You Might Be A Freight Dog if.........................

[parabellum]

Apologise if this has been here recently, some really 'on the money' ones and probably a lot more to add!



You might be a freight dog if…
• Your airplane was getting old when you wereborn.
• You have not done a daylight landing in the past six months.
• ATC advises you of smoother air at a different altitude, and you don’t give a****.
• When you taxi up to an FBO they roll out the red carpet, but quickly take itback when they recognize you.
• You call the hotel van to pick you up and they don’t understand where you areon the airport.
• Centre asks you to "keep the chickens down" so they can hear youtalk.
• Your airplane has more than 75,000 cycles.
• Your company call sign is "Oil Can".
• The lady at the FBO locks up the popcorn machine because you plan on"making a meal of it".
• Your airplane has more than eight faded logos on it.
• You wear the same shirt for a week, and no one complains.
• Centre mispronounces your call sign more than three times in one flight.
• Your Director of Operations mysteriously changes your max. take-off weightduring the holiday season.
• Every FBO makes you park out of sight of their building.
• You have ever walked barefoot through the FBO,.................................... because you just woke up.
• You mark every ramp with engine oil.
• Everything you own is in you flight bag and suitcase.
• All the other pilots wait for you to "test the squall line" first.
• All the other airlines hold to see if you get in.
• You request the visual approach with 300’ overcast and ½ SM vis.
• You make no attempt to deviate around weather.

[slowto280]

Everything you own is in your flight bag and suitcase - with caveat: happening several different times in your 'career'..........

[SassyPilotsWife]

Sad for some, but hopefully not for you. If you ever need anything, you know how to reach us. It is never that bad. Difficult right now, but never that bad :)

[airnostalgia]

My first professional gig was F/O on a DC-3 freighter, According to the data plate the airplane was built one year before I was born.

[DCBOE]

If you have lost 45%of your hearing because the aircraft soundproofing was removed to save weight.
If real airlines wait for you to land first to test the braking action.
If you have the sleep habits of a vampire.
If you call for transport and the operations officer has never heard of that parking stand.
If you think TCAS might be an internet expression.
If other airlines post guards on their aircraft whenever your maintenance teams are on the ramp.
If your aircraft has more than 30 collared circuit breakers.
If the "differences" section of the AFM is larger than the "systems" section.
If you hear of an aircraft with an integral drinking water system and you say, "Wow what will they think of next?"
If you walk along the ramp and a GA pilot asks you to clean his windscreen.
If you are always the last to cleared to taxy or take off no matter who called first.
If you think a terminal area with 3 food vending machines is a "food court".
If you think BALPA is an Austrian breakfast cereal.
If you go to bed when your wife wakes up.
If pilots from real companies look at your aircraft and say, "I flew them when I was young"
If your maps show Gaul and The Holy Roman Empire.
If 10% of your basic weight is paint and repair patches.
If the freight bay fire extinguishers have been removed to let you carry more flammable D/G.

[G&T ice n slice]

Just adding one from the groundstaff

You're a freight dog CAPTAIN if you have that special extra sense that enables you to ALWAYS offload exactly the one and only pallet that is 110% "must ride"

[Big Pistons Forever]

You daughter just graduated from college, your wife just graduated from high school and your kids are age 1, 14, and 23 yrs.......

[nimsu1987]

Your minimum descent speed is 6000fpm

[MADTASS]

As a Non-Pilot, just a Lonely Old Refueller at a Little Known Airport i Read this with a wry smile as i was also an Ex Movements Controller in the Airforce and moved a Lot of Freight in my time, can still Picture the Heavylift Belfast Rolling in to Brize for a Quickish Turnaround and then back to Ascension.
Personally, i think you Freight Guys are the Unsung Heroes of the Aviation World and had i been a Little bit more Intelligent upstairs and managed to become a Commercial Pilot i certainly would have Preferred Freight...............................................I think, Possibly.

[Globalstream]

Brilliant. Brings back a lot of memories.

[stallspeed]

If you don't dare removing old DMI- and security stickers - as they might be holding the plane together---

[EAM]

.....if you think you could fly one of these shinny new B787 or A350 just before you retire in 25-30 years.

[atlast]

.....if you can't fly one of those shiny new B787
BUT you can fly the box it came in :E !!!!

[grounded27]

You do not care when the sun rises or sets.

[h3dxb]

...if you have only an AOG when the Cargo loading system is inop :sad:

[zeddb]

When you know people younger than you who flew DC8s in their last company.

You make your own tea and cook your own dinner.

When every flight is dress down Friday in the cruise.

The India maps are creased and torn to buggery.:ugh:

The main deck smells like a zoo. And sometimes resembles one.

The cargo is worth more than the aircraft. Even a new one.

Don't miss pax flying though!

[EAM]

.....colleagues close to retirement are impressed by the fact that you flew DC-10 or DC-8
....you never have to worry if you are able to go to saturdays football match, because weekends are always off :)

[Not Nightowl]

Your boss is screaming down the phone at you something about "get out there and get the #@!!?*%# load in!!" :rolleyes:

[main_dog]

You're still thinking of the battered twenty-year-old B744F that you just upgraded to as "my shiny new toy", and barely notice when VNAV fails because all you ever use is V/S and FLCH anyway...

You still say things like "that's the way we did it on the Classic"...

[JammedStab]

You're still thinking of the battered twenty-year-old B744F that you just upgraded to as "my shiny new toy", and barely notice when VNAV fails because all you ever use is V/S and FLCH anyway...

You still say things like "that's the way we did it on the Classic"...



I'm afraid that is exactly true. Along with a bunch of the other stuff. 7th type that is used as all freight.

[Not Nightowl]

Um...excuse me...but how do spell VNAV? :ooh: :O :rolleyes:

[main_dog]

That would be that magic button on the MCP that we're all afraid to touch... After all, we're all still so amazed at how well V/S works on the "fancy new B744F" (compared to the B742 where what you did with the V/S wheel and what the airplane actually did were only vaguely related) :}

[boredcounter]

Horse p!ss mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the smell of money ;-)

[grounded27]

If you have ever stuck a plastic spoon in a door seal to have a smoke.

[Not Nightowl]

To grounded27.....never smoked mate but in a previous life as an A&P amongst other things used to see the brown crap 'round door seals and especially outflow valves in the days when smoking was allowed on pax 'planes, is tar or what ever from smoking :=

[G&T ice n slice]

You wonder why people keep buying machines from Fabrique Nationale. They're obviously not much good, buy what the hey, you're being paid to keep flying those emergency spare part shipments...

[Doctor Cruces]

Not Nightowl, When did you work for Emerald??

:)

[pithblot]

You still use hand signals when calling V speeds, Flap position, Gear Up and Gear Down.

[atlast]

Oh Pithblot, best one yet, for me anyway.
I'm in the B744 now and still can't stop
The hand signals sneaking out now and
Again (all the time!)
As an aside, I did have one of our
Younger FOs, up and coming from an ERJ,
Say that that was a good idea if I wanted
Something done whilst he was on the radio!

Maybe it's time is coming round again?
Oh the circle of aviation life :-)
What's next? Looking outside and doing
Visual approaches?

[Agaricus bisporus]

Being desperate enough to drink Starbuck's "coffee".

[pithblot]

Glad that brought a smile to your face atlast. Old habits die hard and visual approaches are still fun!

You know your a freight dog if:

+ the GPS data base expired in 2001 and you are annoyed that the KR86 has finally stopped "pointing to the station", but pleasantly surprised that you are still flexible enough to reach over the co-pilots head and tune to the null on the old set!

+ you have to set Indices or adjust anything in the Hydraulic System before engaging the Auto Pilot.

+ You enjoy flying with your arm out the window.

+ you wish you paid more attention when the older captains were talking about
Star Shots and Pressure Pattern Flying.

+ while doing the preflight you realise that uneasy feeling is because you aren't carrying a torch.

[EAM]

+ the GPS data base expired in 2001
…of your car of course, which is the only vehicle you are using, equipt with a GPS.

[frieghtdog2000]

When you go to braekfast in a hotel in Ireland and the waiter says "Will you be having a Guinness with your breakfast?" Or just brings it without asking (Cork).

When you check out the receptionist says "You forgot the soap and shampoo from the bathroom".

[main_dog]

You're completely unconcerned about the Autopilot or F/D dropping out but fear strikes your heart if the coffee machine goes U/S :}

[deathray]

You have convinced yourself that the couches in the Leipzig hub are actually very comfortable to sleep on .

[Cavallier]

You have a least three pilot shirts in hotel laundries around the world.

[Narrow Runway]

The crew room TV is showing German hardcore porn as standard.

[printingray]

You show up the work early and a Gulfstream V pilot asks you to fuel the plane and put his bags in the back.

[BenThere]

You never thought autothrust switches could be operational.

You can be sound asleep within 60 seconds of sitting in any padded chair.

The hour of the day has absolutely nothing to do with when you go to sleep or wake up.

You don't bother looking at your schedule as every month is a single 17 day trip and your schedule will be out the window on day 2.

[haughtney1]

You don't bother looking at your schedule as every month is a single 17 day trip and your schedule will be out the window on day 2.

Suberb......coffee duly spilt on screen:E

I should add

When you get home and keep trying to put instant into the grinder...

[de facto]

Your 'jumpseater' never realised why you were so happy happy to give him a free ride..
You call your hotel shuttle bus on final.
Approach controller calls you a 'fast moving metroliner':E
When others use autoland,you do your own,by yourself really...
When you just fuelled,loaded your own Sa227 and company advises you to take off within 10 as the airport manager is about to close the airport due to snow.
When you are told to fly to a nasty cold and windy place and you are saved by the destination handling saying they wont offload you because of wind...
When sleeping in an fbo conference on the floor becomes the norm.(invested in a air bed at the end).
When you have stopped logging night time when you started flying for an airline..

[ADulay]

Quote"If real airlines wait for you to land first to test the braking action."

Oh yeah.

Many, many years flying into BUF and SYR in the winter time and generally the FIRST plane in during the week.

Now that I think about it. No matter how many companies or what airplanes we had, I always had a trip into BUF and SYR during the winter time!

"Retirement" is good.

AD

[ADulay]

Didn't see it mentioned but when a new aircraft shows up in the fleet and it was the best thing you've seen on your fleet since forever, and then you find out it was their "junker" of the fleet from the company you got it from!

AD

[lazy man]

Good one, ADulay....;)

[BenThere]

You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

[sled dog]

Even when at home, through force of habit, you heat up water in a coke can, with an end cut off, in your oven to make coffee.........:cool:

[Varipitch]

You get in the family car, fasten your seat belt and call for the check list

[Caboclo]

What is this 'check list' of which you speak?

[unwashed]

"You get in the family car, fasten your seat belt and call for the check list"
Just like John Travolta!

[EAM]

....when you are talking about good places to eat, you are talking about good breakfast instead of dinner.

[yambat]

...........when, despite flying a shiny, new Global Express all you talk about is the old DC8. (Anyone got a job on an 8?)

[Big Pistons Forever]

"Breakfast" is a steak, baked Potato, and a jug of beer.

[fesmokie]

The company screws up and get you a Hotel room with a Hot Tub in it so, you fill it with water and soap and wash your clothes. :ok:

[HarrySpotter]

You find yourself fantasizing about the cabin crew in the passenger plane on the adjacent stand :\

[Airguitar]

You know how to make coffee..
You know how to hand fly..
You know how to do a loadsheet..


But you don't know why the hell you're up at an hour even the clock denies knowing about..

[speed alive]

jstflyin.

please, more!!!!!!!!!
😂😂😂

[Zoner]

When you finally get home you get mad trying to get an outside line dialing "9" or "0".

[latetonite]

When you still believe in YOU flying the airplane, love to see a real artificial horizon, and you are happy your maths do work.

[Desert185]

...your aftershave is a Sani-Wipe...and you call the scent "Nighthawk".

...you fly a civilian Herc and you hope the inbound plane has 10" of pressurization and an operating hotcup. The other deferred items don't matter.

...you know how to tweak the autopilot pots on that Herc with a Swiss Army knife.

...you warm your inflight meal on the hotcup, because there is no oven or it is "deferred".

...you can take a crap in moderate turbulence while hanging on to the Herc's 9G net without turning your ass blue...another use for Nighthawk should the turbulence be slightly more than moderate.

...you know what a Monarch door is on a cargo DC-8.

...you know what a BMEP stain is.

[Lowrider2]

You know why the hole is drilled in the porta potty valve!

[atlast]

You had a hot pot on your Herc? Luxury!
I thought the TRs were installed to heat meals!

[NG_Kaptain]

You use a C02 extinguisher to cool down a tin of cola.

[Lowrider2]

You use the crash axe to cut power to the TR because the meal caused a fire!;)

[ohnutsiforgot]

- The only flat panel displays in your life are on vending machines
- The sheepskin seat covers are shiny from wear but your pants look like sheepskin seat covers
- You grew up in El Paso but have a trace of India accent
- On takeoff roll, throttles to full immediately
- MEL includes underwear but not hardware
- Who needs brake pads when you have (at least one) reverse buckets ?
- The line you fly for is named after an extinct animal or person
- You have the only remaining type rating for your usual ride
- You keep looking at Freightliner brochures and wondering 'what if'....
- Your wife keeps looking at Freightliner brochures and wondering 'What if'...

[Desert185]

atlast

You had a hot pot on your Herc? Luxury!
I thought the TRs were installed to heat meals!

Good one! I had forgotten about the "reserve heating system".

[clicker]

You don't panic when you see more than one DMI sticker in the cockpit.

[sled dog]

When someone asks you what the time is, you tap your watch glass several times before answering........

[main_dog]

And worse, when faced with incongruous information on a CRT or LCD display, out of force of habit you tap on that as well... :}

[pithblot]

SD and MD: good one :D

+ Screen colour choices are limited to Black or Green & Black.

+ You've logged over 5,000 hours on type and have never seen one with seats.

+ The raw-gut feeling that something is wrong turns out to be that you are not using a flash light for the preflight.

[711]

- You check with the reception if the phone is operational because the red light doesn't flash

- You call a 8-day pattern a " quickie"

- You mix up the stack of Notams with the Notocs. Beccause the latter is thicker.

- You think of a flight engineer who toasted some of the 2 days old sandwiches in the oven for you as a very talented chef

- You have a flight engineer

[halas]

Having flown mixed flying between pax and freight in my old company and my current, here is the best of the old...

- Signing on and the other crew buddy does not know where freighter is parked
- Arriving at hotel..."what booking?"
- Having casino next door to nearly every night (day?) stop hotel and enjoying breakfast with seniors with beer.
- Commuters on jump seat who won't shut up whilst you are trying to sleep.
- Waking up to gear extension.
- Exiting aircraft through A&E bay door, as no one can be f#cked to bring stairs over.
- One fat basted who had to jump from L1 door because he couldn't fit! Hospital trip.
- Downwind landings into curfew restricted airports (Hope tower doesn't advise what it really is!!!)
- Diversions into places where nothing happens until 6am.

Current company....Much better.