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FL310
10th Apr 2002, 23:23
Sunny outside, sitting in the office, watching busy people chasing all the useless gadgets...one starts thinking:

How was it ever possible to put the "Do not enter" sign in the middle of the park?

When human beings discovered that cows may provide milk - what exactly were they doing?

If a dictionary contains a mis-spelled word, will we ever know?

Why is the word "abbreviation" such a long one?

When will someone discover that invisible ink is running out?

Why didn't Noah kill the two moskitos?

If human beings are a later form of gorillas, why do the gorillas still exist?

Why do sheeps not shrink in rain?

If it is 0 degrees today, how much will it be tomorrow if it is as double as cold?

What do sheeps count if they cannot sleep?

any more out there????:D

Gunner B12
11th Apr 2002, 01:02
Why is dyslexia such a hard word to spell?

Isnt stutter the very type of word you'd have trouble using to describe your affliction?

I've seen longer lists but these are the only ones I can remember.

:D :D :(

briteandbreezy
11th Apr 2002, 01:25
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

What hair colour do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Why does no one ever say 'It's only a game,' when their team is winning?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?


................ :p .............. :D ............. :confused: ............ :eek: .................

Slasher
11th Apr 2002, 02:14
Why is it spelt "lisp" and not "lithp"?

Is a bus still a bus when someone tells you its just turned into a street?

If the food waitress gives you food and the drink waitress gives you drink, then why does the head waitress give you the bill and nothing else?

Shouldnt a bl*wjob be called a suckjob?

Is it tru we nly see prts of wrds wn we rd smthg?

If I get tea at afternoon tea then why do I get dinner at tea-time?

Has anyone ever seen actual bullitins on any internet bullitin-board?

scran
11th Apr 2002, 04:14
 How come wrong numbers are never busy?
 Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
 Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
 Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
 Does killing time damage eternity?
 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
 Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
 Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
 Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
 Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
 Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
 Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
 Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
 Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
 Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
 Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
 Do pilots take crash-courses?
 Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
 Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
 Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
 Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
 How can there be self-help "groups"?
 How do you get off a non-stop flight?
 How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
 How many weeks are there in a light year?
 If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
 If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
 If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
 If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
 If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
 If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
 If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
 If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
 If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
 If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
 If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
 If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
 If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
 Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

scran
11th Apr 2002, 04:16
And Also:


 If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

 Why is the time when the traffic is slowest called rush-hour?

 If physics can predict lottery numbers, why are they still working?

 If you run backwards will you gain weight?

 if Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?

 what happens when you get scared half-to-death twice?

 if your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a bad thing?

 Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?

 How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?

 When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?

 If work is so terrific how come they have to pay you to do it?

 Should crematoriums give discounts for those who died in fires?

 Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

 Why do they announce power shortages on TV?

 If its zero degrees tonight, and tomorrow it’s meant to be twice as cold, how cold will it be?

 Why is it that when you tell a man there are 400 billion stars he will believe you, but when you tell him there’s wet paint he has to touch it?

 Who’s cruel idea was it to put a ‘S’ in ‘lisp’?

 Do you find it unnerving that what doctors do is called ‘practice’?

 If a turtle doesn’t have a shell is it homeless or naked?

 Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Blacksheep
11th Apr 2002, 04:26
Why do they .........? [edited out 'cos someone already used it]

When they finish packing the fish fingers what do they do with the rest of the fish?

What happens to the unruly children you meet in supermarkets when their Mums get them home?

Likewise when their Fathers hear about it?

There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip, but exactly how many?

If a professional golfer hits a hole in one on a Par Three hole, why isn't it re-classified as a Par One?

So many questions so few answers, I think we should be told...

**************************
Through difficulties to the cinema

FL310
11th Apr 2002, 09:47
great chaps, keep 'em coming....

Turnup
11th Apr 2002, 11:38
Why do we cut a tree down - and then cut it up?

If it's an explosive, what was it before?

Is petrol (gasoline for those that only think they speak English) flammable or inflammable?