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briteandbreezy
13th Apr 2002, 03:17
***** The Demerit Point System - explained!! *****



In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:




*** SIMPLE DUTIES ***

*You make the bed.............................................+1
*You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....0
*You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..................-1
*You leave the toilet seat up.................................-5
*You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.............0
*When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....-1
*When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
*You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
*In the snow...................................................+8
*But return with beer.........................................-5
*And no liners...............................................-25
*You check out a suspicious noise at night......................0
*You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.............0
*You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
*You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
*It's her cat.................................................-40




*** AT A PARTY ***

*You stay by her side the entire party..........................0
*You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a school drinking buddy.........................................-2
*Named Tiffany.................................................-4
*Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-6
*With breast implants.........................................-18




*** HER BIRTHDAY ***

*You take her out to dinner.....................................0
*You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+l
*Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
*And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
*It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team................-10




*** A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS ***

*Go with a pal.................................................+5
*The pal is happily married..................................+10
*Or frighteningly single.......................................-7
*And he drives a Ferrari......................................-10
*With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).................-15




*** A NIGHT OUT WITH HER ***

*You take her to a movie.......................................+2
*You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
*You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
*You take her to a movie you like...............................2
*It's called Death Cop 3.......................................-3
*Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
*You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15




*** YOUR PHYSIQUE ***

*You develop a noticeable pot belly..........................-15
*You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.............+10
*You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to lose jeans and darts players shirts..........................-30
*You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too...............-800




*** THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question) ***

She asks, "Do I look fat?"

*You hesitate in responding..................................-10
*You reply, "Where?".........................................-35
*Any other response..........................................-20




*** COMMUNICATION ***

When she wants to talk about a problem:

*You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
*You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5
*You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
*TV......................................................+10 0
*She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.........-200




....... :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: ........ :eek: .

Sliding member
13th Apr 2002, 03:22
So b and b, you are the "Swiss Tony" of PPRUNE? Too many sums there for me, surley everyhting a man does is a plus?:) :)

The Nut Behind The Wheel
13th Apr 2002, 03:24
Hey Breezy!

You sat up all night....for that!

Tell us something we don't know, particularly about the minus side of the equation! I think I know all there is about accumulating the negatives.:rolleyes:

briteandbreezy
13th Apr 2002, 03:30
Ohhhhhh can only show ya the results!!!!!!


Up to you lot to find out HOW to get the balance right!!!!!


And.... if you don't get the balance right,.... there's always another option........!!!









PS:Am not gonna tell ya what works everytime for me,.... but it does!!!!! ;)

ArcticCircle
13th Apr 2002, 05:36
B&B,

? In the snow ?

As a person who grew up with snow up to his *****. Please tell me more about it ;)

briteandbreezy
13th Apr 2002, 11:32
ArticCircle......

Oooooo,.... you are a norty one aintcha? :)

When I mentioned getting 'the balance' right.....

..I was referring to 'how to stay in the good books'......

..NOT how to have ya wicked way in the snow without freezing ya ***** off!!!!! :p

Anywayyyyyy,... if you grew up in the snow.... you should have acclimatised by now!! ;) :D



Keep well wrapped!! ;)

somewhatconcerned
13th Apr 2002, 11:40
Hypotheticaly speaking, where would one stand if one made the bed, put the decorative pillows on but left sticky tissues in by mistake:confused:

OzExpat
13th Apr 2002, 11:48
Some females seem to be VERY insecure, huh. Sad... :rolleyes: :D

ArcticCircle
13th Apr 2002, 15:52
B&B,

no one doing it real wicked in the snow will freeze their b***s off. `Cause if you`re that wicked, the snow will melt, and whooops no worries about freezing................anything.

Loki
13th Apr 2002, 16:36
Would someone explain, what exactly the issue is with toilet seats? Why can`t women just deal with it?

RadarContact
13th Apr 2002, 17:01
Why should they?

somewhatconcerned
13th Apr 2002, 17:10
Loki that one has always bugged me, I just put it down for a quiet life.

Women should realise the detrimental effect that alcohol has on a males gyroscopic missile guidance system yet they are intent on making the target smaller during times when it is most difficult to remember this and find the light switch.

chapman1
13th Apr 2002, 17:19
I'm afraid the points system, as described, is not entirely accurate and does not translate well to reality. In this real world, the technique to making a lady happy (i.e. stop her shouting/crying/generally talking at you) is more comparable to the defusing of a bomb, in that you can work hard and employ years of training to make the situation more favourable, and one lapse of concentration or wrong move and your environment is invaded with a very loud noise and your personal safety is deeply compromised.

briteandbreezy
14th Apr 2002, 12:24
OzExpat....

Nahhhhhh..... I'm not insecure,..... at all! :D



ArticCircle....

Hmmm, you could be right..... may I'll practice next time the snow falls!! ;)


Loki....

Always put the bleedin' toilet seat down after ya done.... it's a 'big deal' to us women and we do enough for ya without having to do that too...... JUST DO IT!!!!!! :p

Slasher
14th Apr 2002, 14:48
Um brite, what happens when his points are all used up? Is his Bonking Licence revoked and his balls clamped? :D

Grainger
14th Apr 2002, 20:45
You buy her flowers ...... +10 points

You got them at the Supermarket ...... 0 Points

You got them at the Petrol Station ....... - 100 Points

Tartan Gannet
14th Apr 2002, 21:13
The Toilet Seat controversy.

Its not rocket science Girls. Seat has only two moving parts joined by a hinge. No electronics, no gears, no maintenance except a wipe.

Now its a simple procedure. Seat is up if a man has used the loo for a pee. Put it down. Likewise for man using toilet if woman there last, lift the dammed thing.

Really, with all the serious issues in a relationship, we dont need this trivia. Take a reality check ladies.