technology targets boredom in the men's urinals (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-15923434)

Brian Abraham
6th Feb 2013, 12:28
Goodbye Granddad

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,
He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,
We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,
A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his feet,
The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,
The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled out.
There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without a trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,
No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,
When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came about,
'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling breath,
'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his death.'
'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,
And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for oil,
So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make some trials,
They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about three miles.
Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went, post haste,
And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,
So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I thought,
I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught short'.
The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,
But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that night,
Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't know,
The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.
And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did his dash--
Well, he always used to hold his breath
Until he heard the splash!!

Noah Zark.
6th Feb 2013, 15:42
Once seen on the wall of a posh bogatarium, although I doubt that the management had knowledge of it - "If on the wall there is no paper, behind the seat you'll find a scraper!"

6th Feb 2013, 16:32

Where are you suppose to do it then?