View Full Version : Worst place in the UK

29th Jun 2012, 16:56
Reading "You are awful" It's author Tim Moore driving around the worst places he can think, of staying in the worst hotels, travelling in the worst vehicle (Austin Maestro)......really is quite amusing, despite the plot.

He doesn't like Rhyl "a place where the seagulls fly uside down, because there's nothing worth shitting on"

I find it hard to think of anywhere truly grim.....though I don't like Bracknell.

What places would others nominate.

G&T ice n slice
29th Jun 2012, 16:57
That place just off the M3 Bstoke

29th Jun 2012, 16:58
Oh, you mean Thatchergrad.....agreed, not very nice.

29th Jun 2012, 17:01
Had this before.

Grays and Tilbury are expecially appalling.

29th Jun 2012, 17:11
Any port of entry.

green granite
29th Jun 2012, 17:17
Anywhere whose name ends with pool.

29th Jun 2012, 17:20
I had an Austin Maestro once.

Just the once.

29th Jun 2012, 17:24
Although an American I did spend a bit of time in England whilst
dating the now ex. (She's from the Wirral, Merseyside to be precise.) At the time we traveled to many places in England (Wales as well) both good and bad.

I think the place I least liked was Liverpool. It just seemed to have an ominous feeling about it. Maybe it was just me.

Airborne Aircrew
29th Jun 2012, 17:26
It wasn't just you rgb...

29th Jun 2012, 17:28
White Star Line.
Cunard White Star.

All of the above, I think, had Liverpool as their main base port. More emigrants left from Liverpool for New York than from anywhere else. Many of those had come across from Ireland. It was a grim and depressing place when last I went by ship from there to NY.

29th Jun 2012, 17:29
Wolverhampton Hurricane Appeal
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Wolverhampton in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Whitmore Reans. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "kinelll".

The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.

Wolverhampton FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Wolverhampton. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners and Bone China from the Pound shop.


This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White stilettos
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice cream
Cans of Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Bilston" said the girl, wot's that gotta do wi yow?"

Apologies to Wolverhampton - could apply to any of a hundred towns in Britain :(

29th Jun 2012, 17:34
There's a house along the main drag in my village called "Kilmarnock" If only they knew.

29th Jun 2012, 17:36
I rather like Liverpool, in fact I like it a lot, I don't understand what people are saying but that's another story.

This has been done to death on other threads but briefly, and not really in order :
Crawley, Swindon, Luton, Slough, Harlow New Town.

29th Jun 2012, 17:38
Although an American I did spend a bit of time in England whilst
dating the now ex. (She's from the Wirral, Merseyside to be precise.) At the time we traveled to many places in England (Wales as well) both good and bad.

I think the place I least liked was Liverpool. It just seemed to have an ominous feeling about it. Maybe it was just me.

People from Liverpool who are all fur coat and no knickers always claim to be from the Wirral.

29th Jun 2012, 17:54
Anywhere whose name ends with pool.

Manhesterpool? I don't like it here much either.

29th Jun 2012, 17:55
Mancunians would consider the Wirral along with Wigwam and St Helens as scouse overspill.

flying lid
29th Jun 2012, 18:04
I attended Birkenhead college during the early 70's. A Bus, Train (Wigan to Liverpool Exchange) and a Ship (ferry 'cross the Mersey no less) for a year. (although sometimes used the train "under the sea"). Bugger of a trip. Birkenhead was / is / will allways be a dump - though there are some really nice places on the Wirral, just a bit further south.

I still go to Liverpool once a year, to visit my hub caps !!!!

One of my favourite City's is Liverpool, - oozing with character(s). !!
Try the new "Museum of Liverpool" on the revamped Pier Head - superb.

Oh, worst place in the UK - Wigan - my home town. STAY AWAY or we will eat your babies alive (after covering them in Bisto !!!!!!!!!!!!!).


29th Jun 2012, 18:14
Small is ugly too...

I nominate Dogdyke (says it all really), Lincolnshire

Off the end of the Coningsby runway. 90% of housing is mobile homes. The women are so ugly that bestiality is commonplace. Woken up by jets? Naa, they're all stoned or deaf. I doubt anyone actually has a job (officially).
Overheard in local pub.
"Woz yer bruvver doing these days?"
"He's inside. GBH"
"I fort 'e just got out?"
"That was last week"

'The Dykes Have Eyes'

Chelmsley Wood in Brum is pretty bad too. My sister lived there for a year. The bank manager used to take her and her husband out to lunch every month, as he said they were the only couple out of all of his customers who both had jobs. As of yesterday, the Police Station has closed and enquirers are directed to Asda.(Chelmsley Wood public directed to Asda to report crime as police station closes front office - Top Stories - News - Birmingham Mail (http://www.birminghammail.net/news/top-stories/2012/06/28/chelmsley-wood-public-directed-to-asda-to-report-crime-as-police-station-closes-front-office-97319-31276662/))

29th Jun 2012, 18:36
Anybody got anything nice to say about Doncaster? Thought not. As for Worksop and Retford!

29th Jun 2012, 18:38
Luton or Coventry. Both soulless places bombed by the Germans then finished off by 1950 and 1960's developers who left concrete carbuncles and decrepit shopping centres as their legacy.

29th Jun 2012, 18:50

The cinema used to have cozy double seats at the back.

Worksop College used to have a really nice pool open to friends in the Summer Hols.

The Road out East was nice and straight. (After party, 100mph, Dark, Fog (forty yards) Vauxhall Cresta, nine of us. I really don't know how I survived my youth.)

flying lid
29th Jun 2012, 20:18
"The Charabanc Trip" , by Ivor Biggun
accompanied by Robin Langridge, aged 14, at the piano forte.
Music maestro please!

On the map of North Notts you'll find Worksop
Where I lived when I was a lad
In a house with me Mam, 2 sisters & Gran
One brother, a budgie, and Dad.

At the end of our street was a boozer
black as stout, uninviting & glum
A den of depravity it stank like a lavatory
Where me Dad went to hide from me Mum.

At the end of the bar in a bottle
Every week half a dollar he'd slip
For the annual treat when the kids in the street
Went to coast on a Charabanc trip.

We'd set off in morning from Worksop
En route for Sutton-on-Sea
With the Holiday Club, them as paid up their sub,
Half the street & my brother & me.

There was old Mrs. Brough from the tripe shop
Big soft Doris, her 2 little lasses
And her sister Helen with a bust like 2 melons
And a face like an 'arseole with glasses.

There was Perfumed Gordon the hairdresser
And nobody did make it clear
Why a rude boy called Tailor
Cried out 'Hello Sailor'
And something about ginger beer.

There was Desperate Derek, his brother Big Eric
And Basher & Masher & Butch
And Lil who was willing for only a shilling
Which was still about tenpence too much.

There was Mavis who wouldn't
'Cos her mum said she shouldn't,
There was Neville who wished that he could
And then there was Heather who said that she'd never
But looked like she probably would!

Well my Dad took a crate of ale with him
Intending to travel in style
Charabanc did 25 miles to the gallon
My Dad did half pint to the mile!

Rain were chucking it down leaving Worksop
Through North Notts it did not desist
There were cows with bronchitis & wet sheep to invite us
When Lincolnshire loomed up through t' mist

Rain slacked off soon to a medium monsoon
And the day didn't look such a black 'un
When the driver called Reg pulled up by a hedge
And we all made a dash for the bracken.

Dad rushed to a tree and said 'excuse me'
And right there one penny he spent it
He said, 'Aint it queer, one thing about beer
You don't really buy it, you rent it!'

Well this idyllic scene mid the nettles & steam
Was soon torn by my brother's plaintive cries.
The poor little nipper caught his dong in his zipper
He was dancing with tears in his eyes.

Then back on t' coach off to Sutton
We got there, 'eee weather were grand
And we gazed on the sea, cold, the colour of tea
And smelt candyfloss, dodgems & sand.

There were shops full of rock
There were hats with rude slogans
There was music & cries of hilarity
There were games on the sands, there were jellied-eel stands
And souvenir shops packed with vulgarity.

My brother ran down to the ocean
His intention the water to reach
For his foot he just thrust in something disgusting
A donkey had left on the beach.

The sea was as cold as a polar bear's dick
We watched Punch kill the crocodile dead
And after throwing some sand at Salvation Army band
We went off to the funfair instead.

There was a ride called a comet made you scream, faint & vomit
Half deafening you hung upside down
And the last bit, a spinner, brought up rest of yer dinner
Not bad, you know, for just half a crown!

There were post cards with fat women, nudists and Scotsmen,
Honeymooners and dirty weekenders
And in a machine what the butler had seen
Dimly flickered about in suspenders.

We ate cockles & whelks & big winkles,
Soggy chips, toffee apples like glue,
The hot dogs were funions like something rude wrapped in onions,
But we ate them, and pease pudding too.

Then we went on to dodgems & waltzer,
And big dipper that rises & falls.
It was on this machine that my brother turned green
And his eyes stood out like bulldog's balls.

The poor little chap he was sick in his cap.
It was his best 'un, he started to cry
So not wishing to spoil it we swilled it in toilet
And he wore it until it was dry!

The driver found us and said 'Back to the bus'.
Through the dark we ran back the whole way
Candyfloss in our hair, but we didn't care
Eee we'd had such a wonderful day.

And with charabanc firing on several cylinders
We set off for Worksop & home
Rattling down the highway singing songs of Max Bygraves
Accompanied on paper & comb.

In the dim orange glow of the coachlight, so low
Courting couples were billing & cooing
Hoping perhaps that the coats in their laps
Would conceal the rude things they were doing!

We pulled up in our street about half past eleven
There was Mam, there was Granny & all,
They gazed in admiration at the plaster alsatian
We'd won for 'em at coconut stall.

I drank up my Cocoa, I ate up my sandwich
And soon up in bed I was curled
I was dreaming a dream I was leading the team
On first charabanc trip around world.

Eee those things that I did when I was a kid
Although they were simple & small
Now I've grown up I find I look back in my mind
I'm sure they were best times of all.

Cos I've been to Majorca, and by that's a corker
I've been to Pompeii & Herico-Unalium
The French Riviera were the ladies are barer
I've even paddled in Meditteranium.

I've drunk various vinos in Torremolinos
But of all these I'll tell you for free.
There's none can compete with that Charabanc treat
With me brother to Sutton-on-Sea!!


tony draper
29th Jun 2012, 20:48
Brilliant Mr Lid.:ok:

Standard Noise
29th Jun 2012, 20:53
It depends what you mean on 'worst'. Anything in Somerset south of the A303 is pretty grim, like stepping back 200 years and most of them marry their sisters. 'Bob's your uncle' has a completely different slant on it down there although they can count up to 12 with their toes.

For sheer shittiness though, Shepton Mallet takes the biscuit. It's most notable feature is a prison full of rapists and lifers although most of them are normal when viewed against the locals. Locals even call it 'Shitandsmellit'!
Not recommended for honeymoons............................or even funerals.:}

29th Jun 2012, 21:04

29th Jun 2012, 21:31
Grimethorpe S Yorks lives up to its name.

29th Jun 2012, 21:33
Standard Noise.

Luckily not eating when I read that. However I thought for a moment you were talking about Yeovil.

Lon More
29th Jun 2012, 21:34
It just seemed to have an ominous feeling about it.

consider some of the carp that came from there; the Beat-less for example.

29th Jun 2012, 21:53

As a kid raised in Whitmore Reans I resemble that remark.....

but that was in the 60's, I'm really a Penn boy.

Milo Minderbinder
29th Jun 2012, 21:54
I don't live in the worst place in the UK, but I can see Barrow-in-Furness across the bay

Standard Noise
As to "Somerset south of the A303" I take it you've been reading Brendan Owen's history of George Mitchell, the man known as "One From the Plough"
Well worth a read, and if you did I think you would understand a lot more.
Those habits pretty much died out 50 years ago when rich bankers and insurance men (and a number of Admirals, Generals and Wing Commanders) retired to Somerset, bought all the cheap houses and priced the locals out of the market. If theres any incest going on there now its among the upper class blowins.
Believe me - I should know, I'm related to at least half of the people in my ancestral village

29th Jun 2012, 23:51
Reading "You are awful"

Have you answered your own question ?

30th Jun 2012, 00:04
Agree with Bedford. Some say that a day in Bedford is a day wasted.

30th Jun 2012, 00:11
Strangely enough I have a Listen Again of the Grimethorpe Band's 15th Anniversary of "Brassed Off" concert on my PC as I am writing - beautiful music from an awful place!

I visited the town six years ago and twenty four years after the pit closed. It was like something out of Dickens, a town with its industrial heart ripped out and no raison d' etre any more, and millions of tons of coal below ground!

But you can say the same of so many locales where there used to be work and skills and homes and community spirit.

Now its all work until you drop to pay off the bankers who got us all into this mess in the first place, and no-one has any time for a social life or community activities any more.

Strikes me I hit 60 at the right time!

30th Jun 2012, 00:22
Haverton Hill and Port Clarence.

Eastern suburbs of Billingham, Teesside. A once thriving shipbuilding community that is now the arse end of the back end of beyond, and thats talking it up a bit.

30th Jun 2012, 00:31
Yes, if there really were ends of the earth, Worksop would probably be at the a£$e end.

30th Jun 2012, 02:48
Yep, Spanish electrics are to be recommended as are Spanish building practices and Spanish banks. Simply the best, for sure!

30th Jun 2012, 03:19
You got it amigo. Viva Espana. Let's see on Sunday. We were fooled and now we pay.

30th Jun 2012, 04:39
flying lid,

I too was in Birkenhead during that period and it was truly dire.

Best seen through a rear view mirror!

30th Jun 2012, 05:19
In 2012 there still are seperate taps for hot and cold water

That's because both types of water are available, unlike Spain when the wells dry up and there's no water of either type 'on tap' (singular).

It is centuries behind.

Have you been to Southern Spain? The messenger service has only recently told them of the demise of the Armada.

I have no idea why they were allowed to become a part of the EU

Probably because they joined 13 years before Spain and, so, the Spanish didn't get a say. Lucky really, otherwise there'd be fewer Euros in the pot to bail out the Spanish economy (again).

Everything is outdated.........the queen

Whereas a king is SO much more modern :rolleyes:

I'm not a lover of the UK but leave it to the locals to take the piss, not some one-eye from a piss-poor dump whose claims to fame are olives and a bunch of ponces, running around after a ball and then crying when their hair gets messed up.

Back to the thread:

Crawley and Luton, s*#tholes, both.

30th Jun 2012, 05:20
Good G*d, how many more people from Worksop?

Maybe only eclipsed by those from Whitstable?

30th Jun 2012, 05:50
Rest and Be Thankful, Scotland. A place that looked nice on the map and, in the bitter, windy cold and gloom, where we thought there might be a cosy old pub with a big fireplace and a hearty meal.

There's nothing there at all except a sign saying watch out for landslides.

30th Jun 2012, 08:52
Pontius - You left out the stone age barbaric practice of tormenting a captive bull, torturing it and when it is too weak to offer resistance due to loss of blood some clown in a fancy dress makes a big deal out of administering the coup de grace.

Personally I love it when the bull wins.

I never thought much of Clyde Bank or most of Paisley, loved Ripon and Harrogate, hated Aldershot and Bordon.

30th Jun 2012, 08:59
After spending many years of my military career living near Basingstoke, I am amazed that anyone from down south can call Liverpool bad. I was in the city yesterday and it has changed massively over the past few years. Quality bars and restaurants, vibrant and exciting city. My son lives in Manchester, much of the same. I come from Newcastle, it is still a great place to visit.
I can tolerate 'That London' and Birmingham etc, etc, but Basingstoke, Reading, Swindon and other 'Southern Gems' are just toilets. ;)

30th Jun 2012, 09:02
Personally I love it when the bull wins.Regrettably, that doesn't happen often enough.
It amazes me that despite everything that the EU can do (or at least attempt) it can't stamp out this barbaric practice of ritual cruelty to animals in front of spectators.
Spain has Europe's worst airline as its flag carrier.
I am no lover of the UK but Spain is far from perfect.

30th Jun 2012, 09:22
Any town with a horse racing track in it. More than one horse a day dies either on or as a result of running on these evil things and, unlike bulls, they are generally not so well treated.

Barksdale Boy
30th Jun 2012, 09:27
Sheffield seldom lifts the spirits.

30th Jun 2012, 09:31
Eccles and Basinghole.

30th Jun 2012, 09:40
Stocksbridge and Deepcar (two towns that join at the hip), Yorkshire. The drearyist place on this planet... takeaway's galore; fish and chips, curry's, burgers, pizza's, donna kebabs, and, an oversize gentlemens outfitters! All the place really needs is an incontinence pants repair shop and it would be perfect!


30th Jun 2012, 10:24
In 2012 there still are seperate (sic) taps for hot and cold water.

Has to be the most bizarre reason for disliking a place so far mentioned on this thread

driving on the left,

Just like that other old fashioned third-world country, Japan!

30th Jun 2012, 10:26
Good G*d, how many more people from Worksop?

Please don't include me in the total! :p

30th Jun 2012, 10:57
There's a lot to be said for Luton.
Most of it swearwords.

30th Jun 2012, 11:10
...and all of it in Gujarati

30th Jun 2012, 11:39
There's a lot to be said for Luton.

Loo-ton, know to us at 'Toilet Town'.

30th Jun 2012, 11:41
The best part of Worksop is the way out of it - road or rail. Never been back since mother died in 1987. I gather it's far worse now. Retford was better, but is probably as bad now - haven't been there since 1977. Other horrors are Basildon, Grays, Stanford le Hope - more like Stanford NO Hope, Bracknell, and my nearest large town, Swindon. Stevenage is reputed to be crap too. Cirencester is quite a pleasant place, though.

What is wrong with our mains plugs? Years ago Lord Carrington on Radio $ was saying that we should change our mains plugs to the continental ones 'because you can't buy a TV in London and take it to Paris and have it work'. Now forgetting the fact that French TV is SECAM and not PAL, and the aerial plugs are a metricated version of the English one and don't fit properly, WHICH continental mains plug? The French, or the Swedish or the Danish or the two varieties of Swiss or the German or the Austrian?

They all have the same pin spacing, there are two different pin diameters and a number of molding variants preventing some types being plugged in.

Separate hot and cold water taps can be found in hotels in Geneva.....Unless you have a non-return valve fitted, differential pressures, if there's anything attached to a mixer tap, can force cold water into the hot water system or vice versa.

30th Jun 2012, 11:45
Some places in France don't even have hot water or an inside toilet, let alone separate taps.

30th Jun 2012, 12:47
Rest and be Thankful - watch out for the black BMW five series!

I let him by just after the Loch Eck turn to follow the guy who had just torn by me in the rain, and I was doing over sixty in the TBird.

Fifteen seconds later he lit up like a Christmas tree and pulled him!

All these dreadful places - but - I am still happy to live amongst them. Liverpool has many good eateries and plenty of reasons to stroll around on a Saturday night enjoying the sights!

We've got the West Highlands and Snowdonia, as a user of it, I'm very grateful for the NHS, not perfect, but better than bankruptcy! We've got proper beer, every cuisine under the sun, we don't fry and we don't freeze, and almost every week I can go and watch a steam loco at full chat.

OK - we have a few chavs and a penchant for doing what we are told instead of asking why - and that's why I'm on Pprune - followers we aren't on here!

Long may it stay that way

30th Jun 2012, 13:21
and plenty of reasons to stroll around on a Saturday night enjoying the sights!

Would that be looking for your car perhaps Frank, or maybe just the wheels?;)

Thick Blue Line
30th Jun 2012, 14:09
Liverpool has come a long way in recent years, generally a pleasant place to visit.

Birkenhead however - nice place to come from, not so nice to go to...

30th Jun 2012, 15:27
I had thirteen happy years with Merseyside as part of my area of responsibility.

Found some great restaurants - had some great crack - met some top class villains - just as you will anywhere - and still think its a great place - especially to sail into and out of - a world class waterfront!

And the new shopping centre - "Liverpool One" where the blues have called their shop "Everton Two" excellent!

And I have never had a vehicle so much as looked at. There again I wouldn't park in Toxteth, or Moss Side, or Southwark or many other dubious parts of other cities.

I'm not a Liverpool resident - being up on the first slopes of the Pennines, but I'm a regular visitor to many of our cities all over the country, and its interesting to see how they grow and change. The one thing I would say though is someone needs to stop the likes of Peel Estates before they ruin the entire skyline with their turbines on the moors and mini Shanghais on Merseyside - awful, ugly, and will date like mad!

30th Jun 2012, 15:58
Flying_lid, Thank you for the song. Never seen or heard it before but MadsMum is still giving me funny looks, even though I've just about stopped crying with laughter.

I'm from more Southern climes than Worksop (Clipstone then Warsop), although my dad did work at Whitwell for a time, and we used to frequent Skegness but the sea was the same.

30th Jun 2012, 20:09
Gives one a whole new impression of Mads


30th Jun 2012, 21:29
John Hassall and his comment on what must have been the worst place in the UK.


30th Jun 2012, 22:22
Sounds like Rochdale would be a winner........:yuk: apart from the Islamc sex ring

Read the Mark Hodkinson article in this link ;

The Times | UK News, World News and Opinion (http://www.timesplus.co.uk/tto/news/?login=false&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thetimes.co.uk%2Ftto%2Fopinion%2Fcolumnists%2Farticle3461404.ece)

It’s so bad, even McDonald’s has moved out (http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/opinion/columnists/article3461404.ece)Rochdale | Search | The Times (http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/public/sitesearch.do?querystring=rochdale&p=tto&pf=all&bl=on)

Rochdale: Recession-hit town where times are so hard that even McDonald's has left | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2066591/Rochdale-Recession-hit-town-times-hard-McDonalds-left.html)

Or Stratford ; Fatal stabbing at Westfield Stratford near Olympic village - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9365792/Fatal-stabbing-at-Westfield-Stratford-near-Olympic-village.html)

Another gem is High Wycombe ( town center ) :eek:

30th Jun 2012, 22:47
as an ex work mate from rochdale once said "if britain had an arsehole rochdale would be it".

30th Jun 2012, 23:07

- spent a few years working there, as a young man, thought it was quite an interesting place, marvelous juxtaposition based between Asian rich Deeplish, (where all my clients insisted on offering me food at all times), and the more isolated farms to the North of Littleborough. (Where I was offered Whisky:O)

Very friendly place, (from both sides). Great memories of the place, didn't think it was the Arsehole of Britain though.:)

1st Jul 2012, 01:17
I didn't believe all the things I heard about Slough, so when I went to a concert in Windsor, I stayed overnight in Slough just so I could taek a look. It's might be a better place were it not split down the middle by the A4, making it very unfriendly to pedestrians. Walking through dark tunnels under the roads at night ... not nice.

Many more towns: Chavtowns - Britain's worst places to live! (http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/)

Nervous SLF
1st Jul 2012, 01:43
"like stepping back 200 years and most of them marry their sisters. 'Bob's your uncle' has a completely different slant on it down there
although they can count up to 12 with their toes."

When I read that I thought that you meant Portsea Island Portsmouth. Fratton Park has very poor plumbing facilities caused
it seems by fat in the pipes. How that got there of course defies logic and doesn't bear thinking about.
RN servicemen shouldn't walk alone at night as the locals do not like them and a fight could happen.
Nasty place altogether :yuk: even their football fans from Gosport and Portsmouth itself fight each other when they are supposed to
be supporting the same team.

1st Jul 2012, 06:02
Anybody got anything nice to say about Doncaster? Thought not. As for Worksop and Retford!

Attending Welbeck College in 78-80 allowed me the chance to use Retford station and to visit various pubs in Worksop over the 2 years there. Awful is too mild a word for either place.

Krystal n chips
1st Jul 2012, 07:17
Most of the usual locations have already been mentioned...although Stoke on Trent, B'ham, Coventry and Wolverhampton seem to be missed out...until now....

But what about those places which,in theory at least, would not qualify...but do so in just about every respect...

Ludlow...so pretentious you almost have to be vetted as to your income / starus before being even allowed into the town

Newport ( Shrops )...Daily Mail / Torygraph valhalla....the locals wander around in a state of catatonic crass ignorance, "outsiders" are considered as being aliens, the shopkeepers "assess" you as being local / not local..and will happily ignore you in preference to the former...the local council are a collection of non entities determined not to progress into the 17th century

Broadway...on a very steep hill....and that's it...over priced, over hyped and frankly, not even worth passing through...

Wilmslow / Prestbury and the "poor relation"..Knutsford....more ego's per sq.cm that anywhere else in the N.West....and more gullible precocious mugs willing to pay well over the odds for....living in a certain post code area....arrogant, rude and generally obnoxious..per se

Carnarvon...superb location, castle, marina...shame the locals still haven't understood Edward isn't on the throne any more

Portmadoc....as above, minus the castle of course....the locals will take your money....but's it's only because of legislation they can't actually put a sign in the shops saying "English persons whose parents were not married when you were born, go away "

Alton / Odiham....closely aligned with Wilmslow etc....if not worse in fact.

1st Jul 2012, 08:53
One must not then forget Stockbridge in Hampshire, which used to be on the main road to the south west and then became rather run down when the M4 was constructed. It used to have four petrol stations. The last one has now been turned into a snackery masquerading as a bistro/wine bar.
In the last two decades or so the dorp has been discovered by people who think that if you run around in a 4 x 4 wearing Hunter Wellingtons, you're a salt of the earth farmer. Home of the Grosvenor Hotel, as was once the Grosvenor Arms, base of the ancient and prestigious Houghton Fishing Club, the acme of the chalk stream dry fly. Characterized only by its appalling parking and its sycophantic population, there are some in the neighbour hood of significantly serious wealth, it is a worthy gate keeper to Winchester, a city where oysters are still banned, in theory at least, because once upon a medieval feast, the mayor and all his entourage died from eating bad ones. The city fathers have not learnt from this and the one way system in the city, from top to bottom, is disastrous. Still all is not lost. Criminals used to be hanged at Winchester prison, within living memory!

1st Jul 2012, 09:07
Portmadoc can't be important enough to be on anyone's list of worst places.

1st Jul 2012, 09:12
Another gem is High Wycombe ( town center )The Eden shopping centre in High Wycombe is a paragon of good taste and culture compared to Swindon town centre and the Brunel Centre. IKB would be turning in his grave if he knew that such a festering carbuncle on the backside of Britain's worst town bore his name.

(I was going to say that the Brunel Centre is a blight on the face of humanity, but most of Swindon's denizens cannot be classed as humanity.)

1st Jul 2012, 09:16
Wilmslow / Prestbury and the "poor relation"..Knutsford....more ego's per sq.cm that anywhere else in the N.West....and more gullible precocious mugs willing to pay well over the odds for....living in a certain post code area....arrogant, rude and generally obnoxious..per se

One used to inhabit Wilmslow, when we came to sell up we we valued £20,000 less than a similar property 2miles away. Seemed we were in North Wilmslow where values (read prices) were lower than in South Wilmslow - says it all really.

1st Jul 2012, 10:04
If we're going specifically at Hampshire locations then Eastliegh... on the face of it nothing spectactularly bad, but scratch the surface and this is the constinuency that elected Chis Huhne...

Krystal n chips
1st Jul 2012, 11:23
" Seemed we were in North Wilmslow where values (read prices) were lower than in South Wilmslow - says it all really. "

Ah, well that would put you in Handforth or even Bramhall then....peasant..:):D

Were you ever offered the Wimslow card I wonder ?....for the confused, and to show just how pretentious some of these ( insert as perceived here ) are, this was a credit card no less, offered to the local population...and selected post codes outside the town...very selective I may add..one was not included of course..which you could use at the various over priced outlets in the town itself..and nowhere else...the card probably sent sent shock waves through Amex et al...as in convulsions of laughter...and, strangely enough, died a natural death not long afterwards.....

1st Jul 2012, 11:43
Worksop DID have some good pubs. But in 1965 or so, Whitbread bought the Tennants breweries in Leeds and Sheffield and that was the end of that. There was a good fish and chip shop on Gateford Road in those days that still used dripping to fry in and had a coal fire under the frier.....

The railway station had a privately owned refreshment room that had real ale up to the late 70's at least.

Sounds like a touch of 'I remember Adlestrop', doesn't it?

Worksop's motto 'Sans Dieu Rien'. Actually for Worksop, two mottoes - 'Sans Dieu' and 'Rien'.

sled dog
1st Jul 2012, 13:36
On a recent visit to Jockistan i had the pleasure ( ? ) of being led to Kirkcaldy.....knowing who the Honourable Member is, i rest my case.

1st Jul 2012, 14:06

sorry to pull you up on one of your statements about Winchester - oysters are not banned and are on the menu in at least one fish restaurant there.
Having lived in winchester for 46 years I agree with your one way system comments though - it is not great but then again given the age of the City I am not sure when else (short of wholesale rebuilding) could be done.

1st Jul 2012, 14:09
Not Handforth but very close, the trees hide the River Dean - the border. Black car in drive is mine.


1st Jul 2012, 14:37
Winchester Oysters.

Perhaps I was a little historically inaccurate and only few hundred years out?

In 1902 the Dean of Winchester and several others died of typhoid after eating Emsworth oysters, suitably contaminated with sewage, at a banquet in the city.

1st Jul 2012, 16:20
You could get something deadly (eventually) from 'Winchester geese', too, although they weren't actually in Winchester.

1st Jul 2012, 16:34
Very amusing read! Can't say I ever had a handle on a red light district in Winchester. Southampton however was an altogether different story. The Avenue was notorious for its indigent goslings.

old,not bold
1st Jul 2012, 16:53
I wonder why no-one has mentioned Dewsbury? Perhaps ppruners have never been there.

Dewsbury is where benefit culture and ASBOs meet stupidity and crime in a morass of intra-community violence, racism and general hatred of anything.

It is so bad that in the unlikely event of anyone other than residents, Police (always in pairs) and social workers going there, they must also wear full stab protection if they want to get out alive.

It's where families arrange the kidnap of their own children and then can't even get that right. (The mother was let out of prison in April, and "special measures are expected to be taken to protect her from possible threats and from getting involved in any further offending". A neighbour said "She wants to do this lie detector and go on Jeremy Kyle. Well, why doesn't she just do it?")

Yes, I think Dewsbury should get the prize. I suspect the Jeremy Kyle show has a recruitment office there.

1st Jul 2012, 17:21

In the middle ages, the area of Southwark in London was owned by the Bishop of Winchester - presumably on behalf of the diocese. It was famous for its crime and brothels, and the prostitutes were known as 'Winchester geese'.

1st Jul 2012, 17:40
Mum and younger sister went shopping in Wilmslow many years ago in a snowstorm.

Mum being a practical farmer type had gone out in shabby old overcoat and farming wellies.

The shop staff fawned all over them presuming they were wealthy eccentrics - not just Cheshire farming stock - perhaps because they were buying for cash!

I lived in Higher Poynton for just four years, very, pretty, great place to sit on the barn roof and watch the Woodford air show - especially when Concorde was imploding your ear drums - but so up itself that I was glad to move back to dear old Hyde where everyone is so busy living their own lives they haven't got time to look over the fence and live yours as well!

Besides - getting the bus up Lyme Road and over the canal bridge would have been nightmare on a summer Sunday evening!


Still - it used to keep the local old witch busy moving cars on - it was her life's work - didn't approve of young men as we were then coming over rather faster than she liked.

The first night I drove the - now Mrs TBF - over the canal and away up into the hills she wondered where on earth she was going - a bit different than suburban Heaton Moor!

1st Jul 2012, 17:58
Spanish electrics are to be recommended as are Spanish building practices and Spanish banks. Simply the best, for sure

House electrics more modern that houses built in the UK at the same time, but the the FecsaEndesa supply is "inconsistant" in bad weather, in fact also in good weather for that matter.....
House construction excellent but this one was not built for sale to foreigners, well, not to British foreigners.
My bank is OK ! Doing very well, about to get a share of €100m from somewhere up north....

Additional Disasters you could have mentioned:
Telefonica, the worlds worst telecom provider, house phones "installed" and "serviced" by South American immigrants who themselves all use mobile phones. The Spanish call centre is also located in deepest S. America.
The public sewer system - cracked and leaking.
Roads surfaced with 1mm of asphalt, every five years, two weeks before the municipal elections.

(I'd still rather live here, though).

P.S. Some people on this thread might be a teensy weensy bit out-of-date. Bull fighting is banned here, has been for some time. (28th July 2010). Unlike in France.

1st Jul 2012, 18:13
Sunday, September 25th, 2011, a day of shame!
And what now of La Monumental in Barcelona?
One hears that it shall be turned into a mosque with finance from Dubai.

1st Jul 2012, 18:24
Some people on this thread might be a teensy weensy bit out-of-date. Bull fighting is banned here, has been for some time. Unlike in France. It is banned in Catalonia - it is still alive and well (except for the bull, that is!) throughout the rest of Spain. Despite all the hype when Catalonia made their ban, there is no sign of anywhere else following suit. The town of Gandia, near the city of Valencia, in the autonomous region of Valencia, banned bullfighting two years ago but the alcalde (mayor) has just reintroduced it on the basis that it is a good tourist attraction.

1st Jul 2012, 18:37
Despite all the hype when Catalonia

What hype ? It was banned, that was that. A number of "Spanish" people one meets deeply regret the ban.

But as has been said elsewhere on this thread, don't see much difference between that and steeplechasing, not in the intent (nobody wants to see horses die whereas they do want to see bulls killed) but in the results.

And like others posting here, when I hear of a toreador or picador killed I usually think "good riddance". Barbaric practice.

Worse place in the UK ? As a foreigner who occasionally visits the UK I can't think of one. But I can think of many beautiful and friendly places to live there......

G&T ice n slice
1st Jul 2012, 22:09
Periodically I have to nip up to Leith

Now, Leith is Edinburgh's dockside and I'd read about it in those books by Ian Rankin and expected the worst...


the trip up is via M6/M74 off at Moffat & then up & over along the A701

this is quite a pleasant drive....


eventually you come to Penicuik

After Penicuik, Leith seemed rather genteel somehow

1st Jul 2012, 22:19
the trip up is via M6/M74 off at Moffat & then up & over along the A701

this is quite a pleasant drive....


eventually you come to Penicuik

After Penicuik, Leith seemed rather genteel somehow

How true! .

G&T ice n slice
2nd Jul 2012, 08:19

actually maybe I'm just being unkind... as you come in from the South there are some fine old red sandstone buildings

But after that.... all the finest stores (Lxxdl, Alxi, Poundsxxver) and a 'French Restaurant' with a boarded up frontage and then there's the potholed roads, with un-needed traffic islands, which is where they put the cycle lane(s), and the speed limit that goes 30, 20, 30, 40, 20, 30 ,20, 40, 20, 30 all in the space of about a mile, so you have no idea which speedlimit is which. And then there's the "bus lanes"- including one which is 5 feet long.

I really hate having to pass thru Penicuik [but I'm so grateful that I don;t have to stop]

2nd Jul 2012, 08:32
We are the best. England, ha, ha. Agreed. The current Spanish team are the best football team the world has ever seen and their record speaks for itself.

However, the world should never forget that it is we British who invented Association Football and it is forever OUR GAME. We only let the rest of the world borrow it. ;)

2nd Jul 2012, 08:38
Thinking about places, I had to spend a couple of days in a hotel near Edgware recently. It's pretty vile. It's at the north end of the Northern Line so you can only go south towards London, which is not my favourite place, from there by rail. Fortunately Bushey Heath and Harrow Weald are nearby and have some good eateries.

2nd Jul 2012, 09:58
OFSO you at least, unlike svhar, do irony1

2nd Jul 2012, 10:13
Leith is Edinburgh's dockside

I must admit to having misread that when I first saw it. Or did I? (Must admit that, never having been there, my opinion is second-hand and based entirely on Ian Rankin books).

2nd Jul 2012, 11:01
Well done Spain. Great game. Well deserved victory.

I'm a bit upset about people saying that you were the
"Greatest" team EVER though.
We ALL know that that particular accolade belongs to the
1966 ENGLAND team that won the WORLD CUP !!!!

Just to keep the record straight. Thank you.

2nd Jul 2012, 12:16
I do irony, do I ? Well take this: most people here are furious that Italy deprived Spain of the chance of beating Germany in the final, because there's nothing we would have enjoyed more than seeing Spain whale the bejezeus out of Germany.

But beating Italy ? No, not fair.

2nd Jul 2012, 12:23
OFSO. one has doubts about Spain's ability to beat Germany at anything.;)
Certainly so with respect to matters fiscal!

2nd Jul 2012, 12:27
Mon amis, I have lived in both countries (25 years and 20 years) and I have no such doubts.

2nd Jul 2012, 12:40
Seat. Bought out and administered by Fiat (Italian!) then sold on to Volkswagen.
Marbella Mayor and his many accomplices charged with fraud on a massive scale.
Don't recollect the latter happening in Germany nor have any recollection of Spanish car manufacturers taking over German car companies.
Do recollect a certain Spanish outfit taking over a major airport in the UK and running it in typical Spanish mode, i.e. inefficient.:{

Anyways, back on thread my vote is for Sheffield:sad:

Milo Minderbinder
2nd Jul 2012, 13:05
is it true that the correct historic spelling is Catatonia?

2nd Jul 2012, 14:17
Nowt wrong with Leith (said he, defending his birthplace). It got dodgy for a while in the 80s, but has largely been redeveloped and the dock area is now awash with decent shops and some very good restaurants (including Tom Kitchin, Martin Wishart). The sad thing is that what were proper pubs have now moved "upmarket".

Oban's a dump.

2nd Jul 2012, 14:26
Don't recollect the latter happening in Germany

Oh no ? I can think of two mayors put away for corruption during my time there. And lets not get into the deals done with the CO's of the occupying army....or Franz Josef Strauss and the Starfighter contract.....

I'm not relying on media lies and fudged statistics but on quality of life over 45 years. I can live where I want to live: I liked living in Germany a lot and I like Catalunia more.

Can we in the spirit of the EU widen the goalposts ? Worst country to live, Switzerland. Well, most boring.

(That will ruffle some feathers no doubt.)

2nd Jul 2012, 15:21
Nowt wrong with Leith

Is that where the Leith Poleeth dithmitheth uth ?

2nd Jul 2012, 15:26
Yeth, that'th right.

2nd Jul 2012, 15:26
On a rainy Sunday (shops shut) in autumn, I would have to agree with you. Days like those, I would kill to be back in London.

But the rest of the year - well, being 45 mins' drive from the ski slopes in winter and just hanging out enjoying the (mainly) fab weather and glorious scenery in summer...it's not so bad.:)

Solid Rust Twotter
2nd Jul 2012, 15:29
Nothing wrong with boring, Mr OFSO. One finds excitement to be much overrated. Excitement usually means something has gone wahoonie shaped.

2nd Jul 2012, 15:33
Worst country to live, Switzerland. Well, most boring.

If 'boring' means that people respect each other, communal and personal property, the environment, law and order, and that we are relatively safe to walk or drive around day or night, then give me 'boring'.

I can live with having my washing machine 'slot' between 1132 and 1253 every Tuesday ........ and all the other little quirks of life in CH!

G&T ice n slice
2nd Jul 2012, 16:54
Sorry, didn't mean to be rude about Leith, I was having a go at Penicuik..

I'm a bit puzzled by Leith

I usually hurtle around the Edinburgh version of the M25 and then come in from the south (on the A1?) which runs along about 200Metres from the coast through a strange section that seems to be nothing but car dealerships, then past Masons Mortars (which is where I'm headed) next to that huge concrete-silo-building . I've not got beyond that, but there are obvious signs of buildings being converted into apartments and a couple of what look like newbuild apartment blocks.

But there's a socking great scrapyard just where the serious residential area seems to start, but that's on the docks.

It looks like they've started regenerating/redeveloping but haven't got far yet?

I'm going to guess that Leith is the place where people who can't afford Edinburgh central are buying - close to the centre of things but far enough away to be 'reasonably priced?'

But why, oh why, oh why do I have to go through Penicuik??

2nd Jul 2012, 17:09
eventually you come to Penicuik

After Penicuik, Leith seemed rather genteel somehow

My nearest town is twinned with it. Someone must have thought it a good idea at the time.

I have given up correcting locals when they pronounce it "Penny-quick".

2nd Jul 2012, 17:14
Got to be Grantham.

2nd Jul 2012, 20:22
The worst place in Britain is Canary Wharf. Blighted by organised crime mobs, scheming drug crazed gangsters lurk around every corner. It's a police "no go" area and even senior socialist politicians are in their pockets.

It's time the whole place was pulled down and redeveloped into a respectable high rise sink estate.

2nd Jul 2012, 21:57
Has no one been to KEIGHLEY ?

2nd Jul 2012, 22:19
" Worst country to live, Switzerland. Well, most boring. "

Sorry OFSO, I would have to dispute that with you ( and I am single guy........;) )
Seriously, I often hear that, but no one ever specifies what they find is boring.

sea oxen
2nd Jul 2012, 22:29
Has no one been to KEIGHLEY

It features prominently on the chavscum forum, and is an endless source of laughs with people from neighbouring (and presumably equally dire) towns accusing each other of being chavs in txtspk.

I suppose next time I need my neck tattooed I might seek it out.

chavscum is kind of a reverse tripadvisor for the UK. Google your intended destination and chavscum. If you get no hits, go ahead and book.

(I just did - using Eastleigh, and found a post from Whirlygig from 2006 on this very forum.)


3rd Jul 2012, 02:37
With due deference to the Third Man screenplay writer:

In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed. But they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had five hundred years of democracy and peace; and what did that produce? …. The cuckoo clock.

3rd Jul 2012, 10:28
G&T, you stopped just short. Just past Mason's you get to the Shore area with the shops/restaurants &c., and there are also lots of new-build flats as well as conversions in the docks area. The car sales are in Seafield, rather than Leith. The scrapyard area needs some instant sunshine to start its redevelopment, but that might prove unpopular with the young ladies of negotiable affection who frequent the area at night.

3rd Jul 2012, 10:36
>the young ladies of negotiable affection <

What a lovely descriptive phrase. On a par with that of a friend who described his son's occupation (when not in gaol) as 'street corner pharmacist'.

3rd Jul 2012, 10:38
Ms CoL comes from Birkenhead and I've worked in Stevenage on and off for many years. Birkenhead may be on its @<hidden> and grim and depressing in parts but when compared with Stevenage it is a beacon of hope and light. At least the people of Birkenhead still have some spirit left, I don't think they ever started with any in Stevenage.

3rd Jul 2012, 10:44
On a par with that of a friend who described his son's occupation (when not in gaol) as 'street corner pharmacist'.

A distant relative on my mother's (unspeakable) side of the family was chairman of Philip Morris. My mother got very upset when I described him as 'possibly the world's wealthiest drug-pusher.'

She described my sister's then boyfriend, who was a merchant banker, as 'a common loan shark'. Of course in retrospect, she was right about that!

3rd Jul 2012, 11:06
Romford, Essex. Without a doubt!

www.chavtowns.co.uk/2004/07/romford/ (http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/2004/07/romford/)


3rd Jul 2012, 11:44
Credit to Mr Pratchett in whose works I first encountered the "negotiable affection" phrase.

Leith used to have some fairly dodgy areas, I admit. One of the oldest pubs had such wide gaps in the floorboards, you could see through to the cellar where the go-go dancer was turning tricks with the punters. :yuk: It later became a bit gentrified as a "cheese and claret house", and is now a decent pub again.

G&T ice n slice
3rd Jul 2012, 13:01

I usually get to Masons at about 07:30 on a Saturday, is there anywhere to get a decent bacon butty at that time of the a.m. ?

p.s. what are these "birdies" that appear as snacks in various Rankin books.

3rd Jul 2012, 13:38
. . . and is now a decent pub again.Oh, I don't know about that. It sounded pretty decent before. :}

Metro man
3rd Jul 2012, 14:03
Very amusing read! Can't say I ever had a handle on a red light district in Winchester. Southampton however was an altogether different story. The Avenue was notorious for its indigent goslings.

Sure you're not thinking of Derby Road ? Now a shadow of its former self, but back in the 1980s it was a notorious red light district. Things changed with the installation of CCTV and extensive modifications to the traffic flow system. All those "NO ENTRY" signs and one way streets made kerb crawling just about impossible.:E

3rd Jul 2012, 14:05
G&T, used to be some decent greasy spoons, but dunno what there is left these days, especially at that time (I'm assuming 24hr McD's doesn't count). Saturday at my place is eggy butties; you'd have to wait until Sunday for bacon. I'll recce next time I'm in the area, and PM you.

Very norty, young Blacksheep. :ok:

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