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Capetonian
27th Jul 2011, 19:38
Just to balance the 'You know you are in Africa when .....' thread, I thought I'd start this one.

I put England intentionally, as that part of the UK seems to have gone barmier than Scotland, Wales, or Northern Ireland.

Just a few .............

THIS is the scene at a council taxpayer’s home after “jobsworth” binmen refused to collect her rubbish because it is 3ft “too far away”.

Schoolboy, 16, battered his ex-girlfriend to death with a rock over bet for a free breakfast (From Wales)

Husband stabbed wife to death in ‘spontaneous outburst of violence’ after she refused his offer of a cup of tea

Requiring immigrants to speak English 'breaches human rights,'

the hate preacher banned by Britain using human rights law to stay

72-year-old shopkeeper held after stabbing robber to death

For reasons best known to itself, a London council has hammered in a sign urging motorists to “keep off the grass” on a scrubby bit of verge no bigger than a bath towel.

Cacophonix
27th Jul 2011, 19:47
When your Lycoming starts running smoothly again, the white cliffs enchant you once again and you are able to pass those TGVs (slow leaves or something) and then you talk to the charming controller at Southend.

Always good to get back to civilization!

Caco

fireflybob
27th Jul 2011, 19:58
when, as a pilot, you can't take a yoghurt or soup to work with you!

hellsbrink
27th Jul 2011, 20:04
Ya missed one, Cape...


MoD red-faced after two men hired to act as Taliban for Army training exercises are 'illegal immigrants' ..............

A UK Border Agency spokesman added: 'Two men from Afghanistan were arrested for immigration offences and they are being questioned at Salisbury police station.
'One was found to have stayed in the country illegally after his visa expired and the other is a failed asylum seeker.'

Henry09
27th Jul 2011, 20:09
Captonian

I wouldn't even normally bother looking in threads like this, but your motivation for starting it has to be questioned when you have just commented on another thread

The family who live opposite us have relatives who come from the UK in the summer (such as it is!). We dread it. The kids shriek and screech and scream and yell and bellow nonstop. They are far noisier and worse behaved than the locals.

I'm with OFSO on this, and on my increasingly rare trips to the UK I am appalled at the degradation in society and manners. Of course I don't blame the kids, I blame the parents.


What's the point of this thread? Why is it not just titled, I hate England and the English because .....? I see in your first post it seems quite balanced...not!

Parapunter
27th Jul 2011, 20:20
Well Cape, you kept a lid on it for a while, but you know, leopards and spots and all that.:rolleyes:

stuckgear
27th Jul 2011, 20:26
and a couple more...


Churchgoer who dumped bacon outside a mosque is jailed for race hate crimes




Met police officer's 'shockingly greedy' surveyor wife took £1million in bribes for mortgage scam



Postmen left baffled after scrap metal thieves strip entire streets of brass number plates

Cacophonix
27th Jul 2011, 20:30
Let Browning speak and the nay saying cynics choke on their gall!

O, to be in England
Now that April 's there,
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware,
That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf
Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,
While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough
In England—now!
And after April, when May follows,
And the whitethroat builds, and all the swallows!
Hark, where my blossom'd pear-tree in the hedge
Leans to the field and scatters on the clover
Blossoms and dewdrops—at the bent spray's edge—
That 's the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over,
Lest you should think he never could recapture
The first fine careless rapture!
And though the fields look rough with hoary dew,
All will be gay when noontide wakes anew
The buttercups, the little children's dower
—Far brighter than this gaudy melon-flower!

SpringHeeledJack
27th Jul 2011, 20:52
Go easy on him chaps, he was in Crawley for a few weeks recently :E


SHJ

Yellow & Blue Baron
27th Jul 2011, 22:25
... After visiting your English friend over a 20 year period you witness his income declining year upon year (in real terms) despite the fact that his experience is increasing!

Tankertrashnav
27th Jul 2011, 22:37
You know you are in England when you tread on a stranger's foot accidentally and they apologise.

(Just for a bit of balance) ;)

Intentional homicide rates per 100,000 population per annum (latest figures)

UK 1.28
South Africa 34

good spark
27th Jul 2011, 22:59
capetonian
to add to what henry09 said,

i live on a boat because i am incontinent


gs

ShyTorque
27th Jul 2011, 23:26
MoD red-faced after two men hired to act as Taliban for Army training exercises are 'illegal immigrants' ..............

A UK Border Agency spokesman added: 'Two men from Afghanistan were arrested for immigration offences and they are being questioned at Salisbury police station.
'One was found to have stayed in the country illegally after his visa expired and the other is a failed asylum seeker.'

Red faced? I should think so, too. They obviously used blank rounds.

goudie
28th Jul 2011, 00:38
You know you are in England when .....

You can get a decent pint, in a friendly pub, that'll do for me. :ok:

Whirlygig
28th Jul 2011, 01:02
You know you are in England when .....

The locals are genuinely excited at the prospect of a cup of tea.

You perform the "No, after you" dance with a complete stranger.

The natives are more self-deprecatory than the foriegners.

A queue works ....

1vh-wEXvdW8

Cheers

Whirls

Capetonian
28th Jul 2011, 02:05
Henry09

I wouldn't even normally bother looking in threads like this, but your motivation for starting it has to be questioned when you have just commented on another thread.

What's the point of this thread? Why is it not just titled, I hate England and the English because .....? I see in your first post it seems quite balanced...not!

Do I need to have a motivation for starting a thread? Is it compulsory to have a 'balanced' perspective to start a thread, bearing in mind anyway that 'balanced' is a very subjective opinion?

Why should it be titled 'I hate England and the English'? Just because that is the way you chose to interpret my critical comments, or for pointing out some of the blatantly bloody stupid things that are stuffing up what was once a great country? How small minded and humourless you must be if this is the way you see things. Is criticising tantamount to hating?

And to quote you, from another thread :

You have no idea who I am or where I have lived .....

Parapunter Well Cape, you kept a lid on it for a while, but you know, leopards and spots and all that
Kept a lid on what? Oh, I see, saying things you disagree with. Well, shame, perhaps if you don't like it you could put me on your 'ignore' list, but there is still the right, within reason, to say what one thinks, and I'm not changing my spots, nor pretending to.

good spark
to add to what henry09 said,
i live on a boat because i am incontinent
In another context.

Sense of humour failure anyone, perhaps?

And now for some more :

Government departments have been ripped off by an "oligopoly" of IT giants, a damning report by a committee of MPs has found.
Some were paying as much as 10 times the commercial rate for equipment and up to £3,500 on a single desktop PC.
The public administration committee said an "obscene amount of public money" was being wasted on IT.
The parents of a five-year-old boy from Nottinghamshire who weighs 3st 5lb (21.3kg) have been sent an NHS letter saying their son is overweight.
A cab driver has been given six penalty points by a Berkshire council after being caught on camera urinating in a Slough road.
'No porn or prostitution': Islamic extremists set up Sharia law controlled zones in British cities

Krystal n chips
28th Jul 2011, 05:41
You see signs for Scotland and Wales, NI being more problematic here...

You hear a diverse range of regional dialects and phrases

Eccentricity is generally tolerated and more so at weekends

You hear an equally diverse range of excuses as to why the trains / buses are late...again.

The locals offer advice as to how to negate the vocal capacity of non UK residents who offer negative views based on a self opinionated perception despite the overall hospitality offered.

By way of exemplification, Mancunian vernacular of the above involves the words "gob" "grid", "shut" and "smack"....Note. Regional derivatives of the aforementioned apply across the Northern areas, Scotland and Wales.

Rollingthunder
28th Jul 2011, 05:45
When England is closed on Christmas and Boxing day.

11Fan
28th Jul 2011, 05:48
You open the door of the hired car and the steering wheel is missing.

Yank perspective obviously.

UniFoxOs
28th Jul 2011, 07:38
You keep a fifty quid lawnmower in the garage and a ten grand car on the drive.

Parapunter
28th Jul 2011, 08:41
within reasonIs an elastic concept.

I'm sure you're a great guy Cape, but what pours out of your tortured keyboard is poisonous crap, nearly always tied to a negative view of this race or that race and disproportionately critical of Britain and lo, another great example here.

Whoever said travel broadens the mind had never met you.

Capetonian
28th Jul 2011, 08:50
what pours out of your tortured keyboard is poisonous crap, nearly always tied to a negative view of this race or that race and disproportionately critical of Britain

In your opinion. Wouldn't life be dull if we all agreed and had the same likes and dislikes? If we all agreed that our personal Utopia were the same, it would be as crowded and smelly as a Paris metro at 5 o'clock on a hot August afternoon.

Are you happy now? I have had a go at another nationality!

P.S. Mind you, that Metro could be full of English backpackers!

goudie
28th Jul 2011, 08:54
Aaah! Envy is a tormenting soulmate:sad:

stuckgear
28th Jul 2011, 08:56
goudie....


brilliant ! :D

Tankertrashnav
28th Jul 2011, 10:26
You keep a fifty quid lawnmower in the garage and a ten grand car on the drive.


Have to disagree Unifox, paid £500 for my lawnmower, which does live in the garage.

Mind you I also paid £500 for the car :)

vee-tail-1
28th Jul 2011, 10:50
You know you are in England when:
If you criticise UK immigration policy, people you never met call you a bigot, a racist, a BNP member, a EDL nutter .... :confused:

Solid Rust Twotter
28th Jul 2011, 10:57
You can't get a decent bit of meat for the braai but the beer is worth writing home about (as long as you stick to the CAMRA stuff).

The landlord in the pub doesn't bat an eye when you stroll in there wearing shorts, strops and a t-shirt in mid winter then rescues you and points you in the right direction (across the road) at closing time when he sees you setting sail across the snow covered fields, fuddled with Ruddles.

Silly hats.

Cacophonix
28th Jul 2011, 11:01
You know you are on Jet Blast when: ;)


If you criticise UK immigration policy, people you never met call you a bigot, a racist, a BNP member, a EDL nutter ....

Cheerio
28th Jul 2011, 11:09
Not to worry V tail. Julian Cope that quintessential Englishman coined the term 'hardpuff' to describe the image he fostered in his heyday. That paradox of character is a local speciality. That paradox is also apparent in those permissive cuddly but unwashed Kumbiyah singing types who transmogrify into intolerant face-spitting, town centre trashing harpies when crossed. 'Rightie-Haties' generally present a highly consistent (if unpalatable) WYSIWYG. Their counterparts on the lovie left are far more perfidious. I'd far rather turn my back on a RH than a LL. :p

Yamagata ken
28th Jul 2011, 13:13
Your flight arrives at Heathrow, 6 am and your bus tries to circumnavigate the M25 at 8 am. Your flight leaves Heathrow at 11am and your bus attempts to circumnavigate the M25 at 7am.

OFSO
28th Jul 2011, 15:08
When the lady behind the desk at (---) Town Council utters the words: "Hey, missy, you not talk me dat way, I am knowing where de Upper Street be !"


(I'm not being racist, just quoting what I heard myself, took me back to those happy days in West Africa again....)

OFSO
28th Jul 2011, 15:14
P.S. Mind you, that Metro could be full of English backpackers!

When you embark on the Eurostar at St Pancras and within the first few minutes you have been struck violently on the head - several times - by someone`s backpack as he/she/it turns round, you case has been crushed under the weight of a large lady in a vivid dayglow shellsuit carrying an open jumbo size beaker of laager, and two screaming brats in the seat behind start World War III over the use of an electronic game. Oh dear...that's got me in trouble (again).....

Blacksheep
28th Jul 2011, 15:15
When my Malaysian Missus is in a heated argument with the Nigerian clerk at the station ticket office, over whether our daughter's RNIB Vision-Impaired Card is valid for reduced rail fare after 0930 hours (it is), while a queue of English commuters wait patiently in line behind her.

OFSO
28th Jul 2011, 15:26
When you get on board a Ryanair flight.

Anywhere.

WillDAQ
28th Jul 2011, 15:30
It's all about that first impression.. you know the one... just as you step onto the airbridge at Heathrow.

Litter everywhere and the stench of stale piss.

Carry0nLuggage
28th Jul 2011, 15:51
It's all about that first impression.. you know the one... just as you step onto the airbridge at Heathrow.

Litter everywhere and the stench of stale piss.

I hadn't realised business class standards had slipped since I last flew.

Evanelpus
28th Jul 2011, 17:01
..........when you walk down Oxford Street and you can't understand a single word spoken by the vast majority of passers by!

goudie
28th Jul 2011, 18:32
can't understand a single word


Yes, that is a problem, for people who haven't mastered the English language:rolleyes:

CATIII-NDB
28th Jul 2011, 18:45
Yep, Agree about the litter & the smell of Stale Pee. However its the generally hagered look on the drawn faces of your half dead bretherin at the prospect of facing "Work" the next day.

I have done this about 1&1/2 dozen times now; and the sense of desolation is palpable.

CAT III (God nows how new visitors to the UK feel)

Bucket
28th Jul 2011, 18:56
The scrap yard that passes for a seaport at Newhaven.

barry lloyd
28th Jul 2011, 19:04
...you see so many signs telling you what you cannot do. Not my opinion, but that of many foreign people I have met who have visited the UK.

stuckgear
28th Jul 2011, 21:14
The scrap yard that passes for a seaport at Newhaven.

you mean it's not a scrapyard ? well i never !

stuckgear
28th Jul 2011, 21:16
when people drive with their rear fog light on and it hasn't been foggy for.. oh months and when you flash them to let them know your retinas are burning away, they give you the two fingered salute.

con-pilot
28th Jul 2011, 21:16
Oh shoot, I don't know, maybe when you realize that there is a CCTV camera on every street corner and in your hotel bathroom. :p



Okay, just kidding about the bathroom, but, man there are a lot of those cameras around. :uhoh:

Parapunter
28th Jul 2011, 21:18
Funny, when I come in via Newhaven, what I see is the magnificent downs, a mile beyond.

I suppose at the end of every beautiful body, there has to be an ar$ehole.

larssnowpharter
28th Jul 2011, 21:54
We have been returning to the UK for about 2 weeks each year from the Middle East. On a personal note the things I notice are:

1. The incredible greenness of everything! In the ME you become accustomed to grey and sand colours.

2. The relative courtesy of drivers. I know, I know: all things are relative!

A couple of insights from furriners:

1. Senora Lars: The roundabouts work here. Again, try going around a roundabout in the ME.
2. A young Arab friend of mine whilst staring at the horses and cattle in the fields: I cannot see anyone looking after the cattle and horses. You must get a lot of them stolen.

OFSO
29th Jul 2011, 14:30
I cannot see anyone looking after the cattle and horses. You must get a lot of them stolen.

Read the UK newspapers. You will see he's right. Sheep and pigs disappear faster than well, fast. Often in the farmers (stolen) transporter.

And mutilated, too.

Police were hunting a maniac who stabbed to death a horse in a 'frenzied' knife attack in a field.
The butchered 18-month-old Lagdon cob called Rascal was discovered dead by members of a riding school.
Today police and the RSPCA were investigating the stabbing - and had not ruled out the possibility that it had been a 'ritualistic' killing.

Killed: Rascal the 18-month old horse mutilated in Alfriston, East Sussex

Just 10 miles away from the scene in rural Alfriston, East Sussex, nine horses were fed apples that had been spiked with pins and screws last month.
Detective Constable Annie Nash, from Sussex Police said: 'We are working closely with the RSPCA to investigate this mindless act of animal cruelty and find those responsible.
'This horrific incident has caused much distress to the horse's owner and local community but it does appears to be an isolated attack, the motive for which is unknown at this stage.'
Two other horses in the same field had not been touched by the killer.
The owner of the butchered horse, who did not want to be named, said: 'We are devastated by the loss of our beautiful horse. We would urge anyone with information to please contact Sussex Police.'
A post-mortem examination revealed the horse had been stabbed multiple times in its face, neck and body with a sharp instrument

ATNotts
29th Jul 2011, 17:54
...when having enjoyed hasslefree motoring across the bredth of Europe without intervention of officialdom at countless border crossings, you hit the UK border and have to fish out the passport, and field the customary interrogation of HM Gestapo (Border Agency staff). Actually this probably doesn't count as you encounter the aforementioned Gestapo on French soil (Coquelles).

Add to that, you have to change currency, drive on the other side of the road and enjoy totally obscure distance measurements on the roads (miles, yards, feet).

It is no wonder there are comparatively so few european tourists to these shores. (Look at just what a small percentage of tourist vehicles boarding Eurotunnel shuttles are from the European mainland).

Parapunter
29th Jul 2011, 17:57
Yes, life would be so much better if we were in the Euro.:hmm:

OFSO
29th Jul 2011, 18:42
...when having enjoyed hasslefree motoring across the bredth of Europe without intervention of officialdom at countless border crossings,

Not if you are Rumanian and entering Spain. Madrid has just decreed that although they can't deny entry to any EU citizen they can deny entry if you are Rumanian and they think you are coming to work and don't already have a job, so they do. Reasoning is that there are enough out-of-work Rumanians in Spain already. Only way Rumanians are allowed in is if they have a certificate from the Mayor of the Community where they are planning to settle saying they have a job. And these certificates are subject to an intense scrute.

Capetonian
29th Jul 2011, 18:50
I suspect that the fact that Romania is not a member of the Schengen group gives some freedom to restrict entry, despite the 'freedom of movement' principles.

Pappa Smurf
30th Jul 2011, 02:04
Landing at Gatwick many moons ago and thinking it was a stop over in India

stuckgear
30th Jul 2011, 11:41
Add to that, you have to change currency, drive on the other side of the road and enjoy totally obscure distance measurements on the roads


Yeah it's been tough to get those Europeans to fall into line. :E

OFSO
30th Jul 2011, 11:45
Check French motoring law. Due to the wording, automobiles with steering wheels on the left have to be driven on the right hand side of the road: owners of automobiles with steering wheels on the right can make their own choice where to drive ! (or so I was told by a knowing Frenchie).

Firestorm
30th Jul 2011, 12:30
when you are listening to the cricket commentary on the wireless, and the commentators drift off the subject of the game, and start to discuss the cakes sent in by kind hearted listeners.

hellsbrink
30th Jul 2011, 12:48
... people still call the radio "the wireless".

:E

parabellum
30th Jul 2011, 13:08
Conversion of kilometers to miles is very simple, half it and add 10% of the original figure, i.e. 80kph = 40 + 8 = 48mph, close enough for jazz.

What I noticed in UK last time was the narrowness of the roads, the extent of tail gating, the impatience of fellow motorists and a total disregard for speed limits in built up areas. Turning into the lower part of the Edgeware Road I thought I was in Beirut!

Love the country, hate the PC politics.

OFSO
30th Jul 2011, 14:29
..when you look at a clip posted under the "Steam" thread by our Tony and see all the women wearing head-to-toe black robes and veils standing on Grantham station - AND THEY DON'T EVEN TURN THEIR HEADS TO LOOK WHEN A SUPERB EXAMPLE OF LOST BRITISH TECHNOLOGY GOES BY !

tony draper
30th Jul 2011, 14:42
Yer, train spotting is one of the few things not forbidden to em,:rolleyes:

hellsbrink
30th Jul 2011, 18:35
Wummin weren't allowed to appreciate such examples of engineering excellence back then, OFSO......



How things have changed, for the worse...... :E

<g,d+RLF>

sitigeltfel
30th Jul 2011, 21:00
owners of automobiles with steering wheels on the right can make their own choice where to drive ! (or so I was told by a knowing Frenchie).

A Senegalese guy visits here every few months to buy 4x4s to take back to Africa.
He is not bothered which side the steering wheel is on as he says, "Where I sell them, they all drive up the middle of the road"!

Tankertrashnav
30th Jul 2011, 23:54
ATNotts, it's quite possible to drive directly from a Eurozone country into the UK without swapping from driving on the right to the left. Not only that, if you do it you will probably be in company with a large number of drivers who are making a quick shopping trip to take advantage of the much cheaper cost of living in the UK. And when you get back home you can go out for a pint (not half a litre).

If you haven't worked it out yet, ask Corsair, he's probably done the trip loads of times!

OFSO
31st Jul 2011, 07:25
to drive directly

Assuming you have one of these and the sea isn't too rough...

&#x202a;De DUKW&#x202c;&rlm; - YouTube

Fareastdriver
31st Jul 2011, 10:19
to take advantage of the much cheaper cost of living in the UK

.....and before this particular country joined the Eurozone the traffic used to be the other way.

OFSO
31st Jul 2011, 11:22
When farting is believed to be a spectator sport...

Ancient Observer
31st Jul 2011, 13:25
You know you are in England when ..... (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/458688-you-know-you-england-when-4.html#post6609168)


You do the tourist thing in London, and spend all day not hearing another British voice.

Gertrude the Wombat
31st Jul 2011, 14:16
You do the tourist thing in London, and spend all day not hearing another British voice.
Well you wouldn't, would you. British people mostly have more sense than to play tourists in London, and plenty of us have more sense than to ever go anywhere near the place for other purposes as well.

It's the same in my town. Hang around with foreign tourists all day, and guess what? You'll be hearing foreign tourists talking foreign, what a surprise. Go to an estate pub in the winter and its full of British people (of all colours) talking English. Again exactly as you would expect. So what?

Alternatively, go and play tourists somewhere abroad ... and what do you hear? People talking English all day.

D SQDRN 97th IOTC
31st Jul 2011, 14:18
when you try to prevent a crime...to stop a granny being mugged by little scraoats...and you're the one that ends up getting arrested

when the burglar falls down your stairs because he tripped on your kiddy's toy, and he sues you when he hits that "dangerous" radiator at the bottom

and as for the normally loving pet dog of your's, you get sued when it gets shocked when burglar lands on him, and he bites the burglar

when the police say they are under resourced, but they can play hide and seek

when more than half of those claiming incpacity benefit are actually fit for work

where living on benefits is a lifestyle choice for millions....

racedo
31st Jul 2011, 14:53
where living on benefits is a lifestyle choice for millions....

Classic comment read during week

"I don't go to work to provide an income for those who never do"

D SQDRN 97th IOTC
31st Jul 2011, 15:22
actually, he does
he may not want to
but the UK government has so many people who receive benefits, that their vote cannot be ignored

is it a right wing view to say that only:
people without criminal convictions (upon indictment) can vote
only tax payers can vote
only people in their own properties can vote (freehold, leasehold, or private tenancy)

so this would stop those who were feckless, lazy, tax evading, criminal, etc...from being taken into account when governments dictated policy

Mr Chips
31st Jul 2011, 15:50
so EVERYONE in social housing is denied a vote?

yes, that is right wing. Worryingly so

Gertrude the Wombat
31st Jul 2011, 16:00
is it a right wing view to say that only:
people without criminal convictions (upon indictment) can vote
It's anti-democratic and authoritarian - such a systen could be abused by left wing governments as easily as right wing ones. How long would it take to invent political crimes and/or political trials? At present we don't do those in the UK, as the Ponting jury made clear. You might want that to change: I don't.

Ancient Observer
31st Jul 2011, 17:42
Gertrude,
As a Londoner, I'm now exploring London like tourists do. Last week Westminster Abbey, Supreme Court, The Rubens ceiling in Banqueting House and all things Westminster. Next week, St Pauls and lots of city things. We've also recently done Dogs, (OK Isle of), and that Wren stuff South of the river from there.
It's worth doing......

racedo
31st Jul 2011, 17:42
D-SQ

Equally that could apply to anybody in HM Govts service.

StressFree
31st Jul 2011, 18:58
ATNotts - you're part of the problem, do you really wish you arrive in the UK and find the Euro used here????

As for your other comments, well I'll leave you to reflect upon them, for me as a true patriot the UK is a magnificent nation, I love the weather forecasts that say:


"fog in the Channel - Continent isolated....."

You make me feel rather sad.......thank goodness folks like you weren't around in 1939, we'd all be talking in German now, as would the rest of Europe.

:(

StressFree
31st Jul 2011, 19:05
ATNotts, sorry I forgot to mention, are you really joint editor of:

"Airport Timetables UK"

You must be a bundle of laughs, I expect your mag has a laugh a minute, no wonder you can't stand showing your passport or understand imperial measurements......

:eek:

RV6
2nd Aug 2011, 13:52
You know you're in England when:

it's 28 degrees C at Heathrow and the hotel has no air conditioning and the windows are locked shut; no fridge in the room, and no ice dispenser anywhere. Ah - warm beer!

most of the bar and restaurant staff speak Polish (and a bit of English - good on 'em. I'm not bilingual).

you have to climb into the bath to have a shower :ugh:

complete stangers stop to offer help if you are looking at all lost, overloaded or in any way discomfited

people you don't know stop to chat and make jokes in the supermarket, petrol station, anywhere really. Brightens the day no end!

really good quality fresh fruit and veg at affordable prices

the voice on the sat nav is so polite and says
'Please turn right in 200 yards'
Me: 'OK - what does 200 yards look like?'
sat nav: 'TURN RIGHT NOW!' :ok:

Nick Riviera
2nd Aug 2011, 14:38
I'm always intrigued when people talk of "warm beer". Do they also call red wine "warm wine"? That's served at room temperature as well.

Storminnorm
2nd Aug 2011, 14:46
The only reason the "other" beers are served cold is because the
taste, if served warm, is Bl**dy AWFUL!!!
The coldness kills the taste buds.

cavortingcheetah
2nd Aug 2011, 15:06
On arrival Stansted as a passenger one is constantly reminded of what an aggressive people the British are. From the exit ramp to the immigration control there are numerous stickers stuck up everywhere threatening arrest, prosecution and penalty if one were even to think of abusing, threatening, or raising one's voice to any member of staff. By the time you get to immigration you're probably nicely intimidated even if you had not thought for one moment of emulating the national characteristic of violent tendency.
It's axiomatic that in Britain you cannot have a hot day and a functioning air conditioning system coincidentally, so by the time you get through the usually horrendous passport line up or try to experiment with the malfunctioning auto system, you know you're in England. The real kicker comes from inside the baggage hall onwards. This is when one has make the adjustment to understand that the English which one sometimes hears Europeans speak so flawlessly south of the Channel bears no resemblance to the usual foul mouthed gutteral and inarticulate aural offensiveness which passes for oral communication in Britain today. That's even with making certain diplomatic allowances for the fact that Stansted is in Essex.

OFSO
2nd Aug 2011, 15:21
Where police check the papers of a class in the town hall instructing new traffic wardens/parking attendents and find everyone - including the instructor - is an illegal alien, but can't detain anyone 'cos the local detention centre is full, so they are all released again.....

(Won't say which Town Council but it was at the Town Hall on Upper Street, London N1).

What the Fug
2nd Aug 2011, 16:14
Where all the expat brats get sent for their education, and parents whinge about having to pay for it.

CathayBrat
2nd Aug 2011, 16:16
Is-ding-a-ling-ton per chance? Or is there a super injunction on that?

OFSO
2nd Aug 2011, 17:36
Where else - where traffic wardens come down your street at 1 a.m. and measure how far the car is parked out from the kerb and fine you eighty pounds if it's over whatever the limit is, 12" or something.

Where one night someone comes and breaks your car window and steals your Disabled Badge (worth a lot on the black market) and the next day despite the hole in the window and the notice stating "Disabled Badge Stolen" and quoting the report number from the police, you get a parking fine for not displaying the badge....

Where two long black Mercedes cars and a hearse from the funeral home got parking tickets waiting - with their drivers - to pick up mourners outside a church.....

Standard Noise
2nd Aug 2011, 18:52
.........a judge hands down a six week stretch for flinging a foam 'pie' at an manipulative octagenarian sleaze merchant.

Makes ya proud to be British, innit!?

911slf
2nd Aug 2011, 19:11
If attacking Rupert Murdoch with a cream pie is more serious than attacking a politician with a cream pie.... wait a minute, I thought I was on pprune.xxx:O

Gertrude the Wombat
2nd Aug 2011, 21:33
I'm always intrigued when people talk of "warm beer". Do they also call red wine "warm wine"? That's served at room temperature as well.

Mate of mine was offered red wine from the fridge somewhere in California. (Admittedly this was some time in the 1980s.)
The only reason the "other" beers are served cold is because the
taste, if served warm, is Bl**dy AWFUL!!!
The coldness kills the taste buds.
Yes of course, I thought everyone knew that :)

(Except perhaps foreigners.)

con-pilot
2nd Aug 2011, 23:06
When it is 109F outside, as it is here currently, the last thing anybody wants to drink is a warm beer. :p

Gertrude the Wombat
2nd Aug 2011, 23:17
When it is 109F outside, as it is here currently, the last thing anybody wants to drink is a warm beer.
I imagine that at that temperature you aren't in England (it "only" got to 29C here today), so it's perfectly reasonable that you might not think English beer appropriate to your circumstances.

Of course in England we do often drink IPA of various brands (India Pale Ale), which was actually designed for warmer climes ... and is perfectly acceptable on a 29C day.

parabellum
2nd Aug 2011, 23:22
I was once told, (by a Marston's Master Brewer, 5 Bells, Nether Wallop), that the correct temperature to serve English beer was 54F?

con-pilot
2nd Aug 2011, 23:29
Good guess, no I'm not in England. I wish it was 29C, instead of 43C.


(42.7777778 if you want to be very precise.)

But hey, it was -42C this winter, so we've got that to look forward to. :p

And trust me on this, when it is -42C outside and you're standing in a 50kt wind, you do not want to drink a cold beer.

sea oxen
2nd Aug 2011, 23:47
Standard Noise

Would you have gone in harder on Cenotaph Boy? Getting aggressive with an 80-year old man sucks in my book.

You know you're in England when it's been rather hot and they've kept all the windows on the Tube train closed overnight and parked them to catch the dawning sun, so they're like a Turkish pitbull's jockstrap perspiring over your suit when you alight.

The Aztecs had nothing on these bastards knowing where the Sun would be at a given time. TfL would sacrifice virgins if they could, lost cause in London, I am afraid.

SO

gupta
3rd Aug 2011, 02:01
Do they also call red wine "warm wine"? That's served at room temperature as well


Red wine should be served at cellar temperature, not room temperature. Hence the use of fridges in warmer climates.

Why do the English drink warm beer ? Because they have Lucas fridges.....

alisoncc
3rd Aug 2011, 02:08
When even the meat pies are bloody cold in the middle of Winter (pork pies). Whereas in Oz we serve mouth-burning hot meat pies in the middle of Summer just to be contrary.

Cacophonix
3rd Aug 2011, 02:19
When the temperature goes above 25 degrees Celsius and the press (even the "serious minded" broadsheets) start running headlines like "Britain warmer than Mumbai, Dubai and Ulan Bator.

Of course if the heat wave (if that's what it is?) runs for longer than 2 days, all those pasty faced men, who have had the bad taste to take their shirts off, start murdering each other and then when it starts raining again on the third day everybody returns to their stolid grumpiness all mercifully covered up again.

ntm1YfehK7U

airborne_artist
3rd Aug 2011, 08:31
You hear a nice engine noise, look up, and it's Peter Vacher's Hurricane returning to base one evening.

Tankertrashnav
3rd Aug 2011, 08:55
Why do the English drink warm beer ? Because they have Lucas fridges.....


HAHAHAHAHA..snort..HAAHaaaaaaaaa....Ha Ha Ha!!....tee he he......so true.



Not for the first time I guess I'm the only one who doesnt understand what everyone else on PPruNe does.

So what's a Lucas fridge? I'm in England and I don't think I have one :confused:

handsfree
3rd Aug 2011, 09:16
Lucas refrigerators.

(It's a joke. I guess I better explain it for those who didn't get it. British automobiles have long had a reputation for very bad electrical systems. A major brand in British automotive electrical components is Lucas, and Lucas has often received a lion's share of the blame and derision for the electrical problems experienced by British cars. Thus, if you had a refrigerator made by Lucas (I don't know if they ever actually made refrigerators), and you kept your beer in that refrigerator, and that refrigerator performed according to the reputation that Lucas electrical components for cars have, then you'd get used to drinking your beer at room temperature.)

Not that I'd ever heard of it either.

Firestorm
3rd Aug 2011, 09:40
You know you're in England when you phone DVLA, a Government agency, and they answer you in a foreign langauge. And when you finally manage to get someone who speaks English the talk complete gobbledey gook.

Tankertrashnav
3rd Aug 2011, 09:42
Re Lucas fridges

Thanks for the lengthy explanation handsfree.

Laugh? I almost did ;)

Storminnorm
3rd Aug 2011, 10:47
I thought it was funny handsfree.
But there again, I'm easily amused.

I HATE this time of the year!!!

The boy has a bloody PLUM tree in his back garden.
The kitchen has now been taken over by the Memsahib's
"Plum Jam" production line!!! There's bloody plums everywhere,
And Kilner Jars!!! She makes TONS of the bloody awful stuff, and
gives it away to anyone silly enough to accept it!
It costs a fortune in GAS, SUGAR and NEW bloody Kilner jars, because
NO ONE ever returns the bloody things once they've thrown the damn
contents away. The smell, the HEAT in the kitchen, and my attitude to
the whole business are unbearable!! ANY suggestions as to what could
be done to help would be appreciated. I've thought of chopping the
plum tree down, but am now denied access to it's vicinity.
PLEASE HELP!!!
I'm going back to Cornwall later, but NOT just yet.
I don't think they have plums in Cornwall.
I'll ask Prince Charles about that.
The trouble is the jam will also be exported there as well!!!

The Memsahib has just informed me that she needs MORE Kilner jars!!!!

I curse Queen Victoria for inventing the plum.

Ancient Observer
3rd Aug 2011, 12:34
reminds me of when I was heavily in to home made coconut "ice". At least it didn't need Kilner jars. Do they still sell them? I need to do something with my cherries......

sitigeltfel
3rd Aug 2011, 12:44
At least it didn't need Kilner jars. Do they still sell them?

I used to get them at Lakeland. Still going strong with my fig chutney.

(BTW, the jars were invented by Jeremy Clarksons great-great-great-great Grandfather.)

tony draper
3rd Aug 2011, 12:56
Have a Pal who makes his own chutney(and no!that is not a euphemism) got some in the fridge and very good it is, it always comes in those thingy jars with the glass top,so they must still be available somewhere.
:)

radeng
3rd Aug 2011, 13:14
Freeze the plums. They make a great plum crumble. Much better than using them for jam.

Mine aren't ripe yet.

Storminnorm
3rd Aug 2011, 13:45
Kilner jars bought from a place called "Brewers" in Crawley.
They've got loads of them, but they're bl**dy expensive to
keep giving them away with bl**dy Plum Jam in them!!!

Didn't know you could freeze plums.
The memsahib has just read that bit about freezing the damn things.
Has now cancelled the trip to buy MORE Kilner jars.
Plum crumble later then?

With custard I hope.

handsfree
3rd Aug 2011, 13:50
You've been an aircraft engineer Stormin.

You must have had frozen plums many a time.

Storminnorm
3rd Aug 2011, 13:51
I prefer not to talk about personal experiences of that sort, thank you.

Parapunter
3rd Aug 2011, 14:14
Coconut ice ingredients:

1) Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugar

2) Coconut.

OFSO
3rd Aug 2011, 14:24
Gupta is absolutely right. I bought some unlabelled red from the Espelt vinyard last week, excellent stuff which they have a surplus of - normally sold to restaurants to label as their own - anyway at room temperature (25º here) it is undrinkable. Our cellars are at 18º which is still too warm so I have it in the upper part of the fridge at 6º, pour it 20 minutes before drinking and it is Just Right.


Lucas refrigerators.

When I lived in Germany and Mercedes were fitted with Lucas lighting, Lucas was always known as "The Prince of Darkness".

Ancient Observer
3rd Aug 2011, 16:11
My problem with Para's formula was getting all that sugar inside the coconut shell through a very small hole.

Storminnorm
3rd Aug 2011, 16:56
Does anyone still make those little generators that one had on
one's bike that you could unclip and let rest against the bike tyre
and illuminate one's homeward journey after darkness fell?
Ain't seen one of them for years!!!
Mind you, NONE of the bikes have lights anymore.

IB4138
3rd Aug 2011, 16:59
When you go to the station to catch a train and something turns up from a third world country, that is akin to an old Leyland National bus on rails.

Ancient Observer
3rd Aug 2011, 18:20
You know you are in England when you land, and get out of the plane in to a 4th World country airport.

Most 3rd world country airports are better than LHR, which deserves a category of its own as 4th World.

cavortingcheetah
3rd Aug 2011, 19:28
Perhaps the Memsahib is making the wrong stuff from the plums?
Here is a recipe for the right stuff.

Use sweet and fully ripe plums - cultivated or wild cherry plums (Prunus cerasifera).

The plums must be fresh, firm, unwrinkled, smooth-skinned with no blemishes or soft spots.

You can make the schnapps in different ways.

You can use either the whole fruits, the whole fruits with small holes in them, or the whole fruits cut into halves - with or without the pits.

Using different methods, you get different results. It's a matter of taste which method you may want to use.

Personally I prefer the method with whole plums with small holes in them - I use a thick needle to pierce the skin to the pit.

You can use frozen plums. Just remember to defrost them in the vodka.

Direction:

Put 10-15 plums in a clean glass jar with tight-fitting lid.
Cover well with clear, unflavoured vodka - 40% alcohol content (80 proof).
Let steep for 3-6 months or more in a dark place at room temperature, 18-20°C (64-68°F).
Shake lightly and taste it from time to time.
Strain and filter your infusion into a clean glass bottle or jar with tight-fitting lid.
Store (age) for at least 2 months in a dark place at room temperature before serving.

You can still use those Kilner jars of which you have such a surplus.

Fareastdriver
3rd Aug 2011, 19:32
Storminorm

Try this site.
Miller Vintage Bicycle Light set (front/rear, dynamo) | eBay (http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160629883672&clk_rvr_id=252543354112&item=160629883672)

Gertrude the Wombat
3rd Aug 2011, 20:13
You know you are in England when you land, and get out of the plane in to a 4th World country airport.

Most 3rd world country airports are better than LHR, which deserves a category of its own as 4th World.
LHR is for foreigners, innit. English people know to use a civilised airport, and never go near the place.

Whoops! - shouldn't have given that one away!

stuckgear
3rd Aug 2011, 20:48
can i put an order in for some of stormin's plum jam and some siti's fig chutney ?

OFSO
3rd Aug 2011, 21:08
When your aircraft gets in ten minutes early but it takes ground staff twenty minutes to find a set of airstairs, the escalators don't work (and there are LOTS), there are two security desks open out of a line of eight, massive queues in front of each one but not to worry because (---) are too cheap to pay for loaders to get your baggage onto the belt in under an hour.

The buses outside are driven by Italians, the tickets for the buses are sold by Italians, and anyway the M (--) is blocked by a horrendus accident caused by foreign trucks being allowed to drive with unsuitable mirrors for driving on the left...(continued page 94)

bugg smasher
3rd Aug 2011, 22:47
LHR is for foreigners, innit. English people know to use a civilised airport, and never go near the place.

I'll see you your LHR, and raise you a JFK and an LGA...

Tankertrashnav
3rd Aug 2011, 23:02
Storminnorm - If there's anything that's marginally worse than plum jam it's damson jam, which seems to be made in similar quantities by relatives who have damson trees instead of plums. At least a nice ripe plum (Victoria for choice) is very good to eat, whereas damsons are useless. I wouldnt be surprised if there were Amazonian tribes which used jars of damson jam as a form of currency - I can see no other conceivable use for them.

And no, we dont have many plums in Cornwall, in fact not many fruit trees of any type. Something to do with the winters being too mild, apparently.

tony draper
3rd Aug 2011, 23:05
One begs to differ, Board of Trade greengage jam is the worst jam in the world.
:uhoh:
Hmmm,you know summat I int got a clue exactly what a greengage is.

unclenelli
3rd Aug 2011, 23:07
...... you can't get rid of "Bank Of Ireland " or "RBS" notes as there're not recognised as legal tender.


I should have got them changed into jock £1 notes - You can get £1.58 change from a round in an English bar when offering a scottish £1 note!!!!! - if the lighting's low enough!

G-CPTN
3rd Aug 2011, 23:08
One begs to differ, Board of Trade greengage jam is the worst jam in the world.
That's got to be a classic PPruNerism!

Tankertrashnav
3rd Aug 2011, 23:13
One begs to differ, Board of Trade greengage jam is the worst jam in the world.
http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/worry.gif



Gawd I'd forgotten greengage jam. Friend of Mrs TTN's has threatened us with a present of some greengage jam shortly. Only hope it doesnt block the sink :(

tony draper
3rd Aug 2011, 23:29
Well one may be doing proper civilian greengage jam a injustice, normal greengage jam may well be perfectly acceptable on one's toast,BOT greengage jam was utterly horrid, it was one of the strange viands that Merchant ships were obliged by law to carry,much like Board of Trade Lime Juice lest we all fall pray to the scurvy on a long sea passage,ergo it tasted more like a medicine than a fruit preserve
One shall qualify one earler post,the only thing worse than BOT Greengage Jam was BOT Lime Juice,however the Lime juice had the saving grace of being great at bringing up teak deck planking and hand rails to a nice white finish
The abysal plains beneath sealanes of the world must be littered with newly opened one gallon tins of greengage jam,the contents untouched,because even the slimy bottom feeders who dwell thence would not eat Board of Trade greengage jam.
:uhoh:

parabellum
4th Aug 2011, 00:21
Shame you couldn't chuck a handful of yeast into the jam/juice Capt'n D, leave in a dark place for a few weeks and Eureka!;)

A Greengage is of the plum family and its green! There must be thousand acre orchards of nothing but Greengage trees somewhere as that was often the only flavour available in the Army, especially Aden, MoD probably followed Tony's ship!

henry crun
4th Aug 2011, 03:52
Havn't seen a Greengage in yonks, more's the pity, they are a very tasty plum.

Fareastdriver
4th Aug 2011, 07:11
I know a place in Suffolk where they have greengage trees. It's quite difficult to get there, they haven't got round to building roads yet.

Capetonian
6th Aug 2011, 07:54
School confiscates girl's Vaseline for her dry lips... due to health and safety fears

Fifth of girl binge drinkers have sex they regret as experts warn of generation of promiscuous teenagers

OFSO
6th Aug 2011, 10:23
You drive off the ferry at Dover and onto UK territory in a large German registered motorhome;

A female customs official enters the vehicle for a good snoop-around (quite legitimate of course and not unexpected);

She doesn't find anything, because there's nothing to find, and as she gets out she says (and I'm not making this up):

"Don't do it again"

(Leaving the occupants completely puzzled)

Lon More
6th Aug 2011, 10:48
people think Stella Artois is beer.

stuckgear
6th Aug 2011, 12:20
people think Stella Artois is beer.


you know you're in england when...

... A pint of Stella is ordered in a pub as "A pint of wife beater"

Storminnorm
6th Aug 2011, 12:31
You arrive back in England in a beaten up old VW beetle carrying
the Mrs, three little kids, and a roof rack full of household rubbish,
and the Customs bloke tells you to piss off when you try to drive
through the "Goods to Declare" zone at about 6-00 am.

B Fraser
6th Aug 2011, 18:14
She doesn't find anything, because there's nothing to find, and as she gets out she says (and I'm not making this up):

"Don't do it again"

Yep, you know as soon as you hear irony, you are back in the UK.

I was stopped by a girl in customs some time ago while obviously carrying more than my allowance of ethanol based beverages.

"Excuse me sir but do you know the legal maximum amount for duty free spirits ?"

"Yes, I do" ;)

"Ok sir, have a safe onward journey"

Lon More
6th Aug 2011, 18:33
School confiscates girl's Vaseline for her dry lips...

Top or bottom set? :hmm:

Tankertrashnav
6th Aug 2011, 23:24
You know you are in England when...

A lorry is involved in a non-fatal accident and the M25 is shut for the best part of 24 hours causing untold inconvenience to tens of thousands of motorists on a holiday Saturday.

The French would have bulldozed the wreckage aside, stuck a lowish speed limit on the section with the damaged surface, and decided that the chances of someone being hurt by the damaged gantry were considerably less than sending thousands of cars round a load of minor roads as a diversion :ugh:

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2011, 23:42
Further to Tankertrashnav's contribution, I heard of football supporters driving three-quarters around the M25 (clockwise) to reach grounds which were in the north east of London because the 'direct' route was closed off.

Krystal n chips
7th Aug 2011, 09:59
A hospital has a power cut and, by virtue of one of the patients being a "celeb", this is classed as national news....:ugh:

Cacophonix
7th Aug 2011, 10:34
as experts warn of generation of promiscuous teenagers


Such "experts" have been predicting this dire consequence since Adam and Eve.

Who the hell is more "expert" on teenage promiscuity than another teenager? ;)

Oh Socrates what hast thou wrought?

Caco

uffington sb
7th Aug 2011, 12:56
And when people think that conifers in planters at Grantham station (post 51 - Steam) are muslim wimmin in full islamic garb. SO THEY CAN'T TURN THEIR HEADS TO LOOK WHEN A SUPERB EXAMPLE OF LOST BRITISH TECHNOLOGY GOES BY!!!

Lon More
7th Aug 2011, 13:13
the bar is full of SefEkrikaaners and Orstalians whinging about how bad everything is

RedhillPhil
7th Aug 2011, 18:28
When some thieving scum tries to shoot a policeman, gets shot in turn and 500+ "bruthas" riot because of "police brutality" and are basically left to get on with it. The countrie's gone to hell in a handcart.

Parapunter
7th Aug 2011, 18:42
Yes, particularly in the English department.

racedo
7th Aug 2011, 18:54
Hey Phil if they did it in Redhill it could only be an improvement which is kinda sad really.

RedhillPhil
7th Aug 2011, 20:47
'tis true, but I'm originally from Worksop and I know what a real shithole looks like!

FirstOfficer
7th Aug 2011, 21:04
Redhill,

I live around the place, and the school kids just mock the Police in front of them, and they are powerless to do anything, there is no order, no respect, no education, but then again all this should start at home, and it doesn't.

What happened in Tottenham is a disgrace, people with no morals, etiquette, or respect.

OFSO
7th Aug 2011, 21:18
Fifth of girl binge drinkers have sex they regret

I wonder how many sober girls have sex they regret....in fact I wonder how many blokes have sex they regret...bet it's more than 20% for the population overall. And how many married men regret having sex ? Probably most of us !

Cacophonix
8th Aug 2011, 04:09
And how many married men regret having sex ? Probably most of us !

It is a dirty business but somebody has to do it ;)

Firestorm
8th Aug 2011, 07:27
You try to do your shopping in Aldi in a North London district only to find that they have sold out of this week's special offers. Even us more affluent (upper) middle class have our austerity plans you know.

Storminnorm
8th Aug 2011, 11:57
Speak for yourself, Firestorm.

MagnusP
8th Aug 2011, 12:04
Mr Norm, Firestorm appears to be something of a wannabe. Everyone knows that us REAL affluent upper-middle-class types have staff to do our Aldi shopping.

My people prefer Lidl, anyway.

;)

Ancient Observer
8th Aug 2011, 12:08
Magnus,

ah, but, .....the challenge in the thread title was about being in England.
I know you Scottish folk need servants to keep down the unemployment created by the excessive power of your TUs......

MagnusP
8th Aug 2011, 12:11
Bang to rights, AO. We only keep one servant in CasaP. Guess who? :(

G-CPTN
8th Aug 2011, 14:50
You try to do your shopping in Aldi in a North London district only to find that they have sold out of this week's special offers.Try the Tottenham High Road branch.

Storminnorm
8th Aug 2011, 14:53
Not a lot left in there at the moment I think.

OFSO
8th Aug 2011, 15:31
You know you are in Britain when you have to pay a tax to the BBC if you have any form of television receiver - even if the receiver is disabled to receive BC channels - and then the BBC spends your money on buying the cheapest possible shows from the USA, but can still pay a departing Deputy DG over a million pounds as a "bonus".

Firestorm
8th Aug 2011, 16:18
Not a wannabee, just didn't want to show off about send My People shopping at Waitrose.

radeng
8th Aug 2011, 17:15
RedhillPhil,

I too came from Worksop. The motto of the town is 'Sans Dieu Rien' - Without God Nothing. If you put a full stop between the 'Dieu' and the 'Rien', you have two mottos applicable to Worksop.

Without God.

Nothing.

Although to be fair, in 1961 I was 14, and used to go to the Chess Club in the BR Staff Association in Stanley Street. The beer was Tennents from Sheffield, superb stuff and 9d a pint.

Tennents were bought by Whitbread in 1965 and they promptly shut down the Tennents breweries and all the pubs got Whitbread p*ss.

Ancient Observer
8th Aug 2011, 17:56
I do not know why there's all this fuss about girls having sex that they later regret. My ambition when I was younger was finding those girls.

Anyway, that is not a specific English "problem". The Dutch were much better educated in these matters.

Blokes sometimes have sex that they later regret. Either the young lady was a 6-pinter, or they caused a couple of visits to the clap clinic.

TURIN
8th Aug 2011, 22:31
When some thieving scum tries to shoot a policeman, gets shot in turn and 500+ "bruthas" riot because of "police brutality" and are basically left to get on with it. The countrie's gone to hell in a handcart.

When the above story turns out to be a load of bowlarks and in fact the copper was shot by his own 'marksman' colleague who managed to shoot the "thieving scum" in the back at the same time. :mad:

Still, never let the truth get in the way of a good old Daily Hate headline eh?:ugh:

shedhead
8th Aug 2011, 22:42
Equally, why let the truth get in the way of a good Grauniad headline eh?

TURIN
8th Aug 2011, 23:35
Actually, I read it in the Mail. :O

hellsbrink
9th Aug 2011, 04:25
Rumours in the press are presented as solid fact, 24 hours before the actual facts are released.



Oh, I guess the police shot the guy in Croydon too?

MagnusP
9th Aug 2011, 08:48
Hey, Firestorm, what's up? Not got a Harrod's food hall that your people can use? :ok:

TZ350
12th Aug 2011, 23:19
Quote from Tankertrashnav
"You know you are in England when...

A lorry is involved in a non-fatal accident and the M25 is shut for the best part of 24 hours causing untold inconvenience to tens of thousands of motorists on a holiday Saturday.

The French would have bulldozed the wreckage aside, stuck a lowish speed limit on the section with the damaged surface, and decided that the chances of someone being hurt by the damaged gantry were considerably less than sending thousands of cars round a load of minor roads as a diversion :ugh:"

I was stuck in that f:mad:g mess going to Dover !! When I first heard about riots ( not in English ) I was hoping motorists were attacking the useless f:mad:g Police , Highways Agency and Health and Safety.....:mad::mad: morons !!


http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/buttons/reply_small.gif (http://www.pprune.org/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=6624227&noquote=1)

scotbill
12th Aug 2011, 23:34
In the end it's all down to the lawyers who can make hay if the police haven't dotted every i and crossed every t.
I had a wry smle when I heard a barrister complain that our special magistrate courts were dealing with miscreants far too quickly thereby depriving people like himself of many days of lucrative employment.

Romeo Oscar Golf
13th Aug 2011, 01:02
....It stops raining, every pub is a joy to be in (even though they don't have a decent malt), the grass is yellow and there's no water in the reservoirs.






OK so I'm in Scotland:)

Krystal n chips
13th Aug 2011, 05:47
"you know you are" etc...when, irrespective of the context, so called service sector suppliers consistently offer a series of risible and at times "creative" excuses as to why they are never at fault.... and why the fabled "customer" always has to pay and not always in the financial sense.

The latest offering on the above lines.....

BBC News - High cost of petrol defended as oil price falls (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-14508213)

hellsbrink
13th Aug 2011, 06:07
Indeed, K&C, since they never use said excuse to refuse to put prices up

Tankertrashnav
13th Aug 2011, 10:16
I was stuck in that fhttp://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/censored.gifg mess going to Dover !!


So was my son TZ350. Booked on a 1400 ferry, got one at 2215! Had the great good fortune to arrive at the diversion exit just as the anti-clockwise section re-opened, otherwise he'd have been another couple of hours crawling around the diversion. Complete and utter shambles - someone needs to be called to account, but almost certainly won't be :*

OFSO
13th Aug 2011, 11:00
You know when you are in England...when on your last visit in June 2011 you managed to get Pensions & Local Council to admit and agree in writing that elderly relative is blind (doctor's certificate) and almost immobile and is thus entitled to Pension Tax Credits, and on THIS visit August 2011, you find they have received three letters all with the same date, all stating the Pension will be lowered as Pension Tax Credit has been reduced, but all with different final amounts, plus a fourth letter stating elderly relative is no longer entitled to Pension Tax Credit and owes 280 pounds paid in error. All letters signed with only Christian (first) name and when you phone up nobody has seen the letter approving Pension Tax Credit "but write to us and we will rescind our decision cancelling our letters as you are telling me it's our error".