View Full Version : Deprived of fulfilling my destiny - what next ?

18th May 2012, 17:49
While driving home from lunch this evening at 18:00 I was persistantly tailgated by a white van. I made appropriate gestures with my hand indicating that i would like to stop and discuss the situation at the side of the road, but after slowing and looking at my face the driver sped off. Is there no chivalry left on the face of the planet ? They will be outlawing fornication next, you mark my words.

18th May 2012, 17:51
Didn't he realise you are a royal personage?

Ancient Observer
18th May 2012, 18:09
You need a bigger Crown painted on the side of your motor vehicle.

A real manana lunch?

18th May 2012, 18:37
What hand gestures did you use exactly? Some aren't as universal as you think - for all you know you may have inadvertently signalled to the chap that have doubts regarding his parentage or that you wish to change his gender with extreme prejudice.

18th May 2012, 20:06
I'm really glad I don't drive

18th May 2012, 21:13
you were wearing your Pprune baseball cap huh !

Milo Minderbinder
18th May 2012, 21:32
shouldn't the title really be that you were "deprived of fulfilling HIS due destiny"???

18th May 2012, 21:45
The gesture I made had certain similarities with that of a proctologist examining his primary investigative digit after a rectal examination, but without the facial expression of nausea.

It could also have been interpreted as indicative of the total of how many euro coins remain in the banks of Athens tonight...

Milo Minderbinder
18th May 2012, 22:04
"driving home from lunch this evening at 18:00"

Just how long was lunch???

18th May 2012, 22:06
Aren't you chauffeur driven?

Ascend Charlie
19th May 2012, 02:25
Maybe he thought your face looked like somebody had already punched it, so he didn't need to add to it?:}

19th May 2012, 07:20
Milo, five hours. It was a birthday celebration, those attending who had a job left early to go back to the office, us pensioners stayed on.

At least half the pensioners present are also members of the local Fitness Club and made provision during that morning's exercise for the extra calory intake.

Windy Militant
19th May 2012, 10:42
Perhaps if you'd have waved your foot at him...................;)

19th May 2012, 12:25
What really entertains is when you get a bit of in incline, the steeper the better, to deal with white van tailgaters or even better an articulated lorry.

Subtly and gently dip the clutch and pull the handbrake until you come to a slow gradual stop, this doesn't illuminate the brake lights so you can't be accused of a "brake test". Open window, extend middle digit and scream away. Watch in absolute fits of laughter bordering on agony as white van man proves the 0-60 time of his fully loaded chariot is about 30 seconds. Even more effective on a fully loaded artic, watch as the driver has to go up through 16 or so gears.

Just make sure you're getaway is assured. If you get caught at the next set of traffic lights you can expect some severe road rage.

19th May 2012, 13:21
In these situations I find it appropriate to practice some Sudden Emergency Braking, just to check your brakes are still working and up to scratch.

If done properly it will either result in the person behind you sharting their pants and/or them running into you from behind and therefore them having to pay for the Insurance!! Not sure if its the same over there as it is in Oz, but quite simply if you hit someone else from behind then you're automatically responsible for being stupid enough to either tailgate or not leave an appropriate distance!!

19th May 2012, 15:14
I usually just pull a Maverick (obscure Top Gun reference).

After making sure the other lane is clear (presuming it is two lanes each direction), make an abrupt lane change and decelerate quickly. Generally results in a little confusion on the tailgater's part as they think you are dodging something. That complete, they are in front of you and can go on their merrily way.

I've done the brake check thing before, but it's really not worth it as there is a downside if they hit you; all that explaining to do. Not that it happened, but that would be my suspicion.

19th May 2012, 15:16
Except, Ixixly, your wagon is then kinda "restyled" and would be off the road for a while for repairs (or you are "carless" until the insurance pays out). Not exactly convenient.

I prefer ye olde "Left Foot Braking" technique where you put just enough pressure on the middle pedal with your left foot whilst keeping right foot in the same position. Done properly, your brake lights get him straight in the eye, he slams the anchors on and you pootle off into the distance because you haven't actually slowed down at all. They get the message eventually, "back off because the next one will be real braking".

19th May 2012, 15:37
When I drove a 3 litre bakkie (used for towing a glider) it had a fat towhook on the back, which projected out ... shall we just say a tad further than necessary. Just enough to put a hole through the radiator of anyone unfortunate enough to be following too closely if I slowed down.

What really entertains is when you get a bit of in incline, the steeper the better, to deal with white van tailgaters or even better an articulated lorry.

Articulated lorries are usually driven by professionals who don't tailgate, and I have a lot of respect for them. White vans and Renault Clios on the other hand, they're fair game.

19th May 2012, 15:45
Articulated lorries are usually driven by professionals who don't tailgate, and I have a lot of respect for them. White vans and Renault Clios on the other hand, they're fair game.

They do slipstream though, giving the impression of tailgaiting (done it meself when driving cars, vans and 3.5t/7.5t "box" shaped wagons. Every bit counts when driving an underpowered Merc 3.5t box truck to Paris!).

Some truck drivers, however, do not seem to be as "professional" as the could be, and I ain't singling out drivers from one country because I see the same sort of driving from trucks with all different styles of number plate.

Doctor Cruces
19th May 2012, 18:09
Just like Hellsbrink what I normally do in that situation is keep my foot on the accelerator and GENTLY rest the other on the brake pedal. This is just enough to make the brake lights come on but not slow the car. The effect is usually quite remarkable!!


Doc C ;);)

19th May 2012, 18:14
And when the sight of the lights coming on don't work, try "pumping" with such light pressure on the pedal so the brake lights start flashing. Make sure you're looking in the mirror whilst doing this. If you're lucky, you'll see the look on his face.

An alternative, when road conditions allow, is accelerating a bit whilst brake lights are on. You get your distance back.

Doctor Cruces
19th May 2012, 21:40
My other favourite, and this only works if the twit is a little farther away, is to just take my foot off the accelerator all together and see the panic when the white van man realises he is catching up very quickly!!

Admittedly, not as much fun as seeing the front of the van violently dip when one lights up the brakes, but still worthwhile.


Mr Chips
19th May 2012, 21:47
Interestingly i got cut up by a driver on a roundabout today. Despite the fact that I was hugging the roundabout, he came across my nose and claimed that I had done something wrong, and then took the next junction off on the left therefore had been in totally the wrong lane all the way round.

Interestingly he was in a car, I was driving a white van. Please don't assume all white van drivers can't drive, car drivers tend to be worse and don't have the same blind spots that we have

20th May 2012, 13:35
Hellsbrink, my insurance is great, it provides me with a free rental car whilst i'm waiting for the repairs to be done, all good :D