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tony draper
4th Sep 2011, 21:40
If I were the public hangman I would kick em in the bollix just as I pulled the trapdoor lever.:E
Beat that

CityofFlight
4th Sep 2011, 21:43
That would make 'em forget that neck pain they are feeling! ;)

Cheerio
4th Sep 2011, 21:44
.... and put a trampoline underneath

CityofFlight
4th Sep 2011, 21:45
:D:D:D:D:D

McGoonagall
4th Sep 2011, 21:48
A compulsory two day course on ropework.

First day:

Identification of natural fibres, rogues yarns, why sisal can not be relied on to save (or indeed take) a life. Elementary bends and hitches.

Second day:

Advanced bends and hitches. Practise tying the hangmans knot. Tying the actual knot. (Got to get it right mate otherwise we will be here again tomorrow).

:E

galaxy flyer
4th Sep 2011, 21:49
Reaching the end of the line quickly; but if Drapes really wanted to be nasty to the poor buggah, he would make him read some of Jane DoH's posting before climbing up the scaffold. That might put him in more, shall we say, amenable mood for the kicking, dropping and bouncing back?

GF

tony draper
4th Sep 2011, 21:58
Did you know that they are only allowed to have three goes at hanging you? after the third attempt they have to let you go.
See John Babbacombe Lee.
:uhoh:

Shack37
4th Sep 2011, 22:04
Did you know that they are only allowed to have three goes at hanging you? after the third attempt they have to let you go.



In that case, to be really, really nasty you have two deliberate failures and just when his hopes are getting up...........snap.

con-pilot
4th Sep 2011, 22:07
In that case, to be really, really nasty you have two deliberate failures and just when his hopes are getting up...........snap.

Oh, that is mean. :ooh:

However, I do believe;

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. :ok:

Shack37
4th Sep 2011, 22:12
However, I do believe;

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/thumbs.gif


Thank you CP, that'll be with stuffing of course.:)

BrATCO
4th Sep 2011, 22:16
Why not hang them just once ? By the arms. Until death occurs.

OOps, sorry, I missed the neck...

Capetonian
4th Sep 2011, 22:18
Did you know that they are only allowed to have three goes at hanging you? after the third attempt they have to let you go.

Paddy was on the gallows and the trap jammed twice. As they were about to try for the third time, he shouted out : "Oi tink I know what's wrong wid it, oi can fix it...."

ShyTorque
4th Sep 2011, 22:19
By the arms? You're an old softy. Give them a Mussolini......

Worrals in the wilds
4th Sep 2011, 22:21
Australian Federal Police firing squad.
Culprit unscathed; Innocent bystanders die from flesh wounds. Member of firing squad injured by stray round. :}

goudie
4th Sep 2011, 22:32
Those who conspired to assassinate Hitler, were, on his command, hung by piano wire round their necks but with their toes just reaching the ground so instinctively they tried to support themselves but in fact just prolonged a very painful death. Their torture and death was filmed which Hitler liked to watch!
Pity that method could not have been applied to Hitler himself and his henchmen.

Capetonian
4th Sep 2011, 22:41
hung by piano wire round their necks but with their toes just reaching the ground so instinctively they tried to support themselves but in fact just prolonged a very painful death.

I can think of a few other 'leaders' to whom I'd like to see that applied. It's not too late.

Mike X
4th Sep 2011, 22:41
Piano wire may be construed as key, depending on tension, of course.

stuckgear
5th Sep 2011, 07:43
Just as the trapdoor is about to open, playing an MP3 of the following sound.

http://www.habitationofjustice.com/wp-content/uploads/simpsons_nelson_haha.jpg

blue up
5th Sep 2011, 08:38
Just a microsecond after the lever is thrown you get someone in a set of 'legal clobber' to rush in with a sheet of paper and shouting "No! Wait, a reprieve".

Don't use a gibbet, make a huge 'Swingball' set and get 2 Russian female tennis players to beat the 5hit out of the condemned.

Have the trapdoor triggered by a fuse with a long run. Light it and get everyone to do the "Mission Impossible" song. "Dah, dah, duh-de dah, dah"
http://neilojwilliams.net/missioncreep/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/dtp_mission_1024.jpg

GroundedSLF
5th Sep 2011, 13:04
Sorry - thought this thread was about Bob Crow...

tony draper
5th Sep 2011, 13:12
Knew a chap called Malcolm Crow once,I recall him because on one occasion one had cause to punch him in the nose and really hurt me hand,didn't do his nasal organ much good either.
:(

corsair
5th Sep 2011, 13:12
Sorry Tony's original idea wouldn't work. There is a noticeable delay after a kick in the bollix to the excruciating pain. He'd be dead before he felt anything.

No much better to have someone shout: 'The pardon just came through'. Followed by a pause then 'Sorry, it's for someone else.'

Sallyann1234
5th Sep 2011, 13:14
Use a bungee cord instead of rope.

BrATCO
5th Sep 2011, 13:15
Give them a Mussolini......

Too fast, innit ?
Blood moving towards head will kill faster, I recon.:confused:

Another one would simply be lapidation, as they do in civilized countries.(won't show images)

GroundedSLF
5th Sep 2011, 15:52
How about attaching the rope to the "gentlemans area" instead of the neck?

Or would that just encourage Conservative MP`s to "fess up" just to experiance the hanging?:}

Krystal n chips
5th Sep 2011, 16:26
No subtlety on here whatosever !......

On the appointed day, enter the cell, sit down with the soon to be deceased...and then order breakfast ( for one..you.. that is ) plus tea /coffee toast etc. Tell the other occupant, soothingly, to relax..talk about the weather, the lousy traffic etc.last nights curry..... advise him you only have the full English on special occassions....offer him a copy of the Sun / Daily Mail to browse through...finish breakfast, then go outside for a cigarette ( smoking is now banned in Gov't buildings after all ) then go to the toilet..gently advise the other occupant you will be returning of course...after which, take him for a tour of the ahem, facility. Demonstrate the process and describe in detail what will happen...advise you will take any questions at the end of the talk / demo. Take a coffee break at this point...order a Danish in advance of course. Then, do a dry run so to speak..explain this is to get the camera angles right ( very pertinent if the recipient is a former "celeb" as I am sure they would understand )...then have another coffee / cigarette etc.

Clearly, some time management skills are required with the above procedure but all the better if the recipient is a former Tory MP / Lord / banker / footballer....although with these in mind, 14 swg locking wire would more than suffice and you can forget the first paragraph !.....:E

However, in your case Mr D, being the traditionalist you are, we, the Ruling Council come the Revolution, will take this into consideration and thus you can rest assured the process will be in the time honoured manner

tony draper
5th Sep 2011, 16:58
Tiz reckoned the miscreants in the gas chamber desperately held their breath when they heard the cyanide eggs hit the acid beneath their chair,so another wheez would be to don a gas mask go in and tickle them.
:E

Lon More
5th Sep 2011, 17:43
John "Babbacombe" Lee

Breaking them on the gun.

Something for the tourists in Edinburgh if combined with the One O'Clock Gun

OFSO
5th Sep 2011, 18:20
Most of the suggestions involve being really nasty - once - and it's over with. What about being forced to watch the simpering loons on "Big Brother" or the "X Factor" - as long as you live ? Rope or gas any time for me if if I had the choice.

ShyTorque
5th Sep 2011, 18:29
Those who conspired to assassinate Hitler, were, on his command, hung by piano wire round their necks but with their toes just reaching the ground so instinctively they tried to support themselves but in fact just prolonged a very painful death. Their torture and death was filmed which Hitler liked to watch!
Pity that method could not have been applied to Hitler himself and his henchmen.

I've been in the actual room where this took place, now some two decades ago. A more spooky place I could never imagine. Even before I was allowed in, or told what the room was, I suffered a feeling of dread the likes of which I've never felt before or since. On entering it was explained what had taken place there. The gibbet rails, or whatever the correct term is, were still on the walls. Quite horrific. :uhoh:

BrATCO, I was told Mussolini was strung up inverted by his nethers - is that what you mean?

vulcanised
5th Sep 2011, 19:55
Nastiest one I can recall was the upturned copper bowl that was strapped to the belly after a couple of rats were placed inside.

Then another copper bowl was placed on the base of the first. Burning coals were placed in it.

It got intolerably hot in the upturned bowl and there was only one way out.........

tony draper
5th Sep 2011, 21:16
Rather messy for the cleaners though.:uhoh:

Blues&twos
5th Sep 2011, 22:02
Jazz being played continuously in the background.

Rrrrggghh...it makes me angry just thinking about it.

Seldomfitforpurpose
5th Sep 2011, 23:51
Everything so far is way to quick :=

Stick said miscreant into a cell with HIV+ Bubba and let Bubba gradually remove his ability to control his arse cheeks or contemplate a bowl of semolina again by filling him, via either orifice, full of contaminated protein every 4 hours, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year till either the ****in or the HIV does the trick :ok:

parabellum
6th Sep 2011, 00:00
I think you will find Mussolini and his mistress were first shot and then hung upside down by their ankles and put on public display.

Personally I think the Japanese system is nasty enough, the relatives don't get told the date of the execution, only that it has happened, the condemned prisoner doesn't get told either, one night the guards just come for them, that's it. (I think there has been a move afoot to change this procedure, not sure of any outcome).

Mike X
6th Sep 2011, 00:21
With apoligies to those of yore. How would YOU choose to do it today ?

Slasher
6th Sep 2011, 03:31
How would YOU choose to do it today?

Just bring back the good old lecky chair - frying the bastards
appears to have made for a great morning's entertainment! :ok:

Worrals in the wilds
6th Sep 2011, 10:26
Personally I think the Japanese system is nasty enough, the relatives don't get told the date of the execution, only that it has happened, the condemned prisoner doesn't get told either, one night the guards just come for them, that's it. (I think there has been a move afoot to change this procedure, not sure of any outcome).
From memory the Indonesians have the same MO.
Probably beats sitting around thinking about a particular date, though.

Shack37
6th Sep 2011, 10:54
From memory the Indonesians have the same MO.
Probably beats sitting around thinking about a particular date, though.

I'm not so sure, could cause thinking minutes rather than dates..:ok:

Noah Zark.
6th Sep 2011, 11:14
Talking of the Japanese, I understand that they were world authorities on the subject circa WW2.

cavortingcheetah
6th Sep 2011, 17:11
Quite nasty to guillotine your children in front of your eyes and then strike your head off too. But then the French always were masters of foreign policy.

arcniz
13th Sep 2011, 08:41
In the spirit of those entertainment venues where the amplification is much too loud and some seats (including the one I usually land in) are far too close to the speakers:

Seat the evil one in a small metal-walled room built so the Chair is surrounded by an array of really-high-power speakers, with amps to match. Strap the Client down really well, but rigged with one arm in reach of his-her mouth, and the hand of same tethered above to a handle on a pulley that, if freed, can drop down a great array of 18-inch corkscrew-style needles - all directed so as to impale selected parts of the "client" in a manner that will lead to horrifically excruciating, but not immediately fatal results.

When all is set up, the Dispatcher steps outside the room and starts the event by turning on a program of sound that runs on indefinitely in the 110 db + range, or maybe a bit higher, in any case loud enough to render the subject thoroughly miserable but not sufficient to kill at all quickly - with a period of several weeks allowed for the full-cycle - if necessary.

The ONLY way the subject can achieve quicker mortality will be by chewing off his/her arm so that it will then drop the pincushion skewer impaler -- which then will work a bit quicker, albeit much more painfully, so in the fully impaled case it should not take more than a week to finish the job.

Audio content for the occasion may be something creative, chosen by family of a person the Client has done wrong... or perhaps selected by a lottto game.... or just the standard run of BBC programming, if nothing else comes to mind.

27mm
13th Sep 2011, 09:11
IIRC, the KGB executed the defector Penkovsky by tying him to a plank with piano wire and then slowly inching him feet first into a furnace.....

MagnusP
13th Sep 2011, 10:32
arcniz, I admire your imagination, but I'm just a little worried . . . :eek:

arcniz
13th Sep 2011, 10:43
MAGNUSP, one can see your point. Sorry!

The BBC option clearly may stray a bit too far into cruel and unusual, depending on the programme.

Carry0nLuggage
13th Sep 2011, 10:50
For the drivers of lorries who drive into bridges and delay trains - Make them run the gauntlet of the passengers stuck on the trains

For the scrotes who nicked the signalling cable near Guildford yesterday - Put 'em in the stocks at Waterloo and leave them at the mercy of the commuters.

For terrorists, kiddie fiddlers and other vermin for whom killing is too good - Paralyse and ventilate. Keep them alive for years so the relatives can visit them. Not to do any harm to them, just to look them in the eyes.

flynverted
13th Sep 2011, 11:12
Guy I work with spent some time in prison. T'other day he told me what a few prisoners did to a child molester, they shoved a length of poly pipe up his backside, then a piece of razor wire inside the poly, then pulled the poly pipe out leaving the razor wire. :ok:

ross_M
13th Sep 2011, 12:37
The thread started out funny; but it's getting a bit disturbing now....:uhoh:

ZH875
13th Sep 2011, 13:17
Sod the Simpsons, make them watch Jedward for an hour, they will quite happily top themselves without any effort from you.