This week in OZ - Albo and the Flying Circus

[grip-pipe]

In yet another gem performance, the Minister for Marrickville, the current ringleader and MC for the famous Federal Flying Circus performance known as the 'Government', accidentally it is said, picked up the wrong script and gave us scene 5 from the West Wing. Now we can't be sure that Albo was not practising at home for some amateur theatrical performance, '2 min door stop' and accidentally took the wrong paper to a recent public outing or he actually has never seen the West Wing, otherwise he would have easily recognised hollywood hyperbole when he saw it, which of course must be the reason for this terrible impersonation of reality TV which is our dear comrade Federal Minister for Transport and everything else not tied down.

In the meantime he has been struck dumb about the cost increases now flowing into our crippled aviation industry by the coming tax on carbon emission to be imposed on every airline and aircraft operator, the increase in the cost of aviation fuel (and the excise) and apparently he won't revisit the hire a moron program fondly known as airport security and just to make sure the regionals also hit the wall, regional air transport subsidies are to come to an end.

Now according to her magnificence we are all in a 'new economy' I guess we better have a new one because this one's busted except for hole diggers. So the question is - Will the 'new economy' require aeroplanes? or will a converted chinese bulk carrier do?

World financial gyrations of course continue, modern econopilots still have not learned to apply opposite rudder then recover from the dive yet, or decided who actually has control but apparently the Greeks lied about their carryon baggage and the Irish are migrating to Poland and Australia so all this shifting baggage is playing hell with the c of g and meanwhile the engineers keeping stuffing around with the fuel system. Speaking of the irish, seems the now decidely mangy red roo - with St. Alan achieved a very public credit downgrade which is probably going to cost them more than a few miserable wage increases or secure employment contracts and it seems Tiger has its paw trapped in the CASA bear trap and can't get around as much, silly of them to go that way over some flight crew records, will they never learn!

And so that was the week that was in OZ Aviation it seems, so it is time to say goodbye and good evening for this week from OZ.

[Jack Ranga]

Pretty good summation there grip :D

[rmcdonal]

Can we get one of these every week please? It's like watching John Clarke and Bryan Dawe but for aviation.
:D

[Ex FSO GRIFFO]

Hey 'GP'....

Don't lose yer grip on this one......looking forward to 'updates'....

Go for it!!!

:eek::eek:

[Your Steak Is Ready]

Grip, another request for more.

Brilliant!!

[ozaggie]

Bravo that man. Can't beat reality tinged with humor. Reminds me of Monty Python or the master of observational humor, Carl Barron. Keep it up mate, but careful ya don't bust yer poofle valve.
Cheers, OA:D:ok:

[Sarcs]

Grip spot on mate!:ok::ok: You've got to make it a weekly event:D:D

[Jack Ranga]

Reminds me of Monty Python or the master of observational humor, Carl Barron.

Walking Down The Street was on one the other night, I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time :D

[Kharon]

In the meantime he has been struck dumb

Oh there's a strange thought, buddy, buddy (Min). I would have thought that even God could not be that cruel; strewth he was dumb enough before (he was struck like).

Consolation - Uhhhmmm?!$%^. Let me think a bit here, we're busy you know. :ugh:

[Sunfish]

Albanese is for Albanese. Any benefit to the aviation industry is accidental.

[Ex FSO GRIFFO]

As are they all Sunny..... - as are they ALL.

Bring ON the NEXT ELECTION....I say!!

NOT that I want to vote for 'the other side'....NOT by ANY stretch of the imagination....BUT!!!

WTF????
WOT's Left..???

'Common Sense' just ain't so common any more!!

I'm done......:confused::confused::yuk::yuk::yuk:

[teresa green]

So Grip Pipe you have become part of the so called CBR press gallery, and we can now tune in for the latest from the Govmint. Excellent, a update for those who commit a act of aviation, who want to reeeeallly know the truth, wots happening in our industry and by whom. Xenophon (who is about to get stuck into JQ for their bastardisation of Thai CC) Albernese, who is going to save the great unwashed from A/C noise (the fact that the airport has been there since 1936 and Mr. and Mrs Al Saward have only been there since 2010) is of little regard, so much to write about Grip, so little time, we are waiting.

[gobbledock]

http://img.gamespot.com/gamespot/shared/user/emblem_krusty_s.jpg http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSelKhzwOHRW57JIQ8hEZMbdsLQ7zquxkn-JDUyxwL5L7anWIuZ http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6HeYzrTAFfS6VkAd9NjedO41kDG4f9TDXeMSA9mk vex93bH5AhQ

Common denominators? All work for Qantas, all work for government, all have bad teeth and can't lay straight in bed.

[Redpanda]

Why lump Krusty with the other two idiots????? :}

[Sarcs]

Common denominators? All work for Qantas, all work for government, all have bad teeth and can't lay straight in bed.

You got that right!:ok: Ask the former customs officer and whistleblower, Alan Kessing, about the veracity of Minister Fumblenese!:ugh::ugh:

[unionist1974]

AA a very good left wing hater/ student activist , not a business bone in his body. AA first second and third just like his best mate IMcD. The champions of the people , or so they would like you to think

[porch monkey]

I agree! Bit rough on krusty there!

[newsensation]

is that a shadow or a mustache on Albernese.... reminds me of someone

[teresa green]

Probably his great grandson. Explains a lot.

[Pinky the pilot]

Wonder why he has his hands up? Saying something like
''Kamerad, nicht scheissen'' perhaps?:confused:

Bit of an insult to Krusty, I agree.

[gobbledock]

is that a shadow or a moustache on Albernese
That is a brown moustache.

Wonder why he has his hands up? Saying something like
''Kamerad, nicht scheissen'' perhaps?http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/confused.gif
Maybe he is starting off a game of a Twister - Red hands up !!!!

Scary likeness ???
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ4JhOfMKIiLwMLNUERgyu8FkGFV2i0BBmUqWzLQHm 8K7D_Au3Whw


http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTF9FSEtjlvD0TrJefwLTPTqNNUvpIhbGORFyLKZfL tV-pMZigfag


My apologies to those I offended with the Krusrty piss-take. I agree that Krusty has more merit, ability and a larger moral compass than the rest of the bottom dwellers I lumped him with......

QF Board and Ministers for Mascot
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTOdSJCnB_dCbNhHd1-kBNxB9p4UOk5FN7CzqyhgDKpqYLvleF92Q

[TIMA9X]

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FtcGS6wdje4/TzNn3gGtkrI/AAAAAAAAAG0/VTqVFUkGILE/s654/Albo-body-scanner.jpg?gl=US

[teresa green]

Who the hell is Krusty, and who does he fly for?:confused:

[grip-pipe]

Well life this week in OZ life seems to have revolved around food in strange and interesting ways, from the gastronomic delights of burnt offerings at the Lodge for the circus performers to St. Alan engaged in a culinary cook-off aided by Oz’s very own Boy Scout, Dickie Smith. Early closing time in Sydney again brought out the wowsers and we were truly delighted to hear that Asian restaurants were coming to airports everywhere to provide a new slant on the current international cuisine already on offer. The fact that daily the punters were losing their meal tickets seemed to escape the attention of the Circus management.

We began early in the week with her magnificence, the Girrard, fresh from scrum practice with the AFPs best ruckmen at the Lodge Restaurant in Canberra, preferring a barbeque on Sunday at the Lodge with members of the troupe to any more going out, paper and pens were being provided for the kiddies to play with. I am told that it was all about how they could get Wayne’s kitchen working and how to get more pork pies to the punters. Ringmaster Albo was glad of a respite from his nocturne slumbers being disturbed by those new Middle Eastern neighbours. Little Kev was a no show, as he wasn’t quite sure what was to go on the spit, he decided that something more European was more to his taste.

The Flying Circus gave its first performance on Monday and for a while it seemed that things might get a bit more aeronautical the matter of food reasserted itself. In early pre show announcements, Albo told the audience that they will be installing x-ray machines in all Australian pubs to amuse the morons and the need for these gizmo’s had nothing to do with his long lunches at the US Consulate in Sydney.

On the same Monday, St Alan was forced once again to go on a pilgrimage to the big top and on to Oz’s own stone henge on the round hill in Canberra and forced to do some dancing before Biffo Heff and Krafty Nick. St. Alan was again whingeing about having the golden chain removed from the Roo, because it might die or otherwise he is going to have to sell it and the orange Pavlova machine to some Chinese restaurant owner when he wants to go all Asian anyway. Trouble is nobody, starting with the Russians, is interested in kangaroo or pub meals at the moment. Biffo and Krafty were kept in check by the bouncer at the Estimates tavern, Searly. There were prayers given for the aerial acts success and It seems there was a great deal of confusion about future performances. Krafty Nick reckons it’s was a good idea to have someone up front for the aerial act who actually knows you keep the blue bit up the top and how to do it but Albo and the rest of the troupe think as long as the punters are happy and none of the act fall on the audience it will be all good besides aerial acts are a dime a dozen overseas. St. Alan returned to Sydney town for things more culinary that evening with a cook up to show the range of Irish cuisine he knew about; Q-Soup, burnt kanga and orange pavlova. Dickie Smith gave him a cool hundred grand to stop and refused to eat the roo, seems he’s gone all vegan.

Albo, obviously intoxicated with the success of the Girrards barbeque also let it be known that early closing was here to stay in NSW and preferable all of Australia and reckoned he had a good idea but was waiting on someone to give it to him but never mind if they just moved the pub out to Badgery’s creek it all be good again in Marrickville. Albo also let on that some gang called the Emirates are going to end up in court for not leaving the pub on time. Seems nobody has worked out there are no early closing pubs overseas and when Mr Wu or Mr Li are short of a few customers they just come on down and help themselves to the Kanga’s dinner, if reports are to be believed they want the orange pavlova as well. In the parallel universe we were entertained by glossies and magic lantern shows on every corner letting us know about the new flash scooters and mystery ships to provide as much take-away as us Ozzies want. So, it seems, as any old crusty was more than happy to tell you, once the Mach numbers were right on a long night, that the three iron laws of physics; murphy’s law, sods law and the law of embuggerance, cannot not be defied.

Ominously, the comparison between an A380 and things European generally could not have escaped one’s attention either and as usual turbulence over the subcontinent and emanating further east was being to blame for all those unexpected cracks in the new European model. The Greeks were still trying to find the money for the excess baggage their relatives had taken. At least now the French Cozzie has stopped calling Angela a fat arse things have settled down a bit in first class but a NOTAM continues for severe turbulence west of the Himalayas and extending into high northern latitudes. No news from German engineers on the fuel system and Greek passengers are still refusing to only carry 5 kg each on any future flights and it seems there is now no way of getting the excess baggage or pax off the current flight without a savage decompression. Consensus is that PIGS should not be allowed to fly anyway.

It also happened to emerge that the indefatigable Mr Wu of the Peoples We Own Everything Airlines Conglomerate said they were not going to pay for those non-smoking areas when visiting the Euro seems they are not interested in picking up the Euro bus bills either. Not to be outdone the Girrard and Wayne have decided that the best way to get more punters to the show schedule this year is to put a surcharge on everything and have non-smoking everywhere in Oz a national priority, apparently they thought Mr Wu had been saying the Chinese were giving up smoking as well.
Finishing up the week one can’t help but be struck how the word Mac continues to be synonymous with crap, be it merchant banks, restaurants or govamint clowns. And who would have thought that ‘the’ Big Mac or as it is more affectionately known, the silver date, would be totally reliant on the Sydney pub for an income. There are a few observers who reckon they should call in the Geoff to teach them a thing or two about pubs after all wasn’t that the business model he used so well on Australia’s Overseas Airline and at the Wagga Inn?

And so that was the week that was in OZ and aviation it seems, so it is time to say goodbye and good evening for this week . Yes and your right, it is all bollocks.

[teresa green]

Excellent post and far more accurate than the ABC or the Fairfax press. I was wondering if you have any knowledge as to when QF might join Alcoa and Kell and Rigby with the begging bowl. Could not be far off, as the carbon tax slowly but surely snakes its way into our way of life. We is doomed squeaks Joyce unless there is a govt subsidy, and bingo, before we know it QF is basically nationalised again. Your take on this question?

[grip-pipe]

Alas I have not seen the program yet we shall see what next week brings. Til then.

[Kharon]

Grytpype: You see, Neddie, the Yehti is an unknown quantity, as yeti. Rumour has it that a Yehti has the ability to take possession of your mind.


Seagoon: Possession of my mind?


Grytpype: What have you got to lose?.

And; a small ovation from the wings. :D :D Encore.

[Pinky the pilot]

Once again, another good one grip-pipe.:ok: Please continue.

Concur with poster who mentioned John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.:ok:

[TIMA9X]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-aYELOW2wnRA/Tzc40wlaAUI/AAAAAAAAAHY/MbWPO65uTpE/s1024/CanberraAldos2.jpg?gl=US

[VNAV_PTH]

I'm confused, who's the clown?:rolleyes:

[Cactusjack]

Absolutley brilliant TIMA9X. Lots of detail, good work.
What a difference 24 hours makes? Queen Joolia's ship has sunk a little more. Can't wait for Kevvy to launch his takeover bid to gain back the Crown, time to order extra popcorn and a new recliner chair. Naughty naughty Joolia refusing to answers questions directly, what a surprise?
Maybe an updated circus photo is in order including Laurie Oakes, some faceless men, the Slugger and maybe Swanny.

[Jack Ranga]

It shows how much of an idiot she really is by even talking to Four Corners. She craves approval from the electorate but they just don't trust her. She continues to do her little lawyer deals, backstabbing and lieing.

What did Keating say? I'm going to do him slow?

She's getting from Rudd exactly what she dealt out, de-stablise her through the media and from within, let her crucify herself then tap her on the shoulder.

Interesting that in the latest polls support for the Labor party is up (still a loss at the polls) but her personal approval is down. The electorate understanding how much of a snake she is??

She is goooorrrrnnnn (as the fatman would say)

[Cactusjack]

Ranga, correct mate! She may have knifed Kruddy openly and quickly but she underestimated the dangers of dealing with a sociopath. He is cooking her slowly slowly painfully painfully.
Option 1) He will either go to the polls as Foreign Minister and wear the outcome of being booted out of office.
Option 2) He will strike within the next few months and take back the crown and go to the polls as Prime Minister again against the Slugger.
Option 3) He gets his prized gig on the UN Council and pisses off having satisfied himself that he got a measure of revenge back on the clowns that screwed him.
They are all tossers to be certain, but the Australian public, particularly Queensland love the wily silver haired sneak! I still think if he gets the support to topple Queen Joolia he may just have the public love and support to win the next election. A true case of 'Lazarus rising'.
And if he gets voted back in he has the added bonus of putting the Faceless Men onto the back bench, and the revenge of Ruddy will be complete.

Kruddy is an intelligent creature. I don't personaly like any politician, they are as nauseating as QF's executive management team, but I do like his 'slow baking' of Big Red. Can you imagine what he would do if your dog sh#t on his lawn!!!

[Jack Ranga]

but I do like his 'slow baking' of Big Red


Fascinating to watch how these bastards work :D

I reckon he will challenge knowing that if he:

Wins: He gets revenge on all the so called powerbrokers, back bench for them! If he wins the next election he goes down in Labor party folklore as one of the best ever (not my opinion!)

Loses: Knows it's all over and leaves before the next election hoping that his electorate takes out their anger on her and installs a Lib at a by-election, further de-stablising her illegitimate hold on Government.

OR

Hangs around til the next election whilst continuing to de-stabalising her from within, leaking to the media further details of what went on at the first challenge, knowing full well that there'll be another challenge before the election.

Do her slow Kevvy, do her slow mate :D

Anyway, back on topic!

[sisemen]

You've missed the other alternative:

He challenges; he wins; he goes to the polls; he loses. He's then portrayed as the biggest cntu in ALP history.

Don't forget he was on the nose when he was dumped. Aussies have long memories and they aren't fools.

[Jack Ranga]

Yep, forgot that option, good point :O

Do you reckon Aussies hate backstabbers more?

[fl610]

biggest cntu in ALP history

Surely that slot has already been filled! :E

[unionist1974]

ALP is history in their own heartland , a massacre awaits , lots of hangers on will be banished to where they belong . Then hopefully we get some decent folk in the party and we can start to rebuild the trust of the people , yea I know a huge ask.

[grip pipe]

This week began with repeat performances from all at Albo’s Flying Circus despite bad reviews from critics everywhere on the acts from last weeks’ program. Her magnificence the Girrard gave another scintillating interview on the play she was involved in Lady MacBeth despite being employed as head circus clown. Wayne ever so grateful for the rear view mirror world of econopilots, grasped the latest augury results from last year and told us it was all good, then resumed his day dreaming about the surf at Nambour. Albo realising that something aeronautical had to be said to wake up the audience and grabbing the megaphone gave the audience the long awaited news about the Circus and Sydney real estate and that it was all good, all things avian would be performing at a new pub at Buggered Creek but not just yet. They still had to find a new band who would play in a couple of years at the opening. Shorty, who now has a gig collecting unemployment cards let it be known that things were going well for new circus hires and there were jobs a plenty in the food carts and feeding the animals but it was true that various Ozzie animals and acrobats were not needed at the moment, some said there were veiled hints from Shorty about having to go and sort out Kev again.

St Alan having converted to the true believers astounded the faithful everywhere by pronouncing the greatness of the word from the sages at Stonehenge and of the beatific effects of the Magnificence and sent another 500 souls off to find the new economy, in keeping with theological tradition he ordered a hair shirt to wear for the rest of the year. Investors everywhere down to their last millions, were relieved to hear that St Alan was not now going to marry some Asian floosey and that he would be remaining in the priesthood. There was much satisfaction at the purchase of a hair shirt and the promise of more souls to be let go to search for the new economy. Virginity was seen as a virtue everywhere and the Kiwis were to go back to a season of repeats and to buy their own magic boxes.

The refueller at Bangkok having been called that very afternoon by the refueller at Townsville as to the true state of affairs of Circus OZ’s more recent aerial acts, pulled the plug and went home and the brothers grim from Cordite and Menthol were called in back in OZ to see if there was any form of smelling salts that would revive the lead act. Propositions involving a Thai version of you; jiggy, jiggy. were put to stranded troupe members. Various spiritual chants and more magic boxes were proscribed between acts at the Circus as it became known yet more souls were being sent in search of the new economy. Father Conroy began giving away magic boxes to all members of the audience to help them pass the time on the trip to New Economy. Yellow balloons with Kev logo were released everywhere to cheer us all up. Shorty went to put on his black suit and glasses.

The Euro Airbus continues in a holding pattern somewhere near Piraeus and reports are that there is now a malfunction in the financial data computer and auto-money disconnect switch. Locals in and around Athens began burning flares in case the great euro gizmo should happen to crash land. German engineers were adamant it was a fuel imbalance problem but the French partners said that was impossible and computer malfunctions were impossible and continued to review the departure point load sheets. Mr Wu and his great uncle Mr Li President of the Peoples We Own Everything, made good use of their frequent flyer points and took a holiday in Ohio where they supped on corn fed American beef and pondered whether or not it would be better if they had some of those new plastic skewers from Seattle but they decided they did not have a clue what the Girrard or Wayne had been saying either about giving up smoking.

And so that was the week that was in OZ and aviation it seems, so it is time to say goodbye and good evening for this week . Yes and your right, it is all bollocks.

[gordonfvckingramsay]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahaha! I haven't had a laugh that good in a while!! Keep it up Grip Pipe, I could read one of those every day.

Sad that it's so true. :{

[Ex FSO GRIFFO]

Thankyou Mr GP,

So, the Townsville refueller was right, all along then..??

Cheers, and well dun!! :ok::ok::ok:

[Pinky the pilot]

So, the Townsville refueller was right, all along then..??

Doesn't half look like it now, does it. And most refuellers seem to have some form of insight into what's happening.:(

Keep it up Mr GP.:ok:

G'day Griffo.