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briteandbreezy
8th Apr 2002, 20:31
~*~*~*~*~What Men Say...and What They Mean!!~*~*~*~*~


**What he says: "Let's take your car."
**What he MEANS: "My car is so full of trash there's no room to sit, smells like old fish'n'chips and socks, and is completely out of gas."

**What he says: "It's a guy thing."
**What he MEANS: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. so don't even try."

**What he says: "It would take too long to explain."
**What he MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."

**What he says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."
**What he MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

**What he says: "I don't need to read the instructions."
**What he MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."

**What he says: "We're going to be late."
**What he MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

**What he says: "Good idea."
What he MEANS: "It'll never work, and I'll get to spend the rest of the day gloating."

**What he says: "Have you lost weight?"
What he MEANS: "I've just spent our last fifty pounds on a cordless drill."

**What he says: "My wife doesn't understand me."
**What he MEANS: "She's heard all my stories before, and she's tired of them."

**What he says: "You cook just like my mother."
**What he MEANS: "She used the smoke detector as a cooking timer, too."

**What he says: "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
**What he MEANS: "I was wondering if that babe over there is wearing a bra."

**What he says: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
**What he MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

**What he says: "That's interesting, dear."
**What he MEANS: "Huh, are you still talking?"

**What he says: "We don't need material things to prove our love."
**What he MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."

**What he says: "It's a really good movie."
**What he MEANS: "It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, tornado jets and boobs."

**What he says: "Will you marry me?"
**What he MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find any clean clothes, and there's nothing left in the fridge but two beers and a piece of leftover pizza."

**What he says: "But I hate shopping."
**What he MEANS: "But I hate standing outside the dressing room holding your bags."

**What he says: "I left plenty of petrol in the car."
**What he MEANS: "At least enough to get it to start."

**What he says: "I do help around the house."
**What he MEANS: "I put a dirty towel in the laundry basket just last week."

**What he says: "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
**What he MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

**What he says: "I heard you."
**What he MEANS: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

**What he says: "That looks terrific."
**What he MEANS: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving an' I look like a right gollywog standin' here holdin' your bags."

**What he says: "I brought you a present."
**What he MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the football game."

**What he says: "I missed you."
**What he MEANS: "I can't find any socks to wear, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper and clean towels."

**What he says: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
**What he MEANS: "No one will ever see us alive again."

**What he says: "It's really good beer."
**What he MEANS: "It was on sale."

**What he says: "I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
**What he MEANS: "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and let me buy a new one."

**What he says: "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
**What he MEANS: "Someplace that actually has chairs and plates."

**What he says: "You know how bad my memory is."
**What he MEANS: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and phone number of every girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, and the batting average of the entire National League, but I forgot your birthday."

**What he says: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
**What he MEANS: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.



~*~*~ :rolleyes: ~*~*~ ;) ~*~*~ :p ~*~*~ ;) ~*~*~ :rolleyes:~*~*~

scran
8th Apr 2002, 22:41
Hormone Hostage

Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

somewhatconcerned
8th Apr 2002, 23:14
Now this is only a guess but i'd say that someone has upset you B&B:p

Aviatrix69
9th Apr 2002, 08:10
Very nice one, B&B!!!

Finally i get the meaning of what he wants to say.... Howcome we just cannot communicate clearly?

Had a couple of good laughs, thank you!!

Cheers Av

Feeton Terrafirma
9th Apr 2002, 09:51
Or you could look at it this way ;)

What he says: "Let's take your car."
What he MEANS: "I’m going to get pissed and I don’t want you driving my car home"
What she should understand: “get your car now woman”

What he says: "It's a guy thing."
What he MEANS: "There is a rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of understanding it. so don't even try."
What she should understand: “It’s none of your goddamn business woman”

What he says: "It would take too long to explain."
What he MEANS: "you have no idea how it works."
What she should understand: “it would take years of professional education for you to understand”

What he says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."
What he MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
What she should understand: ”and she hasn’t bought new ones yet”

What he says: "I don't need to read the instructions."
What he MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."
What she should understand: “after all, you’re telling me what to do AGAIN”

What he says: "We're going to be late."
What he MEANS: "Now I have to drive like a maniac."
What she should understand: “get ready on time next time or walk”

What he says: "Good idea."
What he MEANS: "It'll never work, and I'll get to spend the rest of the day gloating."
What she should understand: “this is to be expected, live with it”

What he says: "Have you lost weight?"
What he MEANS: "I've just spent our last fifty pounds on a cordless drill."
What she should understand: “when I could have spent the 50 pounds on a good time girl”

What he says: "My wife doesn't understand me."
What he MEANS: "She's heard all my stories before, and she's tired of them."
What she should understand: “the stories were all hinting that she should swallow, but she still doesn’t get it”

What he says: "You cook just like my mother."
What he MEANS: "She used the smoke detector as a cooking timer, too."
What she should understand: “you took bluddy expensive cooking classes and bought all those books for this?”

What he says: "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
What he MEANS: "I was wondering if that babe over there is wearing a bra."
What she should understand: “I was also thinking she would swallow”

What he says: "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
What he MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
What she should understand: “you’d think after being told several times you’d learn to shut up”

What he says: "That's interesting, dear."
What he MEANS: "Huh, are you still talking?"
What she should understand: “shut up”

What he says: "We don't need material things to prove our love."
What he MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."
What she should understand: “He doesn’t really give a sh!t”

What he says: "It's a really good movie."
What he MEANS: "It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, tornado jets and boobs."
What she should understand: “he’s hoping for some rooting too”

What he says: "Will you marry me?"
What he MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find any clean clothes, and there's nothing left in the fridge but two beers and a piece of leftover pizza."
What she should understand: “and he can’t afford to eat out all the time”

What he says: "But I hate shopping."
What he MEANS: "But I hate standing outside the dressing room holding your bags."
What she should understand: “NEVER expect me to go shopping with you, NEVER”

What he says: "I left plenty of petrol in the car."
What he MEANS: "At least enough to get it to start."
What she should understand: “after all this time you should learn how to fill it yourself”

What he says: "I do help around the house."
What he MEANS: "I put a dirty towel in the laundry basket just last week."
What she should understand: “kerist, what does she expect from a bloke?”

What he says: "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
What he MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
What she should understand: “he’s having fun and should be left alone”

What he says: "I heard you."
What he MEANS: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
What she should understand: “he heard you and doesn’t give a ****, so shut up”

What he says: "That looks terrific."
What he MEANS: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving an' I look like a right gollywog standin' here holdin' your bags."
What she should understand: “she has wasted a lot of time with no result for it”

What he says: "I brought you a present."
What he MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the football game."
What she should understand: “she is damned lucky to get that to”

What he says: "I missed you."
What he MEANS: "I can't find any socks to wear, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper and clean towels."
What she should understand: “she should have planned better”

What he says: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
What he MEANS: "if you don’t shut up no one will ever see you alive again."
What she should understand: “she should have bought him a really neat GPS unit”

What he says: "It's really good beer."
What he MEANS: "It was free."
What she should understand: “she should provide more free beer”

What he says: "I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
What he MEANS: "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and let me buy a new one."
What she should understand: “it would be easier just to get a new one first off”

What he says: "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
What he MEANS: "Someplace that actually has chairs and plates."
What she should understand: “he’s planning for it to be hooters”

What he says: "You know how bad my memory is."
What he MEANS: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address and phone number of every girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, and the batting average of the entire National League, but I forgot your birthday."
What she should understand: “she should be able to remember her own damned birthday”

What he says: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
What he MEANS: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
What she should understand: “he’s being VERY patient waiting for you to shut up again”

RowleyUK
9th Apr 2002, 10:16
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, they just sit in the dark and moan!

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
Would you go to lunch or to a movie?

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, let her do the dishes in the dark.

man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married"
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not", she giggles.
"Great!", he replies, "Get your own DAMN blanket!"

The Nut Behind The Wheel
9th Apr 2002, 11:49
Nice one Terrafirma!

For the Blokes:

A bloke and a mattress* were in a lift together, at the top of a 70 storey building. As the lift started to move down the cable broke. The woman, realizing that this was it, decided that the time was right to expand the envelope. She leans across the to the bloke, looks him up and down, and says
"Make me feel like a woman"

The bloke looks back to her, promptly tears his clobber off, throws it at her, and says
"Iron that you b..ch!"

*= something to lie on i.e. woman

Just to show that I am a balanced individual- One for the Ladies

A couple, newlywed, were in their hotel suite on the honeymoon night. The bloke, a rather domineering sort, tears his duds off, throws them at his wife, and says
"Try wearing them"

She puts them on, and says
"They don't fit"
To which he replies
"Thats right, and don't you forget it!"

The woman muses over this for a while, then tears her knickers off, throws them at him, and says
"Try getting into them"

The bloke says
"I can't"
To which the woman replies
"Exactly! And that is the way it's going to stay while you hold an attitude like that!"
:p :D

RowleyUK
9th Apr 2002, 11:55
And just to prove i am not really a male chauvenist(sp), heres a few for the ladies!:D ;) :D

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? - A mental hospital!!

How many men to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to collect the medal.

Man forgives woman anything, save the wit to outwit him.

When woman makes a fool of a man it's usually an improvement.

Q. Why have men made such a mess of this world?
A. They're waiting for women to pick up after them.

The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.

Q. What do you call a man who's lost 95% of his brain?
A. A widower.

Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.

He's the kind of bore who's here today and here tomorrow.

There is no great men. There are only men.

itchy kitchin
9th Apr 2002, 12:08
...And what does WIFE stand for?
Washing, Ironing, F***ing Etc...:D

briteandbreezy
9th Apr 2002, 12:58
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ MEN!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him!!!

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there!!

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
One...... if you slice him thinly enough!!

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24/7?
A Widow!!!




And one for the guys....

The National Society of Hen-pecked Husbands was formed in Britain, for all the husbands who were sick of their wives telling them what to do, but the first meeting had to be cancelled - not one of the members was allowed to attend.... I kid you not!!! :eek:




PS:somewhatconcerned.... what on earth gives you the idea that ANYBODY has upset me???? ;)

The Nut Behind The Wheel
9th Apr 2002, 13:41
Hey Breezy!

Here's a couple you'll enjoy, courtesy of Mrs Nut.

What do you call a good looking woman in England?
Tourist

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

:D :D :D

Ivchenko
9th Apr 2002, 22:42
Chaps

Just to warn you what's coming out of our schools today - here's a joke from my very own 12 year old daughter.

Three blokes are out fishing, and one of them snags a shiny jar. He opens it and a beautiful fairy appears. She goes through the usual thank you for releasing me blah blah blah routine, and says here's a wish each.

First bloke says, "well I'm not doing too well at work, the young guys are running rings around me, can you make me, say 100% more intelligent?" No problem, flick of the fairy wand and he's saying to himself "ah, yes, I see it now" etc. etc.

Second bloke is impressed and wants 200% more intelligence. Wand is flicked and he is thinking about particle physics and quantum mechanics (or something - I made that bit up)

Third bloke thinking you can't have too much of a good thing decides he wants 400% more intelligence. So she warns him about the profound life change this will entail, nothing ever the same again, etc. etc. He insists, so a flick of the wand and he becomes a ......:eek:

briteandbreezy
9th Apr 2002, 23:51
:rolleyes: :D WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :rolleyes:

Bandit *bob*
10th Apr 2002, 00:19
........then thinks "oh my god what have I done!!!......why didn't I just wish for a million quid instead" :eek: :eek: :eek:

somewhatconcerned
10th Apr 2002, 00:35
Just a hunch, but i'm a bloke so what would i know:D

briteandbreezy
10th Apr 2002, 00:45
somewhatconcerned.........



Men SHOULDN'T think..... they really and truly SHOULDN'T!! ;)


But just for the record.......


..ohhhhhhhhh nothin'..... it doesn't matter!!! :p ;)

scran
10th Apr 2002, 03:24
Rules for Real Men

1) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3) It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it'smaster
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When your Date is using her teeth

4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5) If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

7) Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man(in fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional).

9) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

10) While your girlfriend must bond with your Mates' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard and we drew the short straw on that one).

11) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

12) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

13) It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.

14) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

15) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

16) If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.

17) Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

18) You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

19) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

20) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

21) If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

22) Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

23) Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

24) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

25) Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

26) The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

How Women Should think of Men

For too long we have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more! The man fights back!!

Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of 2002.

Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....

If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your backside down to a gym.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present... again.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Saturday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be. Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.

All comments become null and void after 7 days.

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No I couldn't / shouldn't / don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

Do not question our sense of direction.

If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect.

Travelling Toolbox
10th Apr 2002, 04:11
OK I give in - here's a couple....

Why do women get married in white??

Because all kitchen appliances should come in matchng colours!!:D :D

What is the definition of a woman??

The attachment you screw on the end of the bed to do the housework. :D :D

DUUUUCCKKK!!!!

scran
11th Apr 2002, 01:13
Hi Briteandbreezy - some more for you.....


He Said, She Said


1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.

3) He said.. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.

4) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'

5) He said... "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere.."
Written just below it: "I do not."

7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king".
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen'

8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear pants, don't you?

11)He said: Can I buy you a drink?
She said : Actually I'd rather have the money.

12)He said: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She said: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

13)He said: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
She said: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

14)He said: How did you get to be so beautiful?
She said: I must've been given your share.

15)He said: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She said: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

16)He said: Your face must turn a few heads.
She said: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

17)He said: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
She said: Okay, get out.

18)He said: I think I could make you very happy.
She said: Why? Are you leaving?

19)He said: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She said: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

20)He said: Can I have your name?
She said: Why? Don't you already have one?

21)He said: Shall we go see a movie?
She said: I've already seen it.

22)He said: Where have you been all my life?
She said: Hiding from you.

23)He said: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She said: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

24)He said: Is this seat empty?
She said: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

25)He said: So, what do you do for a living?
She said: I'm a female impersonator.

26)He said: Hey baby, what's your sign?
She said: Do not enter.

27)He said: Your body is like a temple.
She said: Sorry, there are no services today.

28)He said: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She said: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

29)He said: Where have you been all my life?
She said: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams