PDA

View Full Version : Who writes such absolute sh1te?


Al Fakhem
6th Aug 2011, 13:28
We have just come home with a new toaster from ASDA.

The instruction manual says (and I quote):

"Put bread slice into bread slot, it can be inserted two slices at most every time. Only the regular slice can be placed into the bread slot."

"Note: Toasting color for one side is darker than that for double bread at the same level."

Is there really no one left in this world that ASDA could have employed to write instructions that can be understood by native English speakers?

parabellum
6th Aug 2011, 13:33
You are missing the point Al Fakem, around two thirds of Britain (now), would understand those instructions perfectly!;)

racedo
6th Aug 2011, 13:39
Eh ?
A city of children who cannot read | News (http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23955155-london-city-of-children-who-cannot-read.do)

Millions of people cannot read properly.

Writing for the basic reading ability of a 7 year old (The Sun) is the only way that manufacturers will be absolved of liability when some bottom feeding lawyer comes calling. Dickbrain put in 4 slices of bread and it burnt the house down and he wants his compo because the instructions didn't tell him not to.

bnt
6th Aug 2011, 13:59
Those instructions weren't written in the UK, though - they were almost certainly written in China, with someone running the Chinese instructions through an online translator and printing what came out. It's called Engrish (http://engrish.com/):

http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2008/08/scooter-instructions.jpg

Ancient Observer
6th Aug 2011, 14:09
The lady/man from Ikea now has some competition in how not to write instructions.......

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2011, 14:20
An acquaintance worked as a proof-reader for assembly instructions that had been translated into Engrish.

He encountered one example for a table where the action required for attaching the legs - 'fcuk' had been written in place of 'screw'.

Capetonian
6th Aug 2011, 14:24
Somewhere I have a photo of the instructions on a canelloni packet.

It contained the immortal phrase : "Lay her on back in tin and toss off in melted butter."

tony draper
6th Aug 2011, 14:53
The instructions for my door entry phone was a classic
Dig a cave in the wall 100mm x40mm.:uhoh:

crippen
6th Aug 2011, 14:58
Hope the Chinese do better when/if/they sell us airyplanes.:E

vulcanised
6th Aug 2011, 16:15
An early Japanese car:-

'If a pedestrian steps in front of you then tootle them vigorously with the horn'

Krystal n chips
6th Aug 2011, 16:29
In answer to the OP's original title, I take it you have never had the misfortune to encounter B. Waste of Space AP's / AMM's then ?.....:{

Then there was the classic "internal" repair sheet concerning a certain Lightning "P" 92 sqdn at Gut. in which we were instructed to "install main leg into pintle mountings " " connect hydraulic lines " etc, then "carry out functional checks iaw AP whatever "...so far, so normal....two pages later..." instal and connect main u/c retraction jack " :ugh:

Al Fakhem
6th Aug 2011, 16:41
Interesting to see that many of you have come to expect such [email protected] instruction manuals. :rolleyes:

It's got nothing to do with the translator, really, because whoever has commissioned the translation should, if they are professional, have some native-language testers revue the result and also try to follow the translated text to see if it makes any sense.

ChrisVJ
6th Aug 2011, 17:30
Don't know why they have to write anything. When my airplane arrived in bits in its box I was amazed to discover that the building instructions were all line drawings, almost no text at all in the whole manual. Each part was labelled and all the nuts and bolts and other small parts came in labelled bags, all one had to do was to pick the parts shown on the page and put thru' hole or on bolt as shown in the pictures.

Kind of IKEA or MFI airplane. Bit scary really when I think about it!

hellsbrink
6th Aug 2011, 17:33
Al

You get something from ASDA and can't figure out where the problem truly lies?

11Fan
6th Aug 2011, 17:40
building instructions were all line drawings, almost no text at all in the whole manual.

Upside, limited translation required, provided you can connect the dots.

mustpost
6th Aug 2011, 19:37
Curiously enough, just having inherited a brand new (1992) manufacturer's upholstery set for an Alfa Romeo car, the full colour instruction book is written in perfect English, :confused:
Wish the car could understand it...:suspect:

Slasher
6th Aug 2011, 19:48
One could imagine an A320 manual translated from Chinese -

Engine Firing In Fly

Push to Warning the Master Off
Keep engine on throttle back
Pull switching master to backward
Reaching up push red button to out
Push this charge button to fire squid

Sir George Cayley
6th Aug 2011, 20:40
I still smile at the MacDonalds Hot Apple Pie which on the back states 'Caution contents may be hot'

Well I for one am glad they told me, could of burnt me lip.

SGC

G-ALAN
6th Aug 2011, 20:49
racedo, from the link you posted, second paragraph, second sentence;

One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

Is they really? :rolleyes:

The irony.

vulcanised
6th Aug 2011, 22:42
Is they still illiterate if their parents get married?

A A Gruntpuddock
6th Aug 2011, 22:56
I fondly remember my first stereo - instructions said to place the speakers at approximately equal distances from each other.

Hydromet
6th Aug 2011, 23:10
I had a client who started up a nice little business translating manuals from Jinglish to English. She'd been doing it as an employee for a large Japanese company, and realised many other companies needed the same service (even if they didn't realise it themselves). She built up a very nice big business.

BrATCO
6th Aug 2011, 23:14
I don't see what the wrong is as to these booklets written for you read if you want to know how works the machine... :confused:

Parapunter
6th Aug 2011, 23:20
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Haiso/All-Your-Base.jpg

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2011, 23:23
When we lived in Denmark, the Mrs used to rewrite medical papers that had been written (in English) by Danes.
Most Danes have excellent English - especially medical professionals as all text books were in English (Danish being too much of a minority language to justify publication). The idioms and nuances were often 'missing' and therefore the flow of the paper, though in English, seemed 'foreign' until a native-English-speaker adjusted the text.

henry crun
6th Aug 2011, 23:32
Recently bought a small cheap flat pack of disposable items; made in China.
The following is on the back of the packet.

"Very thin and exquisite, light and thin like the wing, have not fettered the sense at all, let your finger hit by a bullet to move freely in the homework, is isolated the greasy dirt and kept the clean characteristic."

What are they describing ? latex gloves of course !

BrATCO
6th Aug 2011, 23:39
latex gloves of course !

Made in China ?
Got the same at home :
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSeQbWwwQPtDc0Up0-oyYPG10TgFejHfGF1lzQbRk66VbIxHP-Fhrbe76WK (http://www.google.fr/imgres?imgurl=http://images.lineaire.com/2009/080730AH.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.lineaire.com/proddetail.asp%3Fprod%3D080730AH&usg=__7eKWbSg7DNXP0Oup9pcQm9-LS1s=&h=500&w=394&sz=20&hl=fr&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=41X_Zz0LnUq9cM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=102&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dgant%2Bboxe%26hl%3Dfr%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DX%26r ls%3Dcom.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox%26rlz%3D1I7ADFA_fr%26biw%3D1259%26bih%3D827%26tbm% 3Disch%26prmd%3Divns&ei=H8I9TvKuKtCs8QOftbGYAw)

ben177
7th Aug 2011, 09:03
It's not just the Chinese, from the Finch Aircraft (Robin) website,
"The vegetable structure of the DR400, does not displease the badly enlightened spirits, victims of the glitter of the coal and the plastic, gains recognition in the future, more than in past, so respectable as it is."
db

Haraka
7th Aug 2011, 09:53
There was a classic many years ago with ejection seats and the Jet Provost.
Final instruction after putting the seats in to the cockpit was to carry out a "full loose article check"'.
First instruction in carrying out a full loose article check was , of course.
"Remove ejection seats".

None of the above
7th Aug 2011, 10:32
'If a pedestrian steps in front of you then tootle them vigorously with the horn'Stanley Unwin, thou shouldst be living at this hour.

Deep joy...:)

BrATCO
7th Aug 2011, 11:46
"The vegetable structure of the DR400, ...

Do they smoke their planes ? :hmm:

Noah Zark.
7th Aug 2011, 15:00
Lost somewhere in my loft is a handbook given to us as guests arriving at a hotel in Spain years ago.
In all the 'Does and Don'ts, etc., it was explained that the hotel management liked to "incentivate" its staff to provide an excellent service for guests.
But the item that had guests falling about for days was the rule that forbade guests from using the swimming pool between 21.00hrs and 06.00hrs because of the use of "quimical products" to clean it!

AlpineSkier
7th Aug 2011, 15:50
@ G ALAN

One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

Is they really? [QUOTE]

You may be being ironic , but perhaps more likely you don't know that "one " is singular and therefore the required verb must also be singular.

Sideswipe to vulcanised

Fareastdriver
7th Aug 2011, 16:05
One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

That phrase is referring to an unspecified quantitive number. Therefore both numbers are plural and require an 'are'.

MagnusP
8th Aug 2011, 10:29
I'm with AlpineSkier on this.
From the Guide to Grammar and Writing:
The phrases "one in [plural number]" and "more than one" always take a singular verb:

One in four dentists recommends this toothpaste.
One out of every five instructors gets this question wrong.
There is more than one reason for this.
More than one lad has lost his heart to this lass.

ThreadBaron
8th Aug 2011, 10:52
Is they still illiterate if their parents get married?

Yes, but they would be legitimately illiterate! :rolleyes:

Fareastdriver
8th Aug 2011, 11:48
Magnus P
All your examples refer to 'this' which is a singular so the numbers are regarded as singular.

With the one in four children there is no reference to a singular number but to an unknown quantity so they must be regarded as plural.

MagnusP
8th Aug 2011, 11:55
Nope; it would still apply were "these" to be the object, e.g. "One in four doctors recommends these exercises".

However "A quarter of doctors recommend these exercises" would be correct.

Hydromet
8th Aug 2011, 12:42
The "is" refers to the "one", not the four. Therefore, "is" is correct.

Amelia_Flashtart
8th Aug 2011, 13:58
We see many examples of "unusual" English here in Afghanistan - several that spring to mind are food related.

One is from a very well known Guesthouse, restaurant and bar in Kabul which lists a vegetarian dish on the menu described as "includes sated aborigines" (sauteed aubergine).

The other from cook who decided that he would provide us with a menu for the evening meal. This menu included "Greenpeace Soup" as a starter followed by "Crime of Golly Flower", a choice of "Esteemed Fish with pig potatoes" or "Roasted lamb of Leg" "Bracelet" and a dessert of "Fruit Cockatiel".

After the smirking subsided, we consumed a wonderful meal!

BrATCO
8th Aug 2011, 15:12
There is more than one reason for this.
One would however think that "more than one reason" would be at least two reasons, thus plural.

Unless there is only one reason and a half.
Or reasons two, three and following is bad and considered as null...

BrATCO
8th Aug 2011, 16:14
What is 25% of a population of 4 . Singular or plural ?

"25% of the population thinks something, the rest thinks something else"
The trick is that there is only one rest, even if they are 3...

Now, the question is : "Does a rest think ?"

Ancient Observer
8th Aug 2011, 18:01
Yeah, right, innit.

Groundgripper
8th Aug 2011, 19:17
I found this menu in a hotel in Poland a few years ago - it caused a deal of amusement and a great deal of guessing as to what they actually meant :confused:

http://i925.photobucket.com/albums/ad98/cb1943/PolMenu.jpg

http://i925.photobucket.com/albums/ad98/cb1943/PolMenu2.jpg

http://i925.photobucket.com/albums/ad98/cb1943/PolMenu3.jpg

http://i925.photobucket.com/albums/ad98/cb1943/PolMenu4.jpg

http://i925.photobucket.com/albums/ad98/cb1943/PolMenu5.jpg

They seem to have a strange understanding of vegetarian:\Much to our disappointment, but true to style, the Unprofessional halibut was unavailable:ouch:

GG

BrATCO
13th Aug 2011, 23:08
http://www.damnlol.com/pics/315/e6818646cc66dc0d364690238865d6b8.jpg

:confused:

2 sheds
13th Aug 2011, 23:18
Quote:
One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school
Is they really? :rolleyes:

The irony.

Quite correct to use the singular verb as the subject ("one") is singular. The only point of contention is whether it would scan better as "one child in four ("children" understood) is...".

2 s

ChristiaanJ
13th Aug 2011, 23:40
Groundgripper and BrATCO,
Thanks for those gems, of which I've seen many.

Reminds me of a friend who had made a minor business of translating restaurant menus.... and that was in Paris!

CJ

exgroundcrew
14th Aug 2011, 01:40
Some years ago an engineer working with me brought in his instruction manual for the Casio music keyboard he had just purchased.
On the first page was a list of warnings including (and I kid you not)
Do not hit anyone over the head with it.
Do not immerse in water when switched on.
Do not use as a hammer.
and a lot more like this.
Now next door to our office was the Casio engineers office who did the repairs on this kit and who we used to meet in the pub most lunchtimes, so we showed the manual to them. There response was "load of rubbish, someone is having you on" One of their engineers then popped round to their office and showed us the real manual for this keyboard. This had none of these dire warnings.

The next day the Casio engineer apologized, he had found the USA version of the manual which did have these warnings, he explained that in the USA certain users searched these manuals looking for missing warnings and then sued the company when they attempted these actions. Hence in an attempt to thwart this, they created all these apparently stupid warnings.
Also regarding the MacDonald "Hot" warning mentioned earlier, A woman in the USA did sue MacDonald's when she dropped the coffee in her lap and got over $1000000.

Rollingthunder
14th Aug 2011, 04:16
Hmm. "ham in bladder", my fav.

"Lusitania Menu" Fine Art Print by Valeria Lee | RedBubble (http://www.redbubble.com/people/vally30/art/664281-lusitania-menu)

2 points for whoever knows what R.M.S means.

as I tie on my life vest

Nervous SLF
14th Aug 2011, 06:23
R.M.S. means Royal Mail Ship ( or sometimes Steamer )

BrATCO
14th Aug 2011, 20:57
ChristiaanJ, you're welcome !:)
(As you're an expert in translation and you live in France, maybe you could help sort this out.)

English and French grammar rules are the same re singular vs plurial. Almost 1000 years invading eachother and making war all around the World have created links...

The rule is :
"One in four... is..." (one wins)
"25% of... are..." (seems to be based on the percentage)
I believe this is granted.

However, I'm not sure when the percentage is 1 :
"1% of a population is..." or "1% of a population are..." ?
My guess is "are", but... :confused:


Edit: reading again my own post, I would now say "is"...

nippysweetie
14th Aug 2011, 22:03
'One in four' always takes an 'is'. Think of it like this: 'One person (in four) reads this guff'; you'd never say 'One person (in four) read this guff'.
As for singular/plural nouns, it's a matter of choice. 'The council IS banning the sale of [email protected] pens' is just as correct as 'The council ARE banning the sale of [email protected] pens'. Most publications will have a style guide which sets out the rules for that particular journal.
Next week, we discuss the use of the apostrophe S, using such engaging examples as Prince Charles's sausage, St James's Park and the snakes' supper.

ChristiaanJ
14th Aug 2011, 22:28
ChristiaanJ, you're welcome !:)
(As you're an expert in translation and you live in France, maybe you could help sort this out.)LOL... do you realise you're asking a Dutchman (even if a multi-lingual one)?
However, I'm not sure when the percentage is 1 :
"1% of a population is..." or "1% of a population are..." ?
My guess is "are", but... :confused:
Edit: reading again my own post, I would now say "is"...
I'm not even sure about the 25%....
"25% of the cargo was spilled" or "20% of the populace is illiterate" sounds right to me, which would automatically settle the "1%" issue.

I would say it's a matter of context, depending on whether the stress is on the percentage or not.
"After the collision, only 25% of the tankers oil cargo were spilled" (the stress is then on the "25%" percentage figure).
"After the collision, 25% of the tankers oil cargo was spilled" (a full quarter of the cargo -quantity maybe already mentioned elsewhere- ended up in the environment. The "25%" is only a qualifier.).

My best guess.... I don't think there is a full 'hard-and-fast' rule.

CJ

BrATCO
14th Aug 2011, 22:53
Thank you, nippysweetie !
I'm Looking forward to next week, then.

I would have written "Charles' sausage" and "St James' Park"...

I guess I would have been wrong because... apostrophe without an s is only after a plural (?)...

Thank you also, ChristianJ !

LOL... do you realise you're asking a Dutchman (even if a multi-lingual one)?


Yes, I knew... We were at war with Netherlands too, when Dutchmen were... Spanish...;)

I'll do my best to track the stresses.
Unfortunately, not much is "hard-and-fast" for me with English rules... Not to mention it seems there IS more than one "English".

But I'm training.

Slasher
15th Aug 2011, 10:40
Had to laugh once at a warning on a packet of strong sleeping tablets down in Oz -

Caution: medication may induce drowsiness.

radeng
15th Aug 2011, 11:31
Greengrocers' apostrophes?

I think the best I ever saw was in Scotland -"neap's & tattie's"

MagnusP
15th Aug 2011, 13:57
Prophead: I'm a man. WTF is an instruction manual? ;)

Carry0nLuggage
15th Aug 2011, 15:28
Also known as "Plan B". :p When all else fails RTFM!

ChristiaanJ
15th Aug 2011, 15:48
Sorry I goofed on the apostrophes....

CJ

OFSO
15th Aug 2011, 17:50
Prophead: I'm a man. WTF is an instruction manual?

Me to (or should that be "me also" ?)


Buy IKEA furniture
Pop down to the DIY/Hardware store, buy what looks to be the correct amount of screws, bolts, brackets
Charge up drill
Assemble crappy pine stuff into what you can remember you saw at the store (more or less)
Optional Extra: six months later find instructions in heap of old newspapers and look at the pictures for entertainment value

BrATCO
15th Aug 2011, 21:31
Caution: medication may induce drowsiness.
It's kind from their part to warn you : sleeping tablets should induce a big snoring sleep, not drowsiness. :hmm:


WTF is an instruction manual?

Useful sheets of paper : you can fold them to steady furniture.

BrATCO
17th Aug 2011, 17:55
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRT1U2DxJPt3QFjtQXHyWJHNo07qa1iNTlcXPjlEMM cgIxBuguKAwxfvQ (http://www.google.fr/imgres?imgurl=http://www.curtisscreenprint.co.uk/images_curtis_p5_disabled/102010_guide_dogs_welcolme.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.curtisscreenprint.co.uk/curtis_p5_disabled.htm&usg=__FMVrc8VBMeYZzOVUZABPgUapV_U=&h=236&w=200&sz=5&hl=fr&start=9&zoom=1&tbnid=KL2S4ImlF-8lFM:&tbnh=109&tbnw=92&ei=O_JLTumuBsrt-gbd0MGWCQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dsign%2Bguide%2Bdog%26hl%3Dfr%26safe%3Doff%26sa% 3DX%26rls%3Dcom.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox%26rlz%3D1I7ADFA_fr%26tbm%3Disch%26prmd%3Divns&itbs=1)
Thanks to this sign, persons with visual impairment know they may keep their guide dog.
They just have to spot it.

ChristiaanJ
17th Aug 2011, 18:02
BrATCO,
Simply brilliant....

CJ

PS.... one cannot help asking what the nerds designing the sign were actually thinking.... or IF they were actually thinking;

CJ

11Fan
17th Aug 2011, 18:09
The sign is actually intended for the "sighted" so they don't make a fuss about a dog on the premises.

ChristiaanJ
17th Aug 2011, 18:17
Buy IKEA furniture
I think that's slightly unfair to IKEA.....
IKEA manuals are so much dumbed down, even I can usually figure them out..... and they are still printed at a reasonable size.

What gets my goat is (in my latest experience, just a basic wireless phone)the tiny-format "manual" supplied with most electric and electronic devices today....

As an ancient, I need a magnifying glass to even read the print (6-point is my guess), only to find that most of the info is worthless.

The lousy translations almost become a secondary irritation.....

CJ

ChristiaanJ
17th Aug 2011, 18:25
The sign is actually intended for the "sighted" so they don't make a fuss about a dog on the premises.Valid remark....
But what does that say about the civility (or intelligence) of the so-called "sighted" on the premises?

CJ

11Fan
17th Aug 2011, 21:05
But what does that say about the civility (or intelligence) of the so-called "sighted" on the premises?

I try not to overestimate them. :cool:

OFSO
17th Aug 2011, 21:38
I think that's slightly unfair to IKEA.....

No it isn't, as a certified man possessing the appropriate number and type of chromosomes, you shouldn't even KNOW what manuals are, let alone have sufficient familiarity with them to know what they look like inside !

Seen on box of Spanish firelighters:

PRECAUCIONES: Fácilmente Inflamable.

Well, one would hope so !

G-CPTN
17th Aug 2011, 21:43
BBC News - Blackminster Polish and Spanish road signs 'broke rules' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-14540670)

Back in the 1960s, there were signs in Italian on some railway crossings in Bedfordshire - for the benefit of the workers at the nearby brickworks who were predominantly Italian (though resident in Bedford).

BBC - Legacies - Immigration and Emigration - England - Beds, Herts and Bucks - Bedford's Italian question (http://www.bbc.co.uk/legacies/immig_emig/england/beds_herts_bucks/)

Capetonian
17th Aug 2011, 22:13
Seen on a patio heater in South Africa :

DO NOT IMMERSE

The problem being that anyone stupid enough to think you could immerse it is likely to be unable to read, let alone know the meaning of the word.

Mind you I knew a woman (not in the biblical sense) who didn't pay her electrickery bill, so she ran a lead from her neighbours' and heated her bath water by immersing an electirc kettle into it.

OllyBeak
18th Aug 2011, 03:26
Mr Bratco,

Down at the bottom of this block of flats are a couple of signs:

http://www.finecutfilms.com/Images/Dug.jpg

But the creatures involved only see in black and white; how do they know what to do? Or not to do?

Oh woe...

Slasher
18th Aug 2011, 06:09
I guess in Newcastle they'll posthumously fine your next of kin....

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTptEDEz_WMDV96lVHPt1_cBahfLIm015lSwiAZFf9 HkEIx1LG0

Tarman
18th Aug 2011, 09:15
I bought a packet of Salted Peanuts in the pub one night and the packet read:

"Caution - Contains Peanuts "

Tarman

Slasher
18th Aug 2011, 09:27
Hell Tarman you didn't actually go and open the packet did you? :eek:


Thank christ I never touched this stuff! Anything could've
happened! :uhoh:

http://www.craptasticmommy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/warning_coffee_mug.jpg

BrATCO
18th Aug 2011, 10:51
11Fan,

The sign is actually intended for the "sighted" so they don't make a fuss about a dog on the premises.

Agreed, I might have been a bit mistaken...

The sign is actually intended for "sighted" persons with mental impairment : normally wired persons wouldn't make any fuss about guide dogs, would they ?

Groundgripper
18th Aug 2011, 11:44
normally wired persons wouldn't make any fuss about guide dogs, would they ?

That depends on your definition of 'normal', unfortunately. Some apparently normal people do.:sad:

GG

radeng
18th Aug 2011, 12:47
I bought a second hand piece of electronic test equipment. It runs off an internal 9 volt battery. A sticker on it gives the date of the last 'electrical safety check' and a date for the next one....I haven't bothered..

OFSO
18th Aug 2011, 15:36
Many foods contain the helpful note: MAY CONTAIN PEANUTS or MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF PEANUTS

Yes, I know why, foodstuff may have been produced on same production line as one handling peanuts and "they" are being careful.

But Mrs OFSO has the "instant death" allergy to peanuts which renders this helpful note interesting but useless, as when it's on porridge oats and she eats them - with no problems - but with a loaded hyper of steroids near by. May, damn it ! It should read "does" if it does and "doesn't" if it doesn't.

What next, you turn on car's ignition and get a warning: CAUTION: DRIVING MAY LEAD TO AN ACCIDENT.

About as useful.

Capetonian
18th Aug 2011, 16:04
From 'no speed limit' to a 'reminder' of 70 kph (which is not previously posted) in 3 metres.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/7593647/DSC02681.JPG

radeng
18th Aug 2011, 16:26
OFSO,

I was taught that peanuts are not actually nuts, but a bean. Do nut allergy sufferers have problems with certain types of bean?

OFSO
18th Aug 2011, 17:18
You are correct, mon ami. I also believe it is a fungus growing on the outer skin of the peanut which causes the reaction. Other beans have no effect, perhaps they don't get the fungus.

But the whole subject of allergies is shrouded in mystery. Mrs OFSO being asthmatic has a violent choking fit leading to a bronchial spasm, when confronted with wine, but can happily drink sherry all day. She can't drink champagne or cava, either.

Has been known to cautiously sip a very dry white wine with no problems -once !

Aspirin and topically applied ibuprofin also cause spasm. And yet I have also seen her, a non-smoker, offered a cigar and smoke it with not the slightest hint of a cough.

Back to the theme: why does not every product carry a warning label since someone somewhere is probably allergic to it. You know it makes sense.

BrATCO
18th Aug 2011, 23:00
OllyBeak,

But the creatures involved only see in black and white; how do they know what to do? Or not to do?

Have you checked your entry door ?
If there's a sticker on it, where "PUSH" is written white on black, you should quickly get this strategic error corrected.

Either by changing the colors on the sticker, or by reverting the door's opening direction.

Capetonian
19th Aug 2011, 17:54
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/7593647/Image0034.jpg

Lamplegs or chiken wins anyone?

While I was taking the photograph, the owner of the cafe came out and asked me in broken and very aggressive English why I was taking a photo of his shop. I replied 'because I want to', which appeared to enrage him even more, and he threatened to call the police unless I gave him my 'phone so he could delete the photos. I explained to him that in the UK one is allowed to take photographs of pretty much whatever one wants to!

Romeo Oscar Golf
19th Aug 2011, 21:15
in the UK one is allowed to take photographs of pretty much whatever one wants to!
Not too sure if that is the case anymore. My son was challenged by on "official" oaf for taking a photo of his step mum in a wheelchair at an ice rink and being pushed over the ice by me. Reason... there may be children there.:ugh:

G-CPTN
20th Aug 2011, 01:24
If the location is privately owned then the owners can dictate whether they allow photography - though they only have limited powers to 'prevent' such activity (by asking you to leave if your refuse to comply).

Even nightclub doorstaff are not authorised to use force to evict troublemakers, even though they frequently do, of course.

Anyone (other than Police - and even them unless the subject is particularly sensitive) who tries to prevent you taking photographs in a public place should be ignored (try to resist the temptation to tell them to go forth and multiply). Nobody (even the Police) has the right to demand that you hand over or delete any photographic images that you might already have made.
Some over-officious officers will cite the terrorism act to prevent you taking photographs of buildings or themselves, but they are wrong. They can arrest you for public disorder (and, if riled, probably will attempt this) but unless you are being unruly (and this doesn't include refusing to stop taking photographs) then they are wrong.

Photography Law - bluenoxid.co.uk (http://bluenoxid.co.uk/photolaw.html)

UK Photographers Rights v2 (http://www.sirimo.co.uk/2009/05/14/uk-photographers-rights-v2/)

Gulfstreamaviator
20th Aug 2011, 06:56
Hope to get photo soon, but the sign is close to Mall of the Emirates, and is in the middle of a very sandy pile of sand.

Any more UAE Bike lanes in existance.

I can think of several unofficlal lanes, they are usually random tracks, with traffic unlit.

glf

Capetonian
20th Aug 2011, 07:40
If the location is privately owned then the owners can dictate whether they allow photography
Inside the property, but not from a public place such as the street. No doubt there are other laws that would come into play if a photographer were taking photographs over a fence or through a window into the interior of a privately owned building.

Six Photographers Test Their Right to Shoot in London (http://www.petapixel.com/2011/07/20/six-photographers-test-their-right-to-shoot-in-london/)

This is worth watching, it shows how little power the 'security oaficers' have!

GGR
20th Aug 2011, 09:07
Hellsbrink has said it all

GGR

Slasher
20th Aug 2011, 10:34
...in the UK one is allowed to take photographs of pretty much whatever one wants to!

I'm not too sure either......not all that long ago there was an
islamic rageboy march in London clip on YouTube, and some
tart in a burkha ordered a nearby cop to tell the bloke to stop
filming the march. And the cop told him to do so!

Capetonian
20th Aug 2011, 10:38
told a nearby cop to tell the bloke to to
stop filming the march. And the cop told him to do so!
Most likely in the interest of not inciting a breach of the peace, and no doubt if the request had come from an Anglo Saxon male, the cop would have told him to sling his hook, but because it came from some tart in a burkha the cop would not have wanted to be considered 'racist'.

There is no law against photographing in a public place.

green granite
20th Aug 2011, 17:12
One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

That is grammatically correct although it doesn't sound right. You are talking about one child, if it was 2 in 5 then it would be are.

Capetonian
20th Aug 2011, 17:19
One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

English is strange.

'A crowd of people is gathered ....' is correct (I think!)

but 'a lot of people is gathered ....', and 'a number of people is gathered' are clearly wrong, and yet both are singular nouns.

Slasher
20th Aug 2011, 18:10
One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school

That is grammatically correct although it doesn't sound right. You are talking about one child, if it was 2 in 5 then it would be are.

Nope, "children" is plural. Therefore "is practically illiterate" is
wrong. However if it was written "One child in four is practically
illiterate...", it would be correct.

'A crowd of people is gathered ....' is correct (I think!)

but 'a lot of people is gathered ....', and 'a number of people is gathered' are clearly wrong, and yet both are singular nouns.

"Crowd" is a singular pronoun so yep, correct.

"A lot if people is gathered - "lot" is adjectival so it should be
"are" gathered. If "lot" was a noun somehow, "is gathered"
would be correct.

because it came from some tart in a burkha the cop would not have wanted to be considered 'racist'.

And that's one reason why I believe Cape the UK is not far
off now from becoming the first European islamic republic.

ChristiaanJ
20th Aug 2011, 18:11
English is strange.
'A crowd of people is gathered ....' is correct (I think!)
but 'a lot of people is gathered ....', and 'a number of people is gathered' are clearly wrong, and yet both are singular nouns.
This cropped up in another thread, and as a bluddy furener I admit to having no hard-and-fast rules either.
" One in four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school"
I would have thought that:
" One of four children is practically illiterate on leaving primary school" or
" One child in four is practically illiterate on leaving primary school"
would not raise an objection.

"English is strange"... yes, but it has it's subtleties.....

My guess, or feeling, or whatever, is that it depends on what is the real subject, and what is the 'qualifier'.

CJ

PS Slasher got ahead of me, but I think we are on the same wavelength.

Slasher
20th Aug 2011, 18:23
Someone musta turned on that infernal Coincidence Machine
again Mr CJ. It usually operates over at the Limerick thread.

Magnetic shielding might need replacing again.

hellsbrink
20th Aug 2011, 20:11
"A quarter of kids are illiterate"


Stop the semantics, you see the truth in this post.

Now, what are you all going to do about it?

ChristiaanJ
20th Aug 2011, 23:29
"A quarter of kids are illiterate"
Now, what are you all going to do about it?
Well, I started by having only two kids.
And by sending them both to proper schools, they are now both literate in more than one language....
But having multi-lingual and literate parents did help.....

hellsbrink, I would say your quip is a bit cheap, maybe.
I admit, I don't have an easy answer either.
But in a family where the parents can't read or write, what impetus is there for the kids to learn?
Is maybe adult education the first thing that should be pushed?

CJ

hellsbrink
21st Aug 2011, 07:10
In some cases there is truth in "the parents are illiterate and cannot count so where is the impetus for the kids to learn" concept, but ultimately the education system is failing these kids.

wings folded
21st Aug 2011, 13:36
If "lot" was a noun somehow, "is gathered"
would be correct.


And if "lot" were a noun somehow, would that change things?

OFSO
22nd Aug 2011, 14:27
Having tried everything to stop my Siemens fridge/freezer combo icing up (and failed) I read the instructions, among which I found:

DO NOT STORE EXPLOSIVES IN THIS REFRIGERATOR

Perhaps the machine I bought was intended for sale in N.Ireland ?

OFSO
24th Aug 2011, 17:41
Seen today on BBC website in article about a married couple who have been abusing foster children. Maybe.

"The couple also have four biological children."

Perhaps colleagues on JB who have non-biological children would care to comment.

ChristiaanJ
24th Aug 2011, 18:09
Having tried everything to stop my Siemens fridge/freezer combo icing up (and failed) I read the instructions, among which I found:
DO NOT STORE EXPLOSIVES IN THIS REFRIGERATOR
Perhaps the machine I bought was intended for sale in N.Ireland ?
That's what comes from buying over-engineered German junk.....

Even my 'standby' fridge (made in Hungary) easily holds a dozen sticks of (properly wrapped) dynamite.

CJ

OFSO
24th Aug 2011, 19:31
Actually what is written is:

Beim Einordnen beachten

Im Gerät keine explosiblen Stoffe aufbewahren und hochprozentigen Alkohol nur verschlossen, stehen lagern - Explosionsgefahr !

Obviously this freezer is not for sale in Bayern or Austria (I'm thinking of Ströhe rum).

alisoncc
24th Aug 2011, 19:44
Some more drivel.

Following a house fire that killed eleven here, on the news this evening the announcer stated "The nation is shocked to learn of the deaths".

Having previously heard that the householders stored gas bottles and fuel underneath the house my reactions were far from being "shocked", more like "bloody idiots". So who decides whether the Nation is shocked or not? Was there a survey encompassing at least a sizeable proportion of the population? Think not.

vulcanised
24th Aug 2011, 20:51
Instead of the usual "popular", "salt of the earth", "will be sadly missed" etc., comment, I'm waiting to see 'He was an absolute arsehole' when someone dies.

Probably the day after I die.

uffington sb
24th Aug 2011, 21:47
Vulcanised.
Don't forget the he was a 'loveable rogue' or a 'gentle giant'

ChristiaanJ
24th Aug 2011, 21:52
Explosionsgefahr !
The real joke is of course, that I've never seen a warning not to put bottles of Perrier (or similar) in a freezer.

The result is usually a gawd-almighty "BANG".....
Happened to us twice (herself being a 'hard' learner), and I tell you... removing a big amount of 'foamy' ice mixed with small glas fragments from a freezer is not obvious.

CJ

OFSO
25th Aug 2011, 10:09
Over on the computer thread someone* has just posted to me "you and your partner...."

GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! I come from a generation when people GOT MARRIED.


* An Apple enthusiast. Inevitable.

MagnusP
25th Aug 2011, 10:22
Ah, yes, ChristiaanJ, the midsummer panic when one realises there's no cold beer and sticks 4 tins in the freezer. 3 tins later, one reaches contentment and forgets the fourth. :sad: Messy.

Readers may substitute their own variants of 4 and 3 above. They are only representative values and do not reflect the preferences of your correspondent. :p

BombayDuck
25th Aug 2011, 10:36
Over on the computer thread someone has just posted to me "you and your partner...."

GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! I come from a generation when poeple GOT MARRIED.

Good for you.

Now say "married" to the homosexual couples who are only allowed civil partnerships in this country. If "partner" is good for them, it certainly is good enough for you.

Lonewolf_50
25th Aug 2011, 13:22
You can have all of the partners you want.

I have a wife. One is enough for me.

OFSO
25th Aug 2011, 13:35
Listen, BombayDuck.

Before I married my wife we shared our lives, but to ensure her property and other rights we entered into a partnership agreement. Then, she was my partner.

Now we're married she's my wife.

But I resent this stupid PC term of assuming everyone has a partner. Some do, some don't, but when you reach my age - if you're lucky - you might by then be expecting people to get it right.

Alles Klar ?
OFSO

Slasher
25th Aug 2011, 13:54
When I hear a questioner ask someone about their "partner"
I always think the questionee is either a stark raving bloody
queer or has a bit of fluff on the side behind his wife's back.

radeng
25th Aug 2011, 15:25
Slasher,

Do you exclude the possibility of both?

Parapunter
25th Aug 2011, 15:39
But I resent this stupid PC term of assuming everyone has a partner. Some do, some don't, but when you reach my age - if you're lucky - you might by then be expecting people to get it right.

Alles Klar ?
OFSO


Over on the computer thread someone* has just posted to me "you and your partner...."

GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! I come from a generation when people GOT MARRIED.


* An Apple enthusiast. Inevitable.


When I hear a questioner ask someone about their "partner"
I always think the questionee is either a stark raving bloody
queer or has a bit of fluff on the side behind his wife's back.

Can any of you geniuses see the one thing not made clear in all of this exchange on a thread about things not being made clear?:ugh:

Krystal n chips
25th Aug 2011, 17:03
" But I resent this stupid PC term of assuming everyone has a partner. Some do, some don't, but when you reach my age - if you're lucky - you might by then be expecting people to get it right.

Alles Klar ? "

Nien .....semantics are wonderful aren't they..to a semantic that is. I cannot see any difference ( albeit in other than in a legal definition ) between wife / husband and partner given that both are the same.

Frankly, I don't understand why same sex couples are not permitted to use the same term as heterosexual couples to define their partners status...other than to appease the more rabid homophobes. At least for those involved, same sex marriages are now allowed...which has to be a way forward.

I don't actually give a rats about a persons sexuality as I have said before..it's the qualities as a human being and person that are of far greater relevance..in my less than humble opinion of course...

Slasher
25th Aug 2011, 18:36
You probably won't like old Ned then K&C -

KOLpkbA1mDo

BrATCO
25th Aug 2011, 18:41
KnC,
..it's the qualities as a human being and person that are of far greater relevance..Amen to that !

Seldomfitforpurpose
25th Aug 2011, 18:51
Good for you.

Now say "married" to the homosexual couples who are only allowed civil partnerships in this country. If "partner" is good for them, it certainly is good enough for you.

As a married man of 31 years I'm a more than a bit confused with that logic.

Whilst partner may or may not be the most applicable term for same sex couples, two husbands or two wives does seem rather illogical, husband and wife are the accepted term to describe our long standing relationship and long may that continue :ok:

Capetonian
11th Oct 2011, 20:11
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/7593647/sliming.JPG

Lonewolf_50
11th Oct 2011, 21:36
If "lot" was a noun somehow, "is gathered" would be correct.
And if "lot" were a noun somehow, would that change things?

It wouldn't change the fact that Lot was a drunken old fart who had it on with both of his daughters. :8:}

And for the fun of it ...

OFSO: Alles Klar?

KnC: Nien .....semantics are wonderful aren't they..to a semantic that is.

Auf Deutsch, nein, mein freund. ;)

Davaar
11th Oct 2011, 21:45
Is they really

Would you rather see "One are"? What is so wrong with "one ,,,, is"?

mister hilter
12th Oct 2011, 00:20
OFSO, I must apologise for arriving late to this party and also for being semantically pedantic, but

Prophead: I'm a man. WTF is an instruction manual?

Me to (or should that be "me also" ?)


it should be 'me too'.

Al Fakhem
19th Oct 2011, 13:50
This is a genuine response posted publicly in a Linkedin professional group site:

(I have removed his name and mobile phone number).

SIR, REGARDING MY SHORT INTRODUCTION I AM A SENIOR TEXTILE TECHNOCRAT AND INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL BUREAUCRAT.
SIR, AS A CONNOISSEUR IN TEXTILES ,I AM THE EXEMPLAR OF WHAT IT IS TO COMBINE BRILLIANCE,CHARM ,TACT AND TOIL.

I AM TOUGH TO ACHIEVE IMPOSSIBLE ONLY AS PEOPLE USE TO CALL ME THE POWER- HOUSE OF TALENT,WIT ,WISDOM WITH FINE MIX OF BRAIN AND BRAWN.
SIR , MY CALIBER MEANS NO BOUNDERIES, MY PHILOSOPHY REVOLVES AROUND EXCELLENCE AND ONLY EXCELLENCE TO WHAT SO EVER WORK I DO.AS EXCELLENCE IS NOT A ONE TIME ACHIEVEMENT TO ME ,NOW IT IS A HABIT TO ME.I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT I DO ,KNOWLEDGE OF MY CRAFTS MAKES ME CONFIDENT AND CHARISMATIC.
SIR, I AM WORTH EVRY PENNY,BECAUSE I AM A COMPLETE PROFESSIONALWITH WONDER WORKING STEMINA/ POWER WHO KNOWS AND DOES HIS WORK WELL AND EXCELLENT.I GIVE THE BEST RETURN OF MONEY I AM PAID WITH THE DESIRE TO RE-PAY TO COMPANY A MODEST PORTION OF WHAT I HAVE RECIEVED FROM IT. I AM ACCESSIBLE AT VERY GENUINE AND MODERATE PACKAGE AS PER THE MOST RECENT PREVALENCE WITHOUT ALLOWING UNDER ESTIMATING AND UNDER RATING MY SELF.
SIR, FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME FOR ANY SORT OF CONSULTANCY IN TEXTILES.IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE TO WORK WHATEVER BEST POSSIBLE FOR YOU .
AWAITING SHARPLY FOR YOUR MOST PROMPT AND FAST REPLY.
HAVE A NICE DAY AHEAD AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY HEALTH.
GOD BLESS U AND UR ENTIRE FAMILY,
THANKS AND REGARDS ALWAYS,
SXXXXXXX BXXXXXX G.
SENIOR TEXTILE TECHNOCRAT ,
INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL BUREAUCRAT,
MOBILE=091XXXXXXXXXX= AHMEDABAD-GUJARAT-INDIA
THANKS AND REGARDS ALWAYS,

Exascot
20th Oct 2011, 08:49
Linkedin professional group site

I struggled through that Al F and guessed the country it had come from before the end. I must check my entry again :hmm:

sisemen
20th Oct 2011, 10:33
From the "instruction" manual of a radio controlled helicopter I recently bought:

"While the indicator of the controller is sparkle, which shows the controller is lack of power. And you can change some batteries for it."

and

"If helicopter flies, rotating in the air without pulling control stick, then you can stop the fly, use screw driver to adjust the potentiometer on chopper circuit board lightly till it is strady. Then adjust the hard adjustement till it stop revolving. (If helicopter is revolving in the air yet you do not make action to the rudder, you can use the fine-turn-button on it to make helicopter stop revoliving and back to the balance. If head of helicopter rotates clockwise. Slowly touch fine-turn-button loeft of the rudder to keep it balance, and vice versa But when this adjust action is useless, make helicopter landing, turn off the opwer on it. Then you turn ot the power of helicopter and launch it, adjust the fine-turn-button again.)"

No typo's on my part. Made in China - where else?

Blacksheep
20th Oct 2011, 13:36
After 27 years working the Far East, I understood the helicopter instructions perfectly. After all, the International Language of Aviation is Broken English.

Aircraft Maintenance Manuals are written to an ATA Standard and use "Simplified English" Here's a good example from the Boeing B767 manual giving a caution warning to technicians changing an engine...

" CAUTION: MAKE SURE YOU ARE VERY CAREFUL WHEN YOU LOWER THE POWER PLANT. THE POWER PLANT MAY MOVE RELATIVE TO STRUT WHEN SHEAR AND THRUST PINS BECOME CLEAR, AND CAN CAUSE INJURY TO PERSONNEL.

BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU MOVE THE POWER PLANT. BECAUSE THE POWER
PLANT WEIGHS 10,880 POUNDS (4,935 KG), INJURIES TO PERSONS CAN
OCCUR."

The idea is that only 2,000 words are used for even the most technical operations, so that non-native speakers understand properly. Simples innit? Half a ton of engine can definitely injure persons but I'm not too sure why they should be so concerned about the staff working in the HR office when the pins come into clear view though... :rolleyes:

Lon More
20th Oct 2011, 13:44
Korean Press Release
Kia Soul in 2010 brings a new approach to the scope of Korean society. It is not boring Lovers sedan, station wagon with five doors, the soul, that can influence the Nissan Cube and Scion xB urban confused with a stand and impressive light and spacious, well equipped and a complete list of safety features and fun. In 2010, Alma-style wins hands down. Back boomerang resembles some In-N-Out Burger fast, for others it is a strong, sleek design, working on something, above. The front features a new grille and headlights Kia-friendly in terms of business, the back is less appropriate But square shoulders and a large, bright high score of petrol almost vertically to a great attitude Soul treated casually. The interior is a mix of round shapes and plastic products and variety of sophisticated colors and textures, if you like a shell of red plastic seat material Pool track line. In 2010, Kia Soul is a new small car from the Korean manufacturer. The 'soul is the front-wheel drive car with four doors, a bit' bigger than Kia Rio four trim levels are offered: Soul Soul Soul! (Professional), Soul and sports. basic models are powered by a 122 hp 1.6-liter four-cylinder that teams with speed Soul 5. Standard in other versions of 142 hp 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine pairs with a 5-speed manual or four-speed automatic. Available safety features include ABS, traction control, ABS, front airbags and side airbags, side curtain airbags. The windows and locks are standard on all models.

Fantome
29th Jun 2014, 17:58
There is an old recording somewhere, in the catalogue of English humour, 1950s probably., of a hotelier reciting various descriptions of what hotels on the continent have to offer. One in particular is unforgettable -

Every room has a French widow.

Capetonian
29th Jun 2014, 18:13
Gerard Hoffnung. Tirolean Landlords' replies

'Every room in my hotel affords splendid prospects, with a French widow in every room, and hot and cold water flowing. Do not worry if in bath I lack, for in bed I am superb.'

It starts on this video at 18'30".

OOGfg1B3ZMw

radeng
30th Jun 2014, 11:25
The old Heathkit assembly manuals were really very good - when I did my technical writing course, examples of them were presented to show how an instruction manual should be written.

But I would hate to see what would have resulted had they been written in China!

Ancient Mariner
30th Jun 2014, 12:26
For a number of years in the 90'ies I worked my way through most of China with quite a few Chinese interpreters and translators.
It is notoriously difficult to translate technical terms to and from Chinese to at least any Western language that I know.
At my partners office in Beijing they had a library of dictionaries in most languages, but the weird thing was, they had dictionaries for every field of business they were involved in.
Aviation, sewage treatment, water works, subways, trains, you name the field, they had a dictionary for it. There was a reason for the Japanese trading houses.
Per

Capetonian
30th Jun 2014, 13:03
My classic 'lost in translation' story concerns some documentation that was translated into Spanish for courses I was running in Argentina and Uruguay.

The translation of 'shell' as in a blank mask to be completed, was rendered as 'concha' which means a sea-shell, so grammatically correct but contextually nonsensical. Unfortunately, in most of Hispanic America, 'concha' is also the 'c' word. We got through a lot of Tippex that week!

A A Gruntpuddock
1st Jul 2014, 01:29
Bought a small stereo radio and was advised to place the speakers at approximately equal distances from each other.

Spent ages setting it up but they always ended up at exactly equal distances from each other.

More recently, nice, new high-tech computer with 4 processors and popular motherboard & bios.

On booting it up I get a message saying that it is checking for devices, then "No any devices exist!".

They've been producing computer components for sale world-wide for years and they can't get something like this correct? Hardly reassuring.

Ogre
1st Jul 2014, 04:19
A colleague received some documentation which had been translated from the original Spanish, and which made reference to Mermaids. As the documentation related to nautical product, the context appears sensible but they could not work out exactly what it was referring to.

Only after they read it a few times was it concluded that the "Mermaids" were in fact 'Sirens".

Capetonian
1st Jul 2014, 06:45
Reminds me of helping someone to proof read a leaflet that had been translated into Spanish.

A 'watershed' had been described as 'una pequeña casa de agua'.

Groundgripper
1st Jul 2014, 16:08
The disadvantage of using non-specialist translators became obvious at Rolls-Royce many years ago (late 60s) when an article on value engineering was translated from english into another language. Someone then thought of translating it back again, just to check, and found that the phrase 'value engineering' had become 'sluice technology' which confused everyone until they realised that 'value' had been read as 'valve' by the original translator. So when it was translated back, a non-technical translator looked up the foreign word for 'valve' in his xxx to english dictionary and found the word 'sluice' as a possible meaning and similarly found 'technology' instead of 'engineering'.

Simples!

GG

G-CPTN
1st Jul 2014, 16:22
When we moved to live and work in Denmark, Mrs G-CPTN worked as a 'proof-reader' of documents that had been translated from Danish into English.
Most of these were medical papers that were to be presented to International audiences and, although she wasn't familiar with the medical terminology, by asking the Danish author (who spoke excellent English of course - medical textbooks in Denmark are published in English as it is too expensive to translate the text into Danish) to explain what he was trying to say, she was able to rephrase 'awkward' passages to sound as if they were written by a native English speaker.

John Hill
1st Jul 2014, 21:28
I used to attend international meetings where the delegates each had headphones and a microphone (you might have seen pictures of the place).


The delegate from France spoke perfect English but spoke only French when addressing the meeting. There were frequent arguments between him and one of the interpreters who sat in little booths to the side and above our level. Much arm waving followed by a banging door as a tearful interpreter ran off to compose herself, that sort of thing.

I glanced over at his little control box and I could see his headphones were selected for English, quite obvious really.

500N
1st Jul 2014, 21:29
French pig headedness !

John Hill
1st Jul 2014, 21:33
Apparently, in some parts of the world, people are expected to bath in a place like this..

http://jobryantnz.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/486194285_54c65b386c.jpg

Bob Lenahan
1st Jul 2014, 22:01
My wife teachers English in MX, both private and "public" schools. (the quality in either school is non-existent) You would not believe the absudidty of numerous laws here. But, on the other hand, once you understand the fact that the gummit wants the people to be, basically, stupid, you understand that the laws accomplish the purpose. Same is true in thew US and many other countries. In the easrly 60's, the school system in the CHI area said you can not discipline any student because it hurts creativity adn creates a bad personal image. It has spread from there. By the 80's, corp America was complaining that the high-schools were graduating "functional illiterates". In the mid-eighties, crps were giving academic classes to their employees. By the late eighties, the same corps were saying that they could teach the newer employees to add 3 plus 4, but it they couldn't teach them to think.
Well. Anyhow...
Bob.

VP959
1st Jul 2014, 22:20
I used to attend international meetings where the delegates each had headphones and a microphone (you might have seen pictures of the place).


The delegate from France spoke perfect English but spoke only French when addressing the meeting. There were frequent arguments between him and one of the interpreters who sat in little booths to the side and above our level. Much arm waving followed by a banging door as a tearful interpreter ran off to compose herself, that sort of thing.

I glanced over at his little control box and I could see his headphones were selected for English, quite obvious really.

My experience of sitting on a NATO committee and presenting papers at NATO conferences, was that the French government insistence that all their delegates always conduct business in French bordered on the farcical at at times. Often the French government would send a "language policeman" to conferences, simply to make sure that all the French delegates always did business in French. This just infuriated everyone, especially during the question and answer sessions at the end of each presentation, where it was very common for the French delegates to switch to English, with the result that the very irritating language policeman would jump up and yell "en français s'il vous plaît!!!"

Windy Militant
1st Jul 2014, 23:17
I've spent years cracking up over the subtitles on S4C which bear very little resemblance to what's actually being said!
However I've now found a new source of amusement, I discovered that some Prune Tube videos have captions.The scripted or closed captions are not much fun, but the auto captions are frequently hilarious as the voice recognition system very often produces the most random stream of consciousness you've ever read. :}

VP959
2nd Jul 2014, 07:26
Fancy that, not speaking English in an international conference..how dare they?

I think you've missed the point.

The daft bit was that the French delegates (many of whom became friends over the years) usually spoke very good English, as did many of the other non-English speaking NATO delegates. France was the only country to insist that it's delegates always conduct business in French, even though this made technical questions and answers at the end of presentations more awkward, because of the need for everyone to keep switching headphone channels between a question and an answer.

None of the other non-English speaking countries enforce such a rule, only the French, despite many of them having a right to if their language was an official NATO language.

Whether we like it or not, English (in one form or another) is the dominant language in NATO, and pretty much everyone uses English when not in an actual official session. It is just easier and simpler for all, especially the technical translators, if those that can speak English are allowed to.

Rwy in Sight
2nd Jul 2014, 08:23
VP959

Are you sure about the need for everyone to keep switching headphone channels between a question and an answer.

If a translation is not needed any more the speaker is speaking french and the translation channel is set in french then the speaker is patched straight through.

Rwy in Sight

John Hill
2nd Jul 2014, 09:21
I dont recall any need to switch channels. I had a choice of each translator or a single position that covered all delegates' microphones. There was never any confusion and whenever a French or Russian delegate used an English phrase or expression the translators just repeated it.

Never any need to switch back and forth and only one microphone on the floor was active at any time.

MagnusP
2nd Jul 2014, 09:58
JH, I'm intrigued as to why the dunny is apparently roped off! :ok:

500N
2nd Jul 2014, 10:03
Magnus
To keep Scotsmen from using it :O

No, I think it might be historical.

radeng
2nd Jul 2014, 10:14
At the ITU, the Study Group meeting has translation for Arabic, French, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese and Russian, and delegates from those countries speak (usually!) in their own language. At the subsidiary working party level, all the work and discussion is in English, and there's no translation...

At the European Telecommunications Standards Institution, headquartered in France, it is stated in the rules that the working language will be English. It is said that is because the Germans wouldn't have French, the French wouldn't have German and the Scandinavians would have neither language!

Stanwell
2nd Jul 2014, 19:31
Had a chuckle the other day.
A beautifully crafted sign had recently been erected at the entrance to the beer garden at my local pub ...
"PATRONS ARE ADVISED THAT CHAIRS MAY BE WET WHEN RAINING."

Ahem.

G-CPTN
2nd Jul 2014, 19:59
"PATRONS ARE ADVISED THAT CHAIRS MAY BE WET WHEN RAINING."
I imagine that customers complained to the staff when they sat on the wet seats.

VP959
2nd Jul 2014, 21:56
VP959

Are you sure about

the need for everyone to keep switching headphone channels between a question and an answer.

If a translation is not needed any more the speaker is speaking french and the translation channel is set in french then the speaker is patched straight through.

Rwy in Sight

Yes. For example, say you were sat in the auditorium with an English-speaking presenter. There was no need for translation, so no need to use the headset, or select a language option on it. However, whenever a question from the audience came from one of the French delegation, then all those who understood English, and so weren't bothering with the translation service, had to go through the rigmarole of quickly donning the headset and selecting the French to English channel in order to hear the question.

No real problem, except it led to delays in the question and answer process, as even the presenter had to go through the same process. When I presented a paper at one of these conferences it was frustrating in the extreme, all the more so when you knew full well that your French colleague asking the question from the floor was fluent in English, but prohibited by French regulations from speaking it on official business.

I agree that at smaller meetings, where everyone around the table is wearing headsets anyway, translation wasn't an issue, as you just left your headset switched to your own language and that's all you got. The problem was the loss of spontaneity during the question and answer sessions following the presentation of papers to a large audience.

Rwy in Sight
3rd Jul 2014, 08:09
VP959,

You are right about not having your headset on. In a couple of occasions that I remember not wearing the headset means you can't hear anything - so headset is on all the time.

Rwy in Sight

VP959
3rd Jul 2014, 08:44
At all the conferences I attended you could hear the presenter just fine without the headset, which is why the majority of English-speakers didn't bother with it. 99% of the other delegates at these events would use English, except for the French, who were quite happy to, but who were prohibited from doing so by their government.

This isn't anti-French sentiment, as this policy irritated the French delegates as much as any of the others.

The other observation that was interesting was that often the Netherlands delegates spoke (and wrote) better English than the English delegates................

Capetonian
3rd Jul 2014, 08:51
In my experience of working with many different nationalities in many countries, I found that (out of non-native English speakers) the Dutch are invariably those who speak the best English and are keen and proud to use it. Followed by Scandies, German speakers, east and central Europeans generally (Polish and Romanian at the top), Portuguese.

Worst in Europe, the Spanish and the French, and surprisingly bad at English, the Japanese.

cockney steve
19th Aug 2014, 11:09
"PATRONS ARE ADVISED THAT CHAIRS MAY BE WET WHEN RAINING."

Cripes! I'll have to look out for these precipitating chairs. :ooh:
Presumably, wet ankles await the unwary.

OFSO
19th Aug 2014, 12:25
I find it very alarming to learn that so many men actually read the instructions that are packaged with anything. What on earth has happened ? In my day (and it is still my day despite my age) reading the instructions was left to the wife (if one had a wife, that is) a day or so after succesful assembly.

All together now: instructions are that little bit of paper which one finds in the box and which one immediately hurls into the fire !

TWT
19th Aug 2014, 12:48
Only to be read when all else fails

IBMJunkman
19th Aug 2014, 16:44
To me it is worse that someone needs written instructions on how to toast bread. :)

OFSO
19th Aug 2014, 18:21
I remember a splendid day when I came home from the Swedish charity institution with a three-piece suite. Step one, empty the boxes on the living room floor. Step two, place instructions in boxes and throw away. Step three, get out the B&D drill, screwdriver, nuts and bolts and screw box. Step four...the welding kit. And so on. All worked out very well and the three piece suite lasted for many years (coming to a very interesting and amusing end, which I won't describe here).

Instructions ? We don' need your steenkin' instructions....

GrumpyOldFart
19th Aug 2014, 22:59
which I won't describe here



Oh, go on - you know you want to... or you wouldn't have inserted that teaser.


:E

mickjoebill
20th Aug 2014, 01:59
If the manufacturers instructions are not clear enough then do what the BBC do and write your own:)

These gems from the BBC
'Revolving Security Door User Instructions'.
"Follow these simple steps each time you use the doors.
To enter the secure space, move directly into the revolving door compartment. The door will start automatically. One person per compartment. Keep hands, feet and bags away from the edges of the door."

Kettle instructions, from a two page manual "Use of Kettle" in BBC radio Sheffield tea room…
"Remove lid from kettle and fill kettle with water."

Ahh thats what the lid is for!


Mickjoebill

vulcanised
20th Aug 2014, 12:46
I recall from an oriental vehicle (can't remember which one) manual the instruction that a pedestrian crossing your path should be 'Tootled vigorously with your horn'.

Ever been tootled Missus?

henrybluebottle
21st Aug 2014, 12:16
"http://www.quotes.net/quote/36324" (http://"http://www.quotes.net/quote/36324")

rotornut
21st Aug 2014, 18:57
A few humorous English phrases from, where else, India:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tasneemnashrulla/29-spelling-mistakes-from-india-that-will-make-you-laugh-cry