View Full Version : Football and Black Holes

11th Apr 2002, 17:56
"Black hole research by astrophysicists at Warwick has shown that English Premier League football is 30 times more boring than football games in the rest of the world. International football shows a pattern of 'exterme events' similar to that seen in the large bursts of X-rays from the accretion discs of black holes, but English top division football is 30 times less likely to have high scoring games than the rest of the world."

From 'Warwick Network', Spring 2002

Enough said.

Hugh Jarse
11th Apr 2002, 19:45
Oh, I thought this was going to be another joke about John Hopoate and his proctology experiments on the field:D:D:D

Never mind!

11th Apr 2002, 20:09
I’m at Warwick Uni and would therefore know that the astrophysics department wouldn’t know a football match if Tony Adams knocked their goggles off and spilt their weak lemon cordial.

English football is wicked good, and the severity of the score is not a guarantee of quality. Women’s football matches often end up in double figures and this just dilutes the suspense and impact of scoring. I could go on, but as these are merely the views of people who spend 16 hours a day looking at or thinking about blackness, I shall leave them to their ignorance.

PS If, by chance, you are a research student in the astrophysics basement, then the above views are not mine, as big boys made me write them. I’m sure that the physics gee……….errrrrr……..people, are a top bunch and when I see them ‘partied out’ after three sniffs of cherry it was because “it was a very hot day” and “they simply can’t find their prescription inhaler.”

By the way, Warwick is definitely too close to Coventry. Although, I think even Peru is too close to Cov.

11th Apr 2002, 21:16
I didn't know that Warwick even had an Astrophysics department.... :)

11th Apr 2002, 21:17
Research student... yes.
Black nothingness... no.
Football...definitely not (prefer rugger - smaller shorts and bigger thighs) ;)

What do I study? Well... gosh... is that the time? I really must hurry off now... erm... maybe another time :o

11th Apr 2002, 21:50
Evo 7

It is quite understandable that you do not know the astrophysics department of the mighty Warwick University. I’ve never had reason to go there, but I imagine it is confined to a dark basement and the inhabitants are restricted to commuting to and from under the cover of darkness. This is not to maximise their exposure to the night’s sky, but to secure the reputation of Warwick, the British Isles and the human species in general.


Whatever you study cannot be nearly as ludicrous as that of two of my flat mates. I never realised that Film & TV studies existed, and still fail to see what it could ever be employed for. Equally, it cannot be more boring than my course. At a guess, I would say you study …….. Chemistry ……. Biology ………or maybe even Physics. Not the study of the black expanses of mystery sure, but still a course from the ‘plastic sandal brigade’.

Please correct me I’m wrong :)

11th Apr 2002, 21:52
...but I imagine it is confined to a dark basement and the inhabitants are restricted to commuting to and from under the cover of darkness

Such is the life of the Astrophysicist. It's why I left.... :)

The Greaser
11th Apr 2002, 21:55
There is nothing better than watching a good 0-0 draw at the home of football, St Marys.
What could be more heavenly than watching the mighty, expansive skills of Southampton against the rampaging artistry of Derby County or Leicester City.

11th Apr 2002, 21:57
Hey, we beat Derby 2-0, and Leicester were 2-2 at home and 4-0 away. I think you've got my Saints mixed up with the Boring, Boring Arsenal.... :)

Jet Dragon
12th Apr 2002, 00:30
Ah Greaser - the delusions that exist in the basement of the Premier League :D

Anyway - what's a 0-0 draw???




Liverpool Supporter of (:eek: years)

12th Apr 2002, 02:34
For REAL football enthusiasm you need to attend a home game at Hartlepool. I once cheered a home side near-miss there (a big event is a Hartlepool near-miss) and was scolded by a sinister looking chap in a greasy mac and flat cap with "'Ere lad, we want none o' that fanatiscism here!"

The study of Black Holes is considered important in Hartlepool, and Hartlepool University would produce some of the world's greatest astrophysicists if it existed...

Through difficulties to the cinema

Hugh De Payen
12th Apr 2002, 03:18

Football should have the same rules applied to it on this forum as does politics and religion, no if's and no buts.

Jet Dragon
12th Apr 2002, 04:37

Your Hartlepool story reminds me of many an evening at The Racecourse watching Wrexham - the kinda night when if you abuse the linesman on the far touchline he can hear you - and you can hear his response.

Happy Dayz indeed:)


Hugh De Payen
12th Apr 2002, 04:51

Are you a monkey hanger?

12th Apr 2002, 08:00
Jet Dragon - remember how many points your lot got against Saints this season...? ;)

12th Apr 2002, 08:21
Ha har Hugh, not me! :D I'm a rag-arsed Stockton boy and I've got pictures to prove it!

Second row just above the 'C' in Stockton. Lovely Quiff eh? (http://www.rambert.freeserve.co.uk/new_site/html/photo_gallery/whole_school/1960_whole_school_pic.htm)

I was once driving past the big sign by the roadside saying "Welcome to Hartlepool" when I noticed a stuffed toy monkey that some wag had left swinging from a rope round its neck. Its one of those things that the Hartlepudlians will forever have to live with, poor souls.

I've always wondered what might happen to any unsuspecting Frenchman that wandered into Hartlepool. Nowadays they'd be mistaken for Londoners and ignored I suppose. :D

Through difficulties to the cinema

The Greaser
12th Apr 2002, 09:39
Evo 7

So you are also one of the chosen ones put upon earth to support The Saints. God Bless You.

Jet Dragon
12th Apr 2002, 10:11
Hmmm Evo - we like to do our bit for charity:D

12th Apr 2002, 14:25
Chapman, may I refer you to this (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=12822)?

Oh, and check your email! :D

12th Apr 2002, 16:38

Thanks for the link on algae, it was…..errrrr…interesting, especially as ‘compressor stall’ said you were “the best thing about algae”. Still, I know a few people of whom the best part of them is algae.

Read your e-mail, but the idea of meeting the people of this site gives me the heebie-geebies, especially as so many of them seem to support Saints, which shows somekind of mental instability that may surface as random and violent behaviour. Still, if they have anything in comman with their beloved team they couldn't hit a barn door let alone me. :D

So AerBabe, am I right in the conclusion that you spend your working days in the 'palace of winners' that is Gibbet Hill. I cannot poke fun though, as my department is hardy a scene from 'Saved by the Bell'; too many socks and sandal combos. :(