Techie Humour

[Ancient Observer]

I've searched for referencies to Techie Humour, but the returns are all in the Military area. Shouldn't we have some techie humour?...........Techies about Techies, non-Techies about Techies, and Techies about normal human beings?

I was "inspired" by the following.....

Woman goes to perfume shop. "I want my husband to pay more attention to me. Have you got any perfume that smells of a computer?"

[mixture]

There hasn't been a techie humour thread on PPrNe since 21st May 2004, 11:40.... so probably about time we had some more.

Here's an old one.....

Dear IT Support

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from drinking Mates 4.2, which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there is apparently a conflict between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware
beta-program, Party Girl 2.1 which I tried had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Finance 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2004.

Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and e-mail porn filters, and can, without warning, launch Photostop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources.

It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.

When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called mother-in-law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2004 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un installing itself.

[mad_jock]

Had a blond once phoned up because her keyboard was broken because when she typed her password in all it came up was stars.

[green granite]

Computer Stupidities (http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/)

[shortdrygrass]

An oldie but a goodie from one of the masters:

My Blackberry Is Not Working! - The One Ronnie, Preview - BBC One - YouTube


R.I.P. the other Ronnie. We miss you Mr Barker...

[txdmy1]

Techtales - Humorous Technical Support Tales: Tales from the Techs (http://www.techtales.com/tftechs.php)

[Saab Dastard]

The Website Is Down (http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com/)

SD

[Gertrude the Wombat]

If by "techie humour" you mean BOFHs moaning about their punters, such stories are hardly difficult to find.

For real techie humour you could try The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology (http://www.thedailywtf.com) I suppose. But you'd have to be a techie to understand most of the (non-Friday) entries.

[Sprogget]

Yes, noticeably shy in the self deprecation end of things is this thread so far. Wise to remember that being in the right always puts you in the wrong boys.

And I remind that it is nearly always boys...

[txdmy1]

Bastard Operator From Hell
The Home of the Mighty BOFH ? The Register (http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/)

[OFSO]

But it's usually PEBKAS.....

[txdmy1]

90% of the time it was when I did support - Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Screen ;)

[mixture]

The XKCD comics are occasionally worth a glance too.

[Ancient Observer]

I think that with all techie humour, we should start from the idea that all techie salesmen lie. Thus, the techie folk have to deliver the lies that the salesman has promised.
Just a quick observation from Christmas parties.
1. SAP massively over-promise to Lease Plan in Aus/NZ. Millions spent by Leaseplan, zero product so far.
2. Astra Zeneca CIO and team fired by Astra Zeneca CEO. They tried to import their (OK) IBM contract in USA to rest of world. Failed.
3. CSC. Told one story to Government in UK. Told a very different story to shareholders via SEC. Some half-awake journo spotted that one of these stories must be a "terminological Inexactitude"

[Gertrude the Wombat]

I think that with all techie humour, we should start from the idea that all techie salesmen lie.
Covered, with much else, from time to time in Dilbert of course.

[racedo]

PICNIC

Problem In Chair Not In Computer

------------

Though love talking to Help Desk and when they suggest I do something I just say its worked but system now saying Formatting Hard Disk.....................phone goes very quiet until they tentatively ask could you repeat.

[11Fan]

Why is it that IT guys and Drug Dealers the only ones who call their customers "Users?"

[cdtaylor_nats]

Because once we get you using you are in our power forever

[mad_jock]

MAkes me smile when I remember the days of the email going out to all the contractors that someones pimp was in for a visit.

Everything would get finished up and emails sent saying it was going to be a late start the next day. Then 15 blokes would wait and mug them in the foyer and rape thier credit card that night. Mind you not that they minded when they were creaming 20% off 50 quid an hour.