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birrddog
23rd Aug 2011, 02:56
So have a bachelor week-end coming up, and I am looking for some ideas to 'punk' the bachelor.

I'm sure amongst the illustrious crowd of PPRuNers we can come up with a few ideas that are
1) Funny
2) Not cliche
3) Not going to get him divorced or fired before the weeks out
4) Show smarts and not cras
5) Going to make the poor lad sweat and think
6) "Above board"

I kind of like the idea from the original 'The Hangover' of the Tiger in the bathroom, or taking photos with him all night with very random and odd goings on in the background (midgets, sheep, etc. with or without Slasher...)

Let's put the creativity of JetBlast to the test....

Slasher
23rd Aug 2011, 03:27
3) Not going to get him divorced or fired before the weeks out
4) Show smarts and not cras
6) "Above board"

That doesn't leave much room for any real creativity bird!

I guess having his balls shaved by the stripper and then
smeared in sump oil by his mates is out....

innuendo
23rd Aug 2011, 04:13
I remember a stag where they painted a message on the grooms chest with some sort of pre-op disinfectant that would not wash off,
"Congrats From xxx Sqn" and a big arrow on belly below pointing to the vital parts.
Not destructive and could be concealed for the big day although not for the night.

Flyt3est
23rd Aug 2011, 07:57
I recall a stag do in Newquay where we stripped the stag and tied him to the little chain fence outside Sailors, we then borrowed some girls lipstick and were inviting all of the girls entering the bar to write good luck messages on his body in lipstick.. Unfortunately one girl (must have been from Falmouth) wrote something lewd on his back then shoved the whole lipstick straight up his rusty bullet-hole.. made his eyes water a bit!! :ok:

The old "Monk" haircut trick is a good one, get some card and cut a 4" dia hole in it. when said stag is bladdered, use the card as a template to shave a perfect circle in the crown of his head.. It won't be visible in photos, so no harm done!! :E

Capetonian
23rd Aug 2011, 08:08
One of my pals got totally bladdered and fell down some stairs on his way home after the stag night. He wasn't badly hurt, just cuts and bruises, but passed out, so I went round to the local hospital and got some plaster of paris bandage and a sling, and bandaged his lower arm and hand up. When he came to in the morning he remembered the fall and nothing else, and we convinced him that he'd broken his wrist and been to hospital to get it fixed.

We let him turn up at the church with his arm in plaster and cut the bandage off just before the service. His fiancée was in on the prank, we felt she had to be or she might not have seen the funny side of it. Even the priest had a laugh when we told him what was happening!

We put another guy on the night train to Bitterfontein, which is in the middle of nowhere in Namaqualand and was served by about one train a week. He had to hitch a lift back to Cape Town and was not amused!

angels
23rd Aug 2011, 08:52
Ah, the night train.

One of my chums ended up in Durham (it would have been Edinburgh, but he woke up).

The 'monk hair-do' trick is another excellent one. :}

larssnowpharter
23rd Aug 2011, 08:54
The train one is a good one.

Cue back to early 70s. 43 Sqn nav ISTR was in the mess for his stag night and bladdered. He was duly loaded on a first class sleeper from Dundee to kings Cross stopping at Leuchars Junction at 2307.

His wallet and all his clothing was taken!

The resourceful chap made it back to Leuchars in BR overalls.

A number of us were then invited for a hat on interview with the Staish (Chalky White?) who could barely keep a straight face while issuing the ritual rollicking.

ShyTorque
23rd Aug 2011, 09:14
An aquaintance of mine had one eyebrow and the opposite side of the moustache shaved off.

She looked really stupid. ;)

M.Mouse
23rd Aug 2011, 09:43
Why do people feel the need to have a 'stag' night, set out with the intent of getting blindingly drunk before then behaving like complete morons and doing utterly stupid things?

Is it some sort of macho male bonding exercise or just indicative of the stupidity of pissed men?

Sad that a small part of the UK populace seem to specialise in carrying out these activities abroad now as well. From my observations the locals are really impressed.

Slasher
23rd Aug 2011, 09:53
Why do people feel the need to have a 'stag' night, set out with the intent of getting blindingly drunk before then behaving like complete morons and doing utterly stupid things?

Because we just like doing stuff like that Miss Mouse. Doesn't
a hens night out involve getting blind drunk, a bunch of loose
chippendales, and a sudden bikini wax for the bride executed
by from the bridesmaids without warning?

MagnusP
23rd Aug 2011, 09:59
Dangerous things, night trains. Anybody remember the film Dancing Queen with Rick Mayall (groom-to-be) and Helena Bonham-Carter (stripper at stag do)?

corsair
23rd Aug 2011, 10:03
Why do people feel the need to have a 'stag' night, set out with the intent of getting blindingly drunk before then behaving like complete morons and doing utterly stupid things?Because they're men and men do that sort of thing.

Is it some sort of macho male bonding exercise or just indicative of the stupidity of pissed men?Yes and yes.

And your point was????????????

I didn't have a stag night, in part because of my deficiency in male friends and in part because, well actually that was the only reason. :{

As for pranks well in a previous job anyone getting married was always got one way or another. One ended up tied to a roadsign in his underwear on the main dual carriageway outside. Several got dunked in the fire fighting water tank out front. Others found themselves covered in sticky stuff half naked lifted to the office windows by forklift so the girls therein could enjoy the sight.

All great fun but the bosses eventually stopped it for insurance reasons and for the obvious reason that visiting customers might see more than they bargained for.

Alloa Akbar
23rd Aug 2011, 10:10
Why do people feel the need to have a 'stag' night, set out with the intent of getting blindingly drunk before then behaving like complete morons and doing utterly stupid things?


The reason marriages fail.. made painfully obvious..

Women's complete and utter, miserable failure to understand the male psyche.. :rolleyes:

OFSO
23rd Aug 2011, 11:57
Walking along the street outside a well-known watering hole in Griesheim, Germany, my friends met a colleague whom we shall call "R", blind drunk, having vomited over himself and probably lost control of his sphincter as well.

"We can't take him home like this to his wife" was the general opinion "she'll be furious with us".

Coincidentally a truck pulled up and the driver asked if there was a phone inside the pub, our colleagues said yes and off he went.

They looked at each other and with one accord hefted colleague R up and over the tailgate (trying not to get his foulness on their hands or clothes) and under the taupaulin hanging down the back of the truck.

Then Les Amics went home, happy at having dodged a shouting confrontation with R's wife.

I think it was three days later that a telephone call was received from Hamburg, of which the first two words were "You BASTARDS !!!....."

Alloa Akbar
23rd Aug 2011, 12:05
OFSO - Reminds me of the wonderful joke by Clement Freud I believe.. chap vomits over himself, so his friend tells him to take 10 pounds from the ATM and tell his wife someone else vomitted over him, and then gave him 10 pounds for the dry cleaning by way of an apology.. The drunk follows the instruction when confronted by his wife, and reaches into his pocket to produce the money. The wife replies "So why are you holding up 20 pounds?" and the drunk replies "Ahh.. you see, the other ten pounds is from the chap who shat in my pants".. Priceless!!

stewmath
24th Aug 2011, 13:02
Make him wear a mankini

Worrals in the wilds
24th Aug 2011, 15:42
I remember a stag where they painted a message on the grooms chest with some sort of pre-op disinfectant that would not wash off...


I'm advised that the other thing that works well is meat workers' ink. This is the stuff they use to mark beef, lamb etc (you may notice it in pink and green at the butchers). Apparently it takes some days to wear off, even with repeated solvent application :eek:. Up to you where you paint it.


Doesn't a hens night out involve getting blind drunk, a bunch of loose
Chippendale's, and a sudden bikini wax for the bride executed
by from the bridesmaids without warning?

My fave hen's night description came from a glamorous lawyer cousin who had the misfortune to be invited.
'So we get there, and it's a boat. I can do boats if there's drinks laid on. So far, so good. We board, get our 'cocktail' ('sparkling and cat's piss', her description not mine :E), skoll that and there are the male strippers. Bunch of middle aged fatsos (again, her description:sad:) and one of the creepos tries to 'win on'', says the dear cousin.
'So that's what you get for being a skinny glam blonde', I say. 'Your problem. Did you tell him you're a lawyer?' 'Yeah', she says, 'then all he wanted to talk about was his marriage breakup. I told him the hourly rate and he scarpered'. :eek:

Said legal eagle spent the rest of the night hiding in a lifeboat with a girlfriend, a packet of Marlboro and a bottle of vodka. I asked what happened to the hen; the response was 'dunno, she got blind rotten drunk and disappeared with the creepo who had the marriage issues :eek:...'
Hen's nights aren't dissimilar from bucks/stags nights, they just don't get talked about...:suspect:
Don't even ask about the other one where a hen's associate caught chlamydia from a male stripper's thrown G string... fair dinkum deadset etc...
(Edit; it was a chlamydia eye infection not the genital sort, which I'd never heard of but apparently it's possible).

ricardian
24th Aug 2011, 16:14
Up here there's a tradition of "blackening" (http://www.theslapcottage.co.uk/blackening/index.html) which can produce some interesting (http://www.orkneylive.com/groups/profile/17/pictures/206) results (http://www.panoramio.com/photo/37825732)

Hydromet
24th Aug 2011, 22:34
Don't even ask about the other one where a hen's associate caught chlamydia from a male stripper's thrown G string... fair dinkum deadset etc...
Makes a change from the toilet seat, I s'pose.:rolleyes:

Richo77
25th Aug 2011, 00:32
Heard a story from a colleague across the pond who tethered the groom-to-be to a midget. Said Midget was under firm instruction and got lathered to the point of throwing up constantly and was offending ever female in sight, even getting up on stage at a stripper bar (they were in on the gag) and having a go. Was amusing til i saw the photos, fcuking hilarious.

By tethered i mean it was some sort of short-ish rope deal, didnt ask exactly what it was.

Slasher
25th Aug 2011, 03:39
Most of the stag do's I've been to have been way too bizzare
to mention here (even on JB), but one I recall was waiting til
the groom-to-be was totally pissed as a newt then having the
stripper shave his nuts bald, then slathering 'em in sump oil
drained from his car. We took him starkers to the local train
station at 4.30am and plonked him in a seat on the first train
to town (the stationmaster being one of the stag attendees).
The train of course was empty at that time, ETD being 5.30.

He returned home in a cab hours later after he obtained some
newspapers stapled together around his sump-oil encrusted
arse which had been kindly given to him by sympathetic train
commuters.

I had my own stag party a few years ago, but retelling THAT
would be heavily censored by the Mods! :E

birrddog
25th Aug 2011, 13:54
Oh Slash, do tell. I'm sure the mods would give you some courtesy leeway ;)

the 'ol handcuff a midget to the groom is an oldie but goodie.

Part of the challenge is not what we mind doing to the groom, it's just we like his wife too much to risk any knock-on effects.

As the saying goes, what happens in Vegas goes on Face b o o k

Having escaped Earthquakes and Hurricanes this week to make this bachelors, we are just hoping we will survive the week-end!

Solid Rust Twotter
25th Aug 2011, 14:04
Gentian Violet everywhere except head and hands.

Slasher
25th Aug 2011, 14:15
Id like to bird but.....it entailed two strippers, independently
booked by my best man, who (when they arrived) we found
out were...um...extremely "fond" of each other outside work.

Then they were raffled off and then there was the "sandwich"
and me being forcibly dressed as a tranny and dumped in the
centre of town, and.....well stuff like that. So I don't think the
Mods would give me ANY kind of leeway in my case!

And thank the gods that Gentian Violet isn't sold here!

MagnusP
25th Aug 2011, 14:16
How about a tube of superglue, and Slasher's experience as a template?

Edited to explain: his superglue experience, not his stripper/tranny one.

MagnusP
25th Aug 2011, 14:19
Gorgeous ladyboy stripper? Bit of a shock, I'd imagine.

birrddog
25th Aug 2011, 14:31
Some of these stories bring back memories, and re-inforces in me the old maxim "do unto others as you wish others to do unto you", and it's particular applicability at stag do's!!! ;)