Humour

[somedaywill12]

Sorry if there's a thread like this already. I tried the search but it did not return any proper results at all. Mods, feel free to move this if it belongs somewhere else. I just thought the Spectator's Balcony might be the most suitable area ^^.

Here it goes, I don't know if this is fake, but it's hilarious:
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Airline humour from Qantas

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget


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Any other funny stories, maybe real life experiences anyone would like to share?

[reportyourlevel]

If you've got nothing on for the next few weeks, you might like to have a read of this thread (http://www.pprune.org/atc-issues/59309-atc-humour-merged.html).

[HEATHROW DIRECTOR]

Sorry to say this, but that is about 25 years old!!

[Nubboy]

Come on guys, don't be to hard on the OP. To an outsider or newbie the ATC forum isn't the most obvious place to find the old hairy chestnuts (or is it..........):ok:

[somedaywill12]

25 years old and still funny as heck. And I'm not even 25, so how was I supposed to know in the first place.

Thanks Nubboy :\, and thanks for the link to the really really extensive humour thread, reportyourlevel :ok:.

[reportyourlevel]

That's OK, sorry if I came across as harsh, I really didn't mean to be - just thought you'd like to see the thread on the other board.

[somedaywill12]

Haha, and I did not mean to come off as sarcastic, at least not directed your way in any case. I am actually enjoying myself reading the posts over there. You were right about several weeks though I guess :hmm:...