The 1 Gp Dining In Night at Waddington

[Schadenfreude]

With all the moaning and groaning that Pprune attracts, perhaps it’s time for a thread that might raise a few laughs and stir a few memories.

Back in the early 70’s, when Happy Hours reached that stage of the evening when all the tales of airborne derring-do had been exhausted, the bar talk often switched over to the ‘legendary’ 1 Group Dining –In Night. Those who had attended had a fund of stories, and even those that never made the function often repeated stories they had been told by those who had attended of ‘events’ that occurred. All of the following is hearsay, based on bar talk many years ago after numerous beers on all sides - I can make no guarantee whatsoever for the accuracy of any of the detail. Anyway, from what I can remember of the ‘tall’ tales, events went something like this:

It was the height of the ‘V’ force and a misguided AOC 1 Group decided it would be an outstanding idea to have a 1 Group Dining-In Night at Waddington to which as many V force aircrew as possible would be ‘invited’ to attend. This function would celebrate the success of the V Force and allow the AOC to wallow in the unadulterated praise of his troops and amass bags of smartie points with the wheels from HQ Bomber Command and MOD. Given the size of the V Force in those days the numbers involved were huge and so a special working group was set up well in advance to organise the whole event and ensure everything went with ‘military precision’.

As the great day approached, the area surrounding the Officers Mess at Waddington was transformed by a vast series of interconnected marquees in which the dinner would be held. A vast ‘Op Order’ was duly dispatched to all the V Bomber units, giving everyone the fine detail of the great event. This detail even included the times for all the coaches to leave the units, ensuring they all eventually arrived at approximately the same time.

The great day dawned and the blokes, given this early example of excessive micro-management, had decided to make some alternative refreshment arrangements for the coach journeys to ensure nobody suffered from dehydration during the journey to Waddington. So at the appointed time the coaches filled up and everyone began to get stuck into the beer crates that had been stacked on board. Also, emotions were running high in the V Force at the time, particularly as far as the rear crew were concerned. The designers of the V Bombers had decided not to provide the rear crew with ejector seats. The folly of this decision was starting to be felt following the crash of a Vulcan at Heathrow as it attempted to land after a world tour. The two pilots managed to eject, but the 3 crew in the rear died. The actual co-pilot was one of those who died in the back. One of the pilots who survived was a WW2 hero who was now a 3* and, as AOC Bomber Command, had decided to join the crew for the final leg. The 3* was attending the dinner as the Guest of Honour – all of the highly combustible elements were in place.

At 1930hrs the coaches began to arrive at Waddington with most of the occupants already ‘tired and emotional’ after the journey. Pre-dinner drinks only exacerbated an already volatile situation. Eventually everyone was summoned into this vast marquee, grace was said and the dinner began. From that point on things went downhill at an ever-accelerating pace. The sound system was an early victim of sabotage. The marquee itself was so vast that many of the legs could barely see the top table and, with no audible direction from on high, decided to take events into their own hands. Food was largely ignored as more and more wine, beer and spirits that had been smuggled in were consumed. Before long various altercations broke out between squadrons or individuals as old scores were settled. The stakes were soon raised as individuals began seeing who dared sabotage the most supporting elements of the marquee, interfering with the activities of some other sports enthusiasts who had begun sliding down the outside.

The top table did their best to regain control of events, but the sheer scale of the function meant that, rather like a forest fire, as soon as one element was damped down, the fire would suddenly spring up elsewhere. It was decided to curtail the event as rapidly as possible with a rousing speech from the 3*, however, the sight of him rising to his feet was the final straw and complete bedlam broke out as food and various other items flew in the direction of the top table. A general food fight ensued. It was at this point that certain individuals cut the final supporting ropes on parts of the marquee. By common consent it was decided that the dinner was over and everyone began attempting to exit the marquee with more elements of it collapsing all the time.

Outside some enterprising wags had made an early exit. Making the most productive use of their time, they had found a fire hose, looped it through as many coaches as possible and waited in ambush. As people began streaming out of the collapsing marquee, the fire hose was turned on and aimed in their general direction. However, powerful fire hoses develop a mind of their own and as their prank had had the desired initial effect, the wags decided it was best to leg it. Free of any restraint whatsoever, the abandoned fire hose then proceeded to lash around in every direction, despite the best efforts of one or two game career officers who made valiant, but ultimately self-defeating, efforts to bring it under control. Little did they know that the resourceful and intelligent wags had also gone to the trouble of sabotaging the water control after they had turned the hose on. Eventually, after all sorts of mayhem, everyone dispersed back onto the coaches and disappeared off into the night, including a large group of wet and very p***ed off VIPs.

Retribution was required and heads must roll following such a fiasco. But the sheer scale of events, the numbers involved and the difficulty of identifying individual culprits, created unique difficulties. Finally it was decided that all those that attended would have a hat on, stand-up bollicking from their Stn Cdr, regardless of their involvement in certain activities or otherwise. The bollickings were duly administered and recorded in their next F1369. Since this historic function, the RAF has attempted to draw a discrete veil over the events that occurred that night at Waddington. You might find a slight reference to it in the odd book on the V Force, but nothing of substance - perhaps understandably. No doubt someone was ordered to conduct a enquiry and all the gory details must be in an aging file, gathering dust in the bowels of Main Building – most likely it’s already been shredded.

Well, that’s what I remember hearing from various sources about the 1 Gp Dining-In Night. Out there somewhere there must be Pprune readers who actually attended the event and can add their personal experiences of what happened. I know it’s not directly about flying as such, but it is a part of RAF History and it, and other ‘exuberant’ events that got out of hand, should be recorded for posterity and the amusement of others - provided no names are used. I also remember hearing stories about an Officers Mess in the Middle East that was actually burnt down following a rather over-exuberant Dining-In Night. The Stn Cdr, a distinguished Irishman of great renown, simply told the Mess Manager to charge the cost to his Mess Bill – but perhaps that’s another thread for the future. What chance another 1 Group Dining-In Night? – I think not!

[Nil nos tremefacit]

Judging by some of the other threads, better make the next one quick or the 1 Gp Dining-In night might turn out to be a four for bridge!

[ChristopherRobin]

Brilliant story mate - now that's cheered me up!

------------------
Christopher Robin

[BEagle]

And it's all true!! Mates of mine in my early days on the V-farce used to talk about it in hushed whispers. It kept Plod of the SIB busy for ages, as all these villains had very high security clearances. The 3* was apparently told to 'sit down you f*cking murderer' - even though the Vulcan crash at London Airport was NOT his fault. When the buses (some of which had been driving around in holding patterns on the A1) arrived, as the door of one opened a body fell out into the flower bed at Waddington and threw up. Certain WRAFs were also 'involved' on billiard tables and the ante-room sofa, it would seem........allegedly!!
In more recent days - who remembers Bastard Bill and the 29(F) 'pink rabbit' dining-in night affair at Coningsby in the early 1980s??

[Jackonicko]

Tell us more!

[Jensen]

...or the 55 Sqn 'let's saw a table in half' dining-in night.

[Cornish Jack]

BEagle
Interesting thought that the 3* was not responsible for the H/R crash. Perhaps one might enquire why an inadequately equipped aircraft was attempting to land at a civilian airfield in marginal conditions when there were perfectly suitable alternative military airfields? - A desire for PR maybe? - No, of course a 3* would never insist on a crew doing something so crassly stupid just for publicity purposes would he?..

Just recently looking at my photo of said Vulcan taxying out for departure from Khormaksar = probably the last photo taken before it's demise.

[Schadenfreude]

Beagle

Glad to hear that my memory of the stories I heard all those years ago was essentially correct. The strange thing was that, because the Marquee was so vast and the numbers attending so huge, some people who were there missed out on most of the action and afterwards couldn't see what all the fuss was about. A bit rowdy perhaps but, according to them, nothing really out of the ordinary compared to other Dining-In Nights of that era. Other guys who were heavily involved in the 'activity' told completely different tales of general mayhem and drunken debauchery - it all depended where you were sitting.

With regards to the Vulcan crash at Heathrow, I had no intention of starting a debate on events that occurred over 40 years ago, rather my intention in mentioning the incident was to set the scene and explain why feelings were running so high.

With the greatest respect to the views of Cornish Jack, perhaps I should shed some further light on the incident and hopefully draw a line under the debate.

Firstly, my memory failed me and I was wrong to say that the 3* joined the crew for the final leg - he was with them from the outset. Here's roughly what happened:

Vulcan B1 XA897 was equipped with Green Satin, NBS, Blue Devil (T4 Bombsight), Gee Mk III, Marconi Radio Compass, Radio Altimeter, Air Mileage Unit, Periscope Sextant Mk II and ILS. The Aircraft departed Boscombe Down on 9 Sep 56 on Op Tasman Flight with a Sqn Ldr as Ac Capt, the 3*, 3 other Sqn Ldrs (one was also a fully qualified pilot) and an Avro rep. The aircraft routed via Aden, Singapore, Melbourne, and Adelaide to Christchurch in New Zealand. After appearing at various flying events, the aircraft routed back to UK via Brisbane, Darwin, Singapore, Ceylon and Aden. The aircraft left Aden on 1 Oct 56 for the final leg to UK. The plan was always for the aircraft to land at Heathrow where a VIP party would welcome the crew. As the aircraft began the approach the weather at Heathrow was about 1,100 yards visibility with 8/8ths cloud at 700 feet and 2/8ths cloud at 300 feet. The 3* left the decision whether or not to attempt a landing up to the Captain - the nominated diversion was Waddington where the weather was much better. The aircraft commenced a GCA approach - I don't think Heathrow was actually equipped with ILS in those days, but I may be wrong. The Captain had decided on a DH of 300 feet (1 mile). The talkdown provided by the GCA controller probably wasn't particularly good - he was probably more used to piston engined airliners and the speed of the Vulcan on final approach might well have caused in him problems, who knows. Either way, the final call from the controller was when the aircraft was at 3/4 of a mile from touchdown, when he notified the pilot that the aircraft was 80 feet above glidepath, in other words at the DH of 300 feet.

The aircraft struck the ground 1988 feet short of the runway and 250 feet North of the centre line taking off most of the undercarriage and severing most of the flying controls. The plane got airborne briefly, allowing the pilots to bang-out at 800 feet, but sadly giving insufficient time for the rear crew to exit through the door - the plane would have been to low for them to have had much chance of deploying a chute anyway. I think the presence of the 3* in the right hand seat, with all the additional pressure that entails, was cause for considerable comment - particularly as a more experienced pilot was in the back, but officially nothing more than that.

The RAF Court of Enquiry blamed the Heathrow GCA controller saying ' the failure of the controller to warn the captain that he was going below the glidepath was the principle cause of the accident'. A subsequent civil enquiry also determined that there was 'an error of judgement on the part of the pilot in selecting a break-off height of 300 feet and in going below it'. Readers may draw their own conclusions as to the actual cause. Either way the 3* is not in a position to defend himself, I saw his obit in 'The Daily Torygraph' some years back, and I suspect the Capt has also departed the fix. I think it best to let matters rest there. The above detail was obtained from 'V Bombers' by Tim Laming published by Patrick Stephens in 1997.

Anyway, back to the reply from Beagle. Bastard Bill and the 29(F) 'pink rabbit' Dining-In Night affair at Coningsby in the early 1980's. Was that the occasion when a demolition derby took place on the front lawn and was subsequently widely reported in the national papers? The 55 Sqn 'let's saw a table in half' Dining-In Night also sounds interesting -I think we need more details !!!!

[BEagle]

Cornish Jack - XA897 was adequately equipped, the aircraft was under GCA control and was being flown by the captain, not the 3*, for its approach to London Airport. However, a poor talkdown from an inexperienced controller unfamiliar with the higher approach speed of the Vulcan, the fact that this was the captain's first EVER full GCA in a Vulcan and an unknown total altimeter error of 200 ft which only came to light months later all contributed to the demise of the aircraft and the 4 other crew members including the other co-pilot who was on the 6th seat in the lower crew compartment. In the press release the other co-pilot was referred to as a 'navigator' to avoid adverse comment about there being another fully qualified Vulcan pilot onboard whilst the 3* (fully qualified on type) was in the co-pilot's seat. However, the scandal of not equipping the Vulcan rear crew with ejector seats continued throughout the rest of the aircraft's time in service.

Schadenfreude - no, Bastard Bill had gone by the time of the demolition derby. The 'pink rabbit' was actually a piglet in an OCU T-shirt which was tipped into the dining room through a window by the 29(F) team during the OCU boss's speech. The piglet was given a helping boot up the bum and went nuts, charging around the dining-room. The PMC then demanded that the piglet was apprehended and chaos ensued. Finally 29(F) were ordered out of the room - so they got stuck into a few beers in the ante-room. Bastard Bill demanded that the whole thing was kept quiet and threatened no mercy for anyone who squealed. Hence it was known as a 'pink rabbit' for the remainder of Bastard Bill's time at Coningsby!!

[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 08 June 2000).]

[Paul Wesson]

There was of course the table sawing Oktoberfest at Wildenrath when somebody lost a finger.

Then there was the occasion at Gutersloh when somebody deflated the bouncy castle at a Summer Ball - unfortunately the airborne officer leaping off the Feuhrer Balkon hit the ground hard.

We also had the 'pod' chopping incident on exercise at Marham. A 'disillusioned' Chief was detailed for ex purposes to do something dramatic. He took an axe to a pod on a Victor and tried to chop it in half! SEngO went apoplectic - the Chief had had a u/s end of life pod fitted before the ex, but SEngO was the last to know!

With regards to bang seats - no V-force rear crew had them. The only time I was involved in a real Mayday I was sitting on a 'whoopee' cushion in a Victor. The last few hundred feet were the most worrying - as said above, you need a fair bit of height to get out of the back of a V aircraft (1500' rings a bell).

[Jensen]

I wasn’t there, so any witnesses correct me if I’m incorrect, but this dining-in was at Marham during the ‘80s, when the resident units were 27 Sqn, 55 Sqn and 617 Sqn. You can imagine the constant rivalry/banter between the younger Tornado boys and the older and wiser Victor crews; rivalry which came to the fore at dining-in nights. On this occasion, as was usual, each sqn occupied its own leg to the top table, with the blunties occupying a 4th leg. As the evening went on, the banter and insults flew as they always did. Inevitably, the Tornado boys started shouting that all Victor crews were old/weak/knackered/past-it etc. In response 55 Sqn replied that anything the Tornado sqns could do, they could do better. Out of nowhere, 55 Sqn produced a lumberjack’s saw. This was one of the huge old-fashioned saws – the one’s that are 10 feet long, and need a person at each end. 55 Sqn cleared the mess table that they had been sitting around until a few seconds before, and started sawing the mess table in half!! With a couple of sweating Victor aircrew at each end of the saw, it was still hard work to saw through the big table, but with the rest of 55 Sqn behind them, and the astonished Tornado crews looking on, eventually the formerly-gleaming mess table fell to the floor in two pieces. After a short stunned silence, one of the Tornado sqns decided that it had to prove that it was of course still younger/stronger/quicker than 55 Sqn. So a couple of Tornado aircrew picked up the saw, and attacked their own mess table. By now the dining-room was in uproar. After a huge effort, they managed to cut up their own table in slightly less time than it had taken 55 Sqn. Next, the second Tornado sqn took the saw and cut its own table in half, again, in only a few seconds. So now the dining-room furniture had been almost demolished, with three of the finest mess tables lying on the carpet in pieces.
Of course, the next morning, the senior representative from the three sqns were summoned before the Stn Cdr, where inevitably they would each be presented with a large mess bill for one replacement table. Fair cop. Once inside the CO’s office, the 27 Sqn and 617 Sqn representatives looked at each other, and then they looked at the CO, and said “Why isn’t 55 Sqn here?” The CO replied “55 Sqn isn’t here because the table they destroyed last night didn’t belong to the Mess, it was a second-hand table that they had bought the week before.”

[Schadenfreude]

Jensen

Outstanding tale of old age, base cunning and utter trechery triumphing over youth. Wish I could have seen the look on their faces when the truth dawned. More tales of similar stunts would be appreciated.

[ShyTorque]

Reminds me of the story of an Oktoberfest in the 1980's at Gutersloh when a log-sawing contest was arranged in advance. The Harrier boys (3 & 4 sqns) were determined to win and so their teams were practising for days before. Come the night, they were raring to go except 230 sqn who appeared not to have organised a team at all. The moment came and suddenly over the sounds of the grunting and groaning of the jet jocks came the strident note of a high speed 2 stroke engined chainsaw....

------------------
Always wear a seat belt!

[Cornish Jack]

Thanks BEagle
Presumably that would be the same sort of C of E procedure which found the Wocca-Wocca drivers guilty of gross negligence?
Plus ca change!

[Paul Wesson]

Possibly apocryphal - the junior officers who painted a scrap Mini to look like the Sqn boss' Mini.

At dining-in night the 'men' removed the Wg Co's Mini and winched the scrap one on to the Mess roof. At an appropriate moment Wg Co was summoned by panicked Mess staff who took him outside to witness his Mini being thrown from the Mess roof by his drunken subordinates.

Flattered/disturbed by above 'sawing' stories as I served on both 55 and 230 Sqns. I, of course, would never get involved in such things. Did you hear about when 230 Sqn painted 18 Sqns 'jeep' in Tiger stripes? Or did you hear about the 230 Sqn dining night when the Mess manager presented the outgoing Wg Co's wife with a silver soup tureen which contained a coiled sleeping boa constrictor (her biggest fear was snakes)?

[samsonyte]

Reminds me of a story an old (and bold) flying instructor told me ...

Following a dining in night, an officer ended up in hospital. The medical report read -

"I was standing on the mantle piece in the ante-room, enjoying a beer, when I fell off, and was hit by a motorbike, which broke my leg ...'

Don't get them like that now (except for the 48 hour Oktoberfest at RAF Bruggen in 1989 ...)

[EESDL]

It's nice to hear of accounts of old, when antics were seemingly encouraged.
These days, it is deemed foolhardy and unbelievable that someone would go as far as drilling a hole in a wine glass etc etc

P1ssed myself laughing at an Aldergrove DI when a remote controlled water canon soaked the never regions of OC Blunties' groin during his speech:-)

Remember, in the modern air force,
A pat on the back is a recce for a stab!

[Wholigan]

Dining in many years ago.

Chap called Dai *******-***** spent hours drilling tiny holes in dining room tables. Emptied flower vases. Filled flower vases with small detonators, explosive charges and pounds of self-raising flower. Replaced flowers. Ran tiny wires through holes in dining room tables to a battery under the table where he was sitting.

"Gentlemen - the Queen"

"The Queen"

KA-BOOM

Whole room IMC with 2 yards vis in flower.

Outstanding.

Chances of getting away with that now???

Answers on a postage stamp please.

[ShyTorque]

Or a couple of car stories then..?

NATO Tiger meet at USAF Bitburg in 1981. On the Saturday evening the hosts put on an excellent review on the raised stage of the Officers' Club (including a brilliantly funny rendition of Swan Lake with a talented cast of hairy aircrew dancers dressed in aircrew long underwear, tutus and flying boots).

After the finale, it was decided to put a Tiger striped VW Beetle on the stage and try to break the world record for the number of people in and upon it. Said vehicle was driven around to the double external doors at the end of the stage. Minor problem was that the stage was raised 4 feet above the road outside. A large number of well oiled aircrew lifted the car only to find that it was too wide to fit through the doors. Rolling the car through 90 right solved that problem and the record attempt was soon under way. Things were going well until there was a loud BANG and the car dropped through the wooden stage floor up to its axles. Attempt declared DPCO and we all went to bed.

Prior to departure the following afternoon, as we were loading our kit onto the aircraft a desperate Officers' Club manager (who had only just found the wreckage of the previous evening's fun) was seen running from aircraft to aircraft pleading for advice on how to extricate the car from his club. To this day, I have no idea how they removed it!

-----------------

A good few years ago the Puma had an ongoing problem with the sliding cabin doors falling off.

Various solutions had been tried and failed. Eventually OC Eng decided that enough was enough. One Friday, prior to "happy hour", he announced his new "fix". He decreed that all doors would be removed until further notice as the aircraft was cleared for flight with the doors removed!!

Winter was approaching and the station had a detachment in Norway...140 kts, minus 30 degrees and no doors - lovely.

To show him how much his engineering and human consideration was appreciated by the aircrew, during "happy hour" both doors of his station Mini mysteriously disappeared...

[attackattackattack]

Samsonyte

An ex-girlfriend's father was a sqn/stn cmdr (I can't remember which) at a Vulcan base near Lincoln in the late 70's He certainly broke a leg whilst 'enjoying a beer on the ante room mantlepiece after a Dinner Night'. They were trying to circumnavigate the room without touching the floor, as you do.

I was staying with them at the time and I remember him being brought home in plaster. We didn't hear about a motorbike, but that certainly doesn't mean it wasn't there! He wasn't terribly forthcoming about what happened!

[samsonyte]

a-a-a

The mess in question was CHOM at Sleaford Tech. Apparently there was a lot of 'off-road' motorcycling at the time (as well as polo matches on the orange). A favourite pastime used to be speed trials down the (very long) corridor. This entailed a number of people holding the swing doors open while the bike was revved up and raced the length of the building. The main hazards were:

1 - the amount of carpet that disappeared under the wheels before moving

2 - people letting go of the doors as you approached them

ps anyone else gone down the stairs at Halton House in the dinner gong? :-)

[BEagle]

Our Stn Cdr (decent bloke!!) at a certain Vulcan base quite near Lincoln in the late 70s was conned into joining in the traditional mess rugby after a particularly good Dining-In Night. "Better be a bit careful here chaps..." he said in a loud voice, "....last time I played this I broke my bloody leg!!" The duty cabbage was thrown into the melee followed by several dozen officers. The scrum duly collapsed followed by an ominous crunching noise, yelp of pain and "Bugger it - I think I've broken my bloody ankle!!" from the staish. The SMO was prised out of the wreckage of the scrum and put to work with the dubious assistance of various inebriated self-appointed 'nurses' - indeed the staish had Cat 5'd his ankle. But the most pi$$ed off was OC Ops who had 2 days to learn the entire script of the next week's AOC's parade whilst the staish beamed approvingly from the comfort of a wheelchair resplendant with a Group Captain's pennant!!

[Paul Wesson]

....and the Irish pilot, on his last night before being detached to the Gulf, who rode his motorbike through the Ladies Bridge Night at Odiham.

[daftsod]

Tell me!
Ages ago I heard a tale of an exercise mass Vulcan launch at Waddo where the Stn Cdr needed to re-call the launch. The lead pilot fearing the Stn Cdr was making the call under duress insisted he appeared in person on the tarmac. He then decided that the Stn Cdr may still have a bomb attached to his person and insisted the Stn Cdr stripped to his underpants. The net result was a really pi$$ed off CO standing in front of a line of Vulcans making a shut-down signal in his undies.
Urban mythe? Does anyone know?

[Stoutnav]

Good Thread,

There were plenty of high-jinx to be had at the old East-Anglian Happy Hours of the late 80s and early 90s too (then we all became PC or something!).

My personal fav involves the young abo pilot on 27sqn who, having resisted the pressure from all and sundry to lose his death trap of a motor, foulishly gave the keys of said conveyance to the junta leader on the morning one particular EAHH. He emerged from the PBF to the car park just in time to see the Fire Section hacking the roof off his clapped out cortina in order to allow the boys to park the sacrificial piano in the back.
ps said piano nearly cat 5'd the Sqn boss who was stood in the boot tinkling the old ivories as the boys drove past the front of the Mess - forgetting that there is a low archway just beyond.

*******

There must be some good old stories from the F4 boys about the Phantom Phinale bash at Watt-a-Shame......

********

One quick question, I thought that the old 1 Group party was at Bawtry or is my banter a bit off the mark? Any of you oldsters help out?

[StopStart]

I went to Happy Hour at Cranwell a couple of years ago.
Someone scratched a table (about 1 inch long scratch).
Following a brief witch-hunt (no really) we were all banned and had to buy a new table top.
And you tell youngsters of today stories like that and they just won't believe you.

[Wholigan]

GICASI

Wasn't there a First World War battlefield named after the large red person???

[Nil nos tremefacit]

Seem to recall drinking with a Sqn Ldr Vimy Ridge once - or was I dreaming?

[StopStart]

I think he's referring to the First Battle of Santa Claus.

[Dan Winterland]

Not really a DIN or bar story, but amusing nonetheless. A recent exercise at the RAF's most southerly Station required a re-supply airdrop by a Fat Albert to a small garrison at a neighbouring but not too close island. The garrison didn't really need the drop as they had been re-supplied by ship only two weeks before, so a token harness pack was made up.

Some pax where taken on the trip to do a bit of sightseeing at the spectacular and picturesque island - one of which was the padre. The run in to the garrison was made, and just before the pack was lobbed off the ramp, the padre decided that he ought to bless the load before it exited - so he did, much to the amusement of the crew. Shortly afterwards, while watching the pack float down on it's red parachute, the loadie explained to the padre what was in the pack.

Two slabs of Boddies, four bottles of Spicey Rum and five porn mags!



[This message has been edited by Dan Winterland (edited 10 June 2000).]

[2 TWU]

Re the Coningsby pig, the sad thing about it is that it was the Boss's 40th at 2359hrs that night. He'd made arrangements for a barrel to be put on at midnight but for obvious reasons had kept it quiet. When the Sqn was kicked out , the Boss left as well although he was told he didn't have to (full marks). The party continued in a married quarter for some time and, as they say, a good time was had by all.

[Nil nos tremefacit]

DW - hope they weren't the Padre's porn mags!

[Wholigan]

GICASI,

Needed to use a Hotmail account for some posts. Ergo - Wholigan2.

[Wholigan]

GICASI,

PS - I've seen him red!!!!!

[attackattackattack]

BEagle

That Waddo stn cdr didn't share the name of a town in the North West by any chance? There can't have been that many incidents in the same place in the same period. In which case I apologise for the suggestion that a mantle piece was involved!

If, on the other hand, we're talking about two different people then it all suggests that the place was probably quite good fun for a while.

[BEagle]

No mate - the incident I referred to was at Sunny Scampton and the Stn Cdr didn't have an urban surname.
IT WAS BRILLIANT in those days; you flew roughly twice per week for about 4-5 hours, tangled up Lightnings by doing 45 deg turns at FL 410 and a fair bit higher at times - FL510 being not uncommon - and every low level bombing run had to achieve a simulated hit within defined limits or you were in severe poo. You decided how to do your 6 months' worth of training yourself with no mollycoddling from on high. Virtually everyone lived out 2, 3 or 4 to a house and the bachelor pads had amazing parties most of the time. On Saturdays you got up to flying speed in The 'Wig and Mitre' at lunchtime and went to the heaving Waddington discos in the evening. The only down side was that pay was pretty dreadful for many folk - remember the Waddington wives' protest?? And we ALL drank far too much because we simply didn't know any better - 5 officers in a crew, beer at 20p per pint made for 5 crew rounds at £1 per head before going home! That was considered totally normal. Our boss used to close the squadron every day from 1200-1400 and we used to stack to the bar if we weren't doing anything else!!
Happy Days - how ever did we cope without 'Agencies', 'Executives', 'Investment in People', Fitness Tests, Budget managers, etc, etc?? We flew, we had fun - we even had seasons in the sun at places like Cyprus, Malta and Barksdale!!

[Jensen]

Reported in the DTel in Nov 98:

The Army has launched a disciplinary investigation after its Director of *****, Brigadier *****, and several other officers were involved in drunken revelries, which destroyed parts of an officers' mess and caused several thousand pounds of damage.

A Ministry of Defence spokesman confirmed last night that Brig *****, a CBE and an Army "high-flyer," had posed for pictures on the bonnet of a car which was driven into the mess wrecking carpets, furniture, ornaments and a doorway. A motorcycle was also ridden around the bar, furniture and crockery were smashed, food thrown and drink spilt, it has emerged.

About 50 officers were present at the dinner nine days ago at Warminster, Wilts.

One senior officer said: "This is high-jinks of mostly quite young officers at a private party. The young officers took the lead in the revelries. They hoisted Brig ***** on to the bonnet."

Brig *****, who commanded his Regiment in the Gulf War, has been decorated for service in Ulster. He is described as "bright, imaginative and dedicated".

[Proletarian]

With all these reminiscences about Dining In Nights and the 'boring' nature of many Dining In nights in this PC era perhaps, for the benefit of younger RAF officers, it's time to record for posterity some of the sporting activity of yesteryear. All additional contributions are most welcome.

'A Guide To Mess Sport at Dining In Nights'

Before Dinner - little opportunity for sporting activity. Time should be spent on 'preparing' the tables laid out in the Dining Room by sabotaging the furniture or re-arranging the seating plan. Alternatively, you can just have a few 'sharpners' to get in the mood ahead of everyone else.

During Dinner - sporting activities are frowned upon before the loyal toast. Confine your activity to eating & drinking, telling very non-PC jokes and lusting after the WAAFS - the latter activity will increase exponentially in proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed.

After the loyal toast - the fun can begin:

Potholing - crawling underneath the tables to either escape through the kitchen door or, more likely, to tie someone's shoelaces together. High risk of a swift kick in the ribs if discovered. Strong possibility your chair will be missing if you manage to return to your point of entry.

Table Shuffling - achieved by shuffling the table along whilst remaining seated. Head for the door if the speaker is retiring and has started to run through his service history.

Mortar Bombs - the weapon of choice. Use an old tin tube which once housed tennis balls. Squirt some lighter fluid into the tube, cover the top and give it a good shake, add the ammunition and heat the baseplate with a gas lighter for the desired effect. General direction of fire is up the legs of the seating plan, towards the centre.

Afterwards in the Ante Room/Bar:

High Cockalorum - 2 teams of about a dozen. One team, the supporting team, lines up crouched over at 90 degrees and each individual grabs hold of the person in front. Front man stands facing back down the team to provide impact prediction. The other team then take it in turn to charge up the room and leap onto the back of the supporting team. If all of the team can mount and remain mounted for 10 seconds, without the supporting team collapsing, the supporting team wins. Not a recommended sporting activity for 10 stone dripping wet girls blouses, as the prospect of a 17 stone alcohol fuelled monster, snorting like a crazed rhino as he charges up the room before landing on your back at 15 mph, is likely to result in catastrophic failure of the middle vertebra, broken limbs or worse. Popular during WW2 and the 1950's then banned. Only played underground these days by F3 crews - allegedly.

Tug-of-War - 2 teams any size. Usually fighting over an old broom handle. Little opportunity for dirty tricks, apart from the 2 front men who often 'accidentally' ram their foot between their opponents legs, causing severe crushing injuries to the parts. Only sport where WAAF teams occasionally participate, when it becomes an outstanding male spectator sport, particularly if full 'webbing' is being worn.

Jousting - 'mano-a-mano'. Sadly, with the withdrawal of RAF issue bicycles, this sport has almost entirely disappeared. Mount the bikes holding a mop as your lance, line up at opposite ends of the anteroom and go for it. Star performers often recommended using a short grip on the mop and wielding it as a club for maximum effect. Alternative strategies were the 'chicken', where you rode directly at your opponent, hurling the mob as a spear when the range closed, and then hoping you would suffer less injury than your opponent in the resulting head-on collision. Alternatively, using the 'Light Brigade' strategy, you could ignore your opponent entirely and direct your charge at someone who has recently incurred your wrath - historically Cavalry have always triumphed over unsupported infantry. Falling onto a bicycle can be dangerous - having a bicycle pedal extracted from the inner depths of your posterior can make your eyes water - somewhat. Privately owned, state-of-the-art, carbon fibre, 24 speed mountain bikes are not recommended as suitable mounts - unless they belong to someone else.

Mess Rugby - any size of team. Usually played with an old cushion, if played with an actual Rugby ball, advisable to consider slight deflation. Rules count for little as does the aim of scoring a try at one end of the room. Excellent opportunity to settle old scores without being identified in the general mayhem. Not recommended for unpopular senior officers. Touch kicks through the anteroom windows should be discouraged. Only jackets and shoes should be removed before play commences, thereby allowing opportunities for maximum destruction of remaining items of Mess Dress worn by unpopular staff. Excellent prospects for exchanging your old patent leather shoes for a new pair if retiring early 'hors de combat'.

Piano Demolition - teams of varying sizes, best played outdoors. Demolish a piano by any means in the minimum time. If played as a 'time-trial' between teams, excellent opportunities for pre-dinner preparation thereby ensuring a fast time. Destruction is usually followed by ritual immolation by fire. Fire jumping is also popular, but not recommended for those of a nervous disposition or visiting American F15 aircrew. It is advisable to actually own the piano before commencing this activity.

Stool Dancing - one team, any number generally played in the bar. Link arms around a bar stool. Aim is to pull/push someone into the stool. Anyone who knocks over the stool is eliminated. Ideal competitor has arms like a prop forward and legs like an Olympic high jumper - an unlikely combination. Can drag on for ages and become boring for spectators. Good opportunity for young bloods to impress nubile young WAAFS with their manly strength, until they get smashed into an adjacent fruit machine whilst distracted.

Crud or Tags - teams of varying sizes around a snooker table. Two snooker balls, one red, one white. Rules vary. Basic aim is to sink your opponent's ball down one of the holes before he sinks yours. Charge around the table, grab your ball and try and smash it into your opponents, hopefully sending theirs down a hole. Generally, obstruction or blocking is allowed, although spectators should not be caught participating in this activity. Plenty of opportunities for damaged fingers and even more spectacular teeth and facial injuries when the balls gather momentum and ricochet off the table. Wearing an expensive designer watch when playing Crud is not recommended.

Wall Circumnavigation - solo activity, usually for exhibitionists. With the closure of so many old Officers Messes, most of the more historically challenging pitches are no longer accessible. Old picture rails make excellent handholds but rarely withstand much load. Mantelpieces make excellent temporary bivouacs. Boring spectator sport - contestants usually become 'targets of opportunity'.

Bottle Walking - any number can play. See how far you can 'walk' out on two bottles, with your feet behind a line, leave one bottle as far out as possible and hop back on the other. Advisable to use bottles of reasonable thickness as sudden failure can lead to substantial lacerations and loss of blood. Look for old blood stains on carpet for previous play area.

Moriarty - 1 v 1. Contestants are blindfolded and are armed with a rolled up newspaper in their right hand. They lie down on floor facing each other, clasping their opponents left hand. The aim is to take it in turns to batter your opponent with your newspaper after you have enquired as to their whereabouts. To guarantee victory, ensure you are armed with the entire Sunday Times, including supplements, and your opponent is issued with a copy of the RAF News.

Spinning - unlimited numbers of fools may play. Essentially a relay race where contestants sprint down the length of the room, drink some beer then spin around a broom, with their forehead against the end, before attempting to stagger back down the other end of the room and ''tag'' their team-mate. Amusing spectator sport, but inadvisable to stand too close to the arena, as contestants who have imbibed excessively may suffer from extreme disorientation, resulting in sudden inadvertent projectile vomiting.

Pyros - anyone can play. Not so much a sport, more of a habit. Most participants have lots of 'previous' for pyrotechnic offences and are generally found in the SH fleet. Skilled proponents of this activity wait until a group of 'blunties' have formed-up, and are eagerly discussing the latest station budget, before gently rolling a lit Thunderflash into the group. Considerable street-cred can be gained by first pretending to ignore the fizzing pyro, before casually flicking it away with your foot. Instant decision making is called for in these circumstances, making Blunties the preferred target. Delaying the decision to flick the pyro away can be hazardous to your health, particularly your toes. Pyro participants are advised to enquire in advance of opening their offensive when the carpets are scheduled to be replaced. Smoke canister's are not recommended for use in the bar immediately after a ladies guest night.

Demolition Derby - unlimited fun in a car. Decide on a suitable venue, ideally right in front of the Officers Mess, and agree a course around various flowerbeds and any other suitable local features. Start up and go. Last car still running at the end is the winner. Best to tart the car up to look like a mates without him realising. Not a good idea to invite local reporters to cover this event. Annual festival staged at Coningsby.

[BEagle]

Little opportunity for pre-Dinner sport?? The addition of some cling-film stretched over the VIP urinals, ladies' and blunties' lavatories (between seat and porcelain) can have a devastating effect upon those who've tanked up on G&T and left it to the last minute for a pre-emptive pee!!
Preparation of the dining table (without associated destruction) can provide endless scope. A recent sport is to use strong fablon to stick very raunchy pictures on the table top underneath the table mats of those on the top table. Nothing is suspected until the mats are whipped away before the loyal toast............then the removal of the offending pictures is nigh on impossible!!
Two bits of clear kneepad held apart by blue tack underneath the PMC's block worked well at Chivenor - the table was protected by one and the block by another. The space between the bits of kneepad was liberally coated with a contact explosive brewed up by a WIWOL knowledgeable of such things. Enter PMC (an engineer) who raises the hammer and gives the block the usual tap. B£oody great BANG!! A shaken voice then continues "Holy sh*t. Padre, say f*cking grace!!"

[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 13 June 2000).]

[Wholigan]

Remember beer can mortars that propelled tennis balls at about Mach 1.4 across the ante room?

[Helical Spline]

I heard a tale , that at 42 Sqn disbandment DI, a certain Air Eng launched a solid silver pepper pot at the lads former eng leader,who saw said item inbound ,and ducked, allowing the AOC to take the missile like a man, squarely on the forehead!! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

[This message has been edited by Helical Spline (edited 13 June 2000).]

[multi-donk]

A few years ago at a flg trg establishment in Yorkshire, we were
visited by the local university netball team, who thrashed us at
netball and then joined us in the bar (in full webbing).

It was whilst they had split up into 2 teams and were playing tug o'
war aginst each other that a few of us rounded up all the fire
extinguishers in the mess, to "give them a bit of encouragement".

The best bit is that the next morning, having taken the empties to the
fire section with a couple of slabs, we were caught red-handed by the
PMC going through the front door to the mess with the extinguishers.
Expecting a roasting, we were pleasantly surprised to be told
"excellent sport lads, it's what the Air Force needs more of".

And truly, it was. :)

[Dan Winterland]

Who remebers the 'Floornado' at Swinderby?

[Speed Twelve]

Wholigan,

I can confirm that Dai *******-***** is still to this day lobbing pyros under tables when a guest at DIs.

We're talking about the same guy who flour-bombed a range tower in his Hunter, opened-up in the mess bar with his service pistol and 'accidentally' shot an Arab guard in the leg when he found the guy asleep on stag in Aden! Stout fellow!

[This message has been edited by Speed Twelve (edited 14 June 2000).]

[Wholigan]

Speed Twelve,

Absolutely right, mate. Do you know where he is now? Or anybody else from that fine group of fellahs?!?!?

[Speed Twelve]

Wholigan,

DHH seen a lot in the bars of Perth in Scotland, and I do seem to recall him sitting next to me in the aircraft when I did my CPL GFT there...

[Ex Truck]

As you suggested there are veterans of the famed 1 Gp Guest Night still around, and this kos (who was a plt off at the time) read your account gleaned from bar stories. Just for the record, the occasion was to commemorate 25 years of 1 Gp, rather than to celebrate the V Force. I think even the hierarchy had realised that the rest of us would draw the line at that!

I was actually based at Waddington (on 44 Sqn) at the time, so saw all the preparations as the marquees went up. I don’t recall anybody ever anticipating the bearfight that it was to become, but anybody with an ounce of commonsense should have realised that putting 750 highly p***ed off officers in the same place at the same time was likely to be asking for trouble. Why were we so p****ed off? Well, the V Force had been sold as the maiden’s prayer for aviators, with all kinds of privileges and advantages, but nobody had pointed out that the high level strategic bombing role, in peacetime, meant endless QRA, extremely boring flying (what little there was of it), lots of target study and not much else; I remember the highlight of the year being a Lone Ranger to El Adem (Libya, for those too young to remember). So this set the scene.

We had all been in the bar at Waddo, which – as I recall – had been open since lunchtime. An early memory of the evening was walking into the tented ante-room down a long tented passageway, behind a weaving navigator of some drinking fame. At the entrance to the ante-room was a very large floral version of the 1 Group crest. Said navigator dived straight into the crest, and produced a small explosion of leaves, petals, earth, and broken flower pots; this went down very well. After standing in the ante-room for some little time, I noticed that the lining of the marquee kept moving (the entire set-up must have cost a fortune because the décor, style etc was very up-market, and everything was lined with what looked like silk). It kept moving because there were dozens of people wandering around between the canvas and the lining.

The next event of note (for me) was the arrival of my crew; the captain was sober, but this did not prevent him from handing out a very large number of bangers to the rest of the crew – ironic really, since he was himself destined to become a two star. After more staggering and assorted fireworks, we finally funnelled into eat, which was about the last occasion when anything approaching good behaviour was observed. The evening also contained two very major errors; the first was a seating plan arranged by squadron; the second I’ll mention later. Once we had dispensed with the preliminaries we sat down not to eat but to cause mayhem; after the passage of all the time since, I am still vaguely embarrassed to admit that a WAAF waitress was engaged in activities under our table which would be just as unbelievable today. A navigator sitting opposite me inserted bangers into the three arms of a candelabra, with the idea that they would shoot upwards; in fact, we ended up with a candelabra looking like three eaten bananas. Most squadrons had instruments concealed somewhere, so the whole of this period was a fairly deafening experience; somebody even struck up on the bagpipes. Food was being thrown everywhere; chaos reigned.

As you suggested, a certain deeply unpopular very senior officer, of Heathrow fame, was one of the guests – and when he arrived at the top table, 750 officers hissed; not a nice sound, but the strength of feeling was understandably very high. He was not, however, the guest of honour; that was CAS – ACM (now MRAF the Lord) Elworthy. The second big mistake of the evening was when he stood up to speak; it was the first time that silence fell (after the usual “up up up” until CAS was standing on the table); the first words delivered into that unique silence were “If you think this is bad, you should have seen it in my day.” Well, whatever little constraint remained disappeared at that point; a riot ensued.

I could rabbit on for hours, but that will do for now. Any other first-hand accounts around?

[Fanos Run]

Back in the days when I used to be a techie on the Harrier force in Germany we were on deployment in the field in Denmark. Every night when we were debriefing late into the night the brave harrier pilots would complain in the morning about the noise. Come the weekend when the techies were on guard duty the pilots were making a hell of a noise without any care for anybody else, about an hour later they all dissapeared, this is when our team chief went for a walk with a shovel. We didn't know what he had done until 4.00am when all hell broke lose in the pilots tent. They had climbed into their sleeping bags only to find the contents of the local protected ants nest in it with them and the ants weren't sleeping.

[Ganf]

Wholigan,

One better was the Black Mamba, constructed at various locations around the RAF with continual improvements. Basic design was from Industrial size baked bean cans with triple internal baffles and firing a ball made from a tennis ball wrapped in layers of used maps such that a friction fit was obtained inside the cannon. The outside of the cannon was wound with black tape to provide heat insulation and hence the name of the contraption. Empty test firings in the mess at Valley blew 2 or 3 wooden crests off the wall at 10 yards, and the ball could be fired over the 3-storey mess roof with no problems. Later firings at Wittering resulted in crossing the entire length of the dining room from the band balcony with zero gravity drop and a test firing in the West upper wing sent the ball straight through the fire glass leaving a clean circle in the pane. Further tests of improved models also occurred at Gutersloh and Deci but I forget the details. And then there was the spud gun that could hit the water tower next to the armoury at Deci from the new Pig and Tape. Happy days.

[Dunhovrin]

What an excellent thread - such as pleasant change.

I love the unrestricted useof the word blunties -ahh the good old days of bluntie bashing in THOM. Of course we were banned from calling them blunties so we called them stills instead.

Samsonyte: I can lay claim to having done the Halton gong ride. Alas the PMC was the one who gave me the push as assorted dignitaries cheered me on so it wasn't exactly very naughty.

Mess cannon story 1999. The Puma force in Kosovo were based an an airfield with loads of other nations. As part of the ground defence malarky they all got given sandbags for building sangers. The RAF used theirs to build a bar - on top of a HAS. Fine till someone assembled and detonated the world's largest mess cannon. The noise was such that all the other nations stood to (apart from the Eyeties who surrendered).

This is gen as my mate were there.

[Schadenfreude]

Ex Truck

Thanks for an excellent 1st hand account of the actual event - some lovely anecdotes which had me in stitches, particularly the story of the Nav diving headfirst into the 1 Gp crest - he obviously failed to appreciate the dignity of this particular coat of arms.
In my opening thread I simply related a variety of stories as they were told to me by numerous drunks in various bars many years ago and so it's interesting to hear that the events they described appear to be essentially correct. Perhaps you can elaborate on what date the dinner was held, what you saw happen when the 3* stood up to speak, events outside after the dinner was over and the aftermath. I am sure many Pprune readers would appreciate it if you would rabbit on for hours with further humorous stories of the events, both witnessed and related to you by other contemporaries of yours that attended. If you are still in touch with other V Force aircrew who attended, perhaps you could encourage them to recount their memories of the event on this forum. Keep up the good work!

[ShyTorque]

Schadenfreude,

Well done, you seem to have re-invented the crew-room. This thread will hopefully run and run.

Now, how to get Wednesday afternoons back for sports?

Sad thing is, if everything else gets done on the word processing thingy, our armed forces will eventually be relegated to sending the enemies of the nation merely a nasty letter. :)

[Nil nos tremefacit]

Proletarian - Pre-dinner you fill napkins with flour, tie cutlery together with invisible thread, lose at least one chair on blunties leg (causing arguments about seating), rearrange seating plan if on magnetic tag system in any event (lose a couple of names), change water in ladies loo bowl and cistern for fire extinguisher chemicals which foam up when mixed, put coloured die in water based fire extinguishers (have you ever watched the grim realisation on some drunkard's face when he realises that he's not hosing down people with water?), prep bicycles, cars, motorcycles or whatever will be needed later on, bribe mess staff - this is essential if you want co-operation and understanding at clear up time(harder now they're not servicemen), make sure that anything that is to be seriously damaged is replaced with cheaper variant (see earlier table-sawing story). Remember, nothing is sacrosanct except the Squadron Standards!

For weeks before you should siphon small amounts from your bank account and keep secret from wife - saves explaining the £70 entry on bank statement that is not covered by any cheque stub! (Been there)

[B4ME]

Lyneham DIs in early 90s. 47 and LXX had been trying to outdo each other in the mess cannon stakes. Some kind of mutually assured destruction actually. LXX created this thing looking like a lifesize 25 pounder that could fire projectiles the size of volleyballs. Enter the USAF exchange mate on 47, who was actually clinically nuts. Said chap gets to work with calculator and several serious looking text books. After a couple of days he asks around for a "spare" electric screwdriver, which he duly gets. Eventually he presents the sqn with his invention- SCMODS- Self Contained Multiple Ordnance Delivery System. This was, in laymans terms, a 6 barrelled electrically driven rotary mess cannon, complete with master arm switch, and auto loading and charging. The thing was huge and needed 3 people to operate it. It was concealed in a huge cardboard box covered in pretty wrapping paper and a big pink ribbon and sat in the dining room. It looked just like a small sideboard and so raised no suspicions. The projectiles by the way were kids' foam tennis balls. After the Loyal Toast Lxx brought out their cannon and blasted the 47 leg. The mad spam and 2 equally crazy navs then got up walked over to the box and produced a check-list they had made up to go with their creation. SCMODS was unveiled and pointed at LXX sqn, the motor was started to get the barrels going and it was fired. Unfortunately the projectiles went everywhere except where they were intended. Most hit all the sqn standards at the other end of the dining-room which then fell over. Needless to say the sqn was kicked out and banned from the mess tfn.

Anyone know what happened to SCMODS, was it destroyed as part of the SALT programme?

[ASRAAM]

On the subject of legends, and now that it appears to be acceptable to admit to some fine times on V bombers (or V tankers) does anyone out there have the full story regarding the feud between 2 V force outfits over the Tirpitz bulkhead.

I think 9 Sqn was involved and seem to recall a Vulcan diverting into Wittering to pick up said item but I can not remember who was stealing it from whom.

[ShyTorque]

Some years ago at Odiham there was a field gun on the grass outside the Mess. It was regularly fired during Happy Hours etc by lobbing a lit "thunderflash" down the barrel, followed by a large tin of NAAFI beans (which were of suitable calibre for large explosions - in or out of the can). After this had gone on for some time, many blackened and battered tins were discovered on the airfield, many hundreds of yards away. If the gun is still there, you will notice that the muzzle now has a plate welded over it! Good job no-one thought of turning the gun round to face the bar....

[BEagle]

The 'bit of the Tirpitz' saga is one of those bits of RAF history about which a whole book could have been written. The 9 Sqn Vulcan which 'diverted' into Wittering (long before the arrival of 'bona jets') was apparently on its way back to Akrotiri and picked up the bit of Tirpitz from a snatch squad which had made its way down the A15/A1 from Waddington hotly pursued by a gang from 617 Sqn!! Of course the first sqn to bomb the Tirpitz was the premier V-bomber sqn - 35 Sqn - although there was extensive fog at the time and they couldn't claim any hits!!

[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 24 June 2000).]

[Correcting-nicely]

Shy,
Unfortunately said gun is no longer outside the mess (nor has it been for some time). However some of the 7 sqn boys constructed 'Big Bertha' and test fired in the bar following a DI destroying the dado rail and plaster in one corner of the bar, made for a nice mess bill apparently. :)

[Nil nos tremefacit]

Anybody recall the, probably apocryphal, night at the George at Leadenham when the AOCs daughter joined the strippers on stage and apparently did much better (a former OC 216 told the story).

On a similar subject - Puma crewmen might recall 'Tiny Tim'.

Odiham SNCOs might also like to recount the car race down the runway. One of the cars shot off the end, crossed the road and landed in the field on the other side. The police refused to proceed because the car never touched the road and therefore no offence was committed. The farmer refused to make a complaint because he thought it was good to see the return of high spirits (JG are you out there?)

[Archimedes]

Found it...

Back to the top in response to request via Vulcan sticky!

[Phoney Tony]

Recently we had a similar evening to the 1 Gp Dining In Nite as described.

A chap came into the bar and managed to get a splinter of wood stuck in his finger.

We closed the Stn down for 2 days whilst we removed the splinter, confirmed that we were covered by the Stn H&S policy, and that the individual had completed his AFT, IRT, CCS and EO trg.

Who says we do not how to enjoy ourselves any more!!!



In addition to all of the above on the LHR crash (Beagle, as always, is spot with his facts) I seem to rember a V Bomber book written by a chap called Andrews who stated that……That the crew co-pilot was in the rear crew compartment and was one of the 4 who perished in the accident. Apparently his death certificate indicated he was a navigator!

[ZH875]

A good example of the 'High Spirits' demanded of the best of the officer class.:O

What is needed now are similar examples of 'gross vandalism' committed by the Erks.:D


A great example to show to Joe Public, no wonder they are glad to see the RAF shrink.:mad:

[trbears5]

With reference to the 42 Sqn DI (75th Anniversary), it was a MAEOp who took the incoming salt pot from the deep field (Rumour has it it was the RN exchange wot did it). He fell, stunned, into his soup. Because I had inadvertantly arranged an hour of pre-drinks, (the hotel had moved start eat time to the right 30) we all thought he was under the influence. Saved from drowning in Spicey Mediteranean with croutons, he made a complete recovery. A year or so later, we held the disbandment DI. The MAEOp was on the top table, two down from CAS (desig). At the start of the meal the said Master donned a tin helmet. CAS (d) turns to the Sqn Cdr and says "That chap's wearing a helmet!" "So he is", said the Sqn Cdr. He waited for a follow up question, but it was unforthcoming.

[Archimedes]

PT,

Think you may mean Andrew Brookes?

He's written a number of good things - air accidents book; on the V-Force; Air War Over Italy; Air War over Russia; on the Vulcan and, IIRC, on the Victor.

ZH785 - I have a suspicion that those members of the public who actually have an opinion on this think that it's all part of being in the RAF - after all, it was in Aces High, 633 Squadron; the Dambusters and all the other documentaries [sic] that are shown about the RAF on the telly!

[ZH875]

Archimedes, I agree that stuff is shown on the telly, but I don't think Joe Public realises the extent of damage caused etc.

It still doesn't explain why it is 'High Spirits' for the Officers but 'Vandalism' for everyone else.

John Major's classless society will never exist, as long as blatant discrimination exists within the Forces.

[Archimedes]

ZH785 - sorry, that was a tongue in cheek reply to what I stupidly failed to realise was a serious point from you.
Apologies:\

[SirToppamHat]

A couple of pages back someone referred to the PPP that took place at Wattisham in (I think) 1991. The party was held at one of the HAS sites, so there was limited chance of damage to anything significant.

From what I remember, everyone was charge £1 for food (though no-one seemed to know of any plans to provide any). Beer was £1 per pint, and there was much fun had.

From the hazy recollections I have of the event, it involved stock car racing between 56 and 74 Sqns in cars that had been specially painted for the occasion, but were wrecks within about half an hour, astonishingly no-one was injured, despite each car carrying about 8 people at a time!

I also remember the biggest home-made canon I have ever seen. It was constructed from the large catering bean tins held together with about half a tonne of bodge tape and mounted on (I think) a wheelbarrow. The projectiles were white cabbages, wrapped on newspaper and yet more bodge tape. It was placed at the entrance to the HAS where the party was and the doors were closed leaving only enough gap for the muzzle of the canon to fit through. When it was fired, f&&k me! The ball flew the length of the HAS and smacked with a thud against the end wall. One of the guys was then put into the HAS to retrieve the ball and escape without being kicked to death. This process was repeated until the canon/ball or both exploded.

An excellent p**s-up, and the food did eventually arrive. The guys had gone to McD's (by prior arrangement) to pick up a couple of hundred Big Mac's and Fries - very inventive!

[ZH875]

Archimedes, I have made my point, but a lot of it may stem from jealousy that our do's do not sound half as much fun as yours.

I believe that damage is paid by mess subs so if you break it you pay for it so why not enjoy the night.

[Archimedes]

Since my do's consist of nothing wilder than JOCC and ICSC seminars, I suspect that your do's are more fun. Particularly to those on the recieving end!! :)

[FJJP]

Re the Tirpitz bulkhead. 617 and 9 regularly stole it from each other. The event alluded to viz-a-viz lobbing into Wittering is true. A 9 Sqn crew on a UK ranger from Cyprus nicked the bulkhead from 617, crated it and had it transported to Wittering via the stores empire for 'collection' but 9 Sqn reps. When 617 found the bulkhead missing, they tore off to Waddington and stopped the ac from starting until they searched every inch of the airframe. They then escorted it to the runway to make sure it wasn't loaded prior to t/o.

The captain declared a PAN and diverted to Wittering. He didn't stream the chute even though he was considerably overweight [he was fuelled for non-stop to Akrotiri]. He had exceeding hot brakes after the landing run. After the bulkhead was loaded in the pannier, the crew chief declared the 'problem' that caused the PAN call fixed and they legged it to Akrotiri.

Some years later, after the Sqn returned to Waddington, the bulkhead was bolted to their crewroom wall. A raiding party, including the Scampton junior plod, raided 9 in the middle of the night and jack-hammered the bulkhead off the wall and took it back to Scampton. 9 were enraged and descended on Scampton and scoured every inch of the station. Except, of course, the one place they were not authorised to enter under any circumstances - the nuclear bomb dump. Guess who had authorisation, though? The junior plod! And guess where the bulkhead was??!!

I believe the bulkhead was subsequently presented to the RAF Museum.

A few years later, the I saw a draft of the Wittering story that the captain tried to flog to the newspapers for vast sums of money. Fortunately for the RAF, it fell into the hands of a senior journalist, whose son just happened to be a captain on 617. He realised the story was dynamite and could leave the Service with serious egg on face and bad publicity, so the whole thing was squashed - it's one thing to bust up an Officers' Mess at a DiN, but a totally different kettle of fish placing in jeapordy several tens of millions of taxpayers money as part of a stupid prank. The man was a prat, especially abusing the emergency system and placing his ac in danger by doing a crazy non-chute overweight landing.

[G Fourbee]

My fading memory has the famed Dining In Night occuring in the late 60s not early seventies - at least that was when we, in 3 Gp (Third Division South), were bollocked for the behavior of the First Division North!

[Pontius Navigator]

The dining -in night was in 1965. We had just been on our annual refresher with pilots and AEO at Finningley and the two navs at Lindholme.

We were not seated in squadrons at all and that was part of the problem and a complete failure as an attempt to forestall trouble. We were sat so that there was no one next or opposite from the same squadron. Annonimity amongst 750 people.

The fire hose incident was in our bus. Robin Hardisty fed it in through the back window and the OIC bus, Joe Seivright pulled it out. Every time he got it moving we all took hold and cried Yo O Heave Ho and pulled him back in. Robin then tirned on the hose and a good natured plod turned it off and disconnected it. We took it back to Cottesmore.

If someone dived head first into the 1 Gp floral shield at the begining of the dinner it survived very well. It sat on my knee on the return journey too. Wasn't me guv, it was the IX Sqn copilot that sat next to me.

The 3* refered to above did not speak but was introduced as "A former distinguished Air Officer Commanding in Chief of Bomber Command, Air Chief Marshal Sir . . . " At this point the marquee erupted whereas Gus Walker was greeted with "We want Gus".

[CANTSAY]

High Spirits ????? NO, NO, just Sheer Vandalism and Crimminality!!!!!

Gutersloh 79,,, Whirlybirds CO, name not disimilar to 'Humpty-Dumpty' pi$$ed out of his brains leaves Mess and tries to drive home, just off base, and nearly wrecks everything in sight, suspended, loses command, Court Martialed, fined, posted, loss of seniority, but later becomes Air Commodore and SRAFO Hong Kong!! Scandalous!! Should have been jailed and key thrown away.

Marham 86,,, Poor WRAF waitress is raped by Flt Lt after a Mess Bash!!!!!!!!! In court it was made out to be high spirits!!!!!! and the jury were fooled accordingly.. Disgraceful!!!! Disgusting!!!!!!!!

Gibraltar 68,,, CO has punch up with Army officer after Mess bash,, posted home in disgrace 2 days later.. Had only been in post 3 months.. What an idiot!!!!!!

Will commisioned officers ever grow up....???

Will pigs fly?????????

[Blacksheep]

When upset by the actions of our superiors, Other Ranks do not descend into committing random acts of vandalism, we stage dignified protests.

For example, shortly after that disgraceful episode of the infamous dining-in night, we erks at Waddington complained about the food in our dining hall by simply refusing to turn up and eat the disgusting filth. The result was an invasion by the RAF Police's SIB, intended to track down 'the ringleaders'. The SIB investigators were of course then obliged to partake of the disgusting filth themselves. The subsequent series of courts-martial saw off the Catering Officer, a mess-caterer, a cook and two MT drivers who were responsible for stealing our intended rations and substituting the offending rubbish.

Not a single piece of crockery broken - as I said, dignified protest.

On another ocasion, HM The Queen Mum came to present 50 Sqn with a new flag. I don't know what they did to the old one, they ought to have looked after it better - irreparably damaged during a bout of high spirits maybe? Anyway, to continue, during the Royal Banquet they were to have strawberries for afters. There was nowhere to store the said strawberries in the O.M. so they were placed in the salad bar in the Airmen's Mess, guarded by a RAF Police Corporal (Acting Unpaid, unwashed, unloved and unwanted). By staging a rumpus in the lobby, the white hatter was persuaded to leave his post to investigate, whereupon we pounced and devoured all the strawberries.

This was considered by higher authority to be an act of wanton vandalism. It was of course, nothing of the kind - simply an example of dignified protest, accomplished by sound strategic planning, carried out in difficult circumstances at short notice and executed with great skill and determination. :rolleyes:

[Pontius Navigator]

To return to the Tirpitz bulkhead, at Wittering the aircraft was met by Staish, OC Ops, padre etc who were all told that the emergency had now been resolved.

Not only had the jet been fuelled for Cyprus it had also been flight planned as well.

The other half, and it may have been before or after this was the 617 raid in Cyprus. IX was broken into with, I think the help of an ex-Scampton plod, and the bulkhead duly shipped off the island. The theft was discovered before it could be flown and all the aircraft going to UK were searched to recover it.

Unfortunately the bulkhead had been loaded onto a Masirah bound Belslow with an ex-617 crew member. Of course when it came back about 3 weeks later no one was looking!!!!

There was a great stink about sloppy security at Akroterry and much mirth on XXXV

[jindabyne]

CANTSAY

Hopefully not!!!! Well, not too quickly. You've heard it before, "Growing old is compulsory, growing up is not". 'Twas always thus, so whatever you think, please don't let this turn into a tiresome 'us 'n them' thread. But then I guess you're just teasing.

[stiknruda]

When 617 was disbanded in 81, the Tirpitz bulkhead and the rest of the 617 Sqn museum was packed up and delivered in a 4 tonner for safe keeping to RAF Brampton, which if memory serves me was HQ Strike. As I was holding on 617 I was tasked as the officer accompanying it - an 8 hour round trip in a 4 tonner in winter.

I believe that junior plod later left the RAF and joined the army - he was one of the very few other livers in.

Stik

[Snakecharmer]

Cracking thread... reminds me (at least partially!) of why I joined in the first place!

Now it's time to go and I had to decide where to hold the celebration... so, if tomorrow afternoon / evening / night you see a few ex-RAF drunks displaying the walking and intellectual skills of small children while wandering in and out of those places in London where ladies' clothes are apt to fall off, you know where the inspiration came from!

Such a pity that most of the fun to be had these days is with 'ex' air force types... seems that those still in are too busy / too frightened / too distracted etc etc. Happy days though!

[FJ2ME]

The 'Black Mamba' mess cannon design is still alive and kicking, although it's hopelessly outclassed by a scaffold tube mated to an empty fire extinguisher. Use a can of drink as the projectile and Lynx deoderant for propellant. I can still see the Chief Instructor's face when it went off..

[BigDH]

'The Chief' - the scaffolding pole to which you refer has been handed down to the lighthouse painters and para-vets of North Yorkshire. I've not seen any better improvised artillery to date.

Its competition debut was a resounding success, and the staiche's car raised up on beer barrels was good to see. And getting it down provided a good test for the DFS's problem solving skills. Apparently that's going to be one of the new OASC leaderhip scenarios.

For those who fire 'The Chief' and others like her - a message from our ginger rotary bound H&S man: Always change your gloves after each firing - it is likely that the firts set has burned through, and to avoid covering the airfield with shrapnel try freezing the can.

[Cyclone733]

In response to Proletarian's post, bar jousting made a brief comeback a few years ago in a small base nr L'pool. The Bicycle or 'Steed' being replaced by a gullible first year and the lance by a handy bar stool.

The resultant jousting being a resounding success for the Mount and for the 'Steeds' a painful indication of why you should never volunteer for anything.

On the subject of mess cannons a drain pipe and the bottle off a de-icer can make a good mortar tube for tennis balls/half pint glasses (well there had to be a reason for them)
:O

[Farfrompuken]

BigDH....

I hear you've been telling tales outta school me old.

"Daddies weekend away"??....

(I maintain it wasn't me though)

You and your Yank-tank are too big to hide;)

'The Chief', however, is safe and well.

[stewart300]

WIWO Victors at Marham in the late sixties many people on the squadrons had been at the DIN, there were many stories. One refinement was that some rascal changed the destination boards on the waiting coaches, and in the confusion people got on the wrong coaches and woke up some hours later, at the wrong airfield. It took some time to sort out. I remember some outstanding DINs at Marham, both with 214 and 100. Very happy days, probably unthinkable now.

[ShyTorque]

CANTSAY,

Quoted: "Gutersloh 79,,, Whirlybirds CO, name not disimilar to 'Humpty-Dumpty' pi$$ed out of his brains leaves Mess and tries to drive home, just off base, and nearly wrecks everything in sight, suspended, loses command, Court Martialed, fined, posted, loss of seniority, but later becomes Air Commodore and SRAFO Hong Kong!! Scandalous!! Should have been jailed and key thrown away."

Not much bias and vitriol there then! Firstly, you are wrong about the year. Said squadron didn't even arrive in Gutersloh until a year after that.

Also, he certainly didn't "wreck nearly everything in sight". He had a minor shunt with a semi-derelict car on the MQ site. The owner of said machine was not too concerned and it was moved off the road, where it probably shouldn't have been in the first place, to be dealt with the following morning. Unfortunately the bump occurred outside an infamous Flight Lieutenant RAF Policeman's MQ. Before you could say "knife" there were more blue lights on scene than one could shake a stick at.

Said Wg Cdr was one of the most professionally talented and well liked senior officers the RAF had seen for some years. The service was sensible enough to see that, hence his later promotion once he had done his penance.

SRAFO Hong Kong was a Group Captain's post.

And he is now a very successful London barrister, so I would watch the accuracy of what you post if I were you. :rolleyes:

[BigDH]

farfrompuken

Cx PMs

DH