View Full Version : In Preparation for 'Straya Day...

14th Jan 2013, 09:35
I am, you are, we are Australian.

WE, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional ******. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are One Nation but we're divided into many States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final day and big horse races.
Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners, off season carni-folk, and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively re use country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackaroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. ... While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland as its beautiful one day and perfect the next?? Why he filled it with dickheads from Victoria & New South Wales remains a complete mystery.

Oh yes and there's Canberra. The least said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition.

Not that we're whinging, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem .

(So what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. And our national dress code is short shorts, thongs, and the good old t-shirt!

We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

I am, you are, we are Australian.

14th Jan 2013, 09:49

And in case you are suffering from Lambnesia, and have forgotten how great we really are:

14th Jan 2013, 09:56
And there is the 'strayan/unorstrayan test to back it up:
National Lambnesia Test (http://lambnesia.com.au/)

Worrals in the wilds
14th Jan 2013, 10:03
Probably hit on the head by a rep from the Australian Beef Association...or the chook people. :suspect::}
Being on a Saturday this year, it's sure to be doubly rowdy. :E
GANGgajang - Sounds Of Then (This Is Australia) - YouTube

14th Jan 2013, 10:03
87.7% Unaustralian

I'm happy with that. :ok:

Takan Inchovit
14th Jan 2013, 10:06
That reminds me, must get flags to hang out of all the car windows, bullbar and roof rack. :ok:

Worrals in the wilds
14th Jan 2013, 10:09
Don't forget the one to drape around your shoulders, for when you're featured on the channel 9 news being chucked in a paddy wagon for being drunk and disorderly. :hmm:
Australia Day violence flares on Coast (http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/australia-day-violence-flares-on-coast-20100127-mwtw.html)

14th Jan 2013, 10:27
And we got the best bl***y beer in the world mate !! :ok::D

14th Jan 2013, 11:00
WITW, I love that song in that in so many ways so many short lines sum it all up....

'Lie in sweat on familiar sheets'

'In a room of silent Hardiflex, that certain texture, that certain smell'

'Brings home the Heavy Day, Brings Home the Night time Swell' :)

'And in the distance, through the heat haze, convoys of silent cattle graze'

But that chorus..."Out on the Patio we sit, and the humidity we breathe (Whilst sipping Bundaberg's finest! :ok:) , we watch the lightning crack over canefields"......So wonderfully evocative...I send this clip to my Sister freezing her @rse off in Chicago about this time every year!! She sure is looking forward to moving back to QLD!!

G&T ice n slice
14th Jan 2013, 11:31
I am led to believe ( I'm very easily convinced about most things to to with the anti podes) that the offical prayer said at the start of any session of any parliament in Oz, alos every morning in schools is
"Orstrayliya, Orstrayliya, Orstrayliya we love you amen!"

Noah Zark.
14th Jan 2013, 11:34
And we got the best bl***y beer in the world mate !!

Such as Fosters Gnat Wazz? Nah, don't think so! ;)

14th Jan 2013, 11:40
Nobody in Oz drinks Fosters! Thats the crap we sell overseas. :hmm:

14th Jan 2013, 11:41
Well Chopper said it before and I'll say it again...


14th Jan 2013, 12:06
Ha ha, but how is it that chopper got to keep his profits from crime and not others???

14th Jan 2013, 12:09
This be more like it......

Kevin Bloody Wilson DILLIGAF - YouTube

14th Jan 2013, 12:16

Getting Fit with Arthur Dunger - YouTube


14th Jan 2013, 13:56
Risk of Lambnesia: I am 36.4 percent Unaustralian.

And I'm a Yank. Heh. Apparently my instructions are to:

Keep esky full at all times
Sing along to an Aus rock classic
Cook Lamb mince skewers with cucumber salsa

DX Wombat
14th Jan 2013, 16:27
I shall restrict myself to the consumption of a small Anzac biscuit*. I am not sufficiently insane to try to have a bbq in the garden at the end of January. A much more civilised celebration is that which occurs on the day prior to Strine Day - that of Burns Night. Celebrated indoors in the warmth with a plentiful supply of good food and whisky. :ok:
* A confection which appears to be constructed from left over concrete and coconut.

14th Jan 2013, 16:36
Nobody warned me about the Bl....y sandflies when I came here to work.

14th Jan 2013, 16:39
:p:p Happy Birthday!!


14th Jan 2013, 20:28
Sir Les does a far far better job than that Goose Bob Carr, or worse still that utter [email protected] Alex Downer ...... :{

23rd Jan 2013, 11:36
Our good ols true-blue dinky-die Dick Smith has done his own ad for 'straya Day, but it's been banned:
Dick Smith Foods Australia Day Ad - UNCENSORED - YouTube

26th Jan 2013, 01:59
Oh dear Dick! Cringe!:uhoh:

Clare Prop
26th Jan 2013, 02:10
Good old Dick, wasn't averse to importing cheap electronics to make his fortune!

Sir Les should be parachuted in to The Lodge today, he would make the joke that is Australian politics funny and has more chaaarm and class than the current incumbent, what with his knowledge of The Yarts, fine Australian cheese and all. Are you with me Ladies and Gentlemen?

Meanwhile, here's some Hoges...

The Paul Hogan Show - Alternative Olympics (Aussie Games) - YouTube

26th Jan 2013, 03:22
Sir Les Patterson - 'Gough's Cultural Attache'. (Part 1 of 2). - YouTube

Funny thing about box jellyfish....they can sting you on any part of the anatomy


26th Jan 2013, 06:24

Chopper donates all proceeds from his books to the Victorian Boys Brigade.