View Full Version : Life as a pilot

8th May 2012, 14:31
Subject: Life of a Pilot

22 years old: Graduated from college. Go to military flight school. Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get married.
25 years old: Have 1st kid. Now hot shot fighter jock getting shot at in war. Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war again.
29 years old: Get back from war all tuckered out. Wants out of military.
30 years old: Join airline. World is your oyster.
31 years old: Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the military poverty feeling.
32 years old: Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for 2nd wife.
33 years old: Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun. Repeat above for a few more years.
35 years old: Airline recall. More screwing around but looking forward to a good marriage and settling down.
36 years old: Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant.
37 years old: Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife.
38 years old: Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again. Wife concerned about “risky” military Reserve flying so you resign commission.
39 years old: Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small single engine airplane and even flashier cars.
42 years old: 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but still wants to share house (100%).
43 years old: Settle with wife #2 and resolve to stay away from women forever. Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air conditioners.
44 years old: Company resizes and you’re returned to copilot status. 25% pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay.
49 years old: Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment with central air conditioning.
50 years old: Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves you and says you are very “beeeeg!”
51 years old: Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house, boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.
52 years old: Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy.
54 years old: Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she’s pregnant. She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident; sorry, won’t happen again.
55 years old: Father of triplets.
56 years old: Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat and very flashy cars, “worried” about your private flying and wants you to sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and join motorcycle club.
57 years old: Make rash investments to try and have enough money for retirement.
59 years old: Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS. You have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2.
60 years old: Wife #3 (sexy model) says you’re too damned old and no fun. She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You’re forced to retire due to Age 60 rule. No money left.
61 years old: Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727 freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int’l. You have interesting” Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you’ve ever flown DC-3′s.
65 years old: Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Don’t look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim in every god-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can find cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines.
70 years old: Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crewmember goes off at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face. Happy at last! :D

9th May 2012, 00:11
And the moral of the story is.......................................

If it floats, flies or f**nicates.....................................

RENT IT :ok:

9th May 2012, 05:41
Actually I thought it was get a Vasectomy at age 18 and never get married...

Worrals in the wilds
9th May 2012, 05:58
And the moral of the story is.......................................
Tie a knot in it. :E

For all that, it sounds a lot more exhilerating than some of the alternatives, such as;
1. Join public service.
2. Get married.
3. Retire.
4. Die.

9th May 2012, 06:11
Sounds like a damm good life. Enviable even. If he was better at handling his personal life. It would be perfect. My rule: If the first marriage doesn't work out. Don't make that mistake again.

9th May 2012, 06:20
corsair, you miss the most important point in the saga: -

Q:Why do men call their penis their 'Willy'?

A: Because it's only right that a man should be on a first name basis with the entity that makes all the important decisions in his life.

9th May 2012, 06:41
Yes a pilot's life is ruled by his dong (esp if its beeeeg), but
in truth is there any actual profession where it doesn't? :confused:

9th May 2012, 06:51
is there any actual profession where it doesn't? http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/confused.gif

Eunichs who guard the harem?:{

9th May 2012, 08:31
1. Join public service.
2. Get married.
3. Retire.
4. Die.

Bit harsh there, WITW. How about:
1. Join public service
2. Get married
3. Complete electronics degree and travel all over the planet commissioning stuff you've designed
4. Live dunnunda, expanding family
5. Return, complete maths degree and switch to software
6. Travel all over &c, getting promoted regularly
7. Switch to international project management, travel all over &c
8. Take the money and run
9. Take retirement job, spend too much time ppruning
10. Die eventually

Worrals in the wilds
9th May 2012, 09:25
That sounds awesome.
As you know, there are people in the public service who do amazing stuff (usually once they leave :rolleyes:), people who attain impressive titles, fancy offices and feather large nests with river views despite an outstanding lack of ability :hmm:, and people who manage my former timeline and find even that's a bit of a struggle. Looks like you are in the first category. :ok:

From one former public servant to another ;).