View Full Version : What Do You Wash Your Lousy Stinkin' Body With?

13th Sep 2011, 05:46
No matter what I try, I don't feel like I'm really getting clean. Soap, body wash, shower gel....I think it must all be crap.

Any recommendations in that regard? I thought this would be a good place to ask because flight/cabin crew spend long hours in cramped quarters with colleagues and passengers. Have you found something that makes you feel and smell really clean throughout the day/night?


13th Sep 2011, 06:18
The missus uses a green-colored antibacterial soap called
Antabax that keeps her body all yummy and fresh tasting.

She makes me use it too (instead of Palmolive dishwashing
liquid which I swear by) and find it pretty good.

I recommend both.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQAE3XQKENtP-5uV1YH3lXDfzHpqWKSDfcoziWr8FnoRHvnHohLdg http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ0CgtJzAKIzs0OhoR2-BeP4hpX57908Ycex-vUpkoYK4WxvQXLtw

Solid Rust Twotter
13th Sep 2011, 06:27
Used to use Dettol soap but they changed the size of the bar from 200g to 175g which kind of dropped me in the dwang. Two bars would see me through a tour in the desert comfortably but now I need to drag along a third to make the entire tour. This makes things awkward as space and weight limitations are a pain in the butt.

One has purchased a different brand, Protex by name, which still comes in 200g bars and will henceforth avoid using Dettol soap.:*

13th Sep 2011, 06:30
Works for me......


13th Sep 2011, 06:47
Well, I have tried...no.. Wait...the following has been tried on me:

- Wash your body with soap once (scrub it good) & rinse off... then lather on a body wash (shower gel)...

- After a body wash (shower gel), apply salt (with the shower gel still on)... (YES, you read it correctly)... rub salt all over you & then rinse off..

- Dettol for men Extreme soap & shower gel...

- Take a shower a million times a day...

- EVERY freakin shower gel in our galaxy...


After being a lab rat for many a girlfriends....I have come to may own ratty conclusion:

- The Dettol for men Extreme SOAP first...
- Apply salt in specific areas (underarms, shoulders, arms, behind knees etc)
- rinse off
- Use a shower gel with scents of lemongrass, citrus, green tea or anything else that is very FRESH smelling but a NATURAL one.... NOT the ones that smell fresh but are like Ocean fresh or Denim fresh or Summer fresh or Bullcrap fresh.... you get my point?? Natural Fresh Scents only... especially the ones I mentioned...
- Dry yourself off & apply some baby powder over yourself (be careful as powder does tend to show on dark clothes) especially underarm (again if you will be using a deodorant then don’t apply powder there as it will render the deo ineffective)
- Apply a fresh perfume... good example... CK One...

NOW I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A LADY'S PARLOUR ROUTINE... but it is nothing to smell good & fresh & clean...ESPECIALLY for gentlemen who tend to smell not so good all that often...

Plus this is something you can do at home, so if you are on the move.. carry Dettol Soap, some salt, and a small bottle of baby powder ;)

13th Sep 2011, 06:57
Brobat or Clorox:{

13th Sep 2011, 07:03
Nothing beats Sunlight soap...


13th Sep 2011, 07:36
Solid soap versus Liquid Soap? Views?

13th Sep 2011, 07:38
Nothing beats Sunlight soap...

Only the combination of Sunlight Soap and this lovely citrus and lemongrass saltscrub. It's made and sold in a small shop called 'still pure' in the beautiful little village of Riebeek Kasteel in the Swartland, about 100 km north of Cape Town.

Essential Oils | Still Pure Essential Oils South Africa (http://www.stillpure.co.za/)

I have no connection with this business other than as a satisfied customer.

(But then my body's not lousy and doesn't stink to start with .... at least the dog never thinks so when he crawls into my bed in the morning!)


13th Sep 2011, 07:38
Solid Soap... try to remember your chemistry lessons from school & you'll remember why.

If you cant remember, try it... Solid Soap works better... Liquid smells better at application time but does not work better & neither does the smell tend to stay longer...

B Fraser
13th Sep 2011, 07:42
10 mins in a really hot dry sauna

10 minute cool down, consume an ice cold beer

another 10 mins in a really hot dry sauna

ice cold shower or roll in the snow, have another beer

back into the sauna, throw some water on the kerris, work up a good sweat

have a Nordic uber-babe thwack you with a wet bunch of birch twigs, return the favour.

roll in the snow, have another two beers

back into the sauna, steam for 15 minutes

scrub all over with nettle soap, shower off, check for any remaining beer, sleep for 10 hours

Does it keep you clean for the next day..... who the hell cares. :ok:

13th Sep 2011, 08:00
Cleanliness is next...

For mself, the best all-around washup is isopropyl (rubbing) alcohol-- at a strength somewhere between 70% and 90% pure. Will give a refreshing clean at temps from -20 to +50C, & the alcohol-style wash actually feels much warmer in really chilly places because it evaporates with less skin-cooling energy loss than for water.

For serious cleaning, take the above with a bit of dishwashing liquid detergent soap - mixed with about equal parts water & detergent, and then that mixed with alcohol (the rubbing kind... remember, not the kind for drinking! Ethyl alcohol works, also, but using that will have zealots the likes of KAG following you around, and some very suspicious looks from the authorities in certain places.)

For the 1-wash-a-month set, add a bit of tri-sodium phosphate (used in laundry and industrial soaps) , a material best bought per-se in relatively pure form and then mixed in judiciously -- so one knows for certain the ingredients one is getting.

And for the truly fussy (or truly greasy), mix in a bit of boric acid - not stronger than 1 % !!!, in water, then apply selectively - it will effortlessly dissolve excess fats (including skin, if one lingers too long in the doing) with remarkable efficiency. Side benefit is that you likely won't get termites after bathing thus.

Tis a bit difficult explaining why, but one has and does use all of the above quite regularly in preference to most off-the-shelf-products.

13th Sep 2011, 08:01
Slasher, I will try to find Antabax and give it a go. Funny you should mention Palmolive dish soap because I once ran out of shampoo and tried that on my hair. It cames out squeaky clean. Thanks for your recommendations.

Solid Rust, my mom used Dettol to scrub the bathroom. I didn't know they made soap too. I'm going to try to find everything recommended here and see which one I like best. I just had a shower with Dove soap and feel like I still have a film on my skin.

Gulfstream, Thai body to body wash? Sounds like a long ways to go to get clean!

risk, wow! That's quite the regimine. I have heard of salt scrubs - sugar scrubs too. I've spent a lot of money on exfoliants; basic kitchen ingredients work just as well - probably better. Interesting that you lather and rinse twice. I'm going to try that too. Maybe "once is not enough." One thing I don't like using is baby powder, though. Don't think that fine talc dust is too good for the lungs, plus it really does mess up your clothes. Thanks for your lengthy recommendations. I will try!

merlinxx, Clorox? Jeeze!

Caco, I've seen Sunlight automatic dishwasher soap. Will try to find the people soap...and will try. Thanks.

ross, I think the pretty coloured shower gel that smells so nice is probably the worse for leaving an itchy film.

Cape, that lemongrass scrub sounds wonderful. But again....what a long way to go to get clean!

risk, I was lousy at chemistry, but I think you have a point. No more shower/body gel.

B Fraser, I lost you after the second beer.....but I'll take your word for it.

arcniz, I like the sound of your simple rubbing alcohol/dish soap formula.
The alcohol would be really cooling on the skin; I bet the meld would dissolve that filmy build-up. Thanks so much!

13th Sep 2011, 08:18
Palmolive dish soap because I once ran out of shampoo and tried that on my hair. It cames out squeaky clean.

Sam Clemens, a little-known writer from the mid 1800's in the States, brags in his autobiography about how he had washed his hair every time (and maybe every day) with laundry soap.

As he slid into cranky old age-- 90's iirc, Clemens still sported a full head of very white hair --- in an era when most men were balding hard by their early 30's.

henry crun
13th Sep 2011, 08:53
I am told that Toilet Water is effective, though how you scoop it out of the bowl is up to you. :}

Mr Grimsdale
13th Sep 2011, 08:59
Swarfega... because I'm worth it.

13th Sep 2011, 09:15
This makes things awkward as space and weight limitations are a pain in the butt.

You're not supposed to stick it up there!

13th Sep 2011, 10:05
Solid Soap... try to remember your chemistry lessons from school & you'll remember why.

I was queasy thinking which nasties grow on the bar as it sits around. Maybe it's nasty enough for the rest of the nasties to avoid it......

13th Sep 2011, 10:07
Someone once said to me, about using shared soap: "Think about the last part of my body I washed with it then the first part of yours you wash" Since then I don't use shared soap other than with ......... someone special!

13th Sep 2011, 10:08
Your Lousy Stinkin' Body.....
Speak for yourself V2 ;)

Clean is not an absolute.
It is a culturally determined value.
Ozzie clean does not equate Pommie clean does not equate Yankee clean does not equate Jap clean does not equate African clean etc etc etc etc.

For me personally, shower body with warm water only, minimum once per 24 hours, more often in hot wx.
Use a small amount of whatever soap/gel the hotel provides or my husband fancied for our shower, to wash armpits and groin.
Roll on deo, slather on whatever body lotion was on offer at the tax free last time I bought, or again provided by the hotel, and jobīs done.
Spray on small amount of favourite parfum du jour before getting dressed.

V2, what with your soap, body wash & shower gel you sound plenty clean to me, yet you donīt feel you are getting really clean. :confused:
Which proves my opening line.

Thereīs too much washing and too little washing, and where those borders lie is decided by where you were brought up, and by your personal preferences and choices.

Oh and V2, unless you are a hairy person doing hard physical work in a hot climate, do you really need all that bacteria killing stuff? :hmm:

13th Sep 2011, 10:34
Had a bloke in the RAF who was totally obsessed with personal
Used to shower several times a day, and was constantly washing
his hands and face.
I think it was just a reaction to having to share spaces with the
rest of us great un-washed peasants.
Often wonder what became of him.
He's probably all washed up by now.

13th Sep 2011, 10:35
I used to like Wrights Coal Tar soap. But nowadays, its just a sham label - made in Turkey, and thanks to EU directives, without coal tar...... That is globalisation and progress for you, I guess.


Nowadays, Mrs C makes her own soap - it's fit for purpose, but some of the poofy smells she infuses are a bit hard to bear. Lavender, Geranium, Rose and the like. Nice in the garden, but I prefer not to smell like a plant.

13th Sep 2011, 10:42
I must say that, Nurse does a very good job, regarding my outer cleanliness :ok:

When I was a grubby kid this was the soap of the day. If we ran out of it, it was the brown carbolic!:eek:

Lifebuoy Red Soap

Unique protection
Lifebuoy's unique formulations and antibacterial ingredients in all its products make it superior to all other ordinary soaps, giving 100% better germ protection. Good health, protection from most skin germs and control of body odor make up the core objectives of the brand.

13th Sep 2011, 10:50
There is this compulsive washing disorder. There was something in a newspaper recently ( ... well, the Daily Scale!) .... about a woman who suffered from this and she had ruined her health and skin by constant showering and washing. The skin is an important organ, I think it's the largest in the human body, and serves many functions which can be inhibited if the natural oils are removed.

I had an ex g/f who used to wash and shower about 8 times a day (maybe it was only when she was near me!) and yet she had cats in her flat which left their fur all over the place, licked their bits and so on, and this never seemed to worry her, yet it disgusted me. Even more strange, she would wear the same clothes for two or three days!

13th Sep 2011, 11:01
Yes, there is a known disorder regarding over doing it with
the personal cleanliness.
Can't recall it's name now, but never suffered from it myself.

13th Sep 2011, 11:03
Submerse myself in a pool twice a day regardless of weather, mornings out of pool, cold shower whatever soap Mrs Fliegs & I bought...Summer, Surf in Ocean, jump in Pool followed by Cold Shower..whatever soap we bought..Winter too dark for surf, still jump/slide into pool, cold shower whatever soap we bought, always jump into pool at least twice a day!:ok:,

It refreshes in the morning, and rinses away the work day in the evening. Evening, in pool, garden hose shower, and get dressed., always before getting into 'sleepwear', even if staying up a little later, a cold shower & whatever soap we bought...copious amounts of Deo, Baby Powder (Never forget between the toes!), and a few squirts of some nice smelly stuff....

So at least every day 2 submersions, followed by garden hose rinses, and followed by cold showers with soap...deo talc powder......weekends are more submersions followed by garden hose showers....

13th Sep 2011, 11:05
Norm, repetitive washing is a known symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Is that what you were thinking of?

13th Sep 2011, 11:07
The soap the guy made in 'Fight Club'... :E

I once had to etch some PTFE coated wires, and rinse the horrific etching stuff off in acetone. Little did I know that my gloves has split, and I had been washing my hands in the acetone for half an hour. When I took my gloves off my hands were as white as a sheet of paper, and I thought they had died. The colour did return to them eventually, but I do subscribe to the view that the body produces those oils for a reason.

13th Sep 2011, 11:10
Being a bit of a traditionalist, I still use the soap that my mum used to buy back in my sproghood, Imperial Leather. Seems to get the job done, lasts a long time, and somehow that little red and gold label magically stays on the bar down to the merest sliver. Very reassuring, for some mysterious reason. Used to fascinate me, that - try sticking a stamp on another brand of soap and see how long that lasts!

Imperial Leather - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_Leather)

13th Sep 2011, 11:17
Yes, that's it I think Magnus. Thanks.

13th Sep 2011, 11:24
Poncy liquid/gel soaps in kitchen, downstairs bog, utility room. Proper Imperial Leather at bathroom sink, whatever shower gel comes to hand. Vaseline deodorant, Prada aftershave moisturiser.

Fragrant, I am.

Cyber Bob
13th Sep 2011, 11:41
Tequilla, Lime and Salt - Njoy !

13th Sep 2011, 11:53
Ah, Teasers Bar in Amsterdam. You get the shot, waitress holds lime in her teeth and sprinkles salt on her boobs. Only on your birthday, though; I'm now approaching 187 years of age. :E

Ancient Observer
13th Sep 2011, 12:17
People lived for tens of thousands of years without showers/baths and with out soap. They also did not need shower gel until the soap manufacturers decided to sell it to increase their profit margins.

Some idiot back in about 2000 BC decided that soap would be a good thing - using animal fats, veggie fats and some salt. It was only for the rich. Stupid idea.

But as you asked, L'Occitane seems to be the best I've found. Second would be Woods of Windsor.

13th Sep 2011, 12:31
Reminds me of the story back in the 'summer of love' - A less than fragrant hippy was found concussed beside the newly opened M4 motorway. Beside him was found a hitch-hikers sign on which was scrawled 'Bath' and a presumably well aimed bar of soap....

13th Sep 2011, 12:41
Oddly enough, AO, I'm on L'Occitaine at the mo'. I think there's a Molton & Brown next in line.

13th Sep 2011, 12:47
Definitely some of you are a bit obsessive about washing. Me? I wash once a year whether I need it or not!

In truth though many of the bad smells we associate with being dirty are in fact from the clothes. Change your clothes and the bad smell goes. There are people who advocate not washing your hair at all other than a rinse with water. Apparently in a few days the natural oils reassert themselves and the hair looks great. Never tried it myself.

I know several people who are obsessive about cleaning. I remember one in my army reserve days. He needed to shower three times a day. Not very practical for a soldier out in the field for a couple of days living in a hole in the ground. Which is I imagine is part of the reason he didn't last.

I like my showers, as for soap. I grab what's there, living with a woman there's always a good selection of overpriced cleaning products to hand.

Ancient Mariner
13th Sep 2011, 12:51
Whichever bar of soap that happens to be within reach when and if I'm dirty (the way men becomes dirty when doing manly stuff), apart from that my skin is perfectly capable of looking after itself. Can't believe "men" are actually discussing this topic. What's next, fav perfume, skin conditioner. One shudders.

13th Sep 2011, 13:10
Used to wash mine with the sullen African cleaner down at the Club Nautico after weights 'n sauna. Nothing like a good scrub down from a longhandled brush, administered without the slightest hint of a smile. And for an extra €5.......oh. my !

13th Sep 2011, 13:14
fav perfume,

As you've mentioned it, 'Old Spice' is my manly perfume of choice. Bought my first bottle in the PX at Goose Bay, over 50 yrs ago.
Wonderful stuff!:ok:

Of course 'our 'enry' preferred that dreadful 'Brut' rubbish.:suspect:

Alloa Akbar
13th Sep 2011, 13:29
Dr Clackmannan's Protein Body cream is a sure fire solution.. :ok:

B Fraser
13th Sep 2011, 13:46
Doesn't it curdle in the bath ?

Alloa Akbar
13th Sep 2011, 13:51
I'm told it is fully absorbed by the female body..

Mr Optimistic
13th Sep 2011, 15:09
I don't regard it as washing, more like annointment. All I need now is for someone else to attend the temple. Anyhow..........What's wrong with radox shower gel/shampoo - one bottle does all (but a bit harsh for the ladies I am told). Howard Hughes may have doubted it but you all can't be fetishists.

Cyber Bob
13th Sep 2011, 15:35
"Ah, Teasers Bar in Amsterdam. You get the shot, waitress holds lime in her teeth and sprinkles salt on her boobs. Only on your birthday, though; I'm now approaching 187 years of age. http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/evil.gif "

Magnus P - it's a regular event down my way!! - One of three things that's worthwhile in life!. The other two.............go figure!;)

13th Sep 2011, 15:47
1. Always wash the soap before you wash yourself.... :suspect:

2. My old Sarge taught us the basics... A, B, and C. Armpits, Bum and Crotch... all done out of a waterbottle retained on your belt. :)

None of this pongy smelly stuff, the enemy will smell you a mile away, and you'll walk right into an ambush. :eek:

The grunts in 'Nam selected a new set of greens upon commencing a patrol... wore them for 3 weeks... them threw them in the bin upon return to base.
I'll wager they enjoyed anything that resembled a shower, after 3 weeks in the stinkin' J... :suspect:

13th Sep 2011, 15:57
A quick sprinkle of Domestos works every time. The skin soon grows back.

13th Sep 2011, 16:22
Puss Juice? What in the world is puss juice?

I wash with whatever beer I spit out all over myself, during a night of heaving beer-ing.

Seriously though. Who cares? Soap and that's it. No smelly-type soap. Just plain ol' soap.

13th Sep 2011, 17:02
I find ya can't beat this stuff.


13th Sep 2011, 17:16
Been meaning to ask this - should one disinfect and clean one's
arsehole by rubbing an an antibacterial soap bar in the crack? I
thought it was good hygiene, but lately my bum has been quite
sore when taking a crap. Not sure if its the soap or I've just been
sitting on my butt far too much these days.

13th Sep 2011, 17:25
Slasher, have you been wearing a G String made of lace again? I've heard they are quite abrasive.

13th Sep 2011, 17:48
Originally Posted by V2-OMG! http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/463524-what-do-you-wash-your-lousy-stinkin-body.html#post6696156)
Your Lousy Stinkin' Body.....

Speak for yourself V2 http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/wink2.gif

Juud, I was quoting my mother. "Get that lousy stinkin' body in the tub or else." I didn't like baths much as a kid, obviously.

Wow! Tons of replies here. Too many to thank personally, so will offer this collective Thanks!!!!!

Boy, I'm sure going to be busy the rest of the year trying all your recommendations. I may not have any skin left by then......lol!

Bobby Darin: Splish Splash (take 1) - YouTube

13th Sep 2011, 17:49
I have to take a shower first thing every morning, I've been that way for nearly ever. When I flew for the Marshal Service, hauling prisoners around, 99% of the time I'd take a second shower as soon as I got home or to the hotel. That could have been just physiological. After leaving the USMS, I only take a second shower if I have been working out side and have gotten hot and sweaty.

Now, I hate to sound like a TV commercial, but a few years ago I noticed I was starting to get patches of dry, itchy skin. Tried all kinds of skin lotions to no avail. Then I saw a TV commercial about Dove Men +Care. So I tried it. Within a few weeks my skin cleared up and remains so. It could be a coincidence, but I'm not taking any chances and still use it.

Oh, and the funny thing is, the soap is cheap, cheaper than most other soaps.

13th Sep 2011, 17:54
Slasher, have you been wearing a G String made of lace again?

Um... yeh that might be it ST. :\

13th Sep 2011, 18:26
603DX - concur with the Imperial stuff, works for me for around 30 yrs and no complaints to date, one likes simplicity..

13th Sep 2011, 19:22
should one disinfect and clean one's
arsehole by rubbing an an antibacterial soap bar in the crack?

Yes, Slash., you should. Your local vet will be able to supply an excellent product which they use to wash cow's udders down before milking. Kills 99% of all known germs. Makes you wince a bit at first, but you soon get used to it, although for a time one has a tendency to reach back and kick whomsoever is standing behind you. I also have a slight pain at the top of the buttock crack right now which I am treating with horse linament from the same manufacturer. Smells lovely (the linament that is), much better than posh aftershave.

If the above sounds like I have more confidence in vets than I do in doctors treating human beings, yes I do. Plus the georgeous young lady vets in their greens (with, in summer, not much worn under them) make a visit far more enjoyable than the usual grumpy old quack f*rts masquerading as doctors for human beans. And the GYL vets are more than happy to treat me, too.

13th Sep 2011, 20:06
Slash it sounds like you need this stuff, Bag Balm. (http://www.bagbalm.ca/bagbalm.ca/english/index.asp)
If it's good enough for Shania Twain... :E

13th Sep 2011, 21:08
Since every guy can work wonders with this.....

.....maybe ol' Slash could duct-tape those cheeks apart somehow.

That's another thing my mom believed in: air drying via natural sunlight. (not the soap).

Lon More
13th Sep 2011, 21:25
a quick dip in hydrochloric acid before stepping under the shower should help those dead skin cells wash off.

13th Sep 2011, 21:54
Bed bath is the only certain way....

Failing that, a quick 20 lengths (in the pool) works for me:)

13th Sep 2011, 23:09

Ma'am well done, least you kept it clean! ;)


13th Sep 2011, 23:29
Ma'am well done, least you kept it clean!

Yeah, imagine that, considering Ppruners are obviously clean in body, but dirty in mind. :)

Our resident vulgarian was relatively wholesome too -
apart from a brief forray into a rather nasty crack. :p

Anyway, glad you enjoyed the thread, and thanks, Cacophonix.
And thanks again, everyone, for your recommendations and reply.
(And more are still welcome!)

There's nothing quite like a bit of good clean fun. ;)

Loose rivets
13th Sep 2011, 23:50
A subject close to my heart . . . and my bottom.

I found myself on the side of the road hollerin' into the phone on a 999 call. The only possible cause of my anaphylactic shock was hospital soap. My hands had become fat, red and very itchy prior to feeling very, very ill.

Even then, I couldn't ues even good old Palmolive without getting a rash.

If I'd still had me class I medical, I'd have lost it. But I didn't, so I didn't. So there!

Since I was a kid, I'd used Imperial Leather. I'd eat it for breakfast if it didn't make my nose-holes bubble. Lovely soap, with an astonishing story behind its inception. However, nothing stays perfect for ever.

It's a faint shadow of its old self. That handy label that would stop it sticking to the sink, now comes off, and the smell . . . well, it just aint the same. Is nothing sacred? What would the Tzar have said!!??

14th Sep 2011, 00:37
Slasher, have you been wearing a G String made of lace again? I've heard they are quite abrasive.

That's why I call them @nal floss.

Since I was a kid, I'd used Imperial Leather.

I have used parmolive gold, since I was a kid, saw the ad they used have, very catchy and have used it ever since.

14th Sep 2011, 01:59
I've used Le Chat, savon de Marseilles for as long as I can remember. The green stuff with olive oil, not the yellow glycerin one. Lathers well in the hard water around here.

14th Sep 2011, 02:33
OFSO and Piggy thanks for the suggestions. I'll give those a
try. I also am suffering a bit of upper buttcrack pain as well
as that from the main bunghole area.

Our resident vulgarian was relatively wholesome too -

I agree. Goudie can be a thorough gentleman at times! :)

14th Sep 2011, 02:49
This missus likes this..


So that's what I use. But they're not content to leave well alone as they changed the formula - same as Palmolive (ah, the smell of Palmolive in the dunny of a British Railways Mk 1 carriage on a warm day).


Don't use none of that fancy shampoo shit either.

14th Sep 2011, 09:18

14th Sep 2011, 09:40
Nope, he's right - Palmolive and Mk1 toilets or sleeper compartments :ok:

14th Sep 2011, 10:03
Slash, dear boy, has pointed the glaring light of enquiry on a subject never before discussed in PPRuNe to my knowledge - viz., the keeping clean of one's a*sehole. Of vital importance, of course, not least as it is the place where during one's life one will be rudely recommended to shove various things - such as, for instance, one's opinions, table manners, and suggestions.

More practical matters however are the correct use of paper - from front to back or side to side ? Or perhaps in a circular motion ? And if the latter, clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere, and anti-clockwise in the Antipodean Lands ? And what about crossing the Equator ? All very well for those of you in your shiny jets, whizzing about the wold in minutes if not seconds. But for those of us in our lumbering yachts - should one abstain from wiping for a period of, say +2 to -2 hours when aproaching the equator, so as to get the rotary direction right ? No problem for the Owner, but not sure that my crew could abstain this long, despite their meagre diet of two bowls of rice a day. And if the equator coincides with the International Date Line - well ! You see the problems.

As I said, a weighty matter which we would all do well to consider....

14th Sep 2011, 10:33
Folder or Scruncher? (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/276679-you-folder-scruncher.html)

Which Side? Discuss. (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/382100-side-toilet-roll-discuss.html)

14th Sep 2011, 10:48
OFSO, as President of your own Empire,well may you ponder the subject.

While stationary Roman civilians had more than adequate facilities of a type not even envisaged on the rest of the continent, a lack of effective and readily available means to achieve anal hygiene was a real and eventually debilitating challenge for the Roman armies.

Rome was defeated by dirty bums.

14th Sep 2011, 11:47
Rome was defeated by dirty bums

I know, I lived for 25 years among their descendents in the Rhine Valley. They built walls (the Limes) stretching for miles to keep the dirty bums out.

27th Feb 2012, 05:45
Got to be impressed with those Turks and Greeks, They keep a bucket of ready torn paper by the bowl.

28th Feb 2012, 04:39
Gee, forgot all about this thread.

But since posting, I've sworn off shower gels and have gone back to old-fashioned soap, and feel cleaner. I like the Micro clean Irish Spring bar with beads that exfolliate.

Windy Militant
28th Feb 2012, 11:12
V2 what type of water do have, hard or soft? when I first moved to a hard water area I never felt clean after I washed.
I've always had to use an unperfumed soap, Lifebouy plain white or more lately simple soap. I've tried using other stuff but find it it makes me itchy especially in hot weather.
What has saddened me is the demise of green kitchen soap. My mum always used it and it's one of the few things that can get your hand cleans after working on diesel engines, also good for collars and cuffs and other assorted stains.
Did a goggle the other day and found some for sale Ģ6 for two bars plus postage. :eek:
Guess I'll be joining the black hand gang from here in!;)

28th Feb 2012, 11:56
too bad I can't advise it, as you poor buggers do not have saunas :( - but the best way is to heat up, sweat, repeatedly, and wash with WATER. If it's the snowy season, roll there, if you're close to a lake, sea or river, get in there.
No need for soaps, disinfectants or detergents whatsoever. Actually, no aftershaves or body lotions either.

28th Feb 2012, 18:53
Windy, I am on well water right now, so it's hard.

I never thought about the hard/soft water connection. Right now I am pretty-well full-timing in an Airstream travel trailer, so my water source can change dramatically.

Come to think of it, on my last outing, the water was being piped into my Airstream shower from a pure mountain stream right from a glacier and felt really clean after that!

28th Feb 2012, 19:11
I am proud to report that since I took up the advice of other
PruNers my arse has remained fresh and clean as a whistle -
you could eat your dinner off it! :)

28th Feb 2012, 19:15
What's on the menu, Brothel sprouts?

1st Mar 2012, 04:33

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way
cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and
whine about getting fat.
Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth,long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced
natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that
it's all come off.
Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it
waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and
turns red hot.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or
tweezers (if you can find them).
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to
spend hour and a half getting dressed.


Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting
"Way Hey!!"
Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one
last whiff.
Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.
Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.
Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in
Piss in shower.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because
shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
Leave bathroom light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off
towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterday's clothes.