View Full Version : Why Guitars are better than wimmin!!!

7th Apr 2002, 03:14
Sorry britey, but I promised.....

now then, here goes....

1: Guitars don't get pregnant
2:You can play your guitar any time of the month
3:Guitars don't have parents
4:guitars don't whine.....unless you want 'em to
5: you can share your guitar with freinds
6:Guitars don't care how many other guitars you've played
7:Guitars don't care how many other guitars you have
8:Guitars don't care if you look at other guitars
9:Guitars don't care if you buy guitar magazines
10:If your guitar is flat, you can fix it
11:Your guitar doesn't care if you don't listen to it
12:Your guitar won't care if you leave ythe toilet seat up
13:You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your guitar
14:If you say bad things to your guitar, you don't have to apologise before playing it again
15:You can play your guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore
16:You can stop playing your guitar when ever you want and it won't get frustrated
17:Your parents won't stay in touch with your old guitar after you dump it.
18:Guitars don't get headaches
19:Guitars don't laugh if you can't preform
20:Your guitar never wants a night out with other guitars
21:Guitars don't care fi you're late
22:You don't need to shower before playing your guitar
23:If your guitar don't look good you can get new parts for it
24:You can play it the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner,see a movie with it or see its mother
25:the only protection you need is a good thumbpick
26:All the important bits are easy to find
27:Your guitar won't protset over fingering technique and tell you it'd be better off doing it itself
28:When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had playing your guitar
29:If you decide to part with a guitar, you don't have to give up half you own!

:D :D :D :D

If anyone can find a "why planes are better than wimmin " then please share with us!

7th Apr 2002, 03:54
Hmmmmmm.... Nosey......

...you make love to your guitar often then????? :rolleyes:

Keep it up....... ya guitar might actually enjoy it!!!! :p

What an unusual boy!!?? http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/contrib/fk/catfly.gif

7th Apr 2002, 04:43
Finally....................! A thread that says something. Please I beg you, dont tell the wife I said that, she's a Flight Attendant and one look from her can kill at thirty paces. Telecasters ROOL!

Standard Noise
7th Apr 2002, 16:08
30 - Guitars don't moan about never having anything to wear!

Tinyrice, only 30 paces, you lucky, lucky [email protected]!

Standard Noise
7th Apr 2002, 16:20
Oh yeah, and they won't demand an answer to, "And what exactly is wrong with my mother?"

7th Apr 2002, 16:42
And why are they like wimmin?

They have to be tweaked to just the right tension before playing with them is truly satisfying;
You can squeeze their necks and get a very rewarding sound out of them;
They can be very loud;
The best ones like both to be fondled gently sometimes and to be treated roughly (tweat me wuffly, woger) at others;
They can both make fretting noises (ugh - sorry);
You can use either just your fingers or a specially designed plastic implement to play with them;
They both make horrible noises if you get very drunk, try to pick them up and drop them

There must be more - help me out :p

7th Apr 2002, 16:46
They can be easily 'turned off' by inadequate users!!!!!! :p

7th Apr 2002, 17:17
Your guitar doesn't wake you up at 02:30 demanding to be played (again) when you have an 05:30 start...

7th Apr 2002, 17:22
No, but I've been playing with myself at 0230 for a 0530 start.............no wait that's not right. I've been playing my guitar by myself at 0230 when I've had an 0530 start. That's better.

7th Apr 2002, 17:29
I'm not actually sure if guitars really ARE better than women. I currently have seven guitars and they all demand lots of TLC.

The worst possible combination is a guitar-playing daughter who cranks up her LP Goldtop with the volume on 11.

Regarding the airplane thing, the only one I can immediately recall is

Airplanes don't object if you tie them down

7th Apr 2002, 18:28
tut tut oh shiney-and-windy one!!

Where is it typed above that I have sex with my guitar? You shouldn't make such claims without a good solicitor and/or a large bank balance...... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Aanyways, I wonder if there are any PPRuNers out there with geetars, and not just sitting in the back of their attics gatherin dust!

Incidently, my gear is an Epi Sheraton, Zoom 707 GFX and Peavy Backstage 100 amp.

What's yours?

7th Apr 2002, 18:43
Fernadez Telecaster, Fender Strat ( naturally ), Fender Telesonic, through a POD to Crate valve amps. One day, I will be able to play four chords.........one day. After a hard day of defying gravity and management to make them fly, you can't beat plugging in your guitar, cranking the amp to 11, and beating the crap out of it. Much easier on the wife and dog too.
p.s.Just bought a Peterson VS-1 Strobe tuner. Its the total dogs for intonation and getting the best out of your "lady"

Freak On A Leash
7th Apr 2002, 18:45
Sporting a crimson Hamer Slamer series as well as an LTD 7-string through a Zoom 8080 :cool: :cool:
Inbetween amps right now:(

31.You can decide whether your guitar is going to be quiet or loud at any given time.

Wouldn`t it be cool to have a get-together with musical ppruners and have a jam?Just a suggestion.

7th Apr 2002, 18:53
32:you only get positive feedback from a guitar !!

Just bought a Korg effects pedal , makes my 15 watt sound like a Marsall stack now.

7th Apr 2002, 18:56
Had a Zoom, didn't like it - too noisy and "fiddly patches". Bought a POD instead - Outbloodystanding,especially for under $200. If you want scooped metal, a "Gainiac" is well 'ard, especially through a valve amp.

7th Apr 2002, 19:00
Just bought a new one - 30 year old Ibanez Gibson 335 copy. What a change from the Aria Pro I played before - it looks and sounds beautiful.

Use a Korg Pandora into a Carlsboro PA amp which also takes the bird's singing. We're starting to do little sets around the local pubs and cranking it up to a decent volume is the only way to rehearse.

7th Apr 2002, 19:03
Well a cello is much more...

You guys actually ever feel a woman, the warmth, the softness, the body? Oh, yes, and the intellect.:p

7th Apr 2002, 19:05
Guitars are better than wimmin because I have two of 'em (guitars). Now, to work on the two wimmin....

Erm. Beautiful Epiphone Cherry Les Paul, Yamaha Electro/Acoustic with 150W solid state Marshall and effects by Korg.

7th Apr 2002, 20:46
My son wants me to buy him a PRS instead of a car!

8th Apr 2002, 13:12
Guitars are better than women??? Oh yes, none of my guitars get jealous if I start playing with another one!!

For the record I've currently got a Fender Strat, Epiphone Les Paul Custom, Guild Brian May Red Special, Burns Brian May Red Special, [email protected] cheap bass, Westfield Electro-Acoustic, Cheap Nastry 12 string acoustic. I play all this through either a Laney Linebacker 60 or a Carver PM-900 performance amp 900 watts(!) (via a studiomaster desk and graphic). FX wise I run a Vox Wah into a Boss Chorus Pedal into a Zoom MT-3 distorion, or just straight through a Zoom 707 with the amp simulator on. You can wake up now.

I'd be interested to hear more about the POD, I am tempted to get one, but I don't know whether to get the rack version or the portable thing! Is it easy to change FX's mid song with this thing?

8th Apr 2002, 14:56
G-strings always look good on a guitar!!!!:D :D

Even in the DADGAD tuning!

Used to have Boss GT3 and Ibanez RG550.....
Would like the Ibanez JS10th in chrome...

8th Apr 2002, 17:53

The POD is the absolute DOGS. I've had Zoom and Digitech effects units, but this thing beats them into a cocked hat. The patches are available from the Internet and the POD site if you're into that sort of thing. I dont mess with that side because for me it comes with all the effects I need. The simulations are excellent and dont lead to muddy outputs. The Marshall and Fender Twin simulations are tasty. You can dial up the amp you want and then adjust the depth, tone, effect you want, and then save that combination. It also has a pretty decent in-line tuner. If I lost it or blew it up, I'd hurtle straight out my guitar shop and buy another. The rack unit has more flexibility but at a price. You can get a nifty holder that mounts to a mike stand for easy access to the POD unit. No I dont own shares................

8th Apr 2002, 17:56
Forgot to mention you can get a foot switch system but it only allows you to switch between the range you're selected. So if you're playing Fender lead and want to switch to Marshall rhythm you cant do that, only different Fenders or different Marshalls.

8th Apr 2002, 20:05
Despite my handle I don't think you can beat a Telecaster played through a Fender Blues Deluxe amp.

Tubes rule !! And they look especially good in yellow tweed :cool:


8th Apr 2002, 20:33
My all-time favourite is my beloved Strat through a marshall 4X12. Main instrument is keyboards - Roland KR33, Roland KR30, Peavey 200/200 with 2 Peavey HS15 cabs, a few MIDI Modules. Also have a hammond C3 and a Fender Rhodes stage 70.

Daughter has LP Goldtop and Peavey backstage with some kind of FX rack.

9th Apr 2002, 09:30

Thanks for the info, I'm planning on checking one out this weekend, so I'll look forward to seeing how it sounds. My friend plays his 1975 Les Paul Deluxe through one of the Line 6 Flextone amps and it sounds superb, however I figured that the rack mounted unit would suit my set up better. I'm not down on the Zoom unit, the effects are very usuable, I'm just after something more exciting with seamless patch shifting.

Anyone tried the new 12 track Zoom digital studio yet? That looks like a great value package for about 800 (including CD burner). The only problem I can see is the limited XLR inputs (only two, could do with at least 4 IMHO).

9th Apr 2002, 11:22
Now this IS a guitar!!!! (http://www.guitarhangar.com/guitars/ibajschrome.htm)
Only in my opinion like!

itchy kitchin
9th Apr 2002, 13:00
Have Gibson SG and a Harmony H77 that is nearly 40 years old and Fender blues deluxe amp. Mmmm, creamy sound... Its taking a back seat at the moment while i finish me ATPL, but she dont care!

Also I play sitar. Great fun and you dont have to worry about changing key.

Pprune guitarist jam? Land of 1000 guitars more like! ...Great. All soloing together... Really Great.

9th Apr 2002, 13:08
RowleyUK - You might want to get in touch with a Mr B May of London, I belive he was presented with a Chromeboy back in 1994 by a certain Mr Satriani, I think he used it on the track "Nothing But Blue" on the "Back To The Light Album". Still sounds like a fireplace though once it's gone through the "Deacy" pre-amp and Vox AC30!! Don't think he uses it much these days!

The Jackson Roswell Rhoads?? Now we talk!!! I can't find a picture of it though, anyone got one?

9th Apr 2002, 15:00
Yamaha LL35.

country music rules!:p

9th Apr 2002, 15:11
Forgive Fantom Lord for he knows not what he says...........

9th Apr 2002, 15:31
Oh dear.... It was all going so well and then something like this happens.......

9th Apr 2002, 19:28
summat like what? well, whatever the offending post was, it seems to have been deleted, so back to the Guitar talk...........

Anyone got any good ideas for licks? I'm shtumped what to try next! :confused: :confused: :confused:

10th Apr 2002, 09:11
nosefirst, someone mentioned the "C" word that's all!

What sort of music are you into? Then maybe we can suggest a few things for you to try, are you more of a lead or rythm player?