View Full Version : What would you do ...

6th Jan 2013, 01:11
Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who .....

Interesting discussion around breakfast the other morning - guys only, prior to heading out on a motorbike ride. One of the guys posed this question:

Early morning, wife still asleep (or at least pretending), he jumps into the shower and his mind wanders lustfully to thoughts of nubile bodies on the beach the previous day. Next thing he realises is that his morning glory is demanding attention, so he decides to rub one out in the inviting surroundings of his warm shower, pleasant mind-games, etc.

As he is well into it he gets this feeling of being watched, and realises that his wife has come into the bathroom unheard by him (claims water was 'loud' and besides, his mind was elsewhere).

His question was what to do? Pretend he is washing enthusiastically so he is very clean 'for her'; close his eyes and carry on; or invite wife to join him in the shower?

So, accepting that JB is the font of all knowledge, I undertook to pose the question here and get back to him next week. Until then he expects to be on very short rations, and may even have to cook for himself. I'll tell you the reasons at the end of the week, as I'd like the creative collective her to approach the matter in hand without going of with premature indications.

6th Jan 2013, 01:14
Pretend she's the maid and tell her to do as she is told and keep quiet lest the mistress of the house wake up....

Milo Minderbinder
6th Jan 2013, 01:29
he should've had the shower curtains drawn.....

anyway....he should tell her he's washing out all last night's stale tadpoles so that when she woke up and got her sunday morning rogering, she'd only be on the receiving end of strong, healthy fresh ones, which are less smelly and taste nicer

6th Jan 2013, 01:29
Heading out for a motorbike ride????

I'm afraid your 'friend' is gay! :}

6th Jan 2013, 01:33
There's only one option. Shift the blame.

"If you weren't so damn cold, I wouldn't be reduced to this!"

6th Jan 2013, 01:50
Since we're talking about friends here..... ;);)

I have a friend who jerks off so much in the shower that whenever it rains he gets a hard-on.

Temp Spike
6th Jan 2013, 04:44
Tell her to finish the job, while he's on break.

6th Jan 2013, 04:52
He is married and his wife is showing an interest in his erection, this is clearly a work of unbelievable fiction.

6th Jan 2013, 05:41
he should've had the shower curtains drawn.....

Douche Italienne, no hiding place!

Worrals in the wilds
6th Jan 2013, 06:39
Try looking boyishly cute and invite her in. After all, he was being considerate didn't want to wake her up...worth a try, anyway. :}
Don't mention the nubile beach bodies or the hardship of cooking for himself is going to be secondary to the difficulty of eating said meal through a straw while in double traction. :eek:

If she was even remotely surprised then she can't have been in many relationships. IME as far as earth shattering news goes, 'guys play with themselves in showers' is right up there with 'Birdsville's very hot at the moment' and 'no-one likes pollies very much.' :hmm:

Solid Rust Twotter
6th Jan 2013, 07:26
Slap her on the arse as he walks through to the kitchen to get the kettle on for a brew, and tell her he'll be back in two and she'd better be ready for her turn.

Lon More
6th Jan 2013, 08:04
Tell her it's her turn and that he's now going to watch her.

6th Jan 2013, 08:51
My wood would collapse like a shot giraffe at the sight of my wife.......:uhoh:

Worrals in the wilds
6th Jan 2013, 09:26
Reminds me of the time a childless female friend had her two teenage nephews to stay. Nice kids, well mannered and courteous; but she couldn't work out why they spent so long in the shower every morning. :uhoh: 'I thought teenaged boys were grubby, but they're in there for ages, keep using up all the hot water and my Estee Lauder body wash!'

Fortunately her brother enlightened her, because I really didn't want to...:suspect::}

6th Jan 2013, 11:14
My wife is reconciled to being wed to a w***er for 32 years, so no probs.


6th Jan 2013, 12:22
Your mate has a sad excuse for a sex life if he feels the need to masturbate in the shower when his wife is close by, in bed and either naked or nearly naked.

You'll be telling us next that he lays on his arm for 30 minutes beforehand until it goes numb so that when he starts it feels like someone else is doing it for him.

6th Jan 2013, 12:26
aviation content?

6th Jan 2013, 12:27
It's mine and I'll wash it as fast as I want! :p

6th Jan 2013, 13:02
A friend of mine asked for advice for a similar situation - she told the counsellor that she had twice walked into the bathroom and found her husband masturbating - what should she do..?

She was told "knock!"

6th Jan 2013, 13:14
Asked her if she knew the au-pair had become transparent to visible light......

6th Jan 2013, 16:31
"Hello dear, I was just thinking of you"

Little white lies are ok, like "Of course that dress doesn't make your arse look like the Hindenberg" -- Hey, aviation content


8th Jan 2013, 03:28
"Hello dear, I was just thinking of you"

Ozzy is right and I use a similar line. Christ knows how many times I've been
caught by the missus having a nice little morning knee-trembler in the shower. :rolleyes:

8th Jan 2013, 13:40
anyway....he should tell her he's washing out all last night's stale tadpoles so that when she woke up and got her sunday morning rogering, she'd only be on the receiving end of strong, healthy fresh ones, which are less smelly and taste nicer

ALternate approach is:

"Good timing, my dear, I've got him good and ready for you. Here on the floor, in the tub, in the shower, of back in the bed?" :E