View Full Version : "Bitching Betty"

Takan Inchovit
29th Jul 2011, 10:04
... Not the one used in aircraft (forbidden subject here), but the one we use to navigate our cars around unfamiliar cities or countryside.

I prefer the English (UK) (Kate) voice to guide me in. I've tried the Australian girls voice and even the bloke voices, but that English lass has the assertiveness that a 'big boobed blonde haired car racing sheila' should have to get me where I want to go.

What say you?

29th Jul 2011, 10:23
Steven Fry.

Deferential and soothing.

'You may wish to consider leaving the motorway at the next exit Sir.'

west lakes
29th Jul 2011, 11:54
Oh, yes, and John Cleese

Yep got him "You have reached your destination, but if you expect me to help with your bags you are sadly mistaken"

29th Jul 2011, 12:04
Cleese here too. Please redirect your car from the direction in which you are directing your car...now.

29th Jul 2011, 12:09
Given my personal standards of driving in confined spaces (I would be still at risk in the middle of the Mojave Desert), there's only one choice.

Hitler. In one of his most belicose moments, comes to mind.
" You have reached your destinatin - Halt !! [While I get the Ouja boad out]"

Even better "Say your destenation"

My Response:"Lorrane, France"

Response"You mean Alssase"

Perhaps an "Ex Python" might be a more acceptable.


29th Jul 2011, 12:20
The Englishwoman in my Ford's navigation system is quite nice, one imagines her knitting by the fire, a pot of Earl Grey on the table beside her. Has bladder problems as every now and then she pops out for a pee. Her German counterpart barks orders at me and is always on duty.

The Castillian lady in the voice recognition system (separate from the nav system) sounds like Darth Vadar's daughter - complete with echo. If she can't understand my accent when I speak (in Catalan) she shouts "IMPOSSIBILE !!!" and does things like turning the temperature full up.

And a third lady in a separate (non-Ford) system warns me about radar traps, but sounds totally uninvolved and disinterested.

Life ! Who can get involved with a thing like that.

29th Jul 2011, 12:37
I believe the lovely lady in my SatNag is called Jane, but unfortunately I have had to revert to her Dutch and Polish counterparts as these are the only two languages that I understand and my other half doesn't, and therefore can't argue with.

Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.

Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?

Friend #2: I'm all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.

Friend #1: What's a GPS override?

Friend #2: My wife.

29th Jul 2011, 14:13
Warning----contains some bad language....


29th Jul 2011, 14:19
Nah Gordy, this is the Sat Nav for your average JB afficionado...

‪The Armstrong and Miller Show - Sat Nav‬‏ - YouTube

29th Jul 2011, 14:30
I've tried to find that SatNag video clip where the driver of the car ignores the voice, and eventually gets out of the car and walks away, whereupon she says : "Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you. "

30th Jul 2011, 08:58
My missus car GPS's got some girly latte-drinking poofy voice
that gives me the shits every time I hear it.

Personally I'd prefer hearing Basil's (John Cleese) voice -

"If you dont turn left right now I will come around and insert
a large garden gnome into you."

"You missed it! You missed the turn! Yes that'd be right...now
I have to go and recalculate it all over again to get YOUR arse
where YOU want to go while I'm trying to run a GPS here! Do
you any idea how much bloody work is involved? No of course
not! No you just go on sitting there preening yer tart's thighs
and staying completely oblivious to everything I tell you!"

"This Basil GPS. This Basil GPS activate button. This smack on

Windy Militant
30th Jul 2011, 09:53
My Doris on the dash has a fondness for those bouncing Bollards. The kind they use to control access to bus lanes seen on U tube clips with cars being shot into low earth orbit. She's tried to send me over them in Cambridge, Dundee and Sheffield. As yet I have not succumbed to her Siren call and avoided disaster, but she keeps on trying........:uhoh:

Takan Inchovit
30th Jul 2011, 10:53
Yes, you still have to watch where they steer you. My Betty has trouble pronouncing certain street names. :hmm:

The Cleese one would be worth trying .. does it really exist?

uffington sb
30th Jul 2011, 13:18
Road atlas. No moaning voice telling you to turn left/right onto a railway track,into a river,up a one way street etc etc.
If you can't read a map, you shouldn't be on the road.

If I'm going somewhere out of the ordinary, I have a look at google directions and street view to see the landmarks where I need to turn.


tony draper
30th Jul 2011, 13:36
Yup you cany beat the road atlas,most of my work was around Yorkshire Lincoldshire Cumbria with occasional forays further south ,so those pages got worn and coffee stained,still have four of the buggas with most of the pages pristine.

30th Jul 2011, 15:02
I used to have this chap, Harry the Hamster; you can get it through Tom Tom. The video clip below is one of his earlier exploits.

Warning - extremely offensive

Harry The Hamster (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1141293857908007173)#

G&T ice n slice
31st Jul 2011, 16:53
I love GPS. I don't actually have one, but nevertheless GPS has given me hours of fun and enjoyment...

eg the the chap complete with family in car laden with enough luggage to last several months, bikes on roof rack etc. who stopped next to me on the logging trail the other side of the Liza river in Ennerdale. (I'm out there walking the dog). His question, "is this the right track for Keswick?"

Or the pretty well daily meeting with a forriner (i.e. anyone not from round here) in his/her GPS assisted vehicle driving down the "Lime Road" which runs from the Lowca-Harrigton road down to Harrington marina. Thing is that the Lime "road" is a dirt track with subtle patches of mud about 3 feet deep... and yet they persevere right up to the place where it narrows down to 4 foot wide.....

Sometimes they stop & ask, but mostly they drive cautiously past self & dog studiously avoiding eye contact (with me, the dog they don;t usually notice).

Oh how we larf.

31st Jul 2011, 17:31
There's a wonderful video showing a recovery vehicle sent to rescue a white van stuck on a muddy track that itself gets bogged down and has to be pulled out by an even bigger recovery truck.

Howard Hughes
1st Aug 2011, 07:10
Mine keeps saying 'PLEEEASE', sometimes I wish it would shut the :mad: up!;)

1st Aug 2011, 11:45
Homer Simpson.

1st Aug 2011, 21:33
Anyone know if you can get the girl who used to be on Geneva Volmet in the 70's?