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briteandbreezy
31st Mar 2002, 18:35
COURSE 001 Combating Stupidity

COURSE 002 You Too Can Do Housework

COURSE 003 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

COURSE 004 How To Fill An Ice Tray

COURSE 005 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas

COURSE 006 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly - Don't Wash My Silks)

COURSE 007 Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming Home At 4 AM

COURSE 008 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception

COURSE 009 Get A Life: Learn To Cook

COURSE 010 How Not To Act Like A Complete D*ckhead When You Are Obviously Wrong

COURSE 011 Understanding Your Incompetence

COURSE 012 YOU: The Weaker Sex

COURSE 013 Reasons To Give Flowers

COURSE 014 How To Stay Awake After Sex

COURSE 015 SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It If You
Really Try

COURSE 016 SEX 102: Morning Dilemma - If IT's Awake, Take A Shower

COURSE 017 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

COURSE 018 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

COURSE 019 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

COURSE 020 You Too Can Be A Designated Driver

COURSE 021 Honest - You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson - Especially Naked

COURSE 022 The Obtainable Goal: Omitting [email protected]? From Your Vocabulary

COURSE 023 Patronizing Does NOT Work

COURSE 024 Motel 6 Doesn't Always Keep The Light On

COURSE 025 Real Men Ask For Directions



FOR COUNSELLING
CALL
1-CHA-UVI-NIST



Sorry guys.... but I just loved this one!!!!! hahaha
(Well.... I would... wouldn't I???? :p )

Hot 'n' High
31st Mar 2002, 18:45
I've still not got past Course 001 yet. Damn, this getting the hang of "life" thing is harder than it first appears.

Answer? MORE BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Maybe that's why I keep failing the course? If I stopped drinking so much, would I pass? If so, would I do OK on Course 002? If that were......

Ah, s*d it! Who cares? MORE BEER!!!!!!!!!:D :D :D

briteandbreezy
31st Mar 2002, 18:49
:p <<<Hands Hot'n'High a beer.... and suggests he starts on 'COURSE 002'>>> :p

Hot 'n' High
31st Mar 2002, 19:09
Cheers briteandbreezy!!! Mmmmmm! A lovely pint that! Just what I needed!!:D :D :D

Now, what's this "Housework" thingy? Is it fun? Can two play at once? Will I have to get up from in front of the TV? Can I bring my Beer with me?

Oooooh, this is exciting! I never thought I'd get past Course 001!!!! ;)

flapsforty
31st Mar 2002, 19:18
B&B I'm feeling both suicidal and inclined to commit murder at random on a largish scale due to a slight case of PMS at the moment.
Cruelty to animals and putting rat-poison in mother-in-laws dinner also look attractive, selling my kids into white slavery seems a wonderful way of dealing with them, and if Mr40 so much as looks at me tonight.......... :mad:

Your list of courses put a much needed grin on my face. Thank you mate! :D

Chickenhawk66
31st Mar 2002, 19:31
I remember an ex asking me, while she was in the shower prior to quite a big night out, if I would run an iron quickly over a very slinky looking skirt. Thoughtfully, ironing board had been assembled (though I can do that bit) and skirt spread out.
No problem...allowed iron to warm up to very conservative temp. Brought iron in contact with skirt so lightly it was like the touch of an angel's wing, for so brief a time no stopwatch could have measure it. The instant and I mean instant result was a puff of smoke and a perfect iron shaped hole.

http://216.40.198.77/mysmilies/s/contrib/ed/shocked.gif

Didn't get asked to do any more.

briteandbreezy
31st Mar 2002, 23:08
Awwwwwww Flapsforty....


glad to make ya smile when ya most need to :)


I'm sure I'll find summat else to wind 'em all up with veryyyyy soooooon..... watch this space :D





Chickenhawke.....

Your story reminds me of the time when I first started living with my daughter's father. After spending all day trying to sort through the mounds of stuff I had to unpack after we'd moved into our new house, he strolled in from work (if you could call it that!)... announced he was going 'out on the razz' and asked me to iron his shirt!! Well... me being 'me' (and not some feminist kinda girlie :rolleyes: haha) I plugged the iron in, pressed it perfectly and hung it up on a coathanger!!

After he'd had a bath and stuff, he started to get ready (whilst I carried on unpacking!!) ....and next thing wandered into the kitchen and plugged the iron back in!!!! I asked what the problem was,.... to which he replied... "You haven't ironed this shirt properly... I'll do it myself!" :mad:

I thought he was kiddin'..... but when he laid the shirt back on the ironing board.... I realised he wasn't!!!!!!!! I knew it was perfectly pressed and at that very moment I told him .... "If you re-iron that shirt... I'll NEVER iron another thing for ya!!!"

He proceeded to iron it...... and guess what!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahaha..... for the next 12 years he wished he'd never opened his mouth!!!!!! :D ;)

Feeton Terrafirma
1st Apr 2002, 01:05
Gezzz ya know there is times when I is plane glad that I is not good eduacated propper youse know.

But if Ms Breezy was to take me in hand.......

I Am Ugly
1st Apr 2002, 09:57
Perhaps while the men attend, the women could make there way to some women only seminars:

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can
Wait Until After the Match.

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet
Too.

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.

Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without
Nagging.

Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.

Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

Introduction to Parking.

Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

Water retention: Fact or Fat.

Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.

Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.

Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

PMS: Your Problem... Not His.

Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.

Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.

Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.

Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.

Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.

Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the
first time)

Learning to Go in Public Lavs.

"Do I look big in this ?" - Why Men Lie.

TV Remotes: For Men Only.

RW-1
1st Apr 2002, 19:48
It has come to my attention that a few males out there still are not able to get some on occasion.

Now after reading this thread, it may be chauvinistic qualities in work, however I feel that some out there have not been properly trained in what one can do with a woman.

For those who may feel that way, a handy guide is forthwith presented for your use:

http://www.dynamicflight.com/dl/femaleanatomy.jpg



Women please note: RW-1 does not indicate that these are the only uses of women out there. I like to wine and dine them, spend time with them, talk to them, listen to them as well, etc.
:rolleyes:

Paterbrat
1st Apr 2002, 19:55
I Am Ugly, that was brilliant. I feel most refreshed even if my sides are aching a bit.:D :D :D

briteandbreezy
2nd Apr 2002, 00:18
I Am Ugly....


...... that's sooooo funny!!!!!!!

I can't stop laffin!!!

His razor isn't his tho....... it's 'OURS'!!!!!!!!! hahahaha :p



Feeton....


....... behave ya'self man..... ya makin' me blush!!!!!!!! :o

radeng
2nd Apr 2002, 09:34
So we had the outlaws coming for Easter.........on Friday, Mrs Radeng starts cleaning house. Radeng decides to do his bit and starts cleaning bathroom. Notices lavatory not flushing well, investigation shows outside drains filling up. Two hours spent with manhole covers removed and rods down drains. Radeng subsequently claims that this is part of bathroom cleaning, and Mrs Radeng says that she wouldn't know where to start rodding drains.

Radeng claim is that he should get credit for bathroom cleaning.

As well as for being the cook....Mrs Radeng syas that she doesn't see why she should keep a dog and bark herself.

briteandbreezy
2nd Apr 2002, 11:52
In that case Radeng....



.... can we safely exclude you from COURSE 009? :p

Shore Guy
2nd Apr 2002, 17:36
"If a man walks in the woods and speaks........

and there is not a woman to hear.......

Is he still wrong?"

briteandbreezy
2nd Apr 2002, 18:02
SHORE GUY......


... I heard that!!!!!!!! :eek:








(and.... Yes he 'is'!!! :D )