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briteandbreezy
8th Apr 2002, 15:22
~*~ Boyfriend 4.0 ~*~

Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary and unwanted.

The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that. Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes many new functions such as the OPTIONAL COMMITMENT FEATURE. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1

BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:
- An AUTOMATIC REMINDER BUTTON AND PAY ATTENTION FEATURE (so you don't have to repeat yourself)

- MINIMIZE BUTTON
- SHUTDOWN FEATURE

- SHOPPING FUNCTION
- A BACK-UP ENERGY SUPPLY, so it won't fall asleep after sex

- A LAUNDRY, COOKING, & HOUSECLEANING FUNCTION
- DIAPER-CHANGING FUNCTION, for the more advanced users

- A SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, so once it's uninstalled it won't come back
- A MONOGAMY FEATURE

- AUTOMATIC OVERRIDE that kicks in right before they're about to say ANYTHING even remotely stupid


####### BUG WARNING #######

All previous versions of BOYFRIEND are inaccessible on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights during the football season. We are trying to rectify this but it seems to be a problem inherent within the programming. :D

Grainger
8th Apr 2002, 15:58
Four point zero huh bb?

Ah well, these upgrades can usually be a bit tricky....

Let me know when you're ready for number Five ;)

RW-1
8th Apr 2002, 16:04
The general advice for any software program is:

Even Releases Suck

My Advice, wait for the 4.1 patch/upgrade :D

Grainger
8th Apr 2002, 16:41
OK - Death wish time:

BB: I hear they will also be releasing an upgrade to GIRLFRIEND 5.0:

Unlike previous releases this will include a CALENDAR function and thus be able to remember it's OWN birthday, anniversary etc.

Other Feature enhancements include:

- HEADACHE mode disabled

- SWALLOW mode enabled

- COMPATIBILITY mode fixed: now takes input through all three interface ports.

- DIAGNOSTIC mode fixed: Now gives a sensible answer where previous versions would only reply "Nothing" or "If you don't know what's wrong there's no point me telling you !"

- New: ALWAYS-ON feature: Your Girlfriend 5.0 will be ready for use any time, any place, anywhere....


Well, it was a short life but a happy one....

ATCbabe
8th Apr 2002, 16:58
BnB,


Can I order mine now hon???;)

Me thinks it would save sooooooooo much hassle in the long run!!!:eek: :eek:

redsnail
8th Apr 2002, 17:15
Boyfriend?
That program wiped itself off my hard drive. Tried to find it but gave up.
Cleaned the hard drive now :p

I am installing Ducati 400. Now that is my favourite program. I know it so well and is fantastic. Don't need Boyfriend program with Ducati running. Ooooooooooooooooooh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !! :D

briteandbreezy
8th Apr 2002, 18:50
Grainger........


I've already got 'Version 7.0' .......but shhhhhhhh!!! :p

The Nut Behind The Wheel
9th Apr 2002, 00:11
Hey Grainger!

I have heard that V5.1 is available as an add-on. Optional install features are:
WHINGE MODE- off
PMS MODE- removed
NAG MODE- off
NYMPHOMANIAC MODE- definitely enabled
TOLERANCE FOR MATES MODE- on


:)

Aviatrix69
9th Apr 2002, 07:11
ATCbabe,

yur are right, it would save a lot of hassle... but also spoil a lot of the fun!!!

I rather stick with my not-always-perfect, but truly authentic boyfriend.
Besides, if he doesn't listen, I talk to someone else.
If he doesn't want to go shopping I go with someone else.
The things we do not click together, we search another counterpart. Nobody will be able to satisfy all your needs in one person. The question is only, if both can manage to leave enough room to the other to get the things he/she needs.

Cheers Av

Travelling Toolbox
9th Apr 2002, 07:25
Grainger

Unfortunate bug in all versions of Girlfriend (including 5.0) is that none are compatible with each other and if you try to install more than one version at a time, all sorts of nasty things happen.

car/bike paint gets keyed (scratched)
:mad:
bank account gets drained
:mad:
house gets trashed
:mad:
bollocks get kicked :eek:

They have so far been unable to fix these bugs and the programmers have admitted that they are never really likely to get a decent patch that will make all versions work together simultaneously.

There should be a warning on the box or something I think.

Kilted
9th Apr 2002, 07:29
Grainger, excellent news, but will it have a "mute" function - in my opinion essential?

Also, watch out for the upgrade to Wife 1.0, this is full of bugs, including:

Automatic disabling of the SEX plugin

Incompatibility with useful functions such as MATES, BEER and CARS

Annoying MOTHER IN LAW trojan (this can be real trouble and pops up when you least expect it)

Selective memory dumping. Accurately recalls everything bad you ever said, but never remembers anything good, yesterday's flowers, that wonderful holiday (you paid for) last year or which way is West on a map (without reorienting it).

Susceptibility to the DIVO.rce virus, which mails itself to all your friends, telling them what a bastard you are, reallocates all your belongings and wipes your bank account.

Redsnail: Interesting choice of alternate, but I'm guessing you just like to sit on something hot, hard and throbbing!:eek:

:D :D :D :D :D :D

Grainger
9th Apr 2002, 08:47
Oh no: neither Girlfriend 5.0 nor Mistress 2000 have multi-threading capabilities.

Attempt to run more than one copy of either at your peril :eek:

We have our best developers working on this, but they keep complaining that there is hardly any documentation and what little there is doesn't make any sense.

You are correct: installing Wife 1.x renders all previous versions of Girlfriend obsolete. You could try upgrading to ExtraMaritalAffair XP but this will probably make your system horrendously unstable, and induce all sorts of error messages such as NervousWreck, HairLoss, WhyIsThereNothingLeftInMyBankAccount and IHaveNoIdeaWhatDayItIsAnymore.... :(

Grainger
9th Apr 2002, 09:16
VIRUS ALERT !

Before attempting to use either Mistress 2000 or ExtraMaritalAffairXP you MUST install a Firewall or similar Barrier Protection interface device as viral infection can permanently damage your hardware :eek: :eek: :eek:

DISCLAIMER:
GraingerCorp cannot be held responsible for any loss or damage incurred as the result of unauthorised use of this software. This does affect your statutory rights.

redsnail
9th Apr 2002, 09:45
Kilted,
Why not huh? I can ride my Ducati for as long and hard as I like. I can go for a quick heart pounding fang or a long leisurely cruise amongst the hills. Or both. My Ducati just sits there patiently waiting for me. He loves his bubble bath and polish at the end of a ride too. Never complains about my appearance, won't go and find another rider while I am busy. In fact, no one rides him without my express permission. Never goes online. Unless of course, he's been datalogged for servicing purposes. :D
The best thing? He's mine, all mine. :D

The Ducati was here first.

Being single is fun and much simpler.
:cool:

Kilted
9th Apr 2002, 18:14
Touche redsnail - bet it can't cook though (smug grin!).:D

Glad to hear you "service" it regularly too.

Graingercorp - any chance of a patch for girlfriend (thankfully haven't upgraded to wife yet). If so, where does one....erm...."apply" it!

CPilotUK
1st May 2003, 20:50

briteandbreezy
1st May 2003, 21:09
Yes,...... take yourself down to Monasteries'R'Us! :p

Binoculars
1st May 2003, 21:20
briteandbreezy

If you are thinking of spending money on Boyfriend 4.0, I have a deal for you on the Sydney Harbour Bridge which you are simply not going to believe.

Beer guzzling function removed and Pay Attention plug-in installed?

hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

(wipes tears from cheeks..... phew!! For a minute there I thought she was serious) :D

briteandbreezy
1st May 2003, 21:27
[email protected]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rolleyes: