View Full Version : Straight Pride March

blue up
9th Sep 2011, 14:30
Following on from a tiny spat on a company site on this forum...

...If we were to have a 'Straight Pride' day along with the associated march...

...where would it start, where would it go and what would we like to see?

Presumably it would start somewhere near a pub that sells nutty brown Ale that gives you giant farts.
None of that wimp gastro food. Big Ploughmans' Lunch with stinking pickled onions. Does that come with chips?
What shall I wear? The lime-green Lycra wouldn't do so I'm thinking a pair of 5 Tesco jeans with a stain on one knee from Gearbox oil, a Lumberjack shirt (Michael Palin was only joking with that Lumberjack song, wasn't he?), a pencil behind one ear so I looked like I would fit in at that place down the road that sells paving slabs and timber in long lengths. Shoes? Well, those socks almost match and they won't be visible in my 10 year old ex-army boots, even if that shoelace snaps again.

March route? Past the scrapyard, B&Q, rugby pitch, another pub, Aston Martin dealership, another pub, McDonalds, another pub and eventually the football ground.

There we will see displays of manly hetero sports. Small rabbits will be released and shot. Everyone will get a chance to skin it (V. manly) with one of those MANY small knives you've collected over the years. How many? Only just slightly fewer than the number of small torches you've collected. There will be an Australian contingent coming over to demonstrate advanced manly BBQ lighting and a Texan section will be putting on a display of Chilli cooking (near the toilets and the fire extinguishers) The Scandinavians will be carving trees with some fierce looking chainsaws, the Germans will have a stall selling tools that you never knew you needed. There will be no French this year.

Any thoughts as to who we will want to open the ceremonies? Keira Knightley, Charlotte Church or Julia Gillard? Your choice.

Over to you.:E

9th Sep 2011, 14:37
Plenty of parking for Jag V-12's and Jensen Interceptors......:ok:

Al Fakhem
9th Sep 2011, 14:46
Is it still legal to be "straight"?

9th Sep 2011, 15:01
or Julia Gillard?

Jeez. You're one sick bastard aren't you?

B Fraser
9th Sep 2011, 15:38
Put my name down for the "Building Things Without Instructions" demonstration.

I was at a car event last weekend where I joined 20 blokes standing around the back end of a Porsche race car watching the owner fire it up and blat the throttle. All that was missing was a pint of bitter in a jug and a briar pipe with which to point and nod at the turbo waste gate.

9th Sep 2011, 16:01
Um...I would like to put my name down as the
main judge of the wet T-shirt contest thanks.


9th Sep 2011, 16:22
Um...I would like to put my name down as the
main judge of the wet T-shirt contest thanks.

If you receive the, err, Judgeshipness, can I be your beer runner? I'll be a bit slow, being distracted and all that, but I promise I will get the beer to you, eventually. :p

Um... lifting...
9th Sep 2011, 19:24
There will be a shed of fully assembled and almost functional items as well as an array of tools suitable for dismantling said items.

The only problem I can see with this whole adventure is that no one will show, as it will not be in keeping with the theme of the thing to ask directions.

9th Sep 2011, 20:02
Are marchers likely to be attacked by the ANaL?

9th Sep 2011, 20:21
Checkers was a judge at a heat of Miss Nude Australia. He had the presence of mind to ask for free beer. :ok:

9th Sep 2011, 20:22
There will be an Australian contingent coming over to demonstrate advanced manly BBQ lighting

.....complete with football banter.......:D

sea oxen
9th Sep 2011, 22:21

At my alma mater we had what was known as an Ironman Contest.

Cold pies, greasy half-cooked eggs, and as much warm Australian lager as you could handle were the order of the day.

There were other activities, involving conjugation with the less pulchritudinous on a dare - these were an adjunct to the other festivities.

But even with ten Cialis chopped up with a handful of Charlie, and in the full flush of youth, I'd still have popped Bob Brown over her.



9th Sep 2011, 23:54
I don't see any mention yet of brightly decorated floats with bonking hetrosexual couples on them? How about a colliery band?

Solid Rust Twotter
10th Sep 2011, 05:32
Saffers'll drop in to teach you how to eat raw meat and how to get the barbie done right, starting with calling it a braai....:}

10th Sep 2011, 06:41
There's no real difference between a braai and an Aussie
BBQ, save the massive bloody size of the Saffer's beast.

Solid Rust Twotter
10th Sep 2011, 08:13
Our beasts can get pretty big but that's what happens when they tuck into all that meat the blokes are chucking about on the braai. Sometimes the well trained ones can even be convinced to get the beers when we run dry outside.:}

Of course if she reads this I'm dead meat.....:ooh:

Braai Day - James Braai 0027 - YouTube

blue up
12th Sep 2011, 06:31
I'm making final preparations for the day.

Do we want the Germans or the Italians in charge of car parking arrangements?
Dutch Police or TSA in charge of security on the door?
Swiss or French in charge of toilet facilities?

I vote SLASHER in charge of entertainment. Any objections?

12th Sep 2011, 06:59
Fluffers. We're gonna need fluffers. :ok:

12th Sep 2011, 09:42
I seem to remember a news story a few years ago about someone getting arrested for wearing a Straight Pride t-shirt, and apparently was charged with breach of the peace and something to do with hatred (couldn't have been racial). All the while those that bat for the other team are allowed to cavort near naked in bondage gear in broad daylight in front of all comers!

Personally I think an afternoon or two in the battlecruiser with some good ale, and a pie and chips, or a ploughman's watching the rugger is about as demonstrative as I need to be about my sexuality. Or cutting up firewood with my axe and chainsaw.

Checkers: full marks for quick thinking! Like you work!