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Synthetic
24th Sep 2011, 22:18
Specifically mine (after I have finished with it).

I am writing my will and got to thinking that after I am gone I have no qualms about what happens to mine, but if it could be of use for something worthwhile that would good. It's pretty well knackered so breaking it for spares isn't worthwhile.

Can anyone make any suggestions?

QI rules apply - points will be awarded for being entertaining, but useful suggestions would be appreciated.

mixture
24th Sep 2011, 22:22
if it could be of use for something worthwhile that would good

Well, it's going to have to be for "scientific research" of some description then, because there's not much else you can (legally) do with a body except in pre-authorised traditional funeral formats.

John Brown, a dentist's epitaph:
Stranger! Approach this spot
with gravity!
John Brown is filling
his last cavity."

Checkboard
24th Sep 2011, 22:26
Given that you don't give a stuff (and that opinion is unlikely to change after your demise) ... why don't you ask those who will have to deal with it what THEY want to do with it?


i.e. - if they want a huge ceremony, horse drawn coaches and the like - then make provision for that.

If they want minimum fuss, then once you have finished with it have the local funeral home stick it in a cardboard box and bury it.

It's pretty well knackered so breaking it for spares isn't worthwhile.

"Leaving it to science" means giving it to the local medical college for the students to chop up. The condition of it doesn't matter - but at least it teaches some new doctors a few things :)

gingernut
24th Sep 2011, 22:44
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/gingernut123/DSCN6863.jpg
Leaving it to science 'aint always that straightforward.

Chat t'ya family before you do 'awt daft that might upset them.

Have already spoke to Mrs G & kids, ashes off Mam Tor:)

G-CPTN
24th Sep 2011, 22:55
To 'leave it to medical science' you have to have a previous arrangement with a teaching hospital and die within reasonable distance of said establishment and ensure that your relatives are aware of the arrangement.
Just as, 'leaving your organs for transplant' you have to perish in an incident that disables your brain whilst the heart remains functioning and (effectively) be on a life-support machine that can be switched-off around the time of the harvesting.

So many people who die of natural causes disqualify themselves from being potential organ donors, because once you are dead your organs are of no use for transplant.

Motorcyclists are referred-to by surgeons as organ donors because they are more likely to fulfil the conditions required, rather than they are more likely to die (though that can also be argued to be true).

If you do succeed in 'leaving your body to medical science' the hospital will (if you require it) dispose of your body afterwards at no expense to your estate (or surviving relatives).

Synthetic
24th Sep 2011, 23:11
Thanks for the replies folks.

I should have clarified - no family/relatives to speak of and as a twenty five years served biker they haven't had any of me yet. :}

Checkboard
24th Sep 2011, 23:19
Is it something that could happen in the next year or so, or at some wildly distant time in the future?

If you don't care, I would give it to the med students. Otherwise, buy the simplest package at the local funeral home.

G-CPTN
24th Sep 2011, 23:38
I have informed my children that I want the minimum 'service' (in all senses).

Although I was raised as a Christian (Sunday School, Abbey Choir etc) I'm no longer associated with the local church and my children aren't religious, so getting the local clergy involved would be pointless IMO (when my father-in-law died the vicar got his name wrong).
Cremation doesn't require the purchase (and maintenance) of a burial plot, though I have specified that my ashes should be cast to the wind overlooking a headland where gannets dive into the ocean (I have suggested a location, and I'm confident that my children would enjoy the excursion - which wouldn't need to be tied to my date of death).

Those who wish to spend money on ceremony and flowers are entitled to their wish, but it doesn't benefit the departed - except, perhaps, to strengthen the memory of the passing, which (as I have previously reported) is what 'heaven' is about IMO - the memory of the departed held by the survivors - I regularly refresh the memory of my grandfather who died when I was aged 7.

Hydromet
24th Sep 2011, 23:46
As SWMBO has never attended a funeral, and doesn't intend to break the habit of a lifetime should I predecease her, I proposed that I should give my body to a university. However, despite D2 explaining to her that such cadavers are treated with respect, she couldn't handle the idea of students fondling my body parts. I've therefore specified that my ashes are to be scattered in a rather nice river where I've caught the occasional trout and also spent a bit of time working.
I'm sure it will make little difference to me, but will keep the family happy.

I've also made a funerary urn for a gent whose wife died quite young. It is to remain on their bookshelf with the books she liked until his death, when it is to be buried with him.

Airborne Aircrew
25th Sep 2011, 01:39
I keep telling the wife that a cord of wood and a gallon of petrol will do the job admirably...

I have no idea why but she insists I get a better sendoff... I suggested a keg too... :)

sisemen
25th Sep 2011, 03:09
http://www.sausagecasingsnaturally.com.au/thumbnaillarge/Sausages7.jpg

Just a thought!

aviate1138
25th Sep 2011, 07:54
AA
"I have no idea why but she insists I get a better sendoff…"

It's because she doesn't want to stand around for 10 days waiting for the flames to die down…. :rolleyes:

risk
25th Sep 2011, 08:30
Donate it to PPRUNE... So your soul becomes a moderator

Cyber Bob
25th Sep 2011, 09:11
If you have no kin the answer is simple:

DO NOTHING!

You die where you die, no-one to pick up the tab and either the local hospital/mortuary dispose of you straight away.If not and they place you in cold storage until they find someone to sort you out - you shouldn't care, you're dead.

Don't even leave any dough aside - spend well now and enjoy yourself!

You say you're a biker, that might accelerate! things if you're not careful. My mate who is a surgeon has a pet name for bikers - he calls them 'Doner's'.

So go and relax, kick off your boots and watch 'Easy Rider' Bro :ok:

Wholigan
25th Sep 2011, 09:13
Oh dear risk, risk, risk. You should know by now that moderators have no soul and would refuse to have such a thing in here! ;)

Capetonian
25th Sep 2011, 09:16
I do sometimes wonder, when I go to a funeral, why I'm doing so, as I know that person won't go to mine!

hellsbrink
25th Sep 2011, 11:15
My mate who is a surgeon has a pet name for bikers - he calls them 'Doner's'.

Don't he feel a bit silly calling them kebabs?

tony draper
25th Sep 2011, 11:38
I've told the family to hoy me in the freezer and keep drawing me numerous pensions.
:rolleyes:

Worrals in the wilds
25th Sep 2011, 12:14
You could be recycled!
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/frontsquare/e9aa_soylent_green_crackers.jpg
I'm sure it will make little difference to me, but will keep the family happy.
At the end of the day (your day :ooh:) that's what funeral customs are all about. Whatever keeps them happy and results in the least amount of family disharmony.

tony draper
25th Sep 2011, 13:01
I understand even a bog standard funeral can cost about four grand now with a exra grand for the hire of a extra limo,how in the name of all that's holy can the robbing bastards justifty costs like that?,the last funeral I attended the journey to the crem was about five hundred yards.
Just another case of anybody wearing a suit has the divine right to commit fraud and rob the citizens of this country.
:suspect:

Worrals in the wilds
25th Sep 2011, 23:03
Some of them are also really dodgy.
There have been recent cases here of funeral homes not having appropriate refrigeration in their morgues, driving bodies to crematoriums 600km away because they're cheaper, not complying with the family's requests regarding clothing for the deceased, nicking jewellry and similar shonky stuff. :mad:

Of course the deceased probably doesn't mind, but it's very upsetting for the family and really aggravating when you look at what the buggers charge. In this city at least, I'd stick with the three established decent firms, even though they're not the cheapest.

Hydromet
25th Sep 2011, 23:35
A couple of years ago a bloke I knew on another (woodworking) forum, and had met once in person, died suddenly. He had a good job, a number of friends at work and in the woodworking community, but after several months investigation in Australia, UK and SA, police were unable to find any kin or heirs. In the end, his funeral was arranged by friends from the forum, and attended by them and a few work contacts.
Sad that a full life should end thus.

Slasher
26th Sep 2011, 06:43
My missus is gonna have me stuffed and mounted
and used as a front garden conversation piece.

Krystal n chips
26th Sep 2011, 06:48
" My missus is gonna have me stuffed and mounted
and used as a front garden conversation piece"


By which gender ?......:E

tony draper
26th Sep 2011, 08:38
Nelson had a good last journey, he was transported in a full barrel of brandy.
:)
Interestingly he is buried in a tomb Cardinal Wolsey had made for himself.
:)

GANNET FAN
26th Sep 2011, 08:53
Have you ever wondered what happens at the end of the service when the curtain closes/coffin lowers what exactly happens next. For example, on completion of conflagration am I taking the ashes to be scattered that include the fabulously expensive wooden coffin and the melted down handles.

Or, as I strongly suspect, the removal of the body from the coffin takes place so the coffin can be recycled and another huge cost to some other poor unsuspecting grieving family member.

Cynical? Maybe but suspicious, you bet.

Fareastdriver
26th Sep 2011, 10:59
You can guard against that by getting yourself cremated in a cheap asbestos coffin.

tony draper
26th Sep 2011, 11:17
Did a lot of work in a new crem that was been built along side a operating one,have to say never saw any bodies dumped out of coffins did see them pile up a bit when they were busy and as is common in people involved in a grim trade there was quite a bit of graveyard humour at large among the staff.
:)

Storminnorm
26th Sep 2011, 11:45
Nelson MAY have set off home in a FULL barrel of Brandy.

I have it on good authority that, due to those wishing to convey
their condolences, it wasn't full of anything, apart from Nelson,
by the time it got back home.

That idea of being stuffed & mounted and placed in the front garden
HAS got a certain appeal to it.
You could even have your own set of lights at Christmas.
Must look into that idea.

vulcanised
26th Sep 2011, 12:45
My missus is gonna have me stuffed and mounted
and used as a front garden conversation piece.


Hopefully not prior to death.

MagnusP
26th Sep 2011, 13:00
All depends, really. If she's still warm and was good-looking, well . . . .

Checkboard
26th Sep 2011, 13:13
My missus is gonna have me stuffed and mounted
and used as a front garden conversation piece

Mounted sound a bit harsh - how about just holding out your hand for a friendly hand shake. :)

I have it on good authority that, due to those wishing to convey
their condolences, it wasn't full of anything, apart from Nelson,
by the time it got back home.
mmmm ... rotting body-flavoured brandy :yuk:

Keef
26th Sep 2011, 14:14
As one who occasionally goes "round the back" in the crem, I can assure you that the ones I know certainly don't recycle the coffins. The handles look like brass, but are placcy or painted wood depending.

You don't need a coffin or any of that expensive stuff - just the coroner's certificate, and pay the gravedigger plus the diocesan fee.

Storminnorm
26th Sep 2011, 14:14
In Nelson's days they had Men of steel and Ships of wood.

It's altered a bit since, the Ships are now of steel.

TBirdFrank
26th Sep 2011, 14:26
First time I ever met the Mrs she was in the company of another lass, a dizzy blonde kid who was full of life and fun.

We lost touch with her over the years - not for the lack of trying - even finding a facebook page linking to her, and trying to get in touch that way.

The damned thing has just sent out a message from her daughter that she died yesterday :{

The worst thing is not knowing that she was even ill - lost years - don't do it! Keep up with your friends - They're for life :(

MadsDad
26th Sep 2011, 16:37
Don't know about everywhere but I was told last week (by a lass I know who was organising her Grans funeral) that round here thay are so busy there is a 2-3 week wait for a 'slot' at the crem.

And by a coincidence I was listening to the radio 1/2 hour ago and they mentioned the possibility that 'within the foreseeable future' they would be recovering energy from the cremation fires, for power generation or heating. Could upset some people (although for personal preference use my remains to fire to Tornado).

hellsbrink
26th Sep 2011, 17:51
mmmm ... rotting body-flavoured brandy

Probably improved the taste.

After all, you don't REALLY think they had barrels of the good stuff on a ship, do you?

SASless
26th Sep 2011, 17:56
I reckon it depends upon the condition of the body....what kind of shape it is in!


http://edge.ebaumsworld.com/picture/lorddread/1summergirls.jpg

hellsbrink
26th Sep 2011, 18:02
Always wondered, when the crematorium is busy how do they seperate the individual peoples ashes? Surely they would need a while to burn down to ash and then cool.

The few funerals I have been to we have been met by the next lot on the way out.

They have more than one "oven", so they can cremate more than one at a time, then clean the "oven" out before the next one. As MadsDad says, there is sometimes a "waiting list" and that's why you sometimes never get the ashes immediately after the service.

Oh, MadsDad, that ain't new. I remember something in the UK press a few months ago about how one place was going to do exactly what you say and, surprise surprise, people started kicking off over the thought of them doing that.

tony draper
26th Sep 2011, 18:16
They have a thing like a large coffee grinder the purpose of which should need no explaining.
Working in the area where the deed is done we obviously watched the process a few times,it does no take long,the bloke in charged took one look at my slim form asked my weight and reckoned about half an hour for me.
:uhoh:

hellsbrink
26th Sep 2011, 18:20
the bloke in charged took one look at my slim form asked my weight and reckoned about half an hour for me.

I reckon it'll take 3 days for the fire brigade to put my liver out....


And that's before we start on the excess blubber.

Hmmm, there's an idea. I bet the PYT could make enough candles out of me to be able to pay for the funeral.........

G-CPTN
26th Sep 2011, 18:26
Cremation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cremation#Modern_cremation_process)

tony draper
26th Sep 2011, 18:39
I have a friend who's father died suddenly whilst on holiday in Spain,obviously he had to get all the paper work and arrange for transport of the body buy a coffin ect,cost him a fortune,then back in the UK he had to buy another coffin as the Spanish one did not fit the regulations for cremation.
Good idea for a business,set yourself up as a freelance undertaker and do cut price funerals,caedboard coffin transit van for the pick up and last ride to the crem,punters use their own vehicle that would do me,undercut those thieving robbing bastard mafias that run the undertaker services now.
:suspect:

Bicster
26th Sep 2011, 18:55
I do believe theres a saying 'Tapping the Admiral', it comes from the barrel of brandy that Nelson was in. The crew would creep up and use pasta tubes as straws to have a cheeky drink of the brandy.

hellsbrink
26th Sep 2011, 21:58
[QUOTE]I have a friend who's father died suddenly whilst on holiday in Spain,obviously he had to get all the paper work and arrange for transport of the body buy a coffin ect,cost him a fortune,then back in the UK he had to buy another coffin as the Spanish one did not fit the regulations for cremation.
Good idea for a business,set yourself up as a freelance undertaker and do cut price funerals,caedboard coffin transit van for the pick up and last ride to the crem,punters use their own vehicle that would do me,undercut those thieving robbing bastard mafias that run the undertaker services now.[\QUOTE]

You're looking at a lead lined coffin for that, just to bring the body back to be disposed of in the UK.

Know guys that had to do that, lining the coffin, they didn't like having to do it but "it was their job".........

G-CPTN
26th Sep 2011, 22:11
I would hope that my family would have the sense to have my body cremated wherever I happened to snuff it.
A couple of kilos of ash will cost less to transport than a lead-lined casket containing 70 kilos deadweight . . .

tony draper
26th Sep 2011, 22:16
Is one allowed to do that Mr G-C? rules tend to be made up so somewhere along the line some one can make some money out of someone elses misfortune,twas ever thus.
:uhoh: