View Full Version : Oral Sex and England

Moritz Suter
5th Apr 2002, 16:19
On the long list of things to which the English are disinclined may be added, in no particular order, personal hygene and oral sex.

This fact got me to wondering whether they may be related in some way.

As I visit London to pay my respects to Her Majesty, the Empress Queen, and onetime Dutchess of York, I am reminded as I wander among the great unwashed, of the words spoken to me over a decade ago, by one's temporary physician. He admonished me for my habbit of bathing daily. One was informed that, "as your Doctor, I am advising you to refrain from a daily bath or shower since any thing more than every four or five days has a deleterious effect on your natural oils and juices."

Needless to say, I departed for more enlightened advice before he had the chance to apply leeches and amputation at the slightest grumble!

Since the English are world reknown duds in the sack, do you think it likely that poor personal hygene and the (quite understandable!) concomitant disinclination toward oral sex might be spookily connected?


5th Apr 2002, 19:24
Tell me, Moritz, what is it with you and weird, distasteful and unnecessary topics???


5th Apr 2002, 20:02

If you have children (or nephews or nieces) you'll doubtless have noticed that the little ones often make controversial or - giggle, giggle - "naughty" remarks, just to see what they can get away with and what reaction they provoke.

Sort of smiling at them while shaking your head and not rising to the bait means their active little minds quickly move on to the next thing (and they cringe with embarrassment once they've grown up a bit and remember their remarks).

Let's leave Mr Sutures alone for a bit and see if he descends to talking about putting his finger up his bottom;)

(By the way I don't think much of his English teacher; flowery grammar doesn't work if it's incorrect.)

5th Apr 2002, 20:44
Despite your one or two schoolboy spelling mistakes, your English is okay, Herr Suter. Too colloquial for that which you profess to be.

I am fairly certain that you were schooled in my country.

I shall speak to the chaps who work near Vauxhall Bridge.

They will surely know.

5th Apr 2002, 20:54
Definitely a call for help. Perhaps even for some of the aforementioned. Was probably denied by a soldier who was fastidious and has never recovered from the slight.:p :rolleyes: :eek: :eek:

5th Apr 2002, 21:01
I've never had any problems with personal hygene, my once monthly rub down with detol and a wire brush usualy suffices. I am however a tad fussy when in comes to oral sex, I have to limit it to members of the opposite sex, preferably of the homosapian variety. Other than that I always enjoy a good munch;)

pants on fire...
5th Apr 2002, 21:28
Poor old Morris and his command of the language. :(

Anyway, reminds me of a funny story I once heard.

Morris Sewer, on a visit to London, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, können Sie Deutsch sprechen?" He asks. The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez-vous français?" The two continue to stare. "Parlate italiano?" No response. "Hablan Ustedes espagnol?" Still nothing. Morris drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says: "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language…"

"Why?" says the other, "that bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." :D

5th Apr 2002, 22:06
Mr Suter, you crack me up!

5th Apr 2002, 22:41
Well Moris talking about cracks, I'll be darned if I can see a doc talking about 'oils' and 'juices' to a chap. I therefore lean toward the deduction that you are either of the 'fair' sex or a chap that's had the cut. Both of whom might indeed be pre-occupied by not getting enough oral sex. How unfortunate.

6th Apr 2002, 01:31
My only complaint about oral sex is the view!:rolleyes:

6th Apr 2002, 01:35
The view....what, like looking up over a loaf of bread..... ;)

6th Apr 2002, 01:48
Errrrrrrrr...... I've heard ya get a great view from the top of the Eiffel Tower G.Khan......

...I guess in your case.... beggars can't be choosers!!!! ;)


6th Apr 2002, 01:53

You surprise me......

...you only bath ONCE daily?????

You dirty old man!!!!! :eek:

bubba zanetti
6th Apr 2002, 04:40

Morris ... er ... Moritz ... you scrubbed and clipped wee tit ... I am, as usual, suprised by your meager experience. Oral sex weined on a taste for Pears soap, mouthwash and Oil of Olay ... ? !
You must be having a pull of my leg ?!
The honourable and lovely musk of a human in your mouth is a tree you have obviously yet to climb. These sanitized sapiens with which your gob surrounds itself are clearly a grape whose time has yet to come ... er ... well ... I mean ... ripen, as it were.
I prefer a more refined vintage ... a plethora of pheromonic pleasure ... olfactory bliss ... the sanguine breeze created by lustfully heaving genitals ... and the distinct satisfaction and thrill of running one's hand through one's beard in the morning ... a rumenation to be remembered to be sure.
Those great and so frequently washed, such as yourself, are a curse on the sublime skill and time honoured art of properly redolent, oral sex.

As for me, old girl ... I always prefer a bouquet to be that of greeting an old friend, a scirocco of scents, a ..... mistral of moments .... and not simply the sterile swishing of a glass of Listerine, bleach or what amounts to the saddest of Swiss efficacy.
To each their own ... but I can't help but notice, that in the carnal arts, you madame ... have a clinicians taste for sterility ... and the fearful's lack for living and dining truly well .... eh ? . .....

6th Apr 2002, 04:43
I speak reasonable English and think that MS has a "super" command of the language. I have always enjoyed her (?) manner of use of the language - bearing-in-mind all of us make the odd grammatical error.

As for the subject itself, I am intrigued ... please continue - Is it true? Do the English not wash regularly and are rubbish in bed?

The Nut Behind The Wheel
6th Apr 2002, 10:05
I think MS may have a point for once, although a slight one. In Oz we generally feel that a lot of the poms that come over are members of "the great unwashed". Now don't get me wrong, this stereotypical view of our English friends does not apply to all (certainly not the vast majority of Pprune'rs), however, it certainly applies to MS's Swiss backpacker- type mates. I personally have run into one of his/its/her fellow Swiss "cleanliness" freaks who smelt like a hatfull of a..holes. Not nice!
Maybe we should have MS conduct a survey- my preference would be for him/she/it to travel all over the world smelling total stranger's crotches for gagging odours.
I have a beauty for him for starters- go out to the local outback Oz "communities" and start there. If he/she/it is not dead inside 5 minutes, he/she/it must truly be aberrant.
Now maybe there is something in that (thinks...)
As far as MS's comment on oral sex is concerned, I always find that it is those that talk about it the most that get it the least. Frankly, the English have always enjoyed themselves in a far more diverse fashion that that anyway (B/D, S/M, rogering each other blind in an all-male school etc.), so good luck to them.
Methinks maybe MS is jealous!

6th Apr 2002, 11:55
Shame on you Moritz

NO Sex Please, We're British!!

Through difficulties to the cinema

6th Apr 2002, 14:12
I can definately say that having travelled and lived in the UK at some point in my life, the English are indeed the great unwashed.
The Aussie saying of being "As dry as a pommie towel" was very true.
A family I had an extended stay with were alarmed at my wanting to shower on a twice daily basis, morning and night. I reluctantly curbed my bathing habits to one shower of a morning.
These fellows had a sponge bath once in the morning, wore the same shirts for days on end before retiring them to the wash basket and showered only on Sunday's.

As the English being notoriously bad in bed....... well all I can say is every woman of English origin Ive had the pleasure of knowing in the biblical sense was fantastic in bed. (until I met my Australian girl, now my fiance')
I put it down to the extreme cold weather, therefore spending long hours in bed. As far as oral sex goes, I did find that the english women needed some convincing that I showered regularly and they wouldnt be dining on cheese whilst performing oral sex. I, however, being used to a cleaner dinner plate did have some difficulties in not gagging and throwing up.

A sexy little pocket rocket indeed.

bugg smasher
6th Apr 2002, 14:44
But Moritz, it is rumored that the English woman is highly skilled in the manipulation of the love tackle. How can such divergence exist within a single society?

And how could the Englishman, as you claim, have such an aversion to water? Is it not the means and the medium by which he conquered much of the planet several centuries ago?

6th Apr 2002, 17:48
What a very peculiar person. What bizarre fixations.

Does he/she/it do this sort of thing often?

If fear that they may have overdosed on goats and/or Toblerone, and that this is the cause of their sad, pitiful affliction.

There, there, there.

:p :p :p :p :p :p

pants on fire...
6th Apr 2002, 19:17
Morris is driving along when he accidentally runs over a skunk on the road. He stops and gets out, picks it up, and brings it over to the car.

A bystander says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should we do?"

Morris replies gallantly, "I'll stuff it down my pants and put it between my legs to keep it warm.

"My God" says the bystander , "What about the smell ?"

To which Morris replies, "Don't worry, I'll hold its nose!" :D

Some have expressed concern about the fascination young Morris has with the sexual activities of others. This is principally a function of the fact that the sole bedfellow Morris has ever experienced is him/her/it's self.

As a master performer in the art of self gratification, he is simply inquiring as to what it might be like. To date his/her/it's entire sexual experience has been limited to the old, one off the wrist, the old hand shandy you know the old five against one! ;) ;)

If any of you should doubt my words, then simply ask yourself the following question: -
Have you ever seen a bigger Waanker than Morris Sewer? :D

I was going to phrase that, "have you ever come across a bigger waanker than Morris" but I don't think that is an appropriate question to ask anyone!

TAF Oscar
6th Apr 2002, 19:30
Here in Holland we bathe at least twice a day (three times in the weekend and during feast days), using a variety of fragrant bath salts and aromatic oils, although during recessions we are sometimes forced to limit this to once a day to save on water and gas bills. In this case we would increase the number of showers per day to five.

For financial reasons most baths are shared (65% opposite sex, 28% same sex, 7% up to your imagination). Oral sex is mandatory in all pubic places over the age of consent, whether or not they are shaved, and is grounds for divorce (as well as public ridicule) if not adhered to. It is also expected that you will participate enthusiastically for example if asked while on a bus or tram, by the neighbour when putting the dustbins out, or by a fellow motorist during a particularly long duration traffic jam.

Since the Dutch are world reknown champions in the sack, do you think it likely that fanatical personal hygene and the (quite understandable!) concomitant inclination toward oral sex at all times and all places might be spookily connected?

6th Apr 2002, 19:53
None of you have ridden in the crew bus commanded by "BOB"...body odor betty that is....in the "capitol of Europe" what a body....but what a smell......

Moritz Suter
6th Apr 2002, 23:45
Mr. Smasher,

How on earth can one type so well, when one has, by one's own admission, a hook where one'd left hand should be? You, my dear chap, truly are a credit to the disabled.

As for the myth of English female to male genital dexterity, I can only suggest to you that, since your own sad experience is limited to what you can pull off (pardon) with will power and a hook, you're easily impressed thereby.

I can assure you that English women, just like English men, are either of rancid, perverted, or dud...and in a few all-to-memorable cases, all three.


7th Apr 2002, 04:35
OYYYYYY Moritz.... ya cheeky git!!!!!

I'm ENGLISH..... and neither 'rancid', 'perverted' or 'dud'!!!!!

Now get off ya high horse,... get ya toblerone outta ya ass... an' start yodelling some sense!!!!!

Dream on........ LOSER!!!!!

PS:Wassup... some beautiful English woman tell ya to take a hike???

PPS:She would if she had any sense!!!!! http://www.contrabandent.com/cwm/s/contrib/fk/catfly.gif

bugg smasher
7th Apr 2002, 15:03
Dearest Ms. Moritz,

I will pass on your compliments to my hooked friend; better disabled than dismasted, I’m sure he would say.

As always, I defer to the bisexual nature of your many and varied lustful encounters, and must confess to some of degree of jealousy in comparing my own limited exposure (guilty as charged) with the breadth, depth, and multifaceted nature of your own. I am always quite willing to learn from the experiences of others, but here on the farm, it’s quite difficult to converse in any meaningful way with one’s amooer.

And so, it is with fearful trepidation that I depart for London this very evening, your words ringing a terrible din of warning in my ears of things to come.

Just in case, I have packed a clothespin for my beak to forestall chance rancidity.

Your humble servant

7th Apr 2002, 15:34
For cryin' out loud BuggSmasher.......

..don't encourage him!!!!!!!!!

If Mr Suter prefers to base his studies of English women on his experiences with the ladies that loiter within the red light districts of London..... let him get on with it!!!!

Leave ya clothespin at home!!! ;)

I think the next survey to be posted on Pprune will be 'how many baths/showers a day do u take??'..... or 'what brand of shower do u have???' :rolleyes:

How sad!!!! http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/whinging.gif

Send Clowns
7th Apr 2002, 16:19
Oh dear, it appears that Suter's brief interlude of sane, relatively articulate adulthood is ended. He is dull again, saying the sort of thing that my landlady washes her 7-year-old daughter's mouth out for.

(btw for the Aussies:

in in my experience of communal living in the UK someone failing to shower in a morning has been considered odd, even if it is only occasional. Even though our weather is often not so conducive to (not to put a fine point on it) sweating as Australian weather, we do, generally, shower daily. I couldn't wake up properly without it, nor take pleasure in shaving. For a bloke showering twice a day, unless the weather is hot, he has been involved in exercise/outdoor work or he is changing to go out, is considered rather fussy, even feminne.)

pants on fire...
8th Apr 2002, 02:42
In all my references to Morris Sewer, I have been careful to always use non-gender specific terms, to ensure that no inadvertent offence might be caused to him/her/it.

It is now apparent that my caution was well considered. For although I cannot tell you I have determined the sex of M. Sewer, he/she/it has undoubtedly recorded the sexual duality of Morris, (or should that be Mary?) :)

I can assure you that English women, just like English men, are either of rancid, perverted, or dud...and in a few all-to-memorable cases, all three.

In M. Sewer's own words! From his/her/it's own rancid, perverted, or (perhaps) dud mouth! Explicit evidence of proclivities with members (sic) of either sex, of English descent! :eek: By written account, any number of unlimited combinations have taken place in the failed pursuit of satisfaction! ;)

It is neither my place, nor intent, to interfere in the personal choices of another. It must however bear comment, in passing, that the response of one's partner in these activities, is directly in response to the skill, technique and capability of the provider. Perhaps the blame for this abnormally high number of failed "engagements" might lie at the feet (hands, whatever) of none other than Morris (or Mary) Sewer! ;)

But on the other hand, this may be the best that an apparently bi-sexual, Swiss, goat-herding, sh!t-strirring wazzock can manage? :D

Moritz Suter
8th Apr 2002, 02:57
Mr. Fire,

I draw you attention, once again, to your own profile.

Mr. Smasher,

As I write this you will be in mid air, so to speak, fangin' it toward London at a great rate of knots. For God's sake, Man, keep it in your pants, and if you DO feel the call of the wild, go to Waterloo in the comfort and knowledge that Paris is but 3 hours hence.

When they ask you "have you anything to declare", answer with "Yes; never go to England."


8th Apr 2002, 12:56

At least us Englishmen refrain from bedding our own mothers, unlike you and your chocolate-munching, Third Reich-apologist, fence-sitting, characterless joke of a nation.:D


Shower daily, but still working on having oral sex at the same rate. However.... no complaints about or from my English other half. ;)

The Nut Behind The Wheel
8th Apr 2002, 13:09
Breezy- I am glad to hear you are no dud, however, was disappointed to find out that you are not perverted:D


8th Apr 2002, 14:20
Dear Mr Suter,

Does this mean that you will not be gracing our fair shores with your delightfully odorous presence at the GatBash. After I had gone to such trouble to ensure that copious water supplies were especially laid on to the room you would be occupying and that all the attendees are provided with gloves, masks and gowns to ensure that you would not be offended by their not having showered in the previous five minutes.

I would appreciate it, therefore, if you could now enlighten me on how I can dispose of 3 tons of soap, 400 gallon drums of perfume 150 sponges, 200 extra towels. To say nothing of the unemployment caused by laying off the 350 maids, 45 cleaners and washerwomen who would have been in gainful and productive work mopping up after we English had finally discovered the joys of showering on the hour, every hour.

I am, currently, composing a letter to the Southern Water Board to inform them that we shall no longer need the extra pipeline which they had so kindly offered to install to the hotel. They were quite flummoxed by the idea that we should require extra water for washing. Don't you realise by the end of June we shall probably be in the middle of a water shortage, especially if we have not had rain for a couple of weeks.

I have been practicing by washing my hands and face in readiness for your visit and the Australians have kindly explained how taps work, so I wouldn't have to go outside to the pump. I've even put aside a piece of soap, a new bar at that, just so that I wouldn't have to share with the other 150 guests.

I would appreciate it, therefore, if you could confirm that you will be giving a personal demonstration (or perhaps even two or three) of how to shower properly and frequently. This display of Swiss ingenuity will, no doubt, be welcomed by the many Pruners you have so delightfully entertained over the past few months. Since you are so concerned that the English have the benefit of your vast experience with water management, please be assured that you will have maximum public exposure. In fact, I think I can guarantee that not many will want to miss it.

Yours as always

Velvet de Prune

8th Apr 2002, 14:33
Oooooooooh Velvet......

...don't put yourself to such trouble (learnin' how to use taps and such like)... I'm sure that GREAT Britain... and its subjects are way beneath the likes of Moritz Suter... no matter how clean they are!!!!

Attending the GatBash at the end of June Mr Suter??

No doubt you'll be camping for a week after that.....

















.. in an OXYGEN TENT!!!!!!!!! :eek:

8th Apr 2002, 14:35

Shurrup..... I don't have time to be a pervert.....

..I'm too busy with the soap!!! ;) :p

8th Apr 2002, 14:45
'tis true Mr Nut, Brite is the most unperverted pervert I've ever known.

It's no trouble Brite honey, the Ozzies just love showing me how much beer comes out of a tap ;)

The Nut Behind The Wheel
8th Apr 2002, 14:45

You need to be careful with that soap.

Reminds me of the old saying "Its my d..k and my soap, and I'll wash it as hard and fast as I like!"

8th Apr 2002, 15:26

...whoa boy.... not too hard an' fast......

...you'll wear the soap away!!!!!

Even if ya do have a smile on ya face!!!!!! :p

8th Apr 2002, 16:33
If I only knew what they are talking about in this thread.
My mother never told me. Did I miss something?;)

8th Apr 2002, 16:51
Two Nuns in a bath, one says to the other 'Wheres the soap'. The other replies 'Yes it does'.:p

The Nut Behind The Wheel
9th Apr 2002, 01:19
Hey Breezy!
Couldn't reply to your last- Mrs Nut insisted it was time for all good nuts to go where they belong at night-bed!

Don't worry though, they were up early this am, and got a thoroughly good wash in the shower as well!


Moritz Suter
9th Apr 2002, 04:43
My Dear Miss Velvet de Prune,

I was deeply touched to learn of your efforts in accomodating my sensibilities in respect of cleanliness for the forthcoming bashing ritual at Gatwick Airport in the English countryside. I can well imagine the dismay at the Southern Water Board, to learn that so much underutilized resource would finally be put to good use.

Fear not, though, attend I shall. I have taken my most fabulous Balenciaga gown out of mothballs and have joined a gymnasium to firm my muscles and tone my midrif for the occasion, and have even considered a crash refresher course in one of the more lethal Marshal Arts, less the ritual degenerate into an occasion of vinegar-fueled invective tossing of which the English are so evidently enamoured.

I have, you'll be pleased to hear, come up with a solution to all that soap, perfume, sponges and towells that you've so kindly assembled for the occasion. I suggest establishing, possibly at the airport itself, a large human car wash (Swiss engineered, of course), much like the de-icing sheds at Münich Airport. A large, and no doubt unfamiliar affair, where the great unwashed of England may stroll through enmasse, thus ensuring large numbers fragrantly cleansed in an environmentally sound manner.

The resulting improvement in both sex life and general demeanour that will doubtless result, will restore England to pride of place once more on the European map. I propose giving all participants of 'The Shed', one €uro as both reward and also an encouragement to embrace their their brothers and sisters across the German Sea.

What do you think?


henry crun
9th Apr 2002, 06:01
If m sewer does attend the gatbash it might be a good opportunity to award him a well deserved medal for extreme bravery in the face of the enemy.

He did, after all, knowingly, wait for 7 ½ hours among the great unwashed of the country he despises with such fervour.
And, it is worth noting, he did this to pay tribute to the memory of a member of the royal family of this much despised nation of dirty foul smelling cowards.

The question of which country would award him a medal is a little trickier to answer.

Obviously it cannot come from the great unwashed.
The Americans are busy with other matters and are also very particular about who they award medals to, so scratch them.
The French will disagree, as they always do, with anything they havn't thought of.
There is no Nobel prize equivalent to the Victoria Cross.
The Swiss, being only interested in other peoples money, probably don't have a word that means the same as bravery.
The Russians ? perhaps not, unless it can be kept under wraps that the intended recipient admires Adolf.

So where does that leave us ? I know, the Germans !

Perhaps they could be persuaded to award him an Iron Cross 1st class.
The question of whether or not it should be decorated with any foliage or gems must be left to their government.

If this idea does not meet with approval, I'm sure the worthy members of Pprune, and Jet Blast in particular, will think of a suitable award to bestow upon him on the occasion of his attendance at a gatbash.

Over to you all for your suggestions

9th Apr 2002, 06:21
Lord Smithers called his butler and said, "Jeeves, I have an

Jeeves asked, "Shall I fetch madam?"

"No" responded Smithers. "Fetch my baggy pants. I'll smuggle
this one into town!"

Moritz Suter
9th Apr 2002, 10:18
Mr. Crun,

Thanks awefully for the offer of a medal, but one requires no recognition for one's stoic resolve, other than the gentle attention of one's peers...perhaps therein lies a solution to your conundrum?

A new possbilily has occured to me. Do English people, in fact, practise Oral sex? Or is it, as I suspect, relegated to the heathenous excesses of Johnny Foreigner?

Since "The dago's begin at Calais, dear....", perhaps its only on trips away to such once elegant resorts as Ibiza and Alicante, festooned as they now are with topless English hooligans who seem to enjoy drinking themselves into a stupor as an integral part of their 'holidays', that one develops a degree of sexual experimentation unthinkable on the home rock betwixt Normandy and Erin? Comments, as always, invited aplenty.


Tricky Woo
9th Apr 2002, 13:00
Dear Hermaphrodite Suter,

I'm stunned at your accusations, and must protest most vociferously:

Everyone knows that the vast majority of British girls can suck a grapefruit through a hosepipe. More to the fact, they're more than willing to demonstrate their prowess at the end of the first date. Let's be honest, no one gets that good, that quickly unless they started young and enthusiastically: unlikely if the average Brit genetalia is less than squeaky clean.

Many of the Brit males are also quite happy to reciprocate, although our mothers forbade us at a young age to indulge our lady friends until at least the second date. Again, I suspect there would be a general reluctance if the girls in question had anything less than pristine front botties.

Indeed, I have made many inspections of ladies nether regions over the years, and with one exception, have found no cause for complaint.

However, there is one question that I feel should be asked: after a long haul flight, or perhaps a day of endless regional sectors, how do Swiss Air Lines female pilots keep themselves clean and odour free in those cheap and nasty polyester trousers that they seem to favour?

No wonder most Swiss blokes prefer to shag goats.


9th Apr 2002, 14:24

As for 'getting lucky' at the end of a first date......

.. nahhhhhhhhh...... absolutely NO WAY!!! :eek:

Moritz Suter
9th Apr 2002, 16:24
Mr. Woo,

The little refresher towelettes commonly found aboard most airlines of the white, and therefore civilised world, the ones that when you English draw over your skin and thereafter look as if wiped on a tractor tire, are invented here in beautiful Switzerland.

They have many uses.

As for Swiss goats; well all I can say is, that after my recent queuing over the Yesminister bridge, there are soft, furry, doe-eyed beasts with horns and bad manners just made for life on all fours....and then there are Swiss goats. Each to one's own, Mr. Woo.


Grim Reaper 14
9th Apr 2002, 17:33
How often should one use their flaps?:p :p :p

9th Apr 2002, 18:10
I always thought that the biggest soap dodgers were the frogs,
after all they invented perfume .

And madame suter, the last swiss miss I had the misfortune to
get passionate with (whilst very drunk) smelt like a polecat, had a head like an oceon going tadpole, and thought cunnylingus was the Irish carrier.

pax anglia
9th Apr 2002, 18:30
Herr Suter:
I have no wish to involve myself in this unseemly spat,particularly as my personal hygiene is beyond reproach,but pray tell me who is "Marshal Arts"? A Swiss war hero,perchance?

9th Apr 2002, 19:10
Nostradamus, I'm glad you said it first.

The Auzzies may well think they came up with the phrases 'dryer than a pomms towel' and 'the safest place to leave your wallet in the uk is under the soap', but I have news for them. We've been saying that about the French for years.

If a daily shower isn't enough for those from the land of cuckoo clocks then maybe we could be considered 'the great unwashed'.
My shower activity takes place last thing at night so I do not take the filth of the day into my 'flea pit'. Something I gather that the Swiss are unable to do. I'd hate to think what horrors lurk in the 'scratchers' of Swiss manual shift workers who's daily grind finishes after 11pm.

I will add for myself and all other people I know that additional showers are taken according to occasion ie going out on the town etc. (One never knows when one will get a BJ).:p

Accusing the English of being reluctant to indulge in oral sex also baffles me, I've always considered it the norm as part of the 'mating' ritual.:confused: B&B If you don't like Grapefruit don't forget swallowing is optional.

So there you have it Hermaphrodite Suter (I like that one Mr Woo), another pointless thread from yourself. I must congratulate you however as once again you have managed to generate the attention you crave so badly. I have to ask, are you lonely:confused:

9th Apr 2002, 22:41
Lonely, and obviously not getting any either.

Standard Noise
9th Apr 2002, 22:50
Well, not unless he counts his hand as a seperate entity!
:D :D :D :D

10th Apr 2002, 02:02

He can actually count????? ;)


<<<BLUSHIN'>>> :o

pants on fire...
10th Apr 2002, 08:02
In the past few weeks, I have been able to piece together a composite definition of Morris (or Mary) Sewer. From various threads, each revealing minute portions of the identity of the individual. I feel that it is time to reveal what we may see at the Gatbash if M. Sewer is in attendance.

The final link, was the revelation of the Balenciaga gown! So here is the current plan.

A middle aged trans-gendered, bisexual, cross-dressing, hermaphrodite, from Huddersfield, wearing a fancy gown, exposing a flabby mid-riff (and god know's what else), speaking Swiss, will emerge freshly rinsed from a seal filled car-wash, with an accompanying herd of goats, smelling like a towellette.

He/She/It will mince across the road and provide a startling display of single handed oriental fighting techniques before denegrating all within earshot about their frightful lack of overall personal hygeine and demonstrating a somewhat bizarre act of oral sex upon itself, involving a hose-pipe, a grapefruit and yodelling, accompanied by the soundtrack of the Sound of Music!

After the police have taken the depraved individual away, the incredulous bashee's comment to one another, "Gosh, that's the first time that anything like that has happened before midnight!" before returning to the bar! ;)

Changes to the schedule of events will be posted here!

10th Apr 2002, 09:04
trousers on fire
Usually I rate myself a bit humourless and stubborn.
The picture you painted before me, M.S. coasting in near Huddersfield in the middle of his goats makes me forget my weak points and laugh with increasing intensity. :D :D :D

10th Apr 2002, 11:28
And let us not forget that MS actually hails from the sub-continent, was educated at an English school, was, for a short time, a member of the Combined Cadet Force, (Navy) and is now more acceptable in the UK than his own country. Why else the rampant racism?:cool: