View Full Version : How Many Pilots ...

girl with a stick
31st Aug 2010, 10:20
... does it take to change a light bulb?

31st Aug 2010, 10:21
I'm waiting ........... ;)

Captain Beef
31st Aug 2010, 10:24
Just one...

He holds the light bulb still and the world revolves around him!!!!

Flap 5
31st Aug 2010, 10:25
None ... that's what engineers are for. :}

31st Aug 2010, 10:52

31st Aug 2010, 10:56
Engines Turning Or People Swimming?

31st Aug 2010, 10:57
well, on a certain L1011 flight in Florida, three, plus a trip down to the avionics bay and total distraction.

31st Aug 2010, 11:01
Surely there would be a SOP for this?.....

Dan Gerous
31st Aug 2010, 11:15
"Just one... He holds the light bulb still and the world revolves around him!!!!"

He's burgered if its a bayonet fitting then :E

Chesty Morgan
31st Aug 2010, 11:23
One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.


One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

girl with a stick
31st Aug 2010, 11:37
:D Bravo Chesty...

an addition -

three purists who only use gas lamps

a troll who posts that "glorified bus drivers" have no place in changing light bulbs

and one nitpicker adding "an addition" to an already comprehensive list ;)

green granite
31st Aug 2010, 11:56
Chesty Morgan you missed out: One to post that bulbs are things you plant in the ground, and what you really mean are lamps

A purist nitpicker.

31st Aug 2010, 12:08
Don't forget the EU inspector required to check that the replacement bulb is of an approved low-consumption-but-too-dim-to-see-by type.

tony draper
31st Aug 2010, 12:17
One from someone who will inform you in no uncertain terms that the Light Bulb was invented in his town by Joseph Swan, and definitely not by some colonial hick called Edison

Peter Fanelli
31st Aug 2010, 12:31
I think this has been covered in a previous thread, suggest using the search button.


31st Aug 2010, 13:08
And along comes another of those insufferable SLF, like me, and asks:

Does an aeroplane have light bulbs?


If a light bulb on an aeroplane burns out and no one is around to witness the predetermined event, does it really burn out?

We Must Be Told

31st Aug 2010, 13:18
Depends. If it were posted in R&N, there'd definitely be other 10 mourning and posting condolences to the old bulb and all other remaining bulbs manufactured in the same batch, 3 more to spew METARs and TAFs from all across the FIR (now which one, guess the OPs origin if that can be sussed out), 7 to post speculations, pulling out former examples of incidents with burnt out bulbs (as has already happened here with the L1011 reference :E ), 4 bashing the speculators and calling upon the official NLSB/BAIB/whatever body report, all for the thread to eventually decompose into a cross-atlantic mud slinging match, be locked, deleted and disappear in the chasm of history.

31st Aug 2010, 13:19
Thanks CM for a brilliant post and for planting a pic of Jack Elam firmly in my mind for the next hour or so.


31st Aug 2010, 13:41
CHANGE? We can't possibly change! We've done it this way since the Wright Brothers!

Fire and brimstone
31st Aug 2010, 13:43

How many pilots does it take to crew a low-cost 250-fleet partly orange-painted airline based in Europe?

Answer: About 400 more than they currently employ.


31st Aug 2010, 13:47
If the light bulbs were to be replaced by hi-powered LEDs, as in traffic lights, then the problem wouldn't arise.

a low-cost 250-fleet partly orange-painted airline based in Europe
No-one would be crazy enough to start a thing like that. It would never work.

31st Aug 2010, 14:36
Has no-one asked for the bulb's serial number yet?

31st Aug 2010, 14:50
Not only the serial number but the wattage also.

31st Aug 2010, 14:57
It's an engineering function and the failure has been written up in the Tech Log. It's non deferrable. :E

Krystal n chips
31st Aug 2010, 15:21
Light bulbs are wot you put in the ground like tulips and daffodils as they aren't very heavy......Phil LaMents ( named after a French engineer ) are wot you change in haircraft.......:p


31st Aug 2010, 15:55
I am amazed that this thread has gone this far without anyone turning it into
a) A Boeing v Airbus rant
b) An anti Ryanair rant

31st Aug 2010, 15:58

Or an "it's still Bush's fault" detour. :}

31st Aug 2010, 15:58
Or an advert for Blackpool Illuminations??

31st Aug 2010, 16:05
I was under the impression that on modern aircraft, the light bulbs changed themselves and the pilots monitered the light changing process under Ordinary Lighting. Under Alternate Lighting, they get out their flashlights ...

31st Aug 2010, 16:17
... does it take to change a light bulb?

Dangerous question! I remember posting a electrically-based question on this board about resistance, voltage and current. You cannot imagine the different point of views and exchanges ;) :ok:

31st Aug 2010, 17:24
How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb...

Just one.....and he will come here pontificating for years, the mastery and skill it took to do so, and the adverse conditions under which he performed this difficult and arduous task.

31st Aug 2010, 17:45
Oxenos: just for you :O

As many as you like, but Mr O'Leary made the pilots pay for the new light bulb :ok:

Fire and brimstone
31st Aug 2010, 18:11
How many pilots does it take to get completely disillusioned with the profession, consider suicide, live to be very old, but incredibly embittered, spend too much time on pprune (before the CAA will actually "DO SOMETHING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE - ANYTHING"), to change a lightbulb?


31st Aug 2010, 19:13
If the light bulbs were to be replaced by hi-powered LEDs, as in traffic lights, then the problem wouldn't arise.

Some are! But how come two of our LED nav lights failed? :confused:
(Trouble is, you now need to change the whole light unit, rather than a bulb).

But one pilot is allowed to change aircraft light bulbs, also the aircraft battery and the airframe fuel filters.

Ascend Charlie
31st Aug 2010, 21:58
You forgot the CASA Jobsworth who will then charge the pilot because he didn't hold a Maintenance Authority for light bulbs.

How many female pilots with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer : Twenty seven.


Ummm... why does it take so many?

IT JUST DOES, AWRIGHT???!!!!!:eek:

31st Aug 2010, 22:27
What if the pilot and light bulb were on a conveyor belt travelling at the same wattage per minute as the bulb? You hadn't thought of that had you?

31st Aug 2010, 23:22
Does an aeroplane have light bulbs?

I was once involved in re-registering an aeroplane constructed in one jurisdiction, in another jurisdiction ( names repressed to protect the innocent, but the Atlantic Ocean seperated the two protagonists - protagonist being a better word than friendly participant )

The second jurisdiction insisted that all printed references to 'light bulbs' in the various flight and engineering manuals created by the initial jurisdiction, were changed to ' lamps '.

They also insisted that all switches that originally were moved 'up' for 'on' were changed to move ' down ' for 'on' ( or v.v. memory now confused )

Worlds' Gone Mad.

31st Aug 2010, 23:30
UK domestic switches move down for on . . .

31st Aug 2010, 23:45
..."I have control, my radios, ECAM actions...":p

1st Sep 2010, 00:28
Well clearly three until you hit the swamp. :(

1st Sep 2010, 00:58
The light bulb must want to change. Otherwise it's just a dim bulb.

1st Sep 2010, 01:16
How many Marine CH-46E pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

28. 1 to change the bulb. 27 to stand around talking about how great the old bulb was.

1st Sep 2010, 09:26
UK domestic switches move down for on . . .

Exactly - it was being re-registered in the UK, and the Camaign Against Aviation demanded the changes.

tony draper
1st Sep 2010, 09:35
Re light switches,the phrase to "Turn Off" originated in the days of public executions when the miscreant was obliged to climb a ladder have the noose placed round his/her neck then the executioner 'Turned' them 'Off' the ladder.
Not many people know that.

1st Sep 2010, 09:58
Airbus bulbs are, of course, "light by wire". What about Boeing?

What ignorant fecker invented recessed lights with G10 fittings?? They're bloody impossible to change without virtually tunnelling into the ceiling space. :*
(Had to change 2 yesterday)

wings folded
1st Sep 2010, 10:25
How many 757 pilots does it take to change a light bulb?


One to change the bulb and four to tell you what is like to fly the Trident.

1st Sep 2010, 10:37
If it was an aircraft bulb, surely a pilot wouldn't be qualified to diagnose that it has failed. He/she can only write it up as " bulb didn't give out light". Anything more would be an qualified engineers job!

1st Sep 2010, 10:50
How many FJ pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

9 - One to change it and the other 8 to tell him how they would have done it better......


Ancient Observer
1st Sep 2010, 11:25
How many pilots does it take to write a manual?

er, what's writing

ex-speedbird. ..............BA re-wrote more Boeing manuals than the Campaign AA ever did.

2nd Sep 2010, 19:27
. . . . . a biggles there was with twin baby daughters Incandescent (Candy)

and Hella (Helly) . . . . . .. boasted he could change either in the dark without waking them

3rd Sep 2010, 03:04
The real answer is.....


Hop! case closed!

Is that you Slasher !? :}

3rd Sep 2010, 06:19
No need to change it Captain, we can defer it .:ugh:

3rd Sep 2010, 08:27
ehwatezedoing: Someone been told to switch to a light diet?

3rd Sep 2010, 11:29
Finally Freddie M answered the questionIf it was an aircraft bulb, surely a pilot wouldn't be qualified to diagnose that it has failed. He/she can only write it up as " bulb didn't give out light". Anything more would be an qualified engineers job!It's the Engineers job. I didn't become a pilot so I could waste my valuable time changing light bulbs.

Chesty Morgan's list was fine except for the inevitable debate on whether American or European light bulbs were better, brighter and longer lasting, except for the French bulbs which always fail when you most need them and are impossible to change after 5pm on a weekday.