Most stupid request from a PAX..

[timmcat]

OK.. whats yours?

[ditzyboy]

Most idiotic.....

What kind of chicken is this beef?

Can you fix up some raison toast for my son? He didn't like the breakfast you gave him. (very unlikely to fufill this one on a 37min MEL-LST sector on a 717!)

[Jenni]

"Which one is the gents toilet?"

Not really a request but a silly question all the same!
I work for a charter airline and im afriad we dont have seperate lavotories for males and females, (does any airline??) it would be nice though!:p

Jennitaylier
xx

[Bandit_70]

Whose coat is that jacket hanging up on the floor!!!!!!!!1

[Iaingrant]

what time do you serve lunch ?

On a low fares flight

[cloud nine]

" Why are you sitting on your hands, are you scared off take off too?".......comment from a pax noticing the FA brace position. hehehe:D

[Cart_tart]

just last night from a little girl sitting in J with her mum - "I'll have a non alcoholic cocktail thanks"
also got the "i'll have a choc milk" while doing the bar service. Are we a supermarket??? ;)

[Pontius]

Okay, so I sit at the pointy end behind the locked door, but I couldn't resist one of these that one of my colleagues told me once.....

BA flight from USA. American pax keeps pressing the call button and demanding to know what sort of animal an 'Ooot' is. Eventually, the 3rd of 4th steward/ess figured out what the pax was talking about; the 'UHT' on the little milk pots on the tea trays.

Well, I liked it anyway :)

[hot chock brock]

Try this one for size.
On answering a call bell I was asked if the omelette served for brekkie contained eggs !

[Iguanahead]

I was asked by a gentleman if it was so cold outside when your up in the air why weren't there ice blocks groowing on the wings!:eek:

And the other all time classic " Where are we now?"

Now I know the correct thing to do is to call the flight deck and ask what country we are passing over below but after 14 years of this you just can't resist telling them " on a 747 35000 feet in the air!" and walking away.:p :D ;)

[Bandit_70]

Back a few months ago when visitors were allowed to visit the flight deck to "see the Captain" i took a bloke in,the guy started asking all the normal questions-drone,drone!! And then said "What happens if i press that button?" The first officer promptly turned round and said "I smack you in the mouth!!!"

The pax left the F/D at that point.....

[wing_nut]

Of course you get stupid questions from all sides. We had an FA come up front and ask the FO "when was he going to qualify as a pilot"!!! :D

[jayne]

"can you put my baby bottle in the microwave to heat it up"
" have you got Mr Dixon's home address?" I said "why?" Pax said " cos I'm going to send this s**t (food) to him and see if he'll eat it"?
"what's that town down there" (like I get a chance to look out the window)
"can I pleease go into the flight deck. You can handcuff me if you want"

[SectorBabe]

Get this one sooooo often...

On boarding -
Pax "Is this Amsterdam?"
Me "No, Luton. But give us an hour, it will be Amsterdam"
:D :D

Can't resist it. Makes me chuckle each time..!!

[RevMan2]

Not the stupidest question but a failry dumb answer

Q: "Red wine or white wine"
A: "Yes please"

[Cart_tart]

I've had the same happen with tea and coffee. A couple of time's i've poured both into the cup to see what would happen - one didn't even notice, the other just laughed and politely asked me for another cup but with coffee only!

[christep]

[aka HKGpax when Danny has the time to reestablish "handles"]

Well if they were HK Chinese this might have been what they intended. A mixture of tea and coffee is quite a common drink here (known as "yuen-yueng").

There may be a lesson there somewhere!

[SectorBabe]

Revman2

Another similar one is..

Me " Would you like anything from the bar?
Pax " Tea please"
Me " Would you like milk and sugar?"
Pax "No, thank you"

Arfter delivering the tea...
Pax " Can I get some milk?"
Me "..................................."( in my brain " Smile and be nice, this person helps towards my wages.....")

[Nano 763]

It was a quiet night, and several F/As came to the F/D to hang out. One girl asked the Cpt what the lights were that she could see below.
He answered, "Panama".
She asked in a very sweet little voice, "Panama is an island, isn't it?":confused:
He answered, "yes dear, that's why they made a canal, so they wouldn't have to go around":D

I'm sorry, it wasn't a pax, but it was an irresistible story to tell right now.

Nano:)

[chippy63]

Not a stupid question, and probably apocryphal, but I pass on what a BA skipper told me recently:
Plane at cruising altitude, sunny day, everyone happy, little girl sends a note up to the flight deck:
"dear captain,
I just wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying my first flight. Everyone's been so nice, lovely lunch with a hamburger and sweets and lots of coke, and the steward gave me a really nice goody bag with lots of interesting things in it.
I had a little sleep and then looked at the clouds and the land below, and started thinking about the great holiday we're going to have when we get there.
Yes, it's been a lovely flight, now please don't go and spoil it all by f?(&!ng up the landing.
Luv from cindy"

[skypryncess]

IT is dash 8 humour not understood by all. Immediatly after my "please continue to remain seated and observed the fastened seatbelt sign" pa there are often those folks to whom rules don't apply immediately jumping up and wandering around the cabin, with various excuses. I had to smile on a 30min SYD-CBR at a recent one that excused himself with " I just wanted to go to the toilet quickly so that I didn't get stuck behind your trolley while you were doing beverage service" Frequent flyer???

[Call_Belle]

My strangest Questions aked by pax were:

"Do you have ice-making machines in the overhead bins?"
and
"What airport did we just take off from?"

Anyone else frightened by the thought we get locked inside metal tubes for hours on end with these people??? I remember being told in training that "pax tend to pack their brains in their suitcases!!!" How true that is.......

[taba]

MANY years ago working with Air UK on F27 CDG NCL. We had the David Sanborn band (famous saxophonist) on board.

Mr. Sanborn went to the loo and seemed to disappear for quite a while.

Eventually this sheepish face peered from behind the partly open door: "Em, where's the flush?"

Me: " Don't have one, it's a chemical toilet Mr. Sanborn."

pax: " So, where does all the s**t go?"

At which point I just burst out laughing, and eventually so did he...but you know!?


More recently, last year pre SEP 11 I did a private flight with some VIPs who were distraught as there was a possibility that we could not land at the destination. At which point they demanded to go to an alternate, which the flight deck did not have the plates for...the answer "It's okay we will direct him!"

The flight was dodgy enough without this suggestion! DOH-KDH...but we got back!

[cabinboy]

I had a pax ask me on the phone if QF do special meals. I advised the pax that we do indeed and asked what would she like me to request...vegan vegetarian ? kosher ? low fat ?......the woman replied..." No, I'd like to order kentucky fried chicken 1/4 chicken and chips snack pack "........I laughed so hard that I had tears coming out of my eyes.....however......this woman was serious !

She told me that once when her son flew he received a childs meal containing mcdonalds so why couldnt she order KFC as it was only fair.....:eek:

[cloud nine]

Cabin Boy,

You could of told her that if time permits, the captain may just detour through drive through!!!

Skypryncess,

We wish that we had a trolley huh?!?!?


:D

[nickmelb]

gees KFC...how wrong was that woman!!!!

how stupid!!!

nick

[kjay]

Im not cabincrew just yet. But I manage a cafe and we get similar stupid qeustions. A customer asked for a salad sadwich, then asked is there any meat in that?:confused:

[FloatJockey]

Well, I remember some fun stuff from my work experience with cruiseships's guests in the Cayman Islands, where I used to be a dive instructor:

"Do you fly from Miami to here every morning?"

"Is Cayman part of the U.S.?"

"What happens if I am under water and I can't breath?"

"Why is my regulator not giving me enough air? Can I try yours?"

"Why is it that the sea is sometime light blue and sometime dark blue?" ... we paint the bottom once a month so that it looks more attractive.

"So you're on holiday every day?"

"Ah! Your're from Switzerland! Don't you miss cheese?"

"Do you think my FLIPPERS fit me?" (do you think you're wearing a dolphin or what?)

No matter if they are in the air or underwater... they leave their brain at home!!

Smile and take it easy... they pay your wages and tip pretty well, so shut up and dive! :p

Mrs. FloatJockey

[747flyboy]

;) pax: steward, there are a lot of toilets on this aircraft.
crew member: yes madam, its for all the **** we carry!!

[Evacu8]

Oh you get some beauties onbaord:-

"Where are we?" (on a plane madam)

After a 14 hour sector to LAX "Do you go straight back to Australia again, or do you get off the plane?"

I once had a first class customer ask "do you have any porno movies available?"

And last but not least "Do you carry condoms onbaord?" on a SYD-LAX sector !!!!

[Cliff]

Me: "what would you like to dink madam?"
Lady: "what kind of fruitjuices do you have?"
Me: "I have orange juice, apple juice and tomato juice"
Lady: "Do you have pineapple juice?"
Me: "No madam, I am sorry. I have orange juice, apple juice or tomato juice"
Lady: "Do you have strawberry juice?"
Me: "No madam, I am sorry. I have orange juice, apple juice or tomato juice"
Lady: " Do you have a hard boiled egg for my baby?"
Me thinking: "*&#~@#^????"

[jackiechan]

Me: "would you care for some afternoon tea madam?"

Stupid dead ****: "what is it?"

Me: "Raspberry muffin, bread sticks with tomato dip and a fruit
and nut pack"

Stupid dead ****: "is there any meat in it"

Me: "Maam, it's raspberry muffin and bread sticks"

Stupid dead ****: "yeah i heard you, but is there any meat in it?"

Me: "well maam i don't actually make the food myself, however i'm guessing that there is no meat in a Raspberry muffin, or in bread sticks"
---

"Excuse me, What's that town we're flying over?"
(asked at FL370 when the cloud below was so thick that we could have landed on it)
----

Whilst passengers in the last row of a 717 were waiting to disembark in MEL at 1030am.

Pax: "excuse me, we're going to miss our next flight, can you please let us out that back door?"
Me: "I'm sorry sir, that's for emergency use only, if i opened it for u to get out the whole tail cone of the aircraft would fall off."
Pax: "yes but we'll miss our flight, you have to let us out."
Me: "Sir if i opened that door it would cost the company tens of thousands of dollars to re attach the tailcone, plus i'd probably lose my job and squash whoever is standing underneath the aeroplane. What time is your connecting flight sir?"
Pax: "230 this afternoon."
:D

[Shadowpurser]

Hmmmmmm where do you start?
Some comments from our some of pax on some of my flights.

1. - Do you know the queen?

2. - Where do you come from?
- (I reply)London
- Wow! I have a friend called John, he lives in London, do know him?

3. - (In flight) Can I get something out of my bag? - it's in the hold.

4. - Do you have televison? (?)

5. - (On a 40 min domestic LGW-MAN) When will duty free be coming round?

6. - (On a 40 min domestic LGW-MAN) When will the movie start?

7. - (on a B.A. A/C) I never travel B.A.!!!!

8. - I'm in club, but my wife is in euro traveller.....(at which point i cut in and say) No problem sir....you're quite welcome to go down and join her (never fails!!!)

9. - Did you make the food?

[tonyt]

' if your seat is fitted with adjustable foot/headrests please make sure they are stowed before take off'

pax in economy ' can I have one of those footrests please?'

'can you let me past I need the toilet'

'would you mind using the outside walkway - just through that door............... no, come back, only kidding...'

and the classic 'when you have a spare moment...' as if.

[Pandora]

A friend of mine on a Delhi flight was asked by a passenger if any of the CC could give her a sanitary product because she had been, ahem, taken by surprise. She was a bit embarrassed so asked if my friend could be discrete. My friend returned with tampon in a sick bag. the Indian man beside asked why she was getting a present and he wasn't. My friend tried to explain that it wasn't a present, and besides, it was something only useful to ladies. This man was not going to take no for an answer, ans said, 'Well, whatever it is, my wife wants one, then.' My friend duly presented Mrs stupid pax with a tampon in a sick bag. The poor wife's reply was not recorded for posterity. :D

[Tomb Raider]

True story happened to me on flt back from DFW to London.Standing in galley chatting to Large Texan gentleman,complete with cowboy hat and boots,when a rather meek looking guy peered round the corner,looking a bit pale.He sheepishly asks if I could tell him where the SICK BAY is as he's not feeling too well........?
Before I had time to open my mouth,Cowboy man,who is part way through his 6th JD and coke, BARKS at him....."Jesus man,whaddya think this is...the goddam Starship Enterprise?"

I didn't know where to look,meek man looked at me for reassurance,Cowboy glared at him,I tried to keep straight face!!
I did eventually attend to meek man,after wiping tears from face.
Could'nt have said it any better though....may use that one again at some point?

[Wonderworld]

Now can us poor pax get back at you lot!!!!
Qantas flight atttendant in business class MELSYD.
Me: I'd like some more red wine please.
Female FA: Sure I'll be right back with it.
Said FA comes back with the bottle of wine and tries to pour it into my glass. She stands there wondering why nothing is coming out until I told her I think you actually have to remove the cork first.
I then noticed her driving beside me on Gen Holmes drive. I changed lanes to get out of her way.:p

[Who has control?]

I suppose the ultimate question would be:- 'Are you a Ppruner?'

[Tight Slot]

Had a good one last year, from MAN to TFS, two teenagers came up to the F/D. They both stood there silent for 3 or 4 minutes, looking bemused at all the instruments and switches, so i broke the ice and asked "Have you any questions?", to which I got the reply "er, yeah mate - is this your hat?!" Burke.

[PAXboy]

Another from our side. Also this is Continental, it was the OLD Continental, before they got sorted out.

1987, LAX to EWR an overnighter on a DC-10.

I was right at the back, last row by the galley. The CC was sorting out food trays and so forth, so I waited quietly and when she noticed me, I asked when I might get another drink?

She said, "Not now - I'm busy."

I have not travelled on Conti since!

[quilfaitbeau]

:p I was travelling from KUL to MUC last year and overheard a pax asking the F/A,"Excuse me, miss. What time will we be landing in Germany?"

Looking annoyed, she replied,"I'm sorry sir, but we are not going to Germany. We'll be landing in Munich!":rolleyes:

I couldn't help myself, but burst out laughing. Obviously she wasn't amused and glared at me.

Anyway, she stormed back to the galley and said to the rest of the crew,"You wouldn't believe what a pax just asked me!":eek: :D

[Meering]

This is turning into the revenge of the SLF!

I was also on a Continental flight, about 12 years ago, Denver to London. I had ordered a vegetarian meal and mentioned this to the stewardess. She went back to the galley and brought me a chicken salad. She genuinely didn't seem to understand why I couldn't eat it. She did take it away - and never returned. So I walked through to the First Class galley, explained what had happened and was told to help myself to cheeses. salads and fruit in there.

If the crew were all like the second stewardess I might have flown Continental again sometime, but they weren't and I haven't.

Meering

[flapsforty]

Reminds of a phrase well known by many FA's.
It is usually uttered with great indignation and it is imperative but ohhhhhhhh so very difficult to keep a straight face upon hearing it.

"Miss I refuse to eat this! Don't you know I'm a vegetable?"

:D

[Surly Bondslipper]

I believe that the world's least sophisticated pax are to be found on Haj charters - there are dire stories of people trying to brew up on spirit stoves on the floor, etc. (I think that a Saudi jet was downed by a fire from this cause.)

Years ago ago Pan Am did some of these grim charters, and a crew member told me that she has seen a man standing on the seat, mouth pressed to the air blower, shouting 'Coca Cola please!' apparently under the impression that it was some kind of voicepipe...:(

[radeng]

I asked a question the other week, and wondered afterwards if it was stupid enough to appear here:

me: Do winglets have any effect on wake vortexes?
CSD: Not really, they just push the wing tip vortexes a bit further out and reduce drag.

Talking later to one of the FA's and mentioned that I could just remember BEA flying DC3's. She asks 'What's a DC3? I've heard of a DC10, was there one before that?'

[timmcat]

Thanks all for the replies... on behalf of all SLF can I apologise sincerely for our ignorance, rudeness, crass stupidity and general misuse of grey matter whilst you are attempting to do your job.

Tim.

[pulse1]

Hey, timmcat, you looking for an upgrade? ;) ;)

[paulo]

Tomb Raider, oh joy - my colleagues here in the office are wondering why I'm crying!!!!

:D :D :D

[Red Wine]

Master Trimmcat.........the only problem you seem to have forgotten is that very informed, educated, intelligent, and extremely well compensated passengers also read these forums......I learnt early in life,...never bite the hands that feeds you......a lesson you may have missed.......

And don't spill my wine next time.........

[Amelia_Flashtart]

I suppose "stupid" questions are all a matter of perspective and depend on the general knowledge of the individual, and their knowledge of professions and world affairs outside their own "world".

I frequently travel from Australia to Asia and on a recent flight to Indonesia the F/A serving my meal commented that they had seen me a number of times on flights they were on headed to Malaysia and Indonesia, and then asked if my frequent trips were for business or pleasure. I replied that they were business trips.

The F/A then asked what sort of work I did and whether I was based in Australia or overseas. I replied that I was based in Australia and that I was a consultant working on World Bank projects.

The F/A then asked where in Australia were the World Bank branches situated as they had never seen one, and then asked if it was the overseas division of one of Australia's major banks.

I must admit I was more than a little amazed as I was flying on QF, not a third world airline.

[timmcat]

Red Wine, I take your point, but I must stress that I am but a mere pax myself, and not employed in the aviation industry. I have the utmost respect for FA's, and started the thread purely to see how many amusing incidents were out there, and to provide the oppertunity for crew to share them with us. Once again, thanks to all who responded.

[Xenia]

Looks like someone got offended here....
Remember what Squid have been patiently teaching us... play the ball, not the player! http://www.stopstart.btinternet.co.uk/sm/mcqueen.gif

[Cart_tart]

Hey Redwine....
we've got the hands that feed you when you're in the sky!!! :p ;) :D

EVERYONE say's stupid things from time to time. I've said ridiculous things to pax on occasion and cringed the second it came out of my mouth.
Surely in whatever profession you work fellow employee's and/or customers have said some pretty hilarious things.

I don't think this thread is here to insult passengers, just to share a funny side of our job with fellow cabin crew. Perhaps you should start a thread in SLF about the silliest thing a f/a has said to you?!

So sweetheart, lighten up and go back and re-read them for the humour that's in them and stop taking it so personally! :D


Hi Cart_tart, sorry to invade your post. Just wanted to say that the thread "Most Stupid question from a Steward(ess)" is up and running in JB

Xenia

[RadioFlyer]

I recall once as we were rolling down a particularly bumpy taxiway after landing, a lady ran up the aisle to the loo that was beside my crewseat. I gave her the requisite "Madam, you must return to your seat until we have reached the gate ..." but she said she really had to go. What to do, right? So I told her to make it quick and to take care steadying herself in there. As soon as she was done and had opened the door, I told her, "Now quickly, sit down please!"

"Okay," she said agreeably ... then promptly went back inside the loo, shutting the door! :confused: I was dumbfounded, as were the passengers sitting around the area. As she did not lock the toilet door, I stood up, pushed it open, and found her, fully dressed of course, sitting very obediently on the closed toilet seat, hands folded on her lap. :eek:

I tried very hard to keep a straight face as I gently clarified my request. Don't think I succeeded, though! :D

[vdd]

RadioFlyer

Your story is sooo cute! At least you handled it very well.

Not all pax are awful and sometimes these little mishaps occur because most people don't get the chance to fly most days of the week like an F/A and therefore don't know aircraft procedures very well, if at all.:)

[Karmekaze]

Pax once asked for some 'Pen-nis' & 'Cock'. I guess he meant Peanuts and Coke.

[Capt Claret]

Surly Bondslipper,

If I'm thinking of the same Saudi incident that you mention, the fire was fuelled by a hydraulic leak in one of the cargo compartments of an L1011.

I believe the senior F/A kept pressing the Captian for instructions on post landing actions (i.e. evacuate). She was unable to get a propper response and after landing the aircraft taxied to the far side of the airport, by which time all on board had asphyxiated. :(

[Red Wine]

Dear Tart_Cart.........

Dear Sweetie.........gggggrrrrrr.....

I can assure you I am very very light............you bring a smile to my face.....perhaps I have seen you around the traps.........please take no offence [spelt the Aussie way]......having a Red as we speak......take care mate..........:p

[boeingbabeborntofly]

it's true they definately check their brains into the hold along with their luggage!!

stewardess;"ham, cheese or tuna?"
pax; "chicken"
don't they just always want what they can't have.

"how high will we be flying?"
"high enough!"

"what's cheese and onion?"

"would you like ice?"
american pax replies;"what's ice?"

:eek: :rolleyes:

[RevMan2]

Less of a "Stupid request from a passenger" than a "Dumb comment from an FA": NRT-ANC back in the early 80's when an FA asked how many pax were disembarking. (Zero - tech stop) "Well, why don't we fly straight through to FRA, then?"

[cabinslave]

Passenger asked me what time we were landing, told him on schedule, replied what time is that then? im sure if it was delayed he would have known. It was a long day...:rolleyes:

[GalleyBoi]

Nice little domestic, loads of families on board on their way to connecting flights to take them to exotic destinations.
Push Back came and I took my demo postion by the divider. Flight was full and for a change all and sundry eyes glued to my every move.
On the homestretch nowand had my lifejacket on, slight pause as the purser wait while the double bow was completed and beside me this little voice speaks up......
" Daddy, is the man going swimming?"
To say that I found it very difficult to hold my composure is an understatement but the fact that the whole aircraft heard what this little boy said and subsequent laughter actually made it a very memorable flight!:cool:

[Miss N]

I had a passenger ask me for a cafe latte once

[christep]

Miss N,

What's wrong with that? If you were doing First Class on one of the better airlines that is perfectly OK...

I remember that Ansett (your old home I see from your profile) was the first airline that asked me how I would like my steak done in their Business/First so a request for a latte wouldn't have seemed unreasonable.

[invalid entry]

A friend of mine who is a steward and is a little camp in his mannerisms told me this once:
It as an icy day and the plane was delayed for de-icing. It seems there was a long line of a/c waiting for de-icing and it was taking a while. One lady passenger got upset and said to my friend.
'Oh why is it taking so long'
He replied 'I'm sorry madam, but there are many other a/c waiting too. If I had a magic wand I would wave it and make the ice disappear'
To which she said 'Well you're a big enough fairy!'

[invalid entry]

The Nigerians have a lovely habit of asking for
Cock with arse in it.
(Well that's how they say it anyway!)

[may]

When going to CGN a pax asked if we could stop in DUS for him to get off because 30 min before landing, he decided that it was DUS he wanted to go and not CGN!

[Fokkerboy]

We had a pilgrim passenger once on a 747 carrying around 500 desperate souls asking if we coould please open the door while flying over Mecca to disperse the ashes of his father. He said he realized that the A/C was pressurised but asked politely if we could do a low pass to be able to crank open the door.
I think there might be some buisness in doing this....:mad:

[Brown eyes]

Pilot makes a PA halfway through the flight telling pax that we would be arriving at our destination 30 mins early. The pax then asks me if he could possibly slow down a bit so he does not have to wait ages on his lift home!!!!