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Parapunter
21st Jul 2011, 20:12
Inspired by an ad for a dating site I heard on the radio.


You look like my mum. I go everywhere with my mum...

11Fan
21st Jul 2011, 20:13
Does this handkerchief smell like chloroform to you?

stuckgear
21st Jul 2011, 20:15
"What are your views on Rohypnol?"

racedo
21st Jul 2011, 20:19
Heard someone use it and cringed

"Hi, I used to be called Simon but now its Si because thats what most ladies do when they see me........."

Ladies in question doubled up with laughter and que exit of Si............

Firestorm
21st Jul 2011, 20:19
I'm a pilot: guess what I do.

What's your Pprune name? I'm a pilot.

Here's $20 and some Luncheon Vouchers, now what can you do for that?

Parapunter
21st Jul 2011, 20:26
I'm giving up soap. The body cleans itself you know.

con-pilot
21st Jul 2011, 20:29
I have TV in room. You want to watch? :p

I never had a good pickup line. :{



I'd just stand in the corner licking my eyebrows with my tongue, seemed to work. ;)

Parapunter
21st Jul 2011, 20:32
I'd just stand in the corner licking my eyebrows with my tongue, seemed to work:}:}:}:D:D

purmus
21st Jul 2011, 20:34
If you sit on my rocket I'll take you to the moon

stuckgear
21st Jul 2011, 20:34
I'd just stand in the corner licking my eyebrows with my tongue, seemed to work


but can you breathe through your ears too ?

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 20:39
A good statistician once said to me that there are bad lines but ultimately no bad chat up lines. Ask enough girls (I am a bloke so forgive me) and statistically someone will laugh at your sh*t and give you a chance.

On such whimsies does life depend!

Caco

con-pilot
21st Jul 2011, 20:43
but can you breathe through your ears too ?

Sadly no, but I damn near drowned a few times trying to invent a nose snorkel that you could use in a hot tub. :p

Worrals in the wilds
21st Jul 2011, 20:45
'My psychologist told me I should talk to women more, so...hi!'
That's a legit one too, from a Girls' night out many moons ago. :eek:
I replied 'that's great, you're doing well but maybe he needs to tell you what to say, too.' :} He seemed happy enough with that.

Ozzy
21st Jul 2011, 20:46
Hey baby, you don't sweat much for a fat lass...

Ozzy

V2-OMG!
21st Jul 2011, 20:48
Or....I'd just stand in the corner licking my brow.

http://pic80.picturetrail.com/VOL1942/12014112/21360717/397791918.jpg

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 20:50
And to think V2 that I thought you were a girl (or someone of the distaff side).:p

V2-OMG!
21st Jul 2011, 21:03
And to think V2 that I thought you were a girl (or someone of the distaff side).

Cacophonix, I am a girl. That one was my brother.

http://pic80.picturetrail.com/VOL1942/12014112/21360717/397792075.jpg

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 21:06
Aw shucks V2. You know I was only joshing. ;)


Caco Munster

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 21:18
BandeAide

You smooth tongued devil you!

Airborne Aircrew
21st Jul 2011, 21:21
<while holding the knife firmly but without harm to her throat>

"Let's not make a simple little rape into a nasty, painful murder" worked every time... :E

Foxy Loxy
21st Jul 2011, 21:54
From (an admittedly quite cute PPL student) to me where I was working as a controller: "Are you here much, then?"
"Well, yes. I'm full-time, as it happens...."

troppo
21st Jul 2011, 22:20
If you play your cards right you can have me.

Nice tits. Let's go. (Never failed me in the Islands)

I've got Maggi noodles at home.

Bring your sister/cousin.

Lon More
21st Jul 2011, 22:38
Thread drift-

Beware of those whose eybrows meet
It is a sign of sweaty feet.

Airborne Aircrew
21st Jul 2011, 22:47
Thread drift-

Beware of those whose eybrows meet
It is a sign of sweaty feet.

Thread drift continued....

Can you cite that?:E

McGoonagall
21st Jul 2011, 22:51
From 'Blackadder goes Forth'.

'I treat my women like my aeroplane, get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back'.

:}

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 22:56
From the Big Lebowski...


"Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women!"

cz2ET5K6zY0

RedhillPhil
21st Jul 2011, 23:12
"you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

Cacophonix
21st Jul 2011, 23:19
Aahm a Macc Lads fan...


F-n_eqW1qoM

Mods please forgive it. Only the northerners will go there!

BadgerGrowler
21st Jul 2011, 23:33
Your teeth are like the stars....

Yellow and far apart :E


Please i don't want to be another notch on your bedpost...
Its ok love, i don't count the fat ones.


On "Grab a Grot" night in the local night club

"You'll do!"

Airborne Aircrew
21st Jul 2011, 23:36
Your teeth are like the stars....

Yellow and far apart http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/evil.gif


Nooo... They come out at night...

Your eyes are like pools... cess pools...

Parapunter
21st Jul 2011, 23:37
Your skin is like a peach. Yellow and hairy.

Lon More
21st Jul 2011, 23:38
Can you cite that?

attributed to the great Topaz McGonigle

beaufort1
21st Jul 2011, 23:43
Do you like chicken? Well suck this it's fowl. :E

eastern wiseguy
21st Jul 2011, 23:45
It's OK for you....I have to walk out of these dark woods alone....

parabellum
22nd Jul 2011, 01:04
"I want to make it clear from the start, I don't want to sleep with you"

Lady will now set about finding out why and break down your resistance to prove she is irresistible and desirable, later, as you roll apart, totally shagged out, she will believe she has triumphed:E

Rush2112
22nd Jul 2011, 03:05
Mamasan - send over numbers 27 and 45.

Metro man
22nd Jul 2011, 06:27
How much is the bar fine and how much for you ? :E

spInY nORmAn
22nd Jul 2011, 06:36
Nice tooth!

stuckgear
22nd Jul 2011, 07:34
How's your gag reflex ?

sisemen
22nd Jul 2011, 07:36
"Look, you either f*kc or f*kc off!"

Capetonian
22nd Jul 2011, 07:40
"You've got beautiful hair"

"Thank you...."

"But it's in the wrong place."

Running fingers through hair ..... "What do you mean?"

"It should be spread across my pillow."

This can of course be adapted for other body parts and items of clothing, producing answers such as 'wrapped around my back', 'strewn across my floor', 'about three inches from my belly button ...'

I do not claim originality, nor do I guarantee success!

Lantern10
22nd Jul 2011, 07:49
Mamasan - send over numbers 27 and 45.


:)
Don't you just love how easy it is in Thailand/ SEA.
It's a total meat-market where you are the meat,
and any man with a thousand Baht is King.

Fangio
22nd Jul 2011, 07:52
Overheard in the bar on a nightstop:

Pilot to attractive young stewardess "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" she replied, "Preferably not fertilised"

Parapunter
22nd Jul 2011, 08:40
Nice legs love. What time do they open?

Fangio
22nd Jul 2011, 11:06
A girl in tight jeans is sitting on a bar stool.

Pilot: "How do you get into those jeans?"
Girl: " Well you could start by buying me a gin and tonic"

McGoonagall
22nd Jul 2011, 12:50
Girl: You're looking well.
Chap: Yeah, doctor advised me to lose a few pounds so I did.
Girl: How?
Chap: Circumcision.

:E

FAN BLADE
22nd Jul 2011, 13:25
Fancy coming back to my place and creasing my clean sheets. ;);)

Parapunter
22nd Jul 2011, 13:27
You remind me of my little toe.

Really? Because I'm small and cute?

No, because I'll end up banging you on my coffee table when I'm drunk.

Windy Militant
22nd Jul 2011, 13:29
Do you like chicken? Well suck this it's fowl.
A mate of mine tried this once unfortunately he'd had a few so he got it the wrong way round and bellowed at some poor girl
"Do you like fowl? well suck this it's a chicken!"
The entire pub collapsed with laughter and never let him forget it.
I supose if he'd been a bit quieter he might have got her to Pullet! ;)

Then there's the old Aber Rag line.
"How about coming home to my place?"
"No I'm on my menstral cycle"
"S'awright I'll follow you on my Honda" :}

jimgriff
22nd Jul 2011, 15:18
WM- Aber Rag- Student Mag from Aberystwyth Students Union??? :ok:

onetrack
22nd Jul 2011, 15:53
My buddies Bubba and Cooter gave me these 10, all-time, sure-fire, babe-winning lines!

1. Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away!

2. Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special!

3. My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in!

4. Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out!

5. Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in 'em!

6. You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away!

7. I know I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin' - we kin sleep 'til afternoon!

10. Yer face reminds me of a wrench - every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up!

911slf
22nd Jul 2011, 16:02
Favourite chat up line in Barnsley night clubs after observing girls dancing:
'You don't sweat much for a fat girl'
and put down for fat bloke who has told girl he has only just met 'I love you':
'What more than chips?'

ShyTorque
22nd Jul 2011, 16:33
"Fancy a lift home? You can choose between the loan of my bus pass and the mobility scooter."

Sir George Cayley
22nd Jul 2011, 17:54
Did you hurt yourself? When you fell from Heaven?

You're nice, whadya think of me?

At a club. Are you a member? would you like to see mine?

Sir George Cayley

Mike X
22nd Jul 2011, 17:59
There's a face leaving in ten minutes.

Make sure you're on it.

hellsbrink
22nd Jul 2011, 18:30
There's something missing from this thread....


5b65Zf6r-RE

gingernut
22nd Jul 2011, 21:50
Honestly said by "r" kid in Manchester Airport Departure Lounge....

'spose you girls 'ave been dieting for this holiday....

parabellum
22nd Jul 2011, 23:51
Boy: "Whats the difference between a BBQ and a blow job?

Girl: "Don't know"

Boy: "What are you doing for lunch on Sunday?"

Fangio
23rd Jul 2011, 08:09
To follow on:

Boy: Whats the difference between a penis and a chicken leg?

Giirl: I have no idea

Boy: Do you fancy coming on a picnic with me.

spInY nORmAn
23rd Jul 2011, 08:51
"As long as I have a face, you have a place to sit."

In the same vein:

"Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart."