View Full Version : Favourite Lawyer Recipes

8th Apr 2002, 11:23
Following the response to the "open Season On Lawyers" thread, do any PpRuNers have favourite recipes for preparing culled (that's killed with a New Zealand accent!) lawyers for the table?

You know the sort of thing..."First, skin, clean and gut five plump lawyers, (or bank managers if lawyers are in short supply), then prepare the stuffing by mixing 14 pounds of horse chestnuts with 1 and 1/2 bushels of breadcrumbs, stuff the lawyers liberally, baste with honey and cloves, then bake for three hours in a moderate to warm oven until done to taste, serve on a bed of white rice with chutney or diced tomato..." etc etc etc. Recipes should also include a preferred wine to accompany the dish. Dessert sugestions are optional, however.

So, Ppruners with a gastronomic mind, lets be having you! I want creativity, I want Larousse, I want recipes! Let your imagination go wild, this is Jet Blast, after all! There must be some really exotic lawyer recipes out there waiting to be discovered. If we get enough perhaps we could even publish a Book, "The PpRuNe Lawyer Cookbook" or something!

8th Apr 2002, 14:38
The first thing that sprang to mind was Deep Fried Brains ... but I just KNEW that wouldn't work...:p

8th Apr 2002, 22:25
Eat them? and die of some terrible illness? no way. Just cull them, and burn them in big pits, and bury any remains.

no wait, that would cause fatal air pollution.

13th Apr 2002, 09:17
Recipe for Lawyer Roadkill:-

Occasionally, an ambulance-chasing lawyer isn't quite quick enough and gets hit by a following vehicle (thunderous applause!). Should you encounter such an example of roadkill and wish to prepare it for the table, this recipe may be of use....

1. Ensure that the consumption of road kill in your state is legal. We do not want other lawyers to capitalise on others misfortune.

2. Gather as much of the carcass as you can (the use of tongs, rubber gloves, tweezers, bodybag, funnel, brush and pan, small fire hose, and other forensic equipment is permitted).

3. Pack the collected remains in ice to preserve the piquant flavour.

4. On arriving home first discard the really badly smashed sections of the lawyer, especially the head as it contains almost nothing of nutritional value).

5. Badly briuised or pulped limbs should likewise be discarded.

6. Skin and clean the remainder of the carcass.

7. With a large cleaver cube the lawyer, or what is left of the lawyer, into small stewing size chunks. Bones may be left in if a richer stock is preferred.

8. Make sure as much of the lawyers' backside is included in the dish as possible, as this is where the best meat is to be found, being well developed in life by being the organ by which lawyers mostly speak. The musculature is particularly well developed and therefore yields a great amount of meat of high quality.

9. Prepare a marinade of cooking wine, red for preference, spices, flavouring agents, preservatives (221), food additives, sodium sulphite, and a pinch of cayene pepper. Paprika may be added if desired.

10. Marinate the cubed lawyer pieces for 24 hours.

11. In a large stewing pot place 5-8 gills of water, a dash of marinade, and 2 gallons of beef stock.

12. Bring to a gentle simmer.

13. Add the cubed lawyer pieces, 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 pounds of carrots, 1 pound of green peas (shelled), half a pound of green beans, some diced parsnip, and a bayleaf.

14. Simmer the stew for 18 hours at a very low heat.

15. At the conculsion of simmering, bring to a vigorous boil for a few minutes.

16. Ladle generous portions into large soup plates and serve with freshly buttered crusty french bread and your choice of red or white quaffing wine.

17. Unused portions of Roadkill Laywer Stew should be refrigerated in sealed plastic containers and reheated as required.

18. Serves 12 to 368 according to size of lawyer.:p

13th Apr 2002, 13:04
In Step 11, you missed out a major ingredient. This is, of course, a large, round river rock. This is cooked up with everything else and consumed INSTEAD of the cubed lawyer pieces, which are summarily discarded... :D

13th Apr 2002, 16:32
Whichever recipe you finally choose, rather like pheasant, lawyers should be well hung and marinated in red wine.

I'm afraid I can't help with the former but, rather like the self-basting chicken, I have spent several years selflessly working on the latter. :p

13th Apr 2002, 17:07
I will defer to Dr. Lector.
He knows the best bits.

Yes, the 74 Chardonnay please, Clarice ;)

13th Apr 2002, 22:30
A Lawyer once tried to test me....I ate his liver with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti........sluuuurp:p

14th Apr 2002, 11:42
Add 3 lawyers to a cement mixer
Add several large coconuts
Mix for 2 hours
Remove from mixer and beat with a meat tenderiser untill soft
Add grated heart of CAA/FAA/CASA official (if you can find one)
Pour 3 quarts of brandy over the dish and flombay
Kill lawyers and serve