View Full Version : 2012 Darwin Awards.

Stalins ugly Brother
8th Sep 2012, 05:00
And the winner is Alan Joyce!

Just read this gem piece in the Australian, I couldn't make it to the end of this fictitious BS before I wanted to throw up.

Who rights this lovey dovey dribbling piece of crap????????

Credibility? none!

Story in Full.

Alan Joyce's secret bid to save Qantas

AFTER a torrid week when his airline had been called a bully by Virgin chief executive John Borghetti, Alan Joyce slipped behind the wheel of his car and drove to a hideaway in the Blue Mountains.

It was early May and the three-hour drive west of Sydney allowed Joyce time to ponder whether the secret meeting he was about to attend would be a circuit breaker for both Qantas and for himself as its besieged chief executive.

Waiting for him at the Wolgan Valley Resort was the urbane Tim Clark, a legendary figure in the global airline industry and president of the giant Middle Eastern airline Emirates. The two men barely knew each other but within hours Clark had fixed his gaze on Joyce and said: "You know that if we do this it will be seismic for the aviation industry."

It was the birth of Project Darwin, a string of clandestine meetings from Beijing to Dubai to strike a deal that will reshape for a generation the way that Australians travel to Europe.

The alliance announced this week between Qantas and the Dubai-based Emirates ends Qantas's special relationship with British Airways, pulling the shades on an Anglo-centric tradition that harks back to the 1930s when it introduced flying boats on the Kangaroo Route to London.

It means that Qantas passengers will now travel to Europe via Dubai, rather than Asia, using the Emirates network to take them from Dubai directly to their destination in Europe instead of having to backtrack from London.

Qantas shares leapt almost 7 per cent when the deal was announced on Thursday, suggesting that investors think it could prove to be the saviour for its troubled international operations, which have dragged the national flag carrier into the red and given voice to critics calling for Joyce's head.

As recently as April, no such saviour was in sight. Qantas knew it needed a strong alliance partner to help pull its international operations back into the black, but early flirting with Singapore Airlines and Cathay Pacific had come to nought.

Joyce was at a social function in Sydney in April when a businessman approached him to let him know that Clark was curious to learn whether Qantas might be interested in a partnership with Emirates.

The Qantas chief executive yesterday refused to admit he was surprised, but the informal approach was, at the very least, unexpected given that Emirates had always been a go-it-alone airline that shunned close partnerships.

"Of course we were interested," Joyce says. "We knew they were a great airline and we knew the world was changing."

The Irishman ran through the implications in his head. The deal would cut Qantas into the fortunes of Emirates, which along with its fellow fast-growing Mid-East carriers, Qatar and Etihad, were changing the face of global aviation.

For passengers it would mean a more direct journey to European cities and it would allow Joyce to retire the loss-making Frankfurt service and help return his airline back to profitability. For Emirates, it would give lucrative access to Qantas' domestic market.

When Qantas sent feelers back to Emirates to say it was interested, Clark suggested they meet at the Wolgan Valley Resort, which Emirates owns and which Clark helped to design.

"It was a great idea, it was in our country, but it is his resort," Joyce said. "Five executives from each airline to get to know each other over a weekend."

The Qantas team was paranoid about secrecy. After several failed ventures in Asia, Joyce could not afford to be seen to be involved in another airline courtship that went nowhere.

As he entered the resort, a couple spotted him, saying "that's Alan Joyce". A single tweet saying the Qantas chief was at an Emirates report would have given up the game, but the tweet never came. Clark told his team before the meeting that, even if the figures added up, he would not do a deal with Qantas unless he felt the personal chemistry was there between the leadership teams.

Clark and Joyce wasted no time getting to know each other at the resort's 1832 homestead, a spot once visited by Charles Darwin (hence the "Darwin Project"). Clark often puffed on cigars, while Joyce cradled glasses of red. They talked about Ireland, where Clark, an Englishman, has a holiday house. They talked about Clark's passion for architecture and for interior design of homes and planes. They talked about Qantas's Airbus A380 engine blowout and about all things aviation.

They went bushwalking. They sized each other up.

"I was impressed with the guy," Joyce says. "His attention to detail was phenomenal as was his passion for the industry, the Qantas brand."

By the end of the weekend, enough trust had been forged between both men to pursue a deal. The Darwin Project was born. But what sort of deal would it be? Joyce and Clark needed to protect their own airline's core interests. Business was business.

Joyce was under more pressure than Clark to strike an alliance. Joyce needed a win given that Qantas international was bleeding money and that he was still recovering from the personal bruises of his unpopular decision to ground Qantas the previous October to end industrial action.

An alliance that left Qantas as the weaker partner would be self-defeating.

Joyce denies feeling any pressure. "My view has always been we would do a deal only if it was the right deal," he says. "If it didn't work for us, then that would have been the end of it."

To make matters worse, in early June the Abu Dhabi-based Etihad Airways purchased 5 per cent of Qantas's competitor Virgin and was pushing to lift this to 10 per cent.

Qantas felt threatened. It lobbied in Canberra against the Etihad investment, warning that it was an airline owned by unaccountable oil-rich sheiks that had the potential to distort the domestic aviation market.

Qantas did not mention to anyone that it was, at that same time, courting an airline from that same government owned by those same allegedly unaccountable oil-rich sheiks.

From mid-May to mid-June the senior teams of both airlines nutted out the details.

Joyce and Clark agreed to meet again at the IATA annual general meeting in Beijing in mid-June. But with about 1000 airlines executives there and aviation journalists, both teams had to feign disinterest with each other when in public.

Clark and Joyce were staying at the China World Hotel, but were instead taken separately to the Hyatt for their secret meeting.

"Every airline CEO was there," Joyce says, "so we had to meet at another hotel."

That meeting was the key. There were still differences on issues such as how to structure the frequent flyer deal or whether Qantas should have a chauffeur service, but the core deal was acceptable in theory to both men. Over dinner that night, they agreed the alliance was no longer a pipedream.

The third and final key meeting took place on July 16. Joyce was on holiday in Italy and flew from Milan to Dubai to meet Clark.

At Milan airport, the Qantas chief executive stepped on an Emirates plane for the first time, keeping his head down so as not to be spotted by any Australian passengers.

At Dubai airport, Emirates officials met him at the air bridge, whisking him away before he could be seen by Australian tourists. "They got me through the terminal so fast no one knew I was there," Joyce says.

The 50C desert heat bore down on Joyce's Irish skin, so, at Clark's suggestion, Joyce threw off his tie and coat.

The next day he sat down for many hours before a late lunch as they chewed over the outstanding points. By that evening, Joyce was back on the plane to Italy. The deal was all but done.

"It was good and friendly negotiations," he says. "We explained why some things were an issue for us and they did the same. It was two steps forward, one step back. It went about as smoothly as these things can."

Since then Joyce says he and Clark have been in touch by phone regularly. "His secretary knows my voice well because the only other Irish accent she hears is Tim's plumber for his holiday house in Lismore (in County Cork)," he says.

Even so, it was not until an hour before the press conference on Thursday this week that both men signed the final deal in a room at the Westin hotel.

"That's when it really dawned on me for the first time that we'd just done the biggest deal in Qantas's history," Joyce says.

That night, as Qantas and Emirates executives celebrated at a cocktail function, MC Eddie McGuire described the new alliance as being like his best friend marrying his daughter.

Not everyone is convinced that the Qantas deal with Emirates, assuming it is approved by regulators, will save Qantas's loss-making international operations from further shrinkage. But for those Qantas passengers flying to Europe, their trip is about to become much easier.

For Joyce and his team, that is welcome news after a year of unrelenting turbulence.

So does this little prick think his job is now safe? :ugh::ugh::ugh:

And in summary, Clarke in, Dixon out.
They enjoy romantic walks together, And Joyce doesn't want to be the weaker partner!

Real Mills and Boon stuff!!!!!! :mad:

8th Sep 2012, 05:33
My oh my........ Fifty Shades of Shady!


Angle of Attack
8th Sep 2012, 06:10
He is an idiot out of his depth, that is what we all know.
The funny thing is he is just about the highest paid CEO of any airline in the world, even with a loss just announced. The downfall will occur soon, he is a pawn in the chessboard of relevant people.( and I am the bacteria on the board) that's how much influence I have! :)

Dangly Bits
8th Sep 2012, 06:15
Reading this makes me feel sick to my stomach.

8th Sep 2012, 06:45
The one thing we can say about our Alan, he has plenty of experience getting bent over.

Captain Dart
8th Sep 2012, 07:19
...and like real Darwin Award winners, by being gay, he has pretty much removed himself from the gene pool.